Falling apart...I can no longer care for my mother.

Question

Falling apart...I can no longer care for my mother.

Follow

Share

40 Answers

There should have been someone who told you she could have gone from the hospital to a rehab........which is a nursing home that takes short term patients! Medicare will cover this for up to 6 weeks if the Dr agrees if not then 3 weeks! YOU need to care for you before you crack up......believe me been there!!! I am a Nurse and have been taking care of my Mom for 5 years every day its something else, she lives with my husband and myself has OCD, depression, Anxiety disorder, COPD, and IBS.......so lol depending on what's acting up that is how our day goes. She had a mini stroke in Nov and was at a rehab after the hospital for 6 weeks gave me a chance to rest and get myself back on track....Good Luck

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

24 hour care for your loved one is MUCH easier when there are several shifts of people that are watching your loved one, versus one person (you) trying to do it all. If you can't get other family members on board to help, it is damn near impossible to do for an extended amount of time. Would you work at ANY other job for 24 hours a day/7 days a week? Absolutely not...you know you would have a breakdown! Why do we think it is any different being a caregiver?? The only reason we feel guilty about saying "ENOUGH!" is because it is our parent - a paid caregiver doesn't have that guilt - they get to go home after 8-12 hours. I think what you need to do is step back and look at your situation from a different perspective. Like me, you will probably see that you can't keep doing what you're doing and not suffer major consequences in your health - both mental and physical - eventually. DO NOT feel guilty for taking care of yourself!

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

P.S. - where is JeanneGibbs? Haven't seen her post in awhile. She always has such great advice!

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

You can only do your best and your best is always good enough.
There is no law that says you have to care for a close family member and you notice I don't say "loved one" for a loved one you will make any sacrifice and do it with joy in your heart. The question to ask is this love or obligation?

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

what about Day Care for your mom? That was also a stepping stone in our journey. They can also be expensive ... we started off with only 1 day per week. My aunt wasn't happy about it but I told her that it was to keep her from going into a nursing home so she immediately changed her opinion! Then she was able to get a benefit from the VA as a surviving spouse that paid for 2 more days per week. If you're not already doing something like this, you might want to look into it.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Krazy, you are NO help to your mother if you're so stressed out that you aren't taking care of yourself. It sounds like a nursing home is the best place for her right now. Don't feel guilty, you've done what you can do, now let the professionals take over. Talk to her doc and get her the care she needs.

You know, I am reminded of a sermon I heard once where the pastor was talking about the commandment to "honor thy father and mother." She told us to remember that HONORING our parents does NOT mean sacrificing ourselves for our parents. It means that we have a responsibility to make sure they are OK. To make sure they are getting the care they need. It does NOT mean that WE have to be the ones providing that care, especially at the cost of our own health and well-being.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Hope you are better by now and have found an alternative plan of care for your mom to allow yourself time to rest and get better. Caregiving is very hard, physically and emotionally, and we can't care for others, if we are not well ourselves. I sometimes overdo and think, I can keep going, shorting myself of rest, nourishment both physical and emotional, and am soon reminded that I can't. God Bless-take care of yourself.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

@DGinGA - I love that last paragraph about honoring your father and mother... this is so true! I think if more people realized that, there would be less guilt piled on top of everything else that surrounds caregiving and the decisions that are required at one time or another.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Ditto what purple sushi said to DGinGA. The church spent centuries trying to control "the people" through guilt and adulterated interpretations of God's Word.
How can sacrificing one's entire life to the point of ruin be honoring another?
Well said, and I hope a lot of caregivers get the message:) xo

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

take care of yourself, the best thing for your mom is a nursing home she will have care 24 hrs a day so dont feel guilty

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

1 2

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Falling apart...I can no longer care for my mother.

40 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions