My mother complains about things that happen in the nursing home. How do we know who is right?

As I commented in my earlier post when I stated that I would visit mom at different times of the day - sometimes be there for a hour or so and then say goodbye to staff and say "I'll see you tomorrow". Well maybe an hour later or 3 hours later I would drop by again. Of course I only lived ten minutes away, so it was easy for me to do, sometimes I would just go shopping in between visits. But when staff saw me their response was "You're back again, you were already here today". My reply "Well surprise, I'm here". Never have a "set" schedule of your visits. I think that is key - they never know when to expect you. Also I knew mom's friends very well and they would follow up with me if they saw or heard anything on their visits. They helped being my "spies" in reality and staff had no idea. Like darleeng096 stated - pop in at different times of the day, and ask questions and document, document everything. (like I stated in my earlier post - walk around with a notebook and write down everything - plus staff gets very nervous when they see someone doing that!!)

The Nursing Homes/Assisted Living Facilities and even the Independent Living Facilities need to be reported if one is aware of abuse of any kind. There is also gross neglect.
A record must be created. Report these incidents to the State, County and Municipality where the incidents occurred. Get specific names, if possible.

I worked in Nursing Home facilities for years and have seen so many abuses; never discount a patient's complaint who is at the mercy of others 24/7. I like the idea of a video recorder. You should know that the night shifts tend to be the worst because they are the least supervised.

I work in a nursing home. That is awesome your family is involved and can have someone visit at least once a day. We have several residents whose family I have never met, or they start coming around only when the resident takes a turn for the worse. It's so sad when you have a daughter that is POA that cannot even be bothered enough to bring her own mother new clothes that fit, or to replace the ones that are all stained and tattered, or even pay $10.for a haircut with the facility beautician. So I commend you and your family, all my residents deserve to have a family that cares as much as yours does.

If you (or other relative) have to address your mom's complaints directly to the nurse... don't be shy. You are her advocate. With some nurses, I will take the resident's complaints to the nurse and they will just poo-poo it. But they jump and ask how high when family speaks up. Ask her how she's feeling today, ask her if anything hurts, Look her over for bruises and skin tears especially on the upper arms. Someone can easily knock a knee, forearm or hand into a door jam and bruise up. Upper arms are usually from staff getting a little too rough. Oh, and another good indicator of quality of care is check how clean their sheets are. Yup, peel back the bedspread and top sheet. Is it a bed you'd sleep in?

As many has mentioned, she may have a skewed sense of what is really going on because their brain is misinterpreting the information due to their medications. When the dr comes to the NH, they are in and out of there so dang fast it's hardly worth anything. It may be worth your time to make an appointment at her Primary's office, bring a list of all her medications and have him review them to make sure she is not being over medicated and that everything she is taking is appropriate for her. He can also check her for any cognitive decline... that's when they ask them what year it is, who is the president, what is 19 less than 100, repeat these 3 words then will ask them a few minutes later what those 3 words were. If you guys can verify that your mom is 100% all there, it narrows things down considerably. Could be a behavioral problem, some people just like to play the role of the poor victim and you know your mom well enough to know if this is something she has done all her life. I have one resident who is still sharp and always claims none of her daughter's have visited her since April. The truth of the matter is 2 of her daughters are there every Sunday like clockwork. If her boyfriend there has a stomachache, she suddenly has a stomachache. If he is constipated, so is she. She could have had her bed stripped overnight because she was incontinent, she'll say it hasn't been stripped in 2 months. Now if your mom is not like this, then yes I would take a hard look at the care she is receiving from the facility and maybe start looking into other facilities.

I was a social worker in a nursing home for 16 years. All I can tell you is that you do not stop being your family member's " care giver" and advocate. There is truth on both sides. It is hard to adjust to communal living. The routines will never be like home. On the other hand, the administration does insist that staff give a
" party line" that is not always accurate. There are two truths here. Residents often complain to family and refuse to tell staff what is wrong. They feel vulnerable. My advice is to get to know the direct care givers and encourage them any way you can. Let them know that you want to help them to help your loved one. The higher up the administrative line you go, the less credible and helpful the information will be.

Call your Long Term Care Ombudsman. Federal law says the information must be placed in an area that all can see. The Ombudsman will investigate the situation and then call the Office of Inspector General or Adult Protective Services for you state. DO IT NOW!!!!!

This is very hard to know , as I found out fom experience that as nice as a person is , if they are suffering dementia, then they cannot be relied on the speak the truth

If you visit that often you would also OFTEN see the doctor stop by to visit. They usually have one or two days they spend at the nursing home depending on the size of the nursing home. Also, I have noticed over the past years that the "head" nurse on the floor often DOES NOT KNOW the real story.
I sit with my father and other residents for hours sometimes and that helps figure out the real story. Also some of aids that are around a lot will often stop and talk with dad and I and dad will say "isn't that right?" and often they will have a more accurate version than my dad or the head nurse.

What your mom claims are all very valid and often true. Much of what the elderly say is ignored even in hospitals for serious stays. I have found that my dad will tell the wrong person like the girl filling the water each day, or the person who comes in to just check his blood sugar...... they don't pass on the information so he feels his comments were ignored.
The people in nursing homes and hospitals are so distracted and pulled here and there they forget so much.
I was appalled at my dad's last hospital stay and one of us kids had to stay there all the time just to make sure he had food. They bring the tray, leave it an hour, pick it up. No one knew if he was eating or not so we began staying all the time to feed him.
Same thing happened to my in-laws.

If you (family) are at the nursing home that often then I would think you'd see how often nurses visit her room and if they take notes of her complaints and needs. If they don't take notes... they are not accurately passing on the information.

YOU CAN also request all records on your mom if you are POA. It will show if they are noting your mom's requests or not.

The hugs, the camera and the warning from vethelp. How do they know she isn't sleeping? Why do they give her meds and wake her up? That is weird

Sometimes the patients complaints are true. My mother use to complain about bad treatment when she was in a nursing home. I made several surprise visits to the home and found that my mama was right. I once found a nurse aid feeding my mother while she had her sitting on the bed with the mattress rolled up and mother sitting on the springs leaning against the rolled mattress and nearly gagging as the aid was stuffing food in her mouth without giving her a chance to chew or swallow. Please check further your mom's complaints.

Stealth nanny cam?

Both are right!! The government was considering having security cameras in the nursing home rooms. for everybody's protection!! Sounds like a good idea to me.!! I was in a nursing home for rehab after back surgery, and I observed a few problems--one of them being a wheel chair patient was going around trying to get in to other patients beds--another was spitting on the floors if she got mad! It has to be harder on the memory patients and the facility! I live in a small town and our new nursing home is right beside the new hospital---it has a bathroom in every two patient room instead of having I bathroom for 4 patients in the old home. And rehab patients are in one patient rooms with it's own bathroom. In the old home patients were taken to a shower room! I had a 97 year old aunt in a nursing home in Indiana that a nurse hit! She was fired and the state of Indiana put a restriction on her license that she wasn't to work with older patients anymore! I think euthanasia should be legalized for more seriously ill patients if they so chose! Would cut down on medical costs. Nursing homes aren't like being at home. Some are better than others! Check the ratings of your nursing home online. Not everybody has some body that can care for them especially if their family members or whoever work! It can get complicated! God didn't put people here to suffer.