please advise she smells and scratches her head.she is very mean ,however her mind is sharp but no bath/shampoo x one year she is very mean money is no problem,i JUST NEED ADVICE,HELP THANKS,JENNIFER.
Jennifer, Maybe if you called in a home health aide, and just said it was a routine check up they could insist on giving her bath, I don't know, probably won't work but..
Also, you say her mind is sharp but if she has just stopped caring for herself there actually might be something else going on. Maybe a Doctor's appt is called for, and stay with her when she see's the Doc so that you can voice all your concerns also. (the head scratching could be ceoliac desease or just dermatitus from not bathing).
Jennifer, Is she physically able to get into a tub? Shower? Maybe you could bribe her with the promise of a trip to town or something else she wants. (to be done after the bath) Is dementia a factor? Depression? Does she live on her own?There are possibly other factors involved here. Can you give more details? Hugs, Diana
Jennifer, Does she listen to doctors? Can you take her to her family doctor (but call the doc ahead and tell him the problem). The doctor can then tell her that she has a skin condition from not bathing etc. Then bring a home health aide in, one experienced with difficult mean patients and get them to give her a bath. My uncle didn't have a bath for 13 days and I thought that was bad. A year! You shouldn't have to smell that. Plus, she can't be comfortable with all that itching.
Oh, Jennifer...I feel for you...but, Mama has GOT to get bathed and shampooed!!! Not sure if you have anyone to help you get her there; but, when I was caring for my Granny (who had dementia) she would refuse, but I would bargain with her...whatever her favorite thing to do or eat or drink, she just surely could NOT have it or do it until we got in the shower. I would put my bathing suit on and sit her in the shower; a hand held showerhead in hand, I'd make fun out of it AND I was doing it with her (this was 20 yrs. ago and I NEVER thought I'd be bathing my Grandmother, washing all her "stuff"--she was SO vain AND modest before the dementia!)...so, there's got to be some way for you to coerce her, even if you have to call someone in to help you, like careshare says,--someone who is experienced in dealing with difficult patients. It's just GOT TO HAPPEN! Good luck!!!
oh my goodness i have never heard of a person not washing their hair for a yr maybe a week but not a yr i agree maybe you should call in a hm health agency to see if they can be at service that is not healthy for someone not to bath or wash their hair
If she can do most of the washing on her own (minus her hair it's best if you wash that for her as I've learn on our end)... maybe try out our method...
1. We have a set bath day once a week ("Mom's Spa Day") 2. I draw her a bubble bath - put her bath chair in covered with a towel for comfort 3. Bring her into the bathroom and supervise her getting in, (temperature is always a problem she won't give warmth a chance so it has to be tepid and then warmed up as we go) 4. I do her hair first, she leans over her knees with a hand towel covering her face and ears (sensitive to water in the ear). - I use a medium size tupperware bowl filled up from the sink several times to rinse out, shampoo, repeat. 5. After the shampooing is done I hand her a soapy washcloth and let her do most of her own washing, I'll get her back and sometimes she requests me to wash her bum, not my fav but okay maybe someone will have to do that for me someday, and then we do the rinse round. 6. When she's out this is my chance to check her toenails and look over her body for any cuts, scrapes or bruises (she injures herself periodically but isn't able to tell us or remember it happening so we have to keep a look out, she'll say that she's had a bruise or bump for 'three years' that was never there before) 6. She dries mostly in the tub and then again when she's out I hand her each piece of clothing in order and powder, deodorant etc... I set her hair in rollers when dressed.
She always feels 'really' good after this is done. We have dinner up here at our house instead of down at hers (our in law unit on our property) so that's a treat too. We try to get her to watch wheel of fortune with us after dinner but her dementia won't let her be away from her dog any longer than is necessary but, she's clean :)
Good luck, I guess the mystery is why she doesn't want to bathe, if she's unable to do it alone and is too embarrassed to have you do it or help her with it, set her up with a sponge bath station and take her to the hair salon for just a wash and set if you can. (maybe have to do that every month if she stays truly reluctant to wash her hair).
