Can a family member force another member to take care of a parent?

Well despite your dysfunctional family, XNOYBJ you sound like you turned out to be an awesome person, full of wisdom and compassion! Like Countrymouse said, well done. Good luck with getting your dad back into the nursing home. Continue with your own life and don't look back. We can't help what family we're born into, but we can help what we do about our relationships with them once we're adults.

It looks like your brother has pretty effectively forced you to deal with the issue, but that doesn't mean you have to personally provide hands-on care for your father in your home. I'll echo margarets: get an outside agency involved. Make it clear that you cannot keep your father in your home. See what the financial situation is.

Maybe your brother honestly thought he could care for Dad and would be better than the nursing home. When he found out that wasn't the case, his behavior was not honorable.

Poor Dad. Do your best to assure him that you love him and want the best for him and you are sorry that it can't be at your house. I hope you can find suitable placement for him quickly.

Brother is really a jerk, isn't he?

A quick followup in case anyone was interested. The nursing home continued to state that they were waiting for the doctor's orders. I asked for the doctor's information and I called the doctor's office to try and expedite the process. They said they would try. Throughout the day I heard nothing from either camp. I tried giving the nursing home a final call as the normal business hours came to a close and left a message on the voicemail. I then tried to call Adult Protective Services but got lost somewhere in their maze of automated menus. Seeing how I figured it navigating the menus would be a waste of time since normal business hours were basically over, I opted to call the police and found that they too have an automated menu system just as confusing. As I was nearing what I believed was the end of the menu maze, I received another call, so I hung up on the police and answered the call. The nursing home said they received the doctor information and will admit my father on Tuesday. I took this time to find out what the doctor information said so that I could make sure my father was receiving proper treatment while in my care.

I'll keep the ER plan in the back of my mind just in case something like this happens again.

As for now, my father is in the nursing home getting the proper health care treatments that he needs.

As for my relationship with my brother, while I had never fully trusted him, I had always provided him opportunities. He claims I am selfish, though over the years I have given him thousands of dollars to help with his bills, rent, to buy a car, I have bailed him out of jail, and I gave him help whenever it was within my ability to do so. I have taken him to multiple sporting events on my own dime. Paid his way into every poker tournament we've ever played in together. He has stolen my identity (though he claims it was his ex wife that stole it) and I paid the bills he ran up in my name instead of turning him into the police. All this and I never asked for any of the money back nor have I ever asked him for help with anything as I don't seem to find myself in any of the troubles he always finds himself in. Actually I did ask for the bail money back, but I never seen a dime of it.

However, this trickery from him has put me a week behind in my schoolwork and may have been the final straw for me. So as for now I will take advantage of his disowning me and move on. If it leads to us not talking in 9 years or so, then I'll evaluate and deal with that at that time and see how I feel. As for now, I feel relieved.

It's cool Palmtrees1, someone calling me a woman is the least of my worries and an honest mistake. Thanks for the advice, from everyone. Being on this site has helped give me the direction and support I needed and allowed me to vent a lot of built up frustration. I slept like a baby last night for the first time in a week.

Whoa, you don't know what your father's health needs are? Can you contact his old nursing home to find out? Do you know who his doctor is and do they have a weekend service of some kind, someone who can check his file? Depending on what meds your father should take, this is potentially an emergency.

You misunderstand PStern, the nursing home was willing to keep him and his bills would be taken care of. I didn't dump the problem in my brother's hands, he volunteered to care for our father against my advice of leaving him in the nursing home. I'm not looking to earn any respect from a father whom I'm not even close to and even despite that, I would still take care of him if I was capable of doing so, which I am not capable of doing at this time. His long term health care needs would be better provided for by someone who wasn't tricked into caring for him.

Wow, your brother played a very nasty trick on you.

Re: your father's care, contact your local Adult Protective Services agency. Could he possibly go back to the nursing home he was in before? What does your father want?

Also, you need to find out what the legal situation is. Does your brother have PoA? If your father is competent, he can have it revoked and appoint someone else. If not, your brother's stunt pretty much guarantees the state will revoke it, but you will have to find out the process for this.

Find out about your father's finances too. Make sure your brother isn't dipping into your father's money.

My father and I have never been close. I've seen him once a year until about two years ago. My parents got divorced when we were very young, he was a deadbeat father who abused alcohol and drugs his entire life. He was not the type of person I would want to hang out with or even know. I showed courtesy and offered respect when I was around him only because he was my father, but I did not want to know him. My brother got close to our father while I was in the military. They bonded because they had similar habits. I stayed out of it because I did not. My father's health condition is a result of his life in the fast lane. He's not even 60 yet and cannot walk without assistance, part of his tongue has been removed so I don't know what he's saying, and as I said his mental condition is of confusion and forgetfulness.

I contacted his old nursing home on Friday and they said they are waiting for the doctor to provide them my father's health care needs before they can admit him. This was before the argument between my brother and I. I don't know who his doctor is and when I picked up our father I asked my brother about his medicine since I would have him for a couple days, and my brother said there was nothing to worry about since I'll only have him for a few days.

At the start, I offered my brother the advice of leaving our father in the nursing home where we know he'll be taken care of. He refused to do so because he said he didn't want to be left in a nursing home when he got older. I may be a jerk for not helping from the start, but my brother knew that before he turned down my advice.