Foot Surgery in the future--do I come home and trust DH to step it up or do I find a rehab facility?
I broke my foot 4 years ago (hard to believe anybody could be so dumb they don't get this figured out for so long!) but the point is, I have to have a very involved surgery to fuse some bones and re-attach the tendons and ligaments that I tore. I think this is a grade 4 break/tear. I will be in a boot for 6-8 weeks and using a scooter to get around.
I will be honest that I am terrified. I went through 16+ months of cancer tx in 2019-2020 and DH did as little as was humanly possible. With cancer, I could still clean, cook and run the show. With this, I will be totally bedridden for 2 weeks and then slowly up, but not weight bearing for 4 weeks.
Our house is a split entry. Stairs everywhere. I sleep downstairs and DH has the master suite. Long backstory, but primarily he chose to have a huge screen TV in the bedroom instead of me, so I moved out 5 years ago.
He SAYS he will step up and do better. I don't trust him AT ALL to care for me. But, really, going into a rehab facility sounds awful. He'd probably be thrilled b/c he could just do nothing and I'll heal without his help.
I made a list of 'to do's'--daily and weekly chores to keep the house running. He looked at this double-columned list and got a little panicky. He cannot cook, vaccum, do laundry, mow lawns---he works at his job and I do all the rest. So even if I am not 'HERE' all this stuff still needs to be done.
I refuse to eat McDonald's twice a day for 6 weeks and I think it's high time he stepped up and helped ME for a change.
I have to make a decision soon, b/c the surgery is on the 22nd. I already know it's going to be super painful, and he will need to get up for a few nights to swap out ice packs. I'm not even sure he can do that.
My foot has hurt terribly for 4 straight years and 3 different docs looked at it and said they couldn't help. I went to an orthopedic surgeon and he did MRI's and X-rays and could show me that I had torn the heck out of my foot. It's nice, in a weird way to KNOW that I am not crazy.
I do NOT want to go into a rehab facility and know if DH will simply step up a little bit, I can be home. But.....the past says not only will he not, he will be angry the whole time.
I'm anxious---PLUS I turn 65 this Friday and I HATE birthdays. (That has nothing to do with this.)
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I have had surgeries, and man, did I hear about all he had to do later. He did my list of chores for one week, then handed it back to me. Had no idea that he needed to start at the top and do them all again. I gave up. It wasn’t worth the hassle. That example was the least awful of all he did.
I would go into a rehab, if I were facing what you’re facing.
My friend went to a gorgeous rehab years ago. It was run by a private religious organization, of which she did not belong. I walked in there, and it smelled like yummy chicken soup.
Maybe you can shop around, and find one that suits your fancy?
Praying for you.
An Irish quote;
"You are not as young as you used to be but not as old as you are going to be".
Unfortunately your husband is not equipped to be a caregiver of any kind, so do yourself(and him) a favor and call the rehab facility today. I hope you also have the appropriate paperwork in place for when you get older, and need any type of care, since you already know that you can't depend on him. It's best to get your ducks in a row now.
I hope and pray that everything goes well with your surgery, and don't be in a hurry to leave rehab and go home. Let them do their job and take good care of you.
Alternatively, do any of your kids live in a one level home? Could you go there and hire help?
Having read your posts over the years, I think I would look at this as a trial separation...sort of "Independence Day" for you.
You have retirement money saved; this is the time to use it for the best, most restful care possible
Happy birthday in advance!
Dh is being much more 'into' this than I thought he would be. I'm sure a HUGE part of that is I did rip him to pieces after I cleared cancer as he had been such an enormous jerk. He knew he had been. I told him this was his chance to redeem himself. He knows.
I had not thought of having a 'roomie'. OMGosh---that would be awful. Maybe I'm a princess, but I need quiet and my space!
Went to play last night with my middle daughter who is super efficient and wonderful. She said "Mom, you don't need to worry about ANYTHING. We girls have got you. Let US serve YOU for once." (yeah, I have done a lot for my girls over the years--) So they are percolating some schemes amongst them. IF DH just 'can't' I will go to this daughter's home. She has an extra bedroom and 2 teen daughters who can help. One daughter has small kids, but can come with meals. And actually, her youngest, Calvin, is a hoot and very fun company.
I'm going to use crutches to ambulate into the bathroom. Then a scooter upstairs and one downstairs. My dearest friend told me she just 'bum bumped' down the stairs--she broke her ankle a couple of months ago.
I haven't found a rehab place yet that I would be able to stand for 2 weeks. And all of them, so far, are still masked. That alone makes the decision easier that I will come home.
I'm having a cleaning company come before I have surgery. DH can do the daily stuff and the girls will be here 3xs a week.
Like I said before--I will be doing NO PT for 6 weeks. I'll still do upper body weights and some lower body leg lifts and such, but no treadmill, etc.
Such great ideas and thoughts! You guys are the best. I know I am over anxious about this---but the pain is neverending and non stop and it's really depressed me.
Surgery is the 22nd. I can't wait. Praying fervently for a complete heal!
I'm still going to look into rehab--we'll see.
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