Try using a "No Rinse Shampoo Cap" available at Walgreens or on line. It costs about $4.00 . It is a shower cap and it containes both a lathering shampoo and a soft conditioner within the cap. No need to rinse. Put on the cap, massage her head as if washing her hair t and once you are done, take the cap off and throw it away. No need to rinse Hope this help
My mom also will not wash her hair. (she will at least step in the shower and rinse off though) when her hair gets really bad, we take a trip to my daughter's salon and have it washed there and then I take her out to lunch so it is a fun time for her.
Hi, did your Mom use to go to a beauty shop if so adviser her that she has an appointment, Advise the shop about changes with Mom Maybe make a day of it say you have an reservation for lunch and take out nice outfit and say Mom I really would like to do this with you. Say it is take your Mom to Lunch Day anything to incourage bath(Mom may be afraid of falling in Tub or not being able to get out. Get a shower chair you can have her sit down and shower her without feeling like she will fall. Have the Doctor talk to her about hygiene. Does she live with you or alone? Good luck sometime I feel like we have to be the adult and they are childlike and have to trick into eating veggies if you know what I mean. God Bless
I would try there is shampoo that does not require water or rinsing you just put it in and srub it into sudds and repeat as often to get it clean then just towel dry. That is what I use on my father. I also use no rinse cleanser which just put some in warm water and wipe clean and does not require rinse off which is really nice. Both product are very useful. My father also put up a fight when I want to bath him he gets physical I just have to lay down the law and give him one anyway. Good Luck hope this helps.
surpassed.....sorry to have to play the Big Meanie here......but since mom hasn't had a bath for a year, it's a pretty safe bet that cajoling, bribing, threatening or any number of things are just not going to work. From experience, put on some old clothes, roll up your sleeves, put mom in the tub or shower and get the job done. Otherwise, better get used to the smell and the scratching. Once you get past that nasty chore, I guarantee you won't have the same problems anymore. Bathing will become easier. The elderly become very hydrophobic and it's just something that has to be overcome. I had to do the above with my mil, now I bathe her every Wed and Sat.....I make it as comfortable and warm as possible...to the point of overheating myself......but she now knows that's the bathing routine and it goes smoothly. Good luck!
One year! That is extreme. Does she keep her surroundings clean? I thought I was bad for only bathing my mom once a week! You have got to bribe her into taking a shower/bath...or maybe take her to the beach or a pool to at least get rinsed off! Perhaps if she has to go somewhere special, she will consider cleaning herself....church, a party, a movie...somewhere? What are her interests? A social worker showing up at her door might make an impression on the importance of personal hygiene...they might scare her into taking a shower! Good luck!
You call yourself "surpassed cortex"? If you know words that big, then you should be able to figure out that your Mother needs to see a psychiatrist. And if you are asking for the first time after one year of being subjected to the filth, then you might have a problem, too. Ridiculous! I find it hard to believe this is a REAL question from a REAL person--and everyone has been so nice to you. Sharp mind, but mean? Plenty of money? I don't buy it. Sorry if this offends the rest of you who answered. And I'm having a good day!
Christina, you are a blast! I was thinking the same thing. Who would put up with that for a year??? doesn't sound realistic. Something is missing from this story.
Well christina i wnt let you words upset me and im sure no one else does either but there are people out there are like that and i agree with somethings you say but setting here codeming someone is not the answere o.k. we vent our here but we do not condemed anyone on here tellind her she need to see a psychuatrist is not the answer please do not condemed or badger anyone we all our having tought times with a our love ones..its not easy actually you never know what you will do when you get up in a age used to doing things and you just stop its not that easy
Yes, of course, no problem msdiva. You are a very sweet person. However, I stand by my words. Thank you, Jam. I have gotten lots of hugs today. Seriously, I would like to hear from Jennifer with the surpassed cortex. Seeme: often, in school I would sense that others wanted to raise their hands to ask a question, but were afraid of looking stupid. I have never been afraid of raising my hand and asking the question. Let's not sugar-coat the bs here, OK? I won't respond again to a question like this, but did you ever think: This is exactly what she NEEDS to hear? go ahead and click "report the post", I'll live with it. Love you guys!
hey im fine with it it doesnt bother me she was asking for advice but hey speak your mine my mom always told me to.. and sometime people dnt want to hear it but you will say it anyway i have family memebers mad at me for saying what on my mind and speak it
WELL....sometimes its not good it depends she has not responding yet so lets see what she says there no need to be upset were all here to vent and give adivce and to help people who having trying times with their love ones...she maybe already seeing a pysch.
