Anyone experience a parent with a false memory?

Goodness, I hope so. We are also dealing with this issue with MIL. Suddenly she is wondering where Dad is (her husband) and when will he be back. He died 9 years ago.

It's irritating as h*ll. Because he argues with me that I think he's crazy and last night he wanted me to look into what they actually put down as her cause of death because he doesn't believe it.
Originally Sunday when he formed it he didn't say anything about the cause of death and was talking about how she's living with another guys across the street from her brother in Alabama.
I try to ignore it or redirect him but he mostly gets mad because I "think he's crazy".

I'm not sure if you dad has dementia. You don't list that as an ailment. Perhaps, his memory issue is age related or perhaps it's another UTI. The lab tests should reveal that. Or it could be some dementia. I know that my cousin, who has dementia, does forget some things that she has previously claimed. At Halloween, she told me another resident at the Memory Care facility worked at a Mall she used to shop at. This was obviously not true, but I went along with it. A week later she didn't think the resident worked at the Mall anymore. She also told me her father gave her her wheelchair, but at my last visit, she didn't think he did. (He's been deceased for over 20 years.)

So, I don't think there is any way to determine.if the false memories will continue, but most of the time it doesn't really matter. Although, it may be disconcerting to the caregiver, it may not bother the patient at all. In fact, believing their mother is alive may bring them comfort. I hope your dad feels better.

LunaEros, wow! This is a really tough situation for you. I hope it turns out to the an infection that can be cleared up. That would be easiest, wouldn't it?

What you are calling a false memory is a delusion -- something strongly believed to be true although it is demonstrably not true. Sometimes delusions are accompanied by hallucinations (seeing something that is not there.)

Delusions and hallucinations can both accompany utis in the elderly. They are also common in some forms of dementia, and in other mental illnesses. It is wise to consult a doctor, as you are doing.

In general (and this doesn't apply in every situation) it is best not to argue with a person having delusions. Go along if possible, and be comforting and reassuring.

You might try something along the lines of ... "I miss Mother, too. I am so sorry she can't be with us now. I know she isn't living with another guy. She loves us both very much. Remember the time she ...." and redirect to talking about some real memory.

And I KNOW it can be irritating as h*ll, especially if he wants to argue with you about it. Try not to get sucked into arguments.

My mother has many false memories. Most of the time the memories have a small fragment of truth that she changes or embellishes. Usually it is harmless. She does remember her version of he stories fairly well until she changes them again. The original true story is normally lost. It is sure to start an argument if I try to tell her the true story. Most of the time it doesn't matter, so I just let it go. Occasionally it is important, however, since it might involve spending large amounts of money or hurting someone's feelings. I do address these instances, since they are important.

My mother has dementia. With her the false memories last better than the truth. I've wondered why this happens, since her short-term memory is not so good. It would be interesting to learn why confabulated stories are remembered and real events are forgotten.

He has been diagnosed with slight (early stage?) dementia by his doc.
I'm hoping that it isn't the dementia progressing.
I try not to argue with him. But this is what happens.
He wanted me to contact the funeral home that had her cremated, which he believes her urn is filled with dirt by the way.
He wants me to contact them to prove to me that he's right.
I told him they don't give out that information to the public but he says they will when they know our last name is the same.
I went to the funeral home site last night and they didn't have obituaries listed before 2008. I told him this earlier today when he came in my room and wouldn't leave until he could turn the conversation towards that and when I told him he got mad saying "who are you trying to protect me, her or your sis-in-law. He had also said that my SIL talked to her frequently and when he talked to her he said she's lying too.
I hope it's a UTI. aybe he'll come to forget bringing it up.
If it's his dementia getting worse, I don't know what to do unless maybe his recall gets worse too and forget it that way.

LunaEros, my husband's dementia symptoms got worse when he had any kind of physical ailment -- constipation, a sore throat, anything, and then went back to baseline when he got well. My mother had dementia when she got a uti. OMG -- her symptoms went off the chart. She still has dementia, of course, and it has gotten worse with time, but it is no where near as bad as when she had the uti.

So I hope your dad has an infection and it can easily be treated. Since he also has dementia, I suggest doing some research and reading on dealing with delusions. This one might go away, but there will probably be others.

