I'm sure most of you will probably say yes to that question, but I need to hear some feedback.
I care for my adult son who is developmentally disabled and needs round the clock care and supervision. I can handle that. I would do anything for my son. Ten months ago my mom had to move in after she fell and pinched a nerve in her back. She has Parkinson's disease. She is almost 82 years old and is now bedridden since the fall. That's why she is here now. And her pets moved in too. Now I care for my mother and son and our combined pets...six cats and two dogs. I feel insane most days.
My mom is not endearing. She was not a good mom to us...very self centered and narcissistic...and I have found that my sense of humor and caring nature has turned into anger and resentment. I try so hard every day to adjust my attitude towards her. I don't yell, I just feel grumpy all of the time. I never get to finish being asleep because she wakes me up to go to the bathroom. She has a bedside commode I have to transfer her onto...seven to ten times a day. She is 165 pounds, so my body gets tired too. Anyway, blah blah blah. It's a lot of work.
She recently got approved for Medicaid and we will be getting 168 hours a month of in home care. Right now I am doing it alone. So the help will be welcome.
When I get tired and over stressed my anxiety starts to surface. I have panic attacks, etc.. So that hasn't helped. And I am bit depressed as well. Yes, I talk to a therapist. That helps. As I write this I feel like I must sound like a mess! I feel like a mess!
I just feel so tired all of the time. I know it's probably normal to feel that way given the situation, but I don't like it. I guess I am just looking to hear that others have felt this way too.
Thanks for your help.
The combination of getting in-home help and possibly treating medical sleep issues (if any) may make a huge difference. Hang in there! But be open to changing the situation if those factors are not enough.
Kidnumber2, I will never get rid of the pets! My mother and son would be devastated. As would I. Yes, they are a lot of work, but i will not just re-home pets we have had for ten and fifteen years because life got more complicated! Their welfare is important to all of the humans in this house. I didn't take the pets in because it was a convenient time in my life to do so. When I took in these pets over the years I accepted responsibility for them and give them a good quality of life. That's how we are in my family. Pets aren't just animals. They are part of the family. So, no, getting rid of pets is not an option.
And I am not kidding myself. I know my fatigue is from being too busy. But I just have to work on how to make it more doable. Implement solutions that will take some of the responsibility of me. Getting a caregiver in five hours a day will be a good start.
Life is hard for a lot of people. We do the best we can with what we've got
It's great you have in-home care coming in to help. Maybe, that will make a difference. Still, based on your situation, I think I would consider if the demands on you are reasonable. Maybe, your body is telling you it's too much.
Someone said they are weary. I feel that way a lot. When I have to take her to doctor or dental appointments and have to do the dead lift from the wheelchair to the car, and/or the wheelchair to the dental chair my body gets very tired. And if she wakes me up after three hours of sleep everything else gets tired and it snowballs. Toss in a few panic attacks, my son having a meltdown, and a sick pet that needs to go to the vet, and i am dangling off the ledge by my fingertips!
Do you have any trouble with motor functioning? I find that my motor learning disability makes me extra tired trying to concentrate and coordinate movements so motor tasks take longer. The brain uses more sugar than the rest of the organs in the body. Do you find you crave simple carbohydrates - bars, chips, bread, pies, candy? If you are alert for the sounds of your mother or son, it's hard to relax enough to go into a restful sleep. I always have one ear out to mom and have to close the window frequently because there is someone revving their engine, racing through the streets and that city hum that doesn't stop. Then I can't sleep because it's airless and too hot. Anger saps you of a lot of energy, too, as well as guilt. So yes, caring for your son and mother is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Welcome to the club!
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