She had someone come and get her car and fix it, she leaves her house everyday around 4-5 pmmy mom does not believe her memory is getting worse, her doctor have warned her against driving, I had the car disabled for about 4 months.
Did her doctor do a MMSE or MoCa test to determine her cognitive level. That is a good way for her doctor to prove she doesn't have the ability to do a task like driving. Even though you can be made to feel like the villain here...you are actually the savior. Think not of taking something from her but of saving the lives of others. Until you've been in a car accident (if you love) you've no idea what it does to someone mentally let alone physically. Ask me how I know.
My Mother fought me tooth and nail. Her main reason that I would take away her freedom. I started receiving phone calls that my Mother was bumping cars in the parking lot for the fire dept ladies aux. I asked two other people that cared about my Mom and could I use their name with the DMV. I went online to the DMV, added my name and the two others AS ANONYMOUS...which you can. I requested a "Driver's Review"... the process all simple. This happened after I had a friend sent me her car keys(I live far away) when she got lost for 2 hours after a ladies meeting at the fire dept. The FD Chief, Firemen, Ladies Aux were all out in pairs looking for her.. I was angry, scared and thinking the worst.She comes home at 12 midnight and why are all these people here? Laughing, she said she made a "wrong turn" when she lives only 5 blocks from her home. I should have asked for the Driver's Review and avoided the family outburst for why I would be so mean to my Mother. Even from my Mother for the following weeks being called the "bad son" and many other names. After things calmed down I put in the DMV request and she received a letter requesting a driver's test six months later...she was angry, tantrums and questioning why this was happening. She went to the test with a friend since she was not allowed to drive to the test. Of course she failed, not making a turn during the test. Her licence was taken away right after the test and her friend drove her home. She thought of every reason why the DMV tester was wrong...what did they know...she had been driving for over 40 years...I just calmed her down. The DMV sent the identification card replacing her driver's lic.by the end of that week YET my Mom thought the identification card was a replacement for her driver's lic. since she believed the DMV admitted their mistake of the driving test and she was right all along. She went on driving without telling me or other family until I went to visit her and asked to see the identification card ...they look exactly the same except for the word Driver's and Identification. We had a huge fight even when I put my driver's lic. next to her new card. She was furious and had a friend driver her to the DMV to request her Driver's Lic. back. Luckily, the DMV asked for her Birth Certificate to start the request. My Mom forgot where the document was and then we started working together to plan out how she would get to Sunday Mass, find a trusted local taxi service and ask friends if they could help out. It is now 4 years later and she has forgotten the fights and does not miss her car. I had called the car insurance, had her policy cancelled and the car sold. It may be an uphill battle yet I am happy her NOT hitting a person, or another car or injuring herself. She could have lost her house and all her assets if someone sued her. I wish and hope the best for you and your Mother!
There is no one size fits all answer for the driving issue. But I think there are some common issues faced when dealing with driving and dementia.
You may have the talk with Dad and he agrees to give up driving only to forget about the talk an hour later and jump in the car. The car needs to go away.
There are many ways to disable the car or take the keys but driving is a long term memory issue. Old folks will get the car fixed or buy a new one. Caregivers must stay on top of the situation to prevent this. Call the dealer dad uses and warn them to call you if dad tries to fix the car or buy a new one.
There must be alternatives in place for transportation. Groceries, meds, doc appointments still have to be dealt with. Many home care agencies will do the driving for about $20 per hour.
Be prepared to deal with the anger. Don't argue or try and reason. It may take a while but the new reality of no driving will eventually settle in. Hang tough, don't ever reverse course.
as someone said in another familiar one that you should not hamper with the car HOWEVER I disagree. just because you tell someone that can't drive, or if you take away their license, that doesn't mean they still won't get in the car and drive. there are people out there with sane minds that don't have insurance or drivers license and they are still driving. the only way to keep someone safe, including your loved one......is to either take the keys or disable the car so that they don't hurt themselves or someone else. wishing you good luck.
We disabled my grandfathers car after he almost ran over the grandkids. He has dementia and weak legs. I told him he would not want to kill someone because he isnt able to drive safely. He still was mad but thought his car was just in need of repair. We have to keep the public safe when we see a dangerous situation.
We had this problem too so I understand your frustration and fear. My hubby and I took mom and step dad(now deceased) everywhere....our whole life was derailed to do this. Then we realized they were out driving around..for dumb stuff..like peanuts for the birds..which we would have gotten for them. They wanted to be independant ..in total denial they could kill someone ..neither of them could see...I was ready to go to BMV to have them take his DL when their neighbor...same situation..wrecked his car...killing himself..putting his wife in the hospital...mom woke up then and hid the keys...thank God they didn't hurt themselves or someone else...so YES act right now...hugs and prayers
Well you can have her insurance company report to the DMV that she is not a safe driver anymore. I had to reason with my mother that she had gotten into more frequent issues ( little fender benders ) and had a hard time recalling exactly what happened. I told her I cared about her and did not want anything happening to her or anyone else. I also told her she stood to lose everything she owned if she hit the wrong person and they decided to file a lawsuit. She begrudgingly agreed and even if I had not convinced her, the insurance agent was ready to get her driving priviledges taken because of my mother not remembering the events of how the fender benders happened. Hope that helps! She also had a woman call me on her cell phone because she had forgotten where she parked her car in a parking lot. All the warning signs were there!
With my Mom I volunteered to take her somewhere but I wanted to use her car. So I drove and when we got home I just never gave her back the keys. She looked for them for a while and then gave up. With my Husband I took him to his Neurologist, he scored poorly so the Doc reported him to the DMV. They suspended his license. He got mad at the Doctor and not me.
take car in for a false check up and move it somewhere she will not be able to get to it if possible. getting a licence taken away doesn't stop some people and the ID cards look similar at least in my state. my state you can report w/o telling them your name or dr. can do it.
You may have the talk with Dad and he agrees to give up driving only to forget about the talk an hour later and jump in the car. The car needs to go away.
There are many ways to disable the car or take the keys but driving is a long term memory issue. Old folks will get the car fixed or buy a new one. Caregivers must stay on top of the situation to prevent this. Call the dealer dad uses and warn them to call you if dad tries to fix the car or buy a new one.
There must be alternatives in place for transportation. Groceries, meds, doc appointments still have to be dealt with. Many home care agencies will do the driving for about $20 per hour.
Be prepared to deal with the anger. Don't argue or try and reason. It may take a while but the new reality of no driving will eventually settle in. Hang tough, don't ever reverse course.
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