She had someone come and get her car and fix it, she leaves her house everyday around 4-5 pmmy mom does not believe her memory is getting worse, her doctor have warned her against driving, I had the car disabled for about 4 months.
We unplugged a battery cable on moms car. She couldn't figure out how to start car and gave up after a few weeks of trying and never asked again. It was tough for a few weeks putting off 'fixing her car' but luckily it worked for us!
We disabled my grandfathers car after he almost ran over the grandkids. He has dementia and weak legs. I told him he would not want to kill someone because he isnt able to drive safely. He still was mad but thought his car was just in need of repair. We have to keep the public safe when we see a dangerous situation.
take car in for a false check up and move it somewhere she will not be able to get to it if possible. getting a licence taken away doesn't stop some people and the ID cards look similar at least in my state. my state you can report w/o telling them your name or dr. can do it.
Did her doctor do a MMSE or MoCa test to determine her cognitive level. That is a good way for her doctor to prove she doesn't have the ability to do a task like driving. Even though you can be made to feel like the villain here...you are actually the savior. Think not of taking something from her but of saving the lives of others. Until you've been in a car accident (if you love) you've no idea what it does to someone mentally let alone physically. Ask me how I know.
If you have an attorney see if they can assist you. My Dad, after being diagnosed with ALZ and passing the doctor ordered drivers exam still continued to drive. We finally asked his attorney to explain to him the ALL the financial liabilities that could happen if Dad had an accident . Dad handed over his keys that day. Great ideas about removing the car as well.
Dr. can inform motor vehicles. First, take the keys. Keep them hidden away from where she lives. I agree with others: She will be angry. That is o.k. She will simmer down and forget about the car. Maybe give her phone # of Taxi Co. and leave some small bills to pay for taxi. She won't feel so isolated;imprisoned.
My Mother fought me tooth and nail. Her main reason that I would take away her freedom. I started receiving phone calls that my Mother was bumping cars in the parking lot for the fire dept ladies aux. I asked two other people that cared about my Mom and could I use their name with the DMV. I went online to the DMV, added my name and the two others AS ANONYMOUS...which you can. I requested a "Driver's Review"... the process all simple. This happened after I had a friend sent me her car keys(I live far away) when she got lost for 2 hours after a ladies meeting at the fire dept. The FD Chief, Firemen, Ladies Aux were all out in pairs looking for her.. I was angry, scared and thinking the worst.She comes home at 12 midnight and why are all these people here? Laughing, she said she made a "wrong turn" when she lives only 5 blocks from her home. I should have asked for the Driver's Review and avoided the family outburst for why I would be so mean to my Mother. Even from my Mother for the following weeks being called the "bad son" and many other names. After things calmed down I put in the DMV request and she received a letter requesting a driver's test six months later...she was angry, tantrums and questioning why this was happening. She went to the test with a friend since she was not allowed to drive to the test. Of course she failed, not making a turn during the test. Her licence was taken away right after the test and her friend drove her home. She thought of every reason why the DMV tester was wrong...what did they know...she had been driving for over 40 years...I just calmed her down. The DMV sent the identification card replacing her driver's lic.by the end of that week YET my Mom thought the identification card was a replacement for her driver's lic. since she believed the DMV admitted their mistake of the driving test and she was right all along. She went on driving without telling me or other family until I went to visit her and asked to see the identification card ...they look exactly the same except for the word Driver's and Identification. We had a huge fight even when I put my driver's lic. next to her new card. She was furious and had a friend driver her to the DMV to request her Driver's Lic. back. Luckily, the DMV asked for her Birth Certificate to start the request. My Mom forgot where the document was and then we started working together to plan out how she would get to Sunday Mass, find a trusted local taxi service and ask friends if they could help out. It is now 4 years later and she has forgotten the fights and does not miss her car. I had called the car insurance, had her policy cancelled and the car sold. It may be an uphill battle yet I am happy her NOT hitting a person, or another car or injuring herself. She could have lost her house and all her assets if someone sued her. I wish and hope the best for you and your Mother!
There is no one size fits all answer for the driving issue. But I think there are some common issues faced when dealing with driving and dementia.
You may have the talk with Dad and he agrees to give up driving only to forget about the talk an hour later and jump in the car. The car needs to go away.
There are many ways to disable the car or take the keys but driving is a long term memory issue. Old folks will get the car fixed or buy a new one. Caregivers must stay on top of the situation to prevent this. Call the dealer dad uses and warn them to call you if dad tries to fix the car or buy a new one.
There must be alternatives in place for transportation. Groceries, meds, doc appointments still have to be dealt with. Many home care agencies will do the driving for about $20 per hour.
