Anyone experience a parent with a false memory?

sorry that this posted twice

My father suffers from dementia and his delusion is hard to ignore or accept. He believes that my mother and one of my brothers have had an ongoing affair. My parents have been married for 60 years. M brother is 58 years old and happily married to a beautiful woman. He moved my parents into his beautiful home when they could no longer live in their 2-story townhouse. This is tearing the family apart. My father is so mean to my brother and it is very hurtful for my brother to think that his father hates him. I have since moved my parents to an apartment a few blocks from my home and my brother wants to visit. I need to sit down and talk to my dad about this and try to convince him that it is not true before my brother arrives. My mother has tried to discuss this with father several times, as has my brother and my older brother, but my father is absolutely convinced that the affair happened and will probably assume that my brother is coming to visit so that the affair can continue. My dad and mom are 84 and 82, respectively, and we would like them to be able to enjoy their final years with their family. Any advice?

Well the doc said it looked like the beginning of another UTI. He went through the antibiotic regimen but still has the memory.
And as far as the financial problems, we had to move in with a friend of mine from my past. Unfortunately it's up here in Virginia outside of Quantico and that has apparently fueled additional false memories to the original.
Now he thinks he's talked to the FBI and they were supposed to come and test my mother's ashes in the urn because he thinks it's dirt.
This morning he told me that while I was gone for a day and a half (had to go back to Florida to get my car) that the an FBI agent came by and did something on his computer that let him see mom talking to some guy outside her brothers house in Alabama.
I think these are actually dreams that are somehow being stored in his memory so that he thinks they happened because he also said that I was using him as a punching bag yesterday. I asked what he meant and he said there's no point in going into it if he has to say it. So I think he means that I was taking something out on him or something like that. I explained that I just got back this morning at 2:30 am and asked if he remembered me telling him that I was leaving on Monday for Florida. I guess he did because he said well maybe it was a dream.

The hardest part of these is when he wants me to do something to validate these false memories so he can show me they're true. But even if I do and it shows he's wrong either I'm contacting the wrong person or they're conspiring with me to make him out to be a liar or something to that effect.
Ignoring them or redirecting isn't too bad it's when he wants me to validate somehow that is infuriating because when he does that he doesn't let it go.
The only saving grace is he's not constantly harping on them.

My father is a 90 year old ALZ/Dementia patient. The last 4 or 5 years, he has transferred most of the rotten things he did as a parent/husband onto my mom. He will tell stories of how she cheated, drank, stayed gone, partied with strangers, went on vacations by herself or with other men, blew all their money, ignored us, stayed out all night, how she flirted with other men right in front of him, etc. He makes himself out to be a saint in all of his stories. Basically he has made her out to be a slut that he hated his entire life and he was the long-suffering husband who worked hard and then spent the rest of his time raising his 3 children with no help from her. As I wrote, he transferred ALL of his wrong-doings onto her. Nothing will convince him otherwise. To be honest, there were times when I wished that my mother HAD gone out and raised some heck and had a life, lol. But she was a very old-fashioned stay at home, PTA meetings, substitute teacher, cooking every day, immaculate home, made her own bread and jellies and jams, put up food from the garden, homework-helping mother, never drank, never smoked, hardly ever said a whispered almost bad word under her breath other than if she was losing at the local Bingo game held at our school (smiles here). She deserved to do some fun things, yet she waited on him hand and foot and kept her mouth shut the countless times she had to go pick him up from strange homes after a wild weekend after he had partied and lost the car yet again. Since I lived at home until I was married, and kept in close contact with my mom until she died, every other day at least on the phone, I KNOW she did none of these things. But in his mind, every transgression is now transferred to her. And my dad has no problems at all sharing this with every person he meets. As far as false memories daily go, yes, I believe that most of us have an ALZ or Dementia family member who suffers from false memories...where they are, what they did that day, what belongs to whom, stories of when they fought in a war, lived here or there, mixing up old movies they have seen with part of their past life, etc. We just roll with those, smile, agree, change the subject if we can. But I refuse to allow him to slander the memory of his wife who has been dead for over 21 years and is not here to defend herself.

oliverrag, that is a beautiful story! Undoubtedly, healing for you and your siblings. Thank you for sharing this and the gentleness of how going along with the "false memory" is essential for the emotional health of the individual experiencing it since forcing them to re-experience a painful situation can actually re-traumatize them. This coupled with redirection to an actual memory may calm their anxieties.

My late Father in law was convinced the last several years of his life that my mother in law was running around having numerous affairs. He had got to where he couldn't perform sexually and just went nuts about it including remembering things that just didn't happen. It got bad enough that my mother in law left the home for a couple of weeks and stayed at her sisters. He was giving everyone in the family hell about anything he could think of. But for outsiders, he was good as gold.

