My mom smells and scratches her head a lot, how can I get her to wash her hair?

This question hits very close to home! My brother who lives two hours away from me had my ninty year old parents living with him. He called me one day and said that our mother would not shower anymore. I had him contact their dr and then home health was brought in to help her shower twice a week. My brother called me and said that everytime the bath lady came to shower her, she would fight her and then when the shower was over, she would" fire" the bath lady. I started going over and showering her on the weekends. She still didn't want to do it, but I told her it was no different that when I was a child and I didn't want to take a bath. She would "make" me take a bath and then I would feel so much better. Everyone feels better when they are clean! Long story short, my parents ended up moving in with me and I became the bath lady. My mother was afraid of falling so we put a bath chair in the shower. My mother was overwelmed by the effort it took to shower, so I get everything organized and ready (two towels, one to put around her shoulders,and one to dry her. lotion, baby powder for crevises that don't see the sun. toothbrush with paste on it, etc.) When she comes out of the shower I put her on a chair with a towel on it so she can sit down and be comfortable.
My mother "hates" showering, but loves the way she feels after. I always tell her what I am about to do and massage her arms and legs when I put lotion on them. I even warm the lotion in the microwave in the wintertime so it goes on toasty warm. When my mother tries to talk me out of showering (every time!) I patiently tell her I know her standard of being clean and it is my responsibility to keep her up to that standard! Just some of my suggestions. Good luck to you!

It is never okay to shame or yell at another caregiver. Jennifer was asking for help and there is probably more to her story that we don't know about. We as caregivers and former caregivers need to know that others need compassion, help, maybe training and knowledge and a kind word.

DON'T BE SO HARD ON HER MAYBE SHE DOES SPONGE BATHS

My mom lived with my brother for 3 years before she came to live with me last June. She did not take a shower for long periods of time. She smelled so bad and her hair was so greasy. She still does not like to take a shower, but I never give her a choice. I put a long bath chair in the tub - it is half in the tub and half on the bathroom floor (she sits on the end and swings her feet over into the tub and then moves over on the chair into the tub.) I just tell her that I am helping her to the bathroom. After she goes to the bathroom, I just say, "Now sit on this chair and swing your feet over into the tub." I never give her a choice or talk about it beforehand. I get the shower all set up with the chair and towels before I help her in to the bathroom. Then I shower her with a hand held shower massage - she sits on the end of the shower curtain so no water goes out. She just hates it and usually cries and whines the whole time, but I give her a shower every other day and curl her hair. I know she has to feel so much better and she is always squeaky clean, but it does wear her out. Maybe you could try the "surprise attack" like I do. No choices, just orders (in a nice tone). I wash her hair and put the conditioner on it and rinse it. She is able to wash her body with instructions from me what to wash next. Then at the end, she stands up and holds on my arm while I wash her private areas. She always says, "This is so embarrassing." I then ask her if she would rather if my brother was doing it. She laughs and laughs and says, "NOOOOO!" It always makes her forget how embarrassing it is. I always say that my job is to make sure she is Clean, Happy, and Safe in her last years on this earth. I hope this helps you.

tory- ure a sweet kinded person . ur mom is so lucky to have you . shes begin pampered and spoiled ,i can tell shes comfertable . i wish dad owuldnt mind the shower , he used to shower every morning till these past couple years he says no , once in a great while i just kinda shove him in there , now he s so weak and can not stand or walk anymore , i cant get him in the shower . :-( sponge bath is all he s getting .

I was also startled to see the posts critical of Jennifer, and just want to add that no matter how smart you are, when its your own parents, you just don't see it at first, because your heart does not WANT to see it. My cousin, who is brilliant enough to be fluent in several languages, work on a doctorate in theology, and translate Bible passages form Hebrew did not realize that my aunt (her mom) was losing her judgment, had become a full-fledged hoarder and completely ruined both of their finances, until after she passed on and we started to clean... no, it wasn't "just a little cluttered"...

If she's mobile, treat her to a girls day at the salon. Full works, including mani-pedi, hair wash,cut and style, and massage, or even better, hydrotherapy (that would help get the bath part done) or vichy shower.

i agree with evalena . my dad hasent showered in six mos , but he gets alot of sponge bath , begin so old and body aches and they hurt they do not want to get in no shower , i know i wouldnt ,, in fact im not a shower person im more of a bath person . i love soakin in the tub ,
when i get old you guys ! i wont take no shower ill fight it if ihave to .

leave that poor old woman alone . give her wash rag and tell her to wash up , its good enuff ....

Jennifer, I often find myself saying this - in many types of dementia, a person may have fine long term memory and be able to converse, and everyone msitakenly thinks they are still "mentally sharp" but in fact their judgement and reason is very, very impaired. If your mom has decided not to follow normal personal hygeine, and has turned "mean" when she did not used to be or is just a lot worse if she always was...most likely a process of cognitive impairment or decline has taken root. Medical, preferably specialized geriatric evaluation is strongly warranted. There may be correctable medical conditions going on. This is not an easy path for either of you, and I hope you find good support both here and within your own family. God bless...

Well Stated Miz.
lovbob