Be prepared to deal with the anger. Don't argue or try and reason. It may take a while but the new reality of no driving will eventually settle in. Hang tough, don't ever reverse course.
We had this problem too so I understand your frustration and fear. My hubby and I took mom and step dad(now deceased) everywhere....our whole life was derailed to do this. Then we realized they were out driving around..for dumb stuff..like peanuts for the birds..which we would have gotten for them. They wanted to be independant ..in total denial they could kill someone ..neither of them could see...I was ready to go to BMV to have them take his DL when their neighbor...same situation..wrecked his car...killing himself..putting his wife in the hospital...mom woke up then and hid the keys...thank God they didn't hurt themselves or someone else...so YES act right now...hugs and prayers
as someone said in another familiar one that you should not hamper with the car HOWEVER I disagree. just because you tell someone that can't drive, or if you take away their license, that doesn't mean they still won't get in the car and drive. there are people out there with sane minds that don't have insurance or drivers license and they are still driving. the only way to keep someone safe, including your loved one......is to either take the keys or disable the car so that they don't hurt themselves or someone else. wishing you good luck.
We knew disabling the car wouldn't work in our case..as wolflover says..if they really want to drive..they will find a way..the car has to be removed..not just disabled..in our case anyway...they would have called someone tow it to a garage for repairs..I even wonder how well DMV lets some of these older folks slide through the system. Most communities have very inexpensive commuter transportation available to seniors...scarey
A lot depends on the laws of your mother's states. Before hiding the car or taking away the keys, you may want to check with an elder law attorney because those actions could be seen as theft. Doctors aren't always helpful in this matter--and are only required to report patients with dementia to the DMV in 1-2 states. Many states have a form on the DMV website which you can send to report an unsafe driver. Typically, the DMV will contact the driver and ask them to take a driver ttest.
Well you can have her insurance company report to the DMV that she is not a safe driver anymore. I had to reason with my mother that she had gotten into more frequent issues ( little fender benders ) and had a hard time recalling exactly what happened. I told her I cared about her and did not want anything happening to her or anyone else. I also told her she stood to lose everything she owned if she hit the wrong person and they decided to file a lawsuit. She begrudgingly agreed and even if I had not convinced her, the insurance agent was ready to get her driving priviledges taken because of my mother not remembering the events of how the fender benders happened. Hope that helps! She also had a woman call me on her cell phone because she had forgotten where she parked her car in a parking lot. All the warning signs were there!
With my Mom I volunteered to take her somewhere but I wanted to use her car. So I drove and when we got home I just never gave her back the keys. She looked for them for a while and then gave up. With my Husband I took him to his Neurologist, he scored poorly so the Doc reported him to the DMV. They suspended his license. He got mad at the Doctor and not me.
I tried to get the Dr to notify DMV to have my father's license taken away when it became apparent he shouldn't be driving. The Dr did not want to be the bad guy, so I contacted DMV myself and gave them the reasons I believed he should stop driving. They sent notice to his Dr. asking about his physical and medical status and then set up a "road" test for him. When he went for the test, he was not given the chance to drive. They just took his license and told him he could reapply in 6 months. He talked about taking the test all the time but never attempted taking it.
got to the DMV website and print the form they have (I forget what it was called), then mail or FAX it in. It's an anonymous report you file and the DMV will send her a letter saying she is under review. She will then go in for an interview, and things go from there. I had to do this with my charge...and the more people that file a letter on the same person, the faster they review them, I've been told! Good luck!!
Go to DMV. Ask what is needed to take someones license away. They may give her a test. Probably need doctors note. If u don't have them yet, get POAs. Next time car is disabled, have it towed away and sold. Out of site out of mind. Have told this story before. GFs father, had Alzheimers, lost his pants with his keys and wallet in the pocket. His wife said without them, he couldn't drive. He excepted that. She did find the pants but hid the keys and wallet. She got rid of the car and got a smaller one for her.
I asked my aunt at what age did she think a person should stop driving. She smiled and said about 85. She was 86 at the time. Tried keeping the car but it was too tempting. She misses it but it's gone. I have to run all her errands but it's worth it. Driving is a rite of passage. Starting and stopping. It's one of the things that should be discussed early and reviewed for possible changes on an annual basis along with MPOA, DPOA, funeral arrangements, housing and care givers, distribution of personal belongings, will etc. We are considered old at 65 and very old at 85. Life happens, some things weren't/aren't needed but in place just in case we do.
Like HelpGna, I'd say either disconnect the battery cable or take the battery out, whatever is easier. You might have a few weeks of 'why doesn't my car start?', 'who will get it fixed for me?' etc, etc, then they will forget about it. Be strong, just tell little 'white lies' saying you don't know why the car doesn't start. It will go away. All the best. Arlene H.
