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She had someone come and get her car and fix it, she leaves her house everyday around 4-5 pmmy mom does not believe her memory is getting worse, her doctor have warned her against driving, I had the car disabled for about 4 months.

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Tell her that there will always be a way for her to go where she wants to go when she wants to go - that will help greatly. The point is - you are taking something away from her. But you must provide her with an alternative with the same goal. You cannot take if you do not give. And, do something to make the car not start. And if she has a mechanic to call, let them know NOT to fix the car and why.
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Riley,
If you are being responsible enough to realize your parent can no longer drive because they are endangering their lives and the lives of others, it goes without saying you need to make sure they have other modes of transportation. Most of the time, if they cannot drive safely anymore, there is also a good chance they cannot live alone safely either. When I noticed Mom was having issues, I moved her in with me and I am now her personal chauffeur. Parents who still possess their mental capabilities but have lost driving privileges maybe due to bad eyesight should know about alternative options for senior transportation. But yes, please help them by posting all the available options in plain sight.
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I understand and agree with all of the above comments but one main issue seems to be ignored. People want the use of their cars so they can get to where they want to be, need to be, etc. No car, then what? The only sane way to get someone to give up their car is to find a means of getting them to where they want to go and where they need to be. That may mean driving them yourself or arranging for other transportation. Without that alternative "solution" to taking the keys away, you are dead in the water before you even start discussing taking the keys away. After all, HOW WOULD Y O U FEEL IF YOUR KEYS WERE TAKEN AWAY? Horrible, depressed, frightened, sad, etc. Take them away but first assure them of alternative transportation to meet their needs - AND BE SURE TO GET IT.
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Check out GoGoGrandparent - it's an automated hotline that let's folks use Uber and Lyft without a smartphone. My grandma was putting up a huge fuss about turning in the keys, but once she started using this for nights and long distance, she let her license expire without telling anyone and just kept using it.
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Check out GoGoGrandparent - it's an automated hotline that let's folks use Uber and Lyft without a smartphone. It worked pretty well for my grandma after she fell, she couldn't drive. And she's been using it ever since!
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jcmolvodan brings up a good point. At least with newer cars - the type with all the auto options on the actual key - the type that are hundreds of dollars to replace - they do make "drone" keys that look identical to the ignition key, but it will only lock/unlock the car - won't start the engine. Hmmmm...
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Replace her actual keys with fake keys and she will keep trying to use them until she realizes they are not going to work. Works every time!
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Take the keys away, saying you can't find the keys anywhere. If that is not successful, take the battery out of the car, so it won't start. Tell your Mum the car won't start, so she can't drive it anymore. Next step, take the car away out of her sight, she will forget about it after a while. All the best, Arlene Hutcheon
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Mu aunt forgot where she parked the car. Police drove her around with no luck. Police filed a report for her to visit DMV on such and such a date. She forgot, and they suspended her license. relative is retired fireman. He suggest I pull Mom's license before she gets into serious accident. They always accuse the little old lady, and for that reason, I sold moms car. I dont like lawsuits.
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You can also follow the same discussion on this thread: www.agingcare.com/questions/dad-wont-accept-hes-losing-his-memory-197167.htm?cpage=0&post=1&cm=604956&z=1#604956
It got kind of heated but I think we found the legal answers.
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Once the keys are taken away so should the car be. A POA gives you the means to sell. If u don't have that, then store the car somewhere else. Out of site, out of mind. We had nieghbors who didn't do this and the mother couldn't understand why she couldn't use her car.
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Agreed that the car must go for safety reasons.
Also look at his perspective. He was totally independent and now he will be stuck in his house probably bored to death. At least before he could go out and do whatever he wanted, But it is a crushing blow for him mentally to have his freedom taken away.
Schedule a regular afternoon out with him and family member(s). Don't just make it a boring shopping trip for essentials but let him plan what he wants to do for activities. And this should be your number one priority. Never miss it. It won't make up for him losing his independence but at least he retains some control of when and where he spends time socializing outside his house. He probably still wants to be the friendly old guy who strikes up conversations with cashiers, strangers, etc when he is out.
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Once my mom was diagnosed with dementia that doctor contacted the DMV and her license were suspended. It was a battle for a while I had to take the keys away from her but she now understands that she cannot drive. At one point I even had to contact the police find out what to do and they said to take the keys away from her so you must do it it's hard but you must do it
she will be angry with you but don't give her the keys back it will get better.
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That's just it. They have to have an accident - plow into a public gathering, hit a building, drive head on into an oncoming car. ("I stepped onto the brake but the car kept on going! There's something wrong with the car!") As I have stated previously: You can get a stern letter from the DMV. You can have a family intervention. You can have the doctor give them a good talking-to about giving up driving. They will nod and smile, pleased with all the attention. And if they have the keys and the car is outside, they will get in and drive like they have a paper bag over their heads, or 'drive to the store' and end up 2 states away....Now, if they do stop driving, caregivers who are hired can drive them to the dollar store, or the doctor's, or to their friend's house. Relatives can drive them around, same thing, and to the grocery store, or out to eat. ....if the car is sold, the money can be used to set up an account with a taxi service! The same drivers will show up and take them to wherever they want to go. (though by the time the driver shows up they will probably forget where they want to go!)
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I live in NJ. A woman I know who had Alzheimers son tried to have her license to take her license away. He was told she had to have an accident that could be linked to Alzheimers. He is a police officer. Local doctors don't seem to want to sign anything. I think we need a national law that once a person is diagnoised with Dementia or Alzheimers their license is revoked.
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Mother wasn't a good driver in her best state...she had hip surgery and said she would return to driving. Well, brother said, "show us how you're going to get to the car, get your walker in, and drive". She couldn't even get the car door open. Brother had long since "taken" her keys and also put the emergency brake on so tight the car literally would not move. Mother was less upset about this than we thought she'd be. Every single inch of her car was dinged up--thank heaven she never hit a person. We lived in fear of that.

