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Mom is adamant about not changing her adult diaper. Tips?

Does she still go to the toilet at all? If she does I would follow her in and change then if necessary.
Having to take off your pants and shoes or slippers to change can be a real p.i.t.a. - would you believe it is possible to change without having to do that? Most pull ups can easily be removed by tearing open at the sides. Now take the new one and place it inside the waistband of her pants at her ankles, reach inside the pull up and guide the back down the pant leg and over her toes and foot and back up, then do the other leg. When I first read about this on the forum I practised on myself until I got the hang of it - with several changes a day I thought it was nothing short of a miracle!
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Foleydaughter Mar 16, 2019
I have had stroke and can't visualize just from reading. Any videos to see?
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How about putting ultra thin pads inside all her Depends (maybe try a different brand to throw her off) Be sure to remove some of the adhesive by pressing them against a cloth surface repeatedly. Tell her the new panties are different from the “old” Depends and that they are a new type that allows the user to remove just the soiled pad. Good luck. Might work.
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In looking over your mom’s long list of issues, I didn’t notice dementia. However, I’m going to suggest that you check out Teepa Snow videos on the web. I’ve attached a link where you’ll find some of her top tips. She uses positivity. When an elder refuses to do things, look to see where you are successful with them and do more of that. No one likes to be told what to do.
Listen to Teepas delivery and see if it helps.
My aunt, 92, changes her depends when she needs to, but balks at changing her clothes with her weekend aide. The weekday aide doesnt have a problem. It’s all about timing and communication style with my aunt. Don’t get into a contest of wills.

http://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/04/05/5-top-dementia-care-tips-from-teepa-snow/
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Foleydaughter Mar 16, 2019
Looked at them and bookmarked. Very useful ideas.
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Another thought - as long as she doesn't have fecal incontinence the extra long overnight pads are every bit as absorbent as a pull up, cheaper too, and it might make changing easier.
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Foleydaughter Mar 16, 2019
Have seen. How do they stay on? Like old menstrual belt?
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I put three Depends on my mom early in the morning and then the slacks. We all know how hard it is to change when the pants have to come off to put on a new pad. (Pad rather then diaper for Mom, keeps her dignity)
Then, as the day goes on and she has accidents, all I do is rip out each one and then there are two dry and then one dry left. It works for her. (and me, since the bathroom trips aren't as difficult.) Be best to you and know that you aren't alone!
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Cmthatcher Mar 19, 2019
VERY INTERESTING!!
Did take me a minute to fully understand. Love the idea!! I’d be curious of the fit tho. Thx
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Do you call them diapers to her? If yes, please refer to them as panties, adult diapers is degrading to the wearer.

Is she on any mood stabilizers? I think I would pursue that with her doctor and see if she becomes more compliant.

I have not dealt with this personally, inconsistent was my deal breaker, so I let the professionals handle it.

Someone that has been there will chime in.
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Foleydaughter Mar 16, 2019
I call them Depends. Don't want to say panties or pants because them she won't change Depends
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You say she’s adamant...what is her reason for not wanting to change them? Your profile says Mom suffers from UTIs. Not changing her pull-ups when soiled is probably the cause of it. Can you tell her that? I don’t know how much reasoning abilities she has. Would it make a difference to her to stay healthier and not suffer the annoyance or cost of a doctor visit and side effects of antibiotics?
If not you may need to set up a toileting schedule for her where you actually accompany her into the bathroom.
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Not sure if you know that the depends or adult pull ups can easily be removed by tearing down the seam on each side. Going into the bathroom if able , when helping just tear down. Keep reassuring her that it's ok it's not a problem . sometimes I tell them that I also have accidents too anymore. She knows, even with dementia or alzheimers that it's embarassing and doesn't really want you to Have to help her.. Bless you and bless her heart. Try not to be frustrated. Let her know it will be a quick change no problem. It's ok. I don't know if that will help, I personally know the challenge. I still care for people in their homes. After my mom passed I was CNA I wasn't feeling great about working in the facilities any more. It was breaking my heart. In home care for me. One family at a time. They, the elders feel much better being at home. It's sometimes difficult in the facility's. Congratulations to you though. It's not easy . it's time consuming and sometimes very demanding. Best of luck and many blessings to you and yours.
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My mom fights changing too. Even if just the sanitary napkin we add to make small accidents easier to take care of. For her it’s a cost issue. “Those are expensive” and/or she doesn’t feel the wetness. “It’s not wet!!!”
Frequent UTIs at times. I remind her that her mother died from a UTI that became septic, but with dementia that doesn’t stick or help long term.
Have you heard of silent UTIs. As we age you can’t feel the pain of UTIs. Don’t know you have.
Also, this is gross, but I’ve seen mom pick out a “marble” of fecal material then announce that the pad isn’t dirty and demand it not be changed. (It was). So dementia (Poor judgement and reasoning skills!!!!)
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Dad’s the SAME way. He wears the Depends “throw away” underwear. He wears them until they literally disintegrate off of him. They leak all over the chair -which I cover with a pad and towel. They stain his sheets and bedspread- which I also use the disposable bed protectors. His PJs smell, and he wears the same smelly jeans daily. If he does change his depends and undershirt, (which is all stained yellowish brown) - he will insist on wearing the same shirt and jeans anyway.
How do I handle it? I learned to LET GO. I’ll deal with the health issues if anything comes up, and the hospital can wash him. He isargumentative and combative. I’ve realized that I’m literally chasing my tail... there is NO way possible to have everything clean at the same time. The chair, the bed, the jeans, the Depends, the pajamas.... I cannot do it all. So I gave up. If the chair is clean because I changed the towel and pad, it will be filthy once he sits and leaks. I’ve washed all his bed linens, only to have him refuse to change clothes...and he soils it all the minute he lays down because he’s wet.
Let it GO for your own sanity. You will Not win this.
i figure if he gets an infection, he will deal with it. What is the absolute worst case scenario? If you can live with that, then it’s ok. Sometimes you have to let the elders make their own choices.
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jacobsonbob Mar 19, 2019
As they say, you have to "pick your battles".
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