This is a bad time for it too.
I am disabled with spinal problems and can't work. I've been fighting SS to get my disability but haven't won yet. So his income pays the bills but in December his benefits from the lawsuit he won were exhausted. Apparently if you win a workman's comp lawsuit after your 70 you only get it for 5 years instead of the rest of your life like it was before 2003. The insurance companies are the ones who got government to change it.
Needless to say this chopped his income in half. To top it off, 2 weeks later we got a letter from the rental management company that our landlord hired 6 months ago saying the rents going up in Feb. We've been here 6 years.
I can barely move without excruciating pain when I don't have my medicine but can't afford to go to that now.
I've got a GoFundMe page set up but have only gotten help from 1 person so far.
So I am already under tremendous stress.
A woman from my past that I still talk to occasionally offered for us to come live with her but she's in Virginia. He's not sure if he could handle the cold and I'm not sure I could even find the money to move up there if I did.
I'm trying to find a way to earn a living online but I don't have any formal education behind me and the few things I could probably do would take time to become reliable.
On top of all this uncertainty I wonder if he ends up to where he needs to be in a VA nursing home will his income keep coming in? If it doesn't and I haven't gotten a reliable income coming yet I'll end up on the streets.
That is if it doesn't happen in the next month anyway.
The rental company says that if we decide to stay with the rent going up that they want to do an inspection. We smoke and technically we're breaking the the lease but our landlord just dealt with it because she didn't want to find a new tenant.
I don't know how the rental company will react.
I am so stressed with all of this that sometime I just wish I was dead.
Then I wouldn't have to deal with my constant chronic pain, my dad's seemingly deteriorating mental state (even though I love him) or my brother's total preoccupation with himself and his family and unwillingness to help.

I wish I had a gun. :(

Oh. I forgot. I do get SNAP benefits but I read that the states are going to be cutting a lot of people that qualify now this year. And with current situation we'll be lucky if there's $80 for incidentals like gas, paper products, etc. Now I might have to add food to it?
BANG!

Well, that's a lot more information. I see on your profile that your father served in the Korean War. Have you checked into VA for benefits other than a nursing home? You need to seriously set up a budget. I don't know how much cigarettes cost, but since they don't improve your health or your lifestyle, perhaps that could be cut or at least reduced. Chances are, they are going to cost you your home. Worth it?

A lot of government programs are suffering from budget cuts. People who are used to receiving benefits or were hoping to qualify, will have to find other means. Wish it were otherwise, but....fewer people paying taxes to support the programs...Just the way it is.

Maybe when your father's infection clears up, his rantings will go away.

I already cut down majorly. I use an e-cig mostly and it's chopped my cost by almost 3/4. I tried to get dad to use an e-cig but he'll only use it if he's in a public place where he can't light a regular one.
We checked on VA benefits before and got everything he qualified for.
And I already am trying to find a way to get income. I'm even trying to get into home based customer support for a paycheck though I'm not sure how well I'd do at it.

That's good, maybe your landlord will be okay with that then. So, if you add up all your income on one sheet of paper, and all of your expenses on another, you'd be in the black or the red? Try Meals on Wheels to see if you qualify. They'll bring one meal a day. I wouldn't hold my breath hoping to hit the big money on Gofundme. Unless you advertise it, it would be very difficult to even find your profile. There must be thousands of people asking for help.

With your physical ailment, I'm not sure that you would be the best choice for a long term caregiver. It might be working okay for now, but the day will likely come where he's got to be lifted and maneuvered. Might as well be thinking ahead to that day. I wish you good luck. Sorry about your problems, and Virginia is a beautiful state and it won't be winter forever, LOL.

Oh, I'm not holding my breath. I've shared it through the sharing system on it and on the Fight for Pain Car Action Network I'm a member of.
I finally got another small one today from there but I don't know where else I could post it that wouldn't I wouldn't get flamed for doing so.

My mom is in what has yet to be diagnosed as the early stages of dementia. I learned only 2 weeks ago that any type of infection in her body could cause these types of episodes. She was hospitalized in October with, what I refer to as a severe regression episode, where she did not know who I was and told the doctor she was 30 years younger and had to leave to go to work. No one at the hospital said anything to me about an infection, nor was she treated for one while she was there. It took a full week for her to "snap out of it". By then we were so freaked out by the episode and her behavior, we immediately saw her neurologist and psychiatrist. Neither would give us a diagnosis of dementia but instead recommended neuro-psycholigical testing. We are supposed to get those results tomorrow. I don't know what to believe anymore. In your case, I hope it is just a UTI or other infection which is easily treated.

forget to mention, during her episode Mom had several different false memories going. Parents and her husband were still living and the best one was that I picked up her home and physically moved it.

Great Uncle wandered away from his home one night in a bad thunderstorm. His wife flipped out when she realized he was gone, phoned the police. They found him a few hours later by accident, he was out in his pajamas on the edge of a wooded area! His explanation: His Father's favorite hunting dog was lost. His Dad was going to be really upset if he couldn't find his favorite dog. He told the police to go away, as he needed to keep searching. His Father had been dead at least 20 years, and the dog, even longer. He had early dementia, and yep, a UTI.

Your Father is most likely eligible for Veteran benefits..contact Medicare Home health. . their MSW will connect you to many resources!

My mom has Alzheimers and has many false memories. I just let them go.

When an elderly person has an illness, it can create memory issues and confusion. It should clear up after the illness is treated, however there could be some lingering effects. If your dad has dementia, then you could expect some mental changes to be permanent. Speak with his physician who would be better able to answer this question as he/she knows your dad's medical history.