MIL came back and we managed to get him into a mental health facility where after a few weeks stay and some new meds, he was a changed man for the last year of his life. He was actually pleasant to be around and we enjoyed a lot of long talks that just didn't happen before.

Unfortunately confused memories are part of the aging process, memories from our long term memory seems to get confused with more recent events and the individual is convinced that they are correct, in many instances it's best to agree, or say nothing, I know that it is very frustrating but for your own sanity try not to get too angry usually in a few hours they have forgotten while you are still fuming. Hope this helps.

Nope. My reindeer. MINE!

I hope the handle is just what you were looking for. They make operating the handle so much easier.

Aw Jessie let Mom have the rocking rheindeer you know she "can't take it with her"
Hugs.
PS Thanks for the recliner handles I have ordered one from Amazon.

LunaEros, I am frightened by your statement "I wish I was dead....I wish I had a gun." Please please call your local suicide prevention hotline! Do it now! You need someone to talk to, a voice not a website, and tbey might also be able to point in dirdction of some helps for your various issues with housing, food, and your ddad's needs. If you succeed in killing yourself what good does that do for your dad, or worse yet if you only maim yourself then you'll have an even worse quality of life. And unless you're a long-time respo sible gun owner you might mistakenly kill somebody else with that gun you wish for. Pleaee please call suicice prevention hotline right now!

JanJon, this reminds me so much of my mother at Christmas. I have bought most of the decorations since I've been here. She has claimed each thing as hers -- something that she has used for years. I don't say anything usually. But then she crossed the line when I was setting up the rocking reindeer. She talked of the way she displayed it years ago. I told her it was MINE. She can claim the tree and garlands and lights, but she was not going to get my rocking reindeer. Yep, the child in me finally came out.

Luna...false memeories are common..My mom is convinced that the apt we live in was her's many years ago...The reality is the developmen tis only 2 years old and we move in 2013. She insist that all the pictures on wall , that I put up...all the furnitue and decor was her's and she left them and now we are lucky to have gotten the same apt and that all the things are still in it??? it is bazaar to say the least! I have decided it is an illusion and I can not play into it by trying to make her see it is all in her head...I let her say it and think it...so what!!! It is not important...I just say yes and change the subject in minutes it is forgotten. Like the new song in movie Frozen out for kids...my advise is. "LET IT GO..LET IT GO". It is part of the dementia and playing into it is useless ...PICK YOUR BATTLES! Be the best caregiver you can be and in the end you will have no regrets! Good luck! My mom is like a child and as such I pretend she is..and treat her like one...she loves attention and it works every time!

My mom (early stage dementia diagnosis) doles out false accusations. Mostly they are at my boyfriend, who takes it very personally. It is very frustrating and challenging at my house. She has had on-going false memories too. Or she will get me mixed up with my daughter. I need to know other people are going through this too.

I think right now your Dad's false memories are the least of your worries. It is very difficult to get approved for disability these days, it mostly seems to take at least a couple of years even if you have private disability insurance which I assume you don't have. the idea of both the insurance companies and the govt is that you will get so desperate financially that you will find some kind of work and no longer qualify. Try and find a lawyer who specializes in obtaining disability insurance. the first visit will probably be free and he wont take your case unless he is pretty sure that he will win your case. of course when you get your money you will have to pay a good chunk of change to him but it is better than being penniless. Have you been to social services to see if they can help with low income housing? if the landlord wants to evict you and dad i don't see an alternative but for you to go to Virginia and live with your friend. It is not that cold there and anything is better than being on the streets or a homeless shelter. I wish you well but won't be funding you.

Oh...Mom is 86 and Dad is 91.

I have a unique situation regarding this. Mom and Dad divorced over 50 years ago. Didn't speak to each other all those years. They now are in nursing homes in 2 different cities. Some months back we took Dad to visit Mom....something they both wanted. They acted like teenagers....holding hands and even kissed a couple of times. Since then they talk on the phone everyday. Mom doesn't remember being married to Dad and was shocked to hear my sister say he was our dad. Couldn't figure out how that happened. On a positive note, they don't remember the bitterness between them! And I sure am not reminding them. :-)

My husband has Alz. and has something like "false memories" . It's hard to include him in any kind of conversation because he interrupts a lot to add his own experiences to whatever is being discussed. He will include as his own experience things people have told him, situations he's watched over & over in old WW2 movies or westerns, stuff he's read in the paper or seen on TV. There's no way to correct him during the conversation, so we all just go along with it. But then later I explain to the guests or our kids that he hadn't actually had those experiences. They all understand and just chuckle. We all know he's not a liar, just that his memory is all screwed up. Although he was in the service, we all know he was never in any actual battles. And he never rode in a round-up or helped brand cattle (he was a city boy). He never played pro-ball or had a serious health crisis, etc. But we never argue with him or laugh at him. He's a very pleasant and happy man, why spoil that?

