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I broke my foot 4 years ago (hard to believe anybody could be so dumb they don't get this figured out for so long!) but the point is, I have to have a very involved surgery to fuse some bones and re-attach the tendons and ligaments that I tore. I think this is a grade 4 break/tear. I will be in a boot for 6-8 weeks and using a scooter to get around.


I will be honest that I am terrified. I went through 16+ months of cancer tx in 2019-2020 and DH did as little as was humanly possible. With cancer, I could still clean, cook and run the show. With this, I will be totally bedridden for 2 weeks and then slowly up, but not weight bearing for 4 weeks.


Our house is a split entry. Stairs everywhere. I sleep downstairs and DH has the master suite. Long backstory, but primarily he chose to have a huge screen TV in the bedroom instead of me, so I moved out 5 years ago.


He SAYS he will step up and do better. I don't trust him AT ALL to care for me. But, really, going into a rehab facility sounds awful. He'd probably be thrilled b/c he could just do nothing and I'll heal without his help.


I made a list of 'to do's'--daily and weekly chores to keep the house running. He looked at this double-columned list and got a little panicky. He cannot cook, vaccum, do laundry, mow lawns---he works at his job and I do all the rest. So even if I am not 'HERE' all this stuff still needs to be done.


I refuse to eat McDonald's twice a day for 6 weeks and I think it's high time he stepped up and helped ME for a change.


I have to make a decision soon, b/c the surgery is on the 22nd. I already know it's going to be super painful, and he will need to get up for a few nights to swap out ice packs. I'm not even sure he can do that.


My foot has hurt terribly for 4 straight years and 3 different docs looked at it and said they couldn't help. I went to an orthopedic surgeon and he did MRI's and X-rays and could show me that I had torn the heck out of my foot. It's nice, in a weird way to KNOW that I am not crazy.


I do NOT want to go into a rehab facility and know if DH will simply step up a little bit, I can be home. But.....the past says not only will he not, he will be angry the whole time.


I'm anxious---PLUS I turn 65 this Friday and I HATE birthdays. (That has nothing to do with this.)

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Mid,
I am married to someone with mental illness.

I have had surgeries, and man, did I hear about all he had to do later. He did my list of chores for one week, then handed it back to me. Had no idea that he needed to start at the top and do them all again. I gave up. It wasn’t worth the hassle. That example was the least awful of all he did.

I would go into a rehab, if I were facing what you’re facing.

My friend went to a gorgeous rehab years ago. It was run by a private religious organization, of which she did not belong. I walked in there, and it smelled like yummy chicken soup.

Maybe you can shop around, and find one that suits your fancy?

Praying for you.
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You have already been there done that, I don't get why you keep fantasizing that your husband will suddenly do what he has never done before. Sure you can skip rehab BUT you can't count on him to be the one to make that possible, to make it work you'd need to figure out a (realistic) plan C.
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Mid, why would you want to go home to a situation that is stressful and will not be good for your recovery. Hubs will have to fend for himself while you get the care that you will need to recover. You will need your strength to return home to all the chores that will be there on your return, if you decide to return. Go to rehab.
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Happy Birthday for Friday 😃

An Irish quote;
"You are not as young as you used to be but not as old as you are going to be".
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Rehab first, daughter’s second. Help from neighbors when u get home. It’s a shame your husband is helpless. Hopefully he is useful at things other than caregiving, like opening jars and killing bugs.
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gladimhere Jul 2021
Opening jars and killing bugs?! 😅😅😅
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You already know the answer to your question without any of us having to answer it, but I will go ahead and answer it anyway. Of course you will need to go directly to a rehab facility, so you will receive the proper care you need and deserve. After putting up with this pain for over 4 years, why would you want to do anything to jeopardize your recovery?
Unfortunately your husband is not equipped to be a caregiver of any kind, so do yourself(and him) a favor and call the rehab facility today. I hope you also have the appropriate paperwork in place for when you get older, and need any type of care, since you already know that you can't depend on him. It's best to get your ducks in a row now.
I hope and pray that everything goes well with your surgery, and don't be in a hurry to leave rehab and go home. Let them do their job and take good care of you.
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Mid, I'm with CX.

Alternatively, do any of your kids live in a one level home? Could you go there and hire help?

Having read your posts over the years, I think I would look at this as a trial separation...sort of "Independence Day" for you.

You have retirement money saved; this is the time to use it for the best, most restful care possible

Happy birthday in advance!
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Go to rehab, and let H fend for himself while you are in rehab. Don't give him a care -- it's pretty obvious he doesn't care about you from all you've written in the past.
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A rehab could be sort of a "birthday vacation" for you (admittedly not anyone's favorite kind, but at least you know you'll get the care you need). Maybe your husband will have to learn how to do a few things in order to "survive" without you!
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Frances73 Jul 2021
Yes, you can always order food delivery in rehaB!
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I appreciate all the great advice and the attention!!!

Dh is being much more 'into' this than I thought he would be. I'm sure a HUGE part of that is I did rip him to pieces after I cleared cancer as he had been such an enormous jerk. He knew he had been. I told him this was his chance to redeem himself. He knows.

I had not thought of having a 'roomie'. OMGosh---that would be awful. Maybe I'm a princess, but I need quiet and my space!

Went to play last night with my middle daughter who is super efficient and wonderful. She said "Mom, you don't need to worry about ANYTHING. We girls have got you. Let US serve YOU for once." (yeah, I have done a lot for my girls over the years--) So they are percolating some schemes amongst them. IF DH just 'can't' I will go to this daughter's home. She has an extra bedroom and 2 teen daughters who can help. One daughter has small kids, but can come with meals. And actually, her youngest, Calvin, is a hoot and very fun company.

I'm going to use crutches to ambulate into the bathroom. Then a scooter upstairs and one downstairs. My dearest friend told me she just 'bum bumped' down the stairs--she broke her ankle a couple of months ago.

I haven't found a rehab place yet that I would be able to stand for 2 weeks. And all of them, so far, are still masked. That alone makes the decision easier that I will come home.

I'm having a cleaning company come before I have surgery. DH can do the daily stuff and the girls will be here 3xs a week.

Like I said before--I will be doing NO PT for 6 weeks. I'll still do upper body weights and some lower body leg lifts and such, but no treadmill, etc.

Such great ideas and thoughts! You guys are the best. I know I am over anxious about this---but the pain is neverending and non stop and it's really depressed me.

Surgery is the 22nd. I can't wait. Praying fervently for a complete heal!

I'm still going to look into rehab--we'll see.
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