March 18 in Akron Ohio, a 69 year old woman with Alzheimer's is missing. Nobody took her keys away and she and her 2012 Hyundai are nowhere to be found.
Mother wasn't a good driver in her best state...she had hip surgery and said she would return to driving. Well, brother said, "show us how you're going to get to the car, get your walker in, and drive". She couldn't even get the car door open. Brother had long since "taken" her keys and also put the emergency brake on so tight the car literally would not move. Mother was less upset about this than we thought she'd be. Every single inch of her car was dinged up--thank heaven she never hit a person. We lived in fear of that.
It's so hard to get her to move anywhere, driving is the least of our worries. I am glad/sad b/c that was the end of her independence. She relies on one friend or another for transport, but one by one, they are dying off, or stopping driving. Brother does most the driving, bless his heart, but she goes nearly nowhere these days.
I live in NJ. A woman I know who had Alzheimers son tried to have her license to take her license away. He was told she had to have an accident that could be linked to Alzheimers. He is a police officer. Local doctors don't seem to want to sign anything. I think we need a national law that once a person is diagnoised with Dementia or Alzheimers their license is revoked.
That's just it. They have to have an accident - plow into a public gathering, hit a building, drive head on into an oncoming car. ("I stepped onto the brake but the car kept on going! There's something wrong with the car!") As I have stated previously: You can get a stern letter from the DMV. You can have a family intervention. You can have the doctor give them a good talking-to about giving up driving. They will nod and smile, pleased with all the attention. And if they have the keys and the car is outside, they will get in and drive like they have a paper bag over their heads, or 'drive to the store' and end up 2 states away....Now, if they do stop driving, caregivers who are hired can drive them to the dollar store, or the doctor's, or to their friend's house. Relatives can drive them around, same thing, and to the grocery store, or out to eat. ....if the car is sold, the money can be used to set up an account with a taxi service! The same drivers will show up and take them to wherever they want to go. (though by the time the driver shows up they will probably forget where they want to go!)
Once my mom was diagnosed with dementia that doctor contacted the DMV and her license were suspended. It was a battle for a while I had to take the keys away from her but she now understands that she cannot drive. At one point I even had to contact the police find out what to do and they said to take the keys away from her so you must do it it's hard but you must do it she will be angry with you but don't give her the keys back it will get better.
Agreed that the car must go for safety reasons. Also look at his perspective. He was totally independent and now he will be stuck in his house probably bored to death. At least before he could go out and do whatever he wanted, But it is a crushing blow for him mentally to have his freedom taken away. Schedule a regular afternoon out with him and family member(s). Don't just make it a boring shopping trip for essentials but let him plan what he wants to do for activities. And this should be your number one priority. Never miss it. It won't make up for him losing his independence but at least he retains some control of when and where he spends time socializing outside his house. He probably still wants to be the friendly old guy who strikes up conversations with cashiers, strangers, etc when he is out.
You may have the talk with Dad and he agrees to give up driving only to forget about the talk an hour later and jump in the car. The car needs to go away.
There are many ways to disable the car or take the keys but driving is a long term memory issue. Old folks will get the car fixed or buy a new one. Caregivers must stay on top of the situation to prevent this. Call the dealer dad uses and warn them to call you if dad tries to fix the car or buy a new one.
There must be alternatives in place for transportation. Groceries, meds, doc appointments still have to be dealt with. Many home care agencies will do the driving for about $20 per hour.
Be prepared to deal with the anger. Don't argue or try and reason. It may take a while but the new reality of no driving will eventually settle in. Hang tough, don't ever reverse course.
Many states have a form on the DMV website which you can send to report an unsafe driver. Typically, the DMV will contact the driver and ask them to take a driver ttest.
It is better if the PCP takes care of this.
Nobody took her keys away and she and her 2012 Hyundai are nowhere to be found.
It's so hard to get her to move anywhere, driving is the least of our worries. I am glad/sad b/c that was the end of her independence. She relies on one friend or another for transport, but one by one, they are dying off, or stopping driving. Brother does most the driving, bless his heart, but she goes nearly nowhere these days.
she will be angry with you but don't give her the keys back it will get better.
Also look at his perspective. He was totally independent and now he will be stuck in his house probably bored to death. At least before he could go out and do whatever he wanted, But it is a crushing blow for him mentally to have his freedom taken away.
Schedule a regular afternoon out with him and family member(s). Don't just make it a boring shopping trip for essentials but let him plan what he wants to do for activities. And this should be your number one priority. Never miss it. It won't make up for him losing his independence but at least he retains some control of when and where he spends time socializing outside his house. He probably still wants to be the friendly old guy who strikes up conversations with cashiers, strangers, etc when he is out.