I live with my fiancé whom I provide care for as he is paralyzed. He has started lying to me and siding with the paid aid. What do I do?

Is your fiance competent? Is this other woman you have to deal with his guardian? Did you receive legal notice of charges, claims or eviction? There are laws in each state regarding these matters. I would consult with an attorney to explore my rights and obligations.

Asking your finance the question about the hours in front of the care aid may have put him on the spot. People who are dependent on others have a difficult time when confronting the very people who they depend upon. I can see how he might have felt he had to say what he did, even if it wasn't the truth. Or perhaps there was a miscommunication. But, whatever it was, it looks like things are much different now. I would get legal advice to see what has transpired and how you could be legally evicted from a place you were staying without notice and proper service.

Is there a restraining order?

Is sounds like a very odd situation.

Leave. Now.
Do you want to live the rest of your life this way? It will NOT change.
You are not married to him, and your status in the courts is not quite the same as if you were married.
You are trying to get into some sort of power struggle. I know you are invested emotionally, leaving will be a horrible wrench.
you have only a few choices: leave, stay and tolerate it, fight and it will escalate to where he may well boot you out or try and boot you out. It is obvious things will be fabricated and trumped up.
LEAVE.

sorry, missed a portion of it. My eyes. You left. HOORAY!!!
However, the rest I stand by: after 11 years, he is not a fiance. You are something else which I will not say here. You are trying to get back on track.
You are going to have to cut your losses in my opinion: being unmarried you will not have the same rights as if you had the marriage contract.
but kudos for leaving. You may very well try asking police for help but I am afraid you are on the losing end.

The request to work with her to get your things back and to turn over documents seems very sensible. You probably won't need the documents in the future, since they are about him. If you want your property, it seems a good thing to do.

I'm surprised that it blew up like this. There must have been problems before this happened.

Lostwill, please correct me if I am wrong, but this one situation does not sound like a reason to leave. Could it be that this was the straw that broke the camels back? Are you simply exhausted and worn out from taking care of him?
I am not asking these questions to upset you, I am asking because it seems your leaving has much more behind it than his not being honest about the hours the aide worked or charged for....
Please take some time to really get in touch with what is going on... if you want to stay gone, then do so , by all means.... I don't know the law on getting your things... I do know you can call for an assist with the police, for them to standby while you get the rest of your things.... don't know who this woman is that you spoke of, but don't allow yourself to be bullied.... call the police and find out what you can do....
I am sorry you took care of this man all this time and it has ended this way.. prayers for you to take care of yourself....

Since they want every document pertaining to him, I would make all copies of what you have and keep it in a very safe place. Just in case, someone decides to accuse you of negligence. One doesn't know that when you give ALL documents to them, they can accuse you - and you have NO back up documents to prove that you did this or that.

Due to the HIPAA law, you can tell them that you just can't give these documents to just anyone. Insist that they present to you their POA document or any other document notarized that they are acting in behalf of him. I think the police and the medical community would understand why you don't want to release such sensitive documents to just to anyone.

IF the police will be there so that you can retrieve your belongings - remember this - they will ASK the homeowner if you can enter and retrieve your stuff. The homeowner can say No. If he does, then your only recourse is through the small claims court. By then, if I was a spiteful caregiver, I'd make sure your stuff gets 'lost.' At the small claims court, you will need to have proof that you own those things.

There appears to be a large swath of narrative missing from this story.

I agree with the other who have posted. If you lived and cared for him for 11 years it might be considered a common law marriage. I would contact an attorney and adult protective services to do an investigation. it does appear that there is way more to this story.

First off you need a lawyer.
Depending on the state it could be a common law marriage.
You may have to agree to return or copy any documents that concern him because that would only be fair. So though the advice from the new woman sounds reasonable, I would not believe second hand knowledge.
Get a lawyer....

I agree about the lawyer. You also need a police escort when you go to pick up your belongings. All paperwork should go from the lawyer to the ex. No go betweens. I would no longer consider him a fiance. 11 years is a long time for an engagement. You have been a good person just sorry u spent 11yrs of ur life with him. Time to move on and good luck.