It's so hard to get her to move anywhere, driving is the least of our worries. I am glad/sad b/c that was the end of her independence. She relies on one friend or another for transport, but one by one, they are dying off, or stopping driving. Brother does most the driving, bless his heart, but she goes nearly nowhere these days.
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March 18 in Akron Ohio, a 69 year old woman with Alzheimer's is missing.
Nobody took her keys away and she and her 2012 Hyundai are nowhere to be found.
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Like HelpGna, I'd say either disconnect the battery cable or take the battery out, whatever is easier. You might have a few weeks of 'why doesn't my car start?', 'who will get it fixed for me?' etc, etc, then they will forget about it. Be strong, just tell little 'white lies' saying you don't know why the car doesn't start. It will go away. All the best. Arlene H.
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If the PCP has warned her not to drive, he/she can fill out the forms to remove her driving privileges.
It is better if the PCP takes care of this.
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I asked my aunt at what age did she think a person should stop driving. She smiled and said about 85. She was 86 at the time. Tried keeping the car but it was too tempting. She misses it but it's gone. I have to run all her errands but it's worth it. Driving is a rite of passage. Starting and stopping. It's one of the things that should be discussed early and reviewed for possible changes on an annual basis along with MPOA, DPOA, funeral arrangements, housing and care givers, distribution of personal belongings, will etc. We are considered old at 65 and very old at 85. Life happens, some things weren't/aren't needed but in place just in case we do.
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Go to DMV. Ask what is needed to take someones license away. They may give her a test. Probably need doctors note. If u don't have them yet, get POAs. Next time car is disabled, have it towed away and sold. Out of site out of mind. Have told this story before. GFs father, had Alzheimers, lost his pants with his keys and wallet in the pocket. His wife said without them, he couldn't drive. He excepted that. She did find the pants but hid the keys and wallet. She got rid of the car and got a smaller one for her.
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got to the DMV website and print the form they have (I forget what it was called), then mail or FAX it in. It's an anonymous report you file and the DMV will send her a letter saying she is under review. She will then go in for an interview, and things go from there. I had to do this with my charge...and the more people that file a letter on the same person, the faster they review them, I've been told! Good luck!!
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I tried to get the Dr to notify DMV to have my father's license taken away when it became apparent he shouldn't be driving. The Dr did not want to be the bad guy, so I contacted DMV myself and gave them the reasons I believed he should stop driving. They sent notice to his Dr. asking about his physical and medical status and then set up a "road" test for him. When he went for the test, he was not given the chance to drive. They just took his license and told him he could reapply in 6 months. He talked about taking the test all the time but never attempted taking it.
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With my Mom I volunteered to take her somewhere but I wanted to use her car. So I drove and when we got home I just never gave her back the keys. She looked for them for a while and then gave up. With my Husband I took him to his Neurologist, he scored poorly so the Doc reported him to the DMV. They suspended his license. He got mad at the Doctor and not me.