Mpisz428 my mom does the same thing. Been in her home for 45 years and doesn't recognize it. I'll tell her she's at her home, tell her the address and point out landmarks and she still says, no my other house (never had another house). I think she's referring to farm she grew up on, which was the best time of her life. Also asks for her folks, wants to know when they're coming to pick her up, whether she has to go to school, sometimes thinks she's pregnant or just had a baby, doesn't recognize me half the time. It's really sad.

Forgot to mention mom has vascular dementia from stroke 6 1/2 years ago.

My husband has Alz. and has something like "false memories" . It's hard to include him in any kind of conversation because he interrupts a lot to add his own experiences to whatever is being discussed. He will include as his own experience things people have told him, situations he's watched over & over in old WW2 movies or westerns, stuff he's read in the paper or seen on TV. There's no way to correct him during the conversation, so we all just go along with it. But then later I explain to the guests or our kids that he hadn't actually had those experiences. They all understand and just chuckle. We all know he's not a liar, just that his memory is all screwed up. Although he was in the service, we all know he was never in any actual battles. And he never rode in a round-up or helped brand cattle (he was a city boy). He never played pro-ball or had a serious health crisis, etc. But we never argue with him or laugh at him. He's a very pleasant and happy man, why spoil that?

I have a unique situation regarding this. Mom and Dad divorced over 50 years ago. Didn't speak to each other all those years. They now are in nursing homes in 2 different cities. Some months back we took Dad to visit Mom....something they both wanted. They acted like teenagers....holding hands and even kissed a couple of times. Since then they talk on the phone everyday. Mom doesn't remember being married to Dad and was shocked to hear my sister say he was our dad. Couldn't figure out how that happened. On a positive note, they don't remember the bitterness between them! And I sure am not reminding them. :-)

Oh...Mom is 86 and Dad is 91.

I think right now your Dad's false memories are the least of your worries. It is very difficult to get approved for disability these days, it mostly seems to take at least a couple of years even if you have private disability insurance which I assume you don't have. the idea of both the insurance companies and the govt is that you will get so desperate financially that you will find some kind of work and no longer qualify. Try and find a lawyer who specializes in obtaining disability insurance. the first visit will probably be free and he wont take your case unless he is pretty sure that he will win your case. of course when you get your money you will have to pay a good chunk of change to him but it is better than being penniless. Have you been to social services to see if they can help with low income housing? if the landlord wants to evict you and dad i don't see an alternative but for you to go to Virginia and live with your friend. It is not that cold there and anything is better than being on the streets or a homeless shelter. I wish you well but won't be funding you.

My mom (early stage dementia diagnosis) doles out false accusations. Mostly they are at my boyfriend, who takes it very personally. It is very frustrating and challenging at my house. She has had on-going false memories too. Or she will get me mixed up with my daughter. I need to know other people are going through this too.

Luna...false memeories are common..My mom is convinced that the apt we live in was her's many years ago...The reality is the developmen tis only 2 years old and we move in 2013. She insist that all the pictures on wall , that I put up...all the furnitue and decor was her's and she left them and now we are lucky to have gotten the same apt and that all the things are still in it??? it is bazaar to say the least! I have decided it is an illusion and I can not play into it by trying to make her see it is all in her head...I let her say it and think it...so what!!! It is not important...I just say yes and change the subject in minutes it is forgotten. Like the new song in movie Frozen out for kids...my advise is. "LET IT GO..LET IT GO". It is part of the dementia and playing into it is useless ...PICK YOUR BATTLES! Be the best caregiver you can be and in the end you will have no regrets! Good luck! My mom is like a child and as such I pretend she is..and treat her like one...she loves attention and it works every time!

JanJon, this reminds me so much of my mother at Christmas. I have bought most of the decorations since I've been here. She has claimed each thing as hers -- something that she has used for years. I don't say anything usually. But then she crossed the line when I was setting up the rocking reindeer. She talked of the way she displayed it years ago. I told her it was MINE. She can claim the tree and garlands and lights, but she was not going to get my rocking reindeer. Yep, the child in me finally came out.

LunaEros, I am frightened by your statement "I wish I was dead....I wish I had a gun." Please please call your local suicide prevention hotline! Do it now! You need someone to talk to, a voice not a website, and tbey might also be able to point in dirdction of some helps for your various issues with housing, food, and your ddad's needs. If you succeed in killing yourself what good does that do for your dad, or worse yet if you only maim yourself then you'll have an even worse quality of life. And unless you're a long-time respo sible gun owner you might mistakenly kill somebody else with that gun you wish for. Pleaee please call suicice prevention hotline right now!

Aw Jessie let Mom have the rocking rheindeer you know she "can't take it with her"
Hugs.
PS Thanks for the recliner handles I have ordered one from Amazon.