After 11 years you don't have a key to his house? Have you mingled your funds? Bought things together? That alone tells you something about your relationship. If that was your primary residence, he cannot just lock you out at will. Check with the police on your rights or even a lawyer or legal aid might be better to ask. I hate to say it but sounds as if your fiance may be the victim of some sort of coercion or brainwashing by these two women. Do you not know this other woman? After 11 years I cannot believe you wouldn't know everyone in his life. If she has just come into the picture this sounds very suspicious and I would maybe request the police also do a wellness check on your fiance as well. This aid may be running some sort of scam and your fiance doesn't have the strength to fight it..

I can understand that it is hard to let go..however the pain that will be caued dragging it out could only do more damage. Get empowered, fund out your rights and excersize them matter of factly. Put positive energy into rebuilding your own life, you get to live for yourself now!

This may have been said already, depending on the state, call your local police department. If you only want to get your belongings and depending on how many items their are, the police will stand by the "keep the peace" while you gather your belongings. If you have a whole house to move you can contact the county or city police / sheriff civil department. Once again this depends on your state. Also, you only can get your belongings and it is best not to schedule this with your ex. The element of surprise and a few minutes before is best to make sure he is there to let you in. Also, to note... If you have a restraining order against you, the police will most likely still let you get your times as long as hey are present. I'm not saying you have one but I know these incidents are emotion filled and very hard to deal with. Think beforehand what is most important to you in that house and retrieve only hat and approach it as a business deal. That mindset will make it easier while going through this. Best of luck. It will be ok. You have blessed this man with years of love and care. It may be a new chapter for you.

First of all if you are only concerned about your belongings, you go to magistrates court (if you live in Georgia other states may be different) get a court order and a police escort to get your things. I think in Georgia some years ago, a room mate attempted to keep my daughter's things and we got the court order by filing "thief by conversion" charges against the room mate. That is what the judge told us to do. It just took an afternoon. The judge gave the order from his chambers. Good for you for leaving.

My condolences on getting unceremoniously dumped for another after investing 11 years in a relationship. I would note that you were a fiancee not a health care provider, and turning over documents and keeping copies is not a HIPAA issue. These things happen and you should be able to get your stuff - they might be able to see that letting you in to get it will avoid a prolonged legal issue, but having police supervise it would be important to protect against claims of theft...do you think there are issues with illegal substances involved? Maybe you could negotiate for the most important items to be boxed or bagged up and picked up by you instead?

Depending on the state you are in, you may be considered a common-law spouse. If so, you have certain rights.

Why don't you talk to your local police dept. and ask their advice and support? BTW - this sounds a lot like my ex who had serious alcohol and drug abuse issues that made him impossible to deal with. I LEFT. Never regretted it for a moment - only that it took me so long to do so!

To Lostwilltocare - you need to dump this man and quick.

The first thing I would do is see if the aide was abusing and controlling him.

Here we go again... answering a post, with little information, and no comments from the OP...... if this is legitimate, good, if not... please come back and say you were just bored and needed entertaining..... It's really a simple request.. we are busy, tired, exhausted, unhealthy, and yes, bored.... but we care for each other here and you got many great suggestions.... from people who CARE..... the least you can do is come back and let us know we were fooled again.... you'd think we would be used to it by now... but no, it just p*sses me off.

Lostwilltocare I'm sorry You have this awful situation to deal with. Life is hard enough.
If I were in these circumstances I would have to confront Him and tell Your Fiancé how it is, then distance Yourself a little. If it continues, well it has got to be a straight red card..and walk away.
Lies and cheating are two things We definitely do not tolerate.

Is he, in any way, able to have a relationship with the aide-not intimate, of course?

