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When we contact the nursing home the stories never match. My mother is currently in a nursing home ( she cannot walk, cannot transfer herself to/from her wheel chair and is bowel and bladder incontinent) and often tells me and/or one of my siblings things that are happening at the facility that bother her . After she continues to complain about a situation for many days one of us contacts the facility and almost always the stories do not match. We do not normally see the issue when we are there ( one of us visits for 2-3 hours 5 of the 7 days a week) . Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tell who is right ? The staff claim she is just not remembering things correctly mom claims they are lying.

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What is your mother's mental state? Is she generally alert and clear-headed? Does she tend to misinterpret other things? For example, if she mentions details about one sibling's visit to the other sibling does she get her facts straight? Whether she is a reliable witness or not doesn't prove anything, but it is something to be taken into account.

How serious are the things that upset her? If they were true would it be important to see that they stop, or to explain them to her to lessen her worry? If she sees bruises on one of her friends and thinks abuse is going on, that would serious if thre is abuse. If the friend takes a blood thinner and bruises very easily and vividly and tends to bump into the walls as she walks, that would be something to explain to mom, without requiring any changes at the NH.

Your question is, how do you know whose reality to take seriously? If you visit ten to fifteen hours a week, you must be acquainted with many of the staff. Do you have a cordial relationship with anyone you can trust to tell it like it is? Can you stagger your visiting hours so you are there at all times of the day? Can she call you when she thinks these things are happening so you can see it for yourself? (I realize you can't necessarily drop everything and rush over there, but if the worry is serious, perhaps you could a few times.)

This dificulty in knowing how much is "real" and how much is "misinterpretted" really makes our loved ones vulnerable, doesn't it?
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Her mental state is pretty good , we do notice that she forgets many things but still worried about blaming everything on that. The things that upset her have nothing to do with physical abuse. Some examples of comments she make of things upsetting her 1) "doctor never stops in to see me" (they claim he does) 2) "they wake me up to give me medicines and I cannot get back to sleep" (they claim they notice no issues with problems sleeping) 3) "they ignore my medical complaints until one of you kids get involved" (they claim she does not report any to nurses/aides and that she is manipulating us) . Of the three of us siblings that visit regularly 3 of us work and almost never visit before 5pm. and 2 of us live about 1 hour away. Dropping in when she calls is not something we want to do , because my sister who lives close use to do that and mom called begging for visits so much it was ridiculous. We know she is attention demanding but still worry that because of that NH might ignore some medical issues that should be addressed.
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Rp, I'm not an expert but here is what I would do.. Talk to all your siblings and get everyone on the same page. It seems to me that she is not just lonely but it's more. Many elderly people not only get lonely but they become what is commonly called "touch deprived" because they don't have a significant other close by. I might be way off here but it's your Mother and it's worth giving it a try.. I would suggest that every time someone goes to visit her they make a point to hug her when arriving and before leaving, and not just a light phoney hug but a good gentle but firm one like you really want her to know you love her. And for those of you who can handle all this touching easily than others (you know who you are :)) make it a point to sit next to her and hold her hand and just look in her eye's and say "I love you Mom" Then take notices if her complaints decrease. If they do then you know what she needs and problem solved.
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My suggestion is to go with your gut instinicts here.

I experienced the same with my mom, and dismissed, and chatted with staff, who assured me that her complaints were unfounded.

At first it was little things that could easily be dismissed or explained. In looking back on it, we should have taken things more seriously as she started being afraid of being there, and as it turned out, it was for good reasons.

My mom was also demanding and wanting attention, and for those types of personalities, you think they are doing it for the attention.

Then came the night when she was outside the facility refusing to go back inside stating that the staff was going to burn the faciltiy down in order to collect the insurance money because families could not afford to pay for their loved one to be there.

We ended up at the hospital and she was in the phyc ward for 72 hours observation. As it turned out, they were over medicating her and had not discontinued medications her doctor had stopped. The interaction and number of medications they had her on cause a full blown physcotic(sp) episode.

Later learned that her complaints of being threatened for using her call button in the middle of the night were legitiment along with some other things.

The sad truth is that abuse and neglect are real issues no matter how wonderful the facility looks, or how the sales person and administrator seem to be. Children and the elderly are the easiest to take advantage of, and things do happen.

If possible, put a video camera in her room so you can observe what is going on.
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Wow, that's scary!
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Mom could be not remembering things correctly. The staff could be lying. Or it could be a little of both. Sigh.