Forgot to mention mom has vascular dementia from stroke 6 1/2 years ago.

Mpisz428 my mom does the same thing. Been in her home for 45 years and doesn't recognize it. I'll tell her she's at her home, tell her the address and point out landmarks and she still says, no my other house (never had another house). I think she's referring to farm she grew up on, which was the best time of her life. Also asks for her folks, wants to know when they're coming to pick her up, whether she has to go to school, sometimes thinks she's pregnant or just had a baby, doesn't recognize me half the time. It's really sad.

When an elderly person has an illness, it can create memory issues and confusion. It should clear up after the illness is treated, however there could be some lingering effects. If your dad has dementia, then you could expect some mental changes to be permanent. Speak with his physician who would be better able to answer this question as he/she knows your dad's medical history.

My mom has Alzheimers and has many false memories. I just let them go.

Your Father is most likely eligible for Veteran benefits..contact Medicare Home health. . their MSW will connect you to many resources!

Great Uncle wandered away from his home one night in a bad thunderstorm. His wife flipped out when she realized he was gone, phoned the police. They found him a few hours later by accident, he was out in his pajamas on the edge of a wooded area! His explanation: His Father's favorite hunting dog was lost. His Dad was going to be really upset if he couldn't find his favorite dog. He told the police to go away, as he needed to keep searching. His Father had been dead at least 20 years, and the dog, even longer. He had early dementia, and yep, a UTI.

forget to mention, during her episode Mom had several different false memories going. Parents and her husband were still living and the best one was that I picked up her home and physically moved it.

My mom is in what has yet to be diagnosed as the early stages of dementia. I learned only 2 weeks ago that any type of infection in her body could cause these types of episodes. She was hospitalized in October with, what I refer to as a severe regression episode, where she did not know who I was and told the doctor she was 30 years younger and had to leave to go to work. No one at the hospital said anything to me about an infection, nor was she treated for one while she was there. It took a full week for her to "snap out of it". By then we were so freaked out by the episode and her behavior, we immediately saw her neurologist and psychiatrist. Neither would give us a diagnosis of dementia but instead recommended neuro-psycholigical testing. We are supposed to get those results tomorrow. I don't know what to believe anymore. In your case, I hope it is just a UTI or other infection which is easily treated.

Oh, I'm not holding my breath. I've shared it through the sharing system on it and on the Fight for Pain Car Action Network I'm a member of.
I finally got another small one today from there but I don't know where else I could post it that wouldn't I wouldn't get flamed for doing so.

That's good, maybe your landlord will be okay with that then. So, if you add up all your income on one sheet of paper, and all of your expenses on another, you'd be in the black or the red? Try Meals on Wheels to see if you qualify. They'll bring one meal a day. I wouldn't hold my breath hoping to hit the big money on Gofundme. Unless you advertise it, it would be very difficult to even find your profile. There must be thousands of people asking for help.

With your physical ailment, I'm not sure that you would be the best choice for a long term caregiver. It might be working okay for now, but the day will likely come where he's got to be lifted and maneuvered. Might as well be thinking ahead to that day. I wish you good luck. Sorry about your problems, and Virginia is a beautiful state and it won't be winter forever, LOL.

I already cut down majorly. I use an e-cig mostly and it's chopped my cost by almost 3/4. I tried to get dad to use an e-cig but he'll only use it if he's in a public place where he can't light a regular one.
We checked on VA benefits before and got everything he qualified for.
And I already am trying to find a way to get income. I'm even trying to get into home based customer support for a paycheck though I'm not sure how well I'd do at it.

Well, that's a lot more information. I see on your profile that your father served in the Korean War. Have you checked into VA for benefits other than a nursing home? You need to seriously set up a budget. I don't know how much cigarettes cost, but since they don't improve your health or your lifestyle, perhaps that could be cut or at least reduced. Chances are, they are going to cost you your home. Worth it?

A lot of government programs are suffering from budget cuts. People who are used to receiving benefits or were hoping to qualify, will have to find other means. Wish it were otherwise, but....fewer people paying taxes to support the programs...Just the way it is.

Maybe when your father's infection clears up, his rantings will go away.

Oh. I forgot. I do get SNAP benefits but I read that the states are going to be cutting a lot of people that qualify now this year. And with current situation we'll be lucky if there's $80 for incidentals like gas, paper products, etc. Now I might have to add food to it?
BANG!