I also agree with you getting an attorney. 1.At the very least you have property there and if you still have your key to the house they cannot lock you out (legally). 2.11 years is a lot of time vested and it will be difficult to take an objective step back and asses this situation but you have to and an attorney is obligated to ( local agencies may help) 3.You have rights too and you need an objective third party to see if your relationship is considered common law or palimony. Good Luck

It appears that she is controlling him. I had the same problem with my niece. I fired her and I asked for a new home aide. There are some laws that are being broken. Check with your Area of Ageing, or check with the provider who is her employer.

Ladee1, thanks for having the courage to say what I feel and suspect is the situation here.

Four days later and the OP hasn't returned.

One thing to remember is that you were in a rightful and legal resident if you were living with your fiancé. By law you should have a certain amount of time to get the rest of your things, and this may require taking a police officer with you. As long as it wasn't abandoned by him being at beyond the legal time limit, then you are definitely entitled to your belongings. If you still have a key, just go in and get your things even if you must enter through some other way as long as you are well within the legal time limit to get your things while moving out. Another thing to consider is that you may very well be in for a little fight that may land in court, and that means you may also need to hire a lawyer. If possible, can you provide the court with pictures of the items you're trying to retrieve? This may very well strengthen your case and get the judge to rule in your favor. Depending on the value of your things, you may also consider small claims court. The faster you act in this case the better. If a defendant doesn't comply with a court order they are in contempt and consequences can be severe. Hopefully this can be handled with just the Police Department having a warrant if necessary. What you want to do is to contact the organization in your region do you explore tenants rights and explain to them what's going on. They can guide you through what you need to do to regain your property. Another place you can contact is your local Bar Association.

Another thing to consider is that if you happen to be paying for this visiting aid, what you need to do is to immediately stop payment and alert the agency where that aid is coming from. You'll definitely want to speak with the supervisor of that particular agency who provides the care for this person. This would definitely be a smart move even if you're not paying for the aid. Perhaps alerting the aid's supervisor will get the ball rolling. Supervisors have authority over their workers so maybe you can start there. Just tell them your things are still in that person's house and that you need to retrieve them. That aid goes into that house, So you know that aid sees those specific items when they enter that house and start working with that patient that they are assigned to. If you can provide The supervisor with pictures of your specific things you're trying to recover, that would definitely spark attention, especially if you politely mention involving a police officer and a lawyer.

Googled 'paralyzed man + fiance' and all I came up with was Oscar Pistorius who murdered his fiance, went to jail, and is already released.

Lostwilltocare has most likely returned to her fiance by now, a common mistake after waiting 11 years to be 'married'. Fiance is a common title used to hide the shame of shacking up. If someone is shacking up, they are not a victim, but there by choice. Therefore, there should not be shame?

Hoping lostwill still cares enough about herself, and is willing to start a new life with someone who can actually walk her down the aisle.

That was just plain snarky and mean, wasn't it? This is one occasion where nice is just not nice, and shock therapy is needed. Would be happy for her just to escape with her life, leaving the belongings behind. Start over. How old are you, and where is your mother?

11 years as fiancé, there never will be a marriage. I jus thope she stays gone from there.

Come back, Lostwill! If you cannot stand tall here, even with some criticism, how are you going to stand up to the caregiver, the boyfriend? Were you unaware that some people may judge you for your life choices? Even then, common sense judgment with understanding, and others on here who can advise you without having a preconceived idea of your marital status.
Come back, get support, ideas, because, you matter!

How did this thread devolve into commentary about why the pair are not married? That's their business! If you can't answer the question asked, then don't reply AT ALL!!!!

I have heard it said on here not to do anything unless served legal papers.
If your fiancee is just paralyzed but not incompetent, he can talk to you himself, in private.
This situation is ripe for scam artists to come in and take over. If that has happened, all your efforts will be discredited by them. That is why having an attorney help you may be best. Are you even sure you and he broke up?
If this happened to my loved one, even if we were no longer together, I would feel some obligation to be sure those were free, uncoerced choices he made because he is a vulnerable adult. Does he have family? Can you try going to the district attorney to make sure he is okay?