Jennifer how the heck could anyone let their mother go without a bath or wash their hair for a year. How did you just come to notice that? Was this the first time you had been around her? I am at a lost.
I took care of someones 97 yr old Mom but the daugher who hired me needed me more that the Mom. She washed with paper towls and at the sink it took some coaching but I got her in the tub with a shower chair and bathed her and she also had not wash her hair in long time. The biggest problem was she was sick and on medication. She wasn't able to make good judgements about her life let alone her Mom's but with time and patients we got a schedule and it worked.
If she's mobile, treat her to a girls day at the salon. Full works, including mani-pedi, hair wash,cut and style, and massage, or even better, hydrotherapy (that would help get the bath part done) or vichy shower.
i agree with evalena . my dad hasent showered in six mos , but he gets alot of sponge bath , begin so old and body aches and they hurt they do not want to get in no shower , i know i wouldnt ,, in fact im not a shower person im more of a bath person . i love soakin in the tub , when i get old you guys ! i wont take no shower ill fight it if ihave to .
leave that poor old woman alone . give her wash rag and tell her to wash up , its good enuff ....
This question hits very close to home! My brother who lives two hours away from me had my ninty year old parents living with him. He called me one day and said that our mother would not shower anymore. I had him contact their dr and then home health was brought in to help her shower twice a week. My brother called me and said that everytime the bath lady came to shower her, she would fight her and then when the shower was over, she would" fire" the bath lady. I started going over and showering her on the weekends. She still didn't want to do it, but I told her it was no different that when I was a child and I didn't want to take a bath. She would "make" me take a bath and then I would feel so much better. Everyone feels better when they are clean! Long story short, my parents ended up moving in with me and I became the bath lady. My mother was afraid of falling so we put a bath chair in the shower. My mother was overwelmed by the effort it took to shower, so I get everything organized and ready (two towels, one to put around her shoulders,and one to dry her. lotion, baby powder for crevises that don't see the sun. toothbrush with paste on it, etc.) When she comes out of the shower I put her on a chair with a towel on it so she can sit down and be comfortable. My mother "hates" showering, but loves the way she feels after. I always tell her what I am about to do and massage her arms and legs when I put lotion on them. I even warm the lotion in the microwave in the wintertime so it goes on toasty warm. When my mother tries to talk me out of showering (every time!) I patiently tell her I know her standard of being clean and it is my responsibility to keep her up to that standard! Just some of my suggestions. Good luck to you!
My mom lived with my brother for 3 years before she came to live with me last June. She did not take a shower for long periods of time. She smelled so bad and her hair was so greasy. She still does not like to take a shower, but I never give her a choice. I put a long bath chair in the tub - it is half in the tub and half on the bathroom floor (she sits on the end and swings her feet over into the tub and then moves over on the chair into the tub.) I just tell her that I am helping her to the bathroom. After she goes to the bathroom, I just say, "Now sit on this chair and swing your feet over into the tub." I never give her a choice or talk about it beforehand. I get the shower all set up with the chair and towels before I help her in to the bathroom. Then I shower her with a hand held shower massage - she sits on the end of the shower curtain so no water goes out. She just hates it and usually cries and whines the whole time, but I give her a shower every other day and curl her hair. I know she has to feel so much better and she is always squeaky clean, but it does wear her out. Maybe you could try the "surprise attack" like I do. No choices, just orders (in a nice tone). I wash her hair and put the conditioner on it and rinse it. She is able to wash her body with instructions from me what to wash next. Then at the end, she stands up and holds on my arm while I wash her private areas. She always says, "This is so embarrassing." I then ask her if she would rather if my brother was doing it. She laughs and laughs and says, "NOOOOO!" It always makes her forget how embarrassing it is. I always say that my job is to make sure she is Clean, Happy, and Safe in her last years on this earth. I hope this helps you.
tory- ure a sweet kinded person . ur mom is so lucky to have you . shes begin pampered and spoiled ,i can tell shes comfertable . i wish dad owuldnt mind the shower , he used to shower every morning till these past couple years he says no , once in a great while i just kinda shove him in there , now he s so weak and can not stand or walk anymore , i cant get him in the shower . :-( sponge bath is all he s getting .
Jennifer, I often find myself saying this - in many types of dementia, a person may have fine long term memory and be able to converse, and everyone msitakenly thinks they are still "mentally sharp" but in fact their judgement and reason is very, very impaired. If your mom has decided not to follow normal personal hygeine, and has turned "mean" when she did not used to be or is just a lot worse if she always was...most likely a process of cognitive impairment or decline has taken root. Medical, preferably specialized geriatric evaluation is strongly warranted. There may be correctable medical conditions going on. This is not an easy path for either of you, and I hope you find good support both here and within your own family. God bless...
Also, you say her mind is sharp but if she has just stopped caring for herself there actually might be something else going on. Maybe a Doctor's appt is called for, and stay with her when she see's the Doc so that you can voice all your concerns also. (the head scratching could be ceoliac desease or just dermatitus from not bathing).
Good luck!
1. We have a set bath day once a week ("Mom's Spa Day")
2. I draw her a bubble bath - put her bath chair in covered with a towel for comfort
3. Bring her into the bathroom and supervise her getting in, (temperature is always a problem she won't give warmth a chance so it has to be tepid and then warmed up as we go)
4. I do her hair first, she leans over her knees with a hand towel covering her face and ears (sensitive to water in the ear). - I use a medium size tupperware bowl filled up from the sink several times to rinse out, shampoo, repeat.
5. After the shampooing is done I hand her a soapy washcloth and let her do most of her own washing, I'll get her back and sometimes she requests me to wash her bum, not my fav but okay maybe someone will have to do that for me someday, and then we do the rinse round.
6. When she's out this is my chance to check her toenails and look over her body for any cuts, scrapes or bruises (she injures herself periodically but isn't able to tell us or remember it happening so we have to keep a look out, she'll say that she's had a bruise or bump for 'three years' that was never there before)
6. She dries mostly in the tub and then again when she's out I hand her each piece of clothing in order and powder, deodorant etc... I set her hair in rollers when dressed.
She always feels 'really' good after this is done. We have dinner up here at our house instead of down at hers (our in law unit on our property) so that's a treat too. We try to get her to watch wheel of fortune with us after dinner but her dementia won't let her be away from her dog any longer than is necessary but, she's clean :)
Good luck, I guess the mystery is why she doesn't want to bathe, if she's unable to do it alone and is too embarrassed to have you do it or help her with it, set her up with a sponge bath station and take her to the hair salon for just a wash and set if you can. (maybe have to do that every month if she stays truly reluctant to wash her hair).
Jam
I find it hard to believe this is a REAL question from a REAL person--and everyone has been so nice to you. Sharp mind, but mean? Plenty of money? I don't buy it. Sorry if this offends the rest of you who answered. And I'm having a good day!
Seeme: often, in school I would sense that others wanted to raise their hands to ask a question, but were afraid of looking stupid. I have never been afraid of raising my hand and asking the question. Let's not sugar-coat the bs here, OK?
I won't respond again to a question like this, but did you ever think: This is exactly what she NEEDS to hear?
go ahead and click "report the post", I'll live with it. Love you guys!
when i get old you guys ! i wont take no shower ill fight it if ihave to .
leave that poor old woman alone . give her wash rag and tell her to wash up , its good enuff ....
My mother "hates" showering, but loves the way she feels after. I always tell her what I am about to do and massage her arms and legs when I put lotion on them. I even warm the lotion in the microwave in the wintertime so it goes on toasty warm. When my mother tries to talk me out of showering (every time!) I patiently tell her I know her standard of being clean and it is my responsibility to keep her up to that standard! Just some of my suggestions. Good luck to you!