What does the doctor generally do when he visits? If her is dozing off when he pops in, does he just ask the nurse if there have been any changes or problems and then approve continuing as they are? If so, he could be coming in and she isn't aware of it. How often does he visit? If she is expecting him daily and he comes every two weeks, she is going to feel like he never visits. And she could just plain forget that he comes. I can't think of what the nursing home would have to gain by the doctor not stopping on his regular rounds, can you? Next time you are in, in a very friendly way, ask to see the records of when the doctor visited and what, if anything, he said about her. Explain that you want to be able to explain this to your mother in a way that she can understand so she won't be anxious about it. This should assure your mother that you take her seriously and will look into her cncerns. And it will probably give you grounds to reassure her about the doctor visit, too.

They wouldn't necessarily know if she is having sleeping problems, unless she is making a fuss. Are there any medications she is supposed to get during the night? Why would they be waking her up? If they wake her because she is dozing at 3 pm and it is time for her meds, then it doesn't matter so much that she can't get to sleep. I think the important question is when does this alledged waking-up-for-meds happen, and why?

It is possible, I suppose, that your mother mentions her medical complaint to a feelow resident or a cleaning person, and then wonders why a nurse won't help her with her headache. If she is attention-seeking and has gotten the brush off on trvial things she may not be reporting her issues to the nurse because "they never do anything about anything I say," and she thinks she needs to get you involved even if she hasn't talked to the nurse or aide first. (This is kind of crying wolf on both sides.) And it is possible that she tells them and they don't take it seriously. Perhaps you can track this down if you ask for specifics. "Who did you tell about your nausea, Mom? Was that this morning or yesterday? What did they say to you when you told them?" etc.

1. Mom may be exaggerating a bit, for a little drama and attention.
2. Mom may be genuinely confused and not remembering correctly.
3. Mom may be right, and the NH is being neglectful.

Sorting out which of these applies to each complaint is a challenge. Do your best to investigate each complaint. Even if it is usually 1 or 2 that applies, that doesn't mean there won't occasionally be a #3.
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I like Vethelp's suggestion also, go nanny or in this case mommy cam :), it never hurts to cover all basis.
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Great answers all around and JGibbs is spot-on.

I'd like to add to step back and look at it at your mom's perspective. Not from her perspective but at it. She is trapped, stuck and none of this is pretty. She cannot do anything on her own physically (by how you described her situation), but what can she do? By gosh, she can grab that phone, that is something she can 100% control and she does by calling you all.

I would like to express caution on the mommy cam issue. Doing this could be illegal and you could find yourself getting the 30 day notice from the facility. Almost all LTC have some type of residents council, required by most states to be in place, you can voice your concerns through this as well as directly dealing with the administrator and the director of nursing. Good Luck.
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My mom still lives with me so this is a question I still have to face - as with one of the posts, she is on blood thinners and does bruise easily, I have always been afraid that someone would get it into their heads that I cause the bruises, but she can bruise almost spontaniously, her dr. knows. That aside, I was not in town when my dad went into nursing home, mom refuses to consider them because she herself found so many faults in the care he got, from keeping him clean to the food he ate (I mean, chicken with the pinfeathers still in it? Give me a break!). My advice is to go with vethelp, you have to look at the caregivers and look at her condition and go with the gut. Sometimes whem mom has been in the hospital I have had to rake housekeeping over the coals for not cleaning the room properly, and one memorable confrontation when she had loose bowel and made a mess in the morning, I told the nurse and left for an appointment of my own, returned two hours later to find that though they had changed her robe the sheets and blanket had not been changed yet though the clean ones were on the table. I changed her bed myself, then took it to the head of nursing. They were very attentive for the rest of her stay after that, believe me. Another time she had a roommate who died, at the time I left she had not been removed, when I came back a couple hours later, she was not only still in the bed, but had not been covered and was lying there with her mouth hanging open - not a pleasant sight. Racked them for that, too. You must keep up an active apperance and let them know you are watching them, for sure. It has been my observation that the 'help' at the hospital and cargiver organizations are usually low pay, low incentive people who in reality lack the instincts a caregiver must have. Let them know, for sure when you do not find things to your approval, take your mom's tales with a grain of thought (mine IS demanding and a perfectionist and acts like she were Queen Elizabeth occasionally, it is true) and go with the middle ground, where I have often found the real truth lies.
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Ask to look at the last SURVEY done at the nursing home. It is an inspection done and the results. Also talk to your state's licensing board to check on the facitility for you...for your mother. IF the survey shows deficiencies, maybe consider moving her. There are other avenues to check out....talk with some of the other residents, but don't start an uprising, just converse with them. If there are "friends" of your mother's there, talk