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Well you can have her insurance company report to the DMV that she is not a safe driver anymore. I had to reason with my mother that she had gotten into more frequent issues ( little fender benders ) and had a hard time recalling exactly what happened. I told her I cared about her and did not want anything happening to her or anyone else. I also told her she stood to lose everything she owned if she hit the wrong person and they decided to file a lawsuit. She begrudgingly agreed and even if I had not convinced her, the insurance agent was ready to get her driving priviledges taken because of my mother not remembering the events of how the fender benders happened. Hope that helps! She also had a woman call me on her cell phone because she had forgotten where she parked her car in a parking lot. All the warning signs were there!
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A lot depends on the laws of your mother's states. Before hiding the car or taking away the keys, you may want to check with an elder law attorney because those actions could be seen as theft. Doctors aren't always helpful in this matter--and are only required to report patients with dementia to the DMV in 1-2 states.
Many states have a form on the DMV website which you can send to report an unsafe driver. Typically, the DMV will contact the driver and ask them to take a driver ttest.
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We knew disabling the car wouldn't work in our case..as wolflover says..if they really want to drive..they will find a way..the car has to be removed..not just disabled..in our case anyway...they would have called someone tow it to a garage for repairs..I even wonder how well DMV lets some of these older folks slide through the system. Most communities have very inexpensive commuter transportation available to seniors...scarey
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as someone said in another familiar one that you should not hamper with the car HOWEVER I disagree. just because you tell someone that can't drive, or if you take away their license, that doesn't mean they still won't get in the car and drive. there are people out there with sane minds that don't have insurance or drivers license and they are still driving. the only way to keep someone safe, including your loved one......is to either take the keys or disable the car so that they don't hurt themselves or someone else. wishing you good luck.
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We had this problem too so I understand your frustration and fear. My hubby and I took mom and step dad(now deceased) everywhere....our whole life was derailed to do this. Then we realized they were out driving around..for dumb stuff..like peanuts for the birds..which we would have gotten for them. They wanted to be independant ..in total denial they could kill someone ..neither of them could see...I was ready to go to BMV to have them take his DL when their neighbor...same situation..wrecked his car...killing himself..putting his wife in the hospital...mom woke up then and hid the keys...thank God they didn't hurt themselves or someone else...so YES act right now...hugs and prayers
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There is no one size fits all answer for the driving issue. But I think there are some common issues faced when dealing with driving and dementia.

You may have the talk with Dad and he agrees to give up driving only to forget about the talk an hour later and jump in the car. The car needs to go away.

There are many ways to disable the car or take the keys but driving is a long term memory issue. Old folks will get the car fixed or buy a new one. Caregivers must stay on top of the situation to prevent this. Call the dealer dad uses and warn them to call you if dad tries to fix the car or buy a new one.

There must be alternatives in place for transportation. Groceries, meds, doc appointments still have to be dealt with. Many home care agencies will do the driving for about $20 per hour.

Be prepared to deal with the anger. Don't argue or try and reason. It may take a while but the new reality of no driving will eventually settle in. Hang tough, don't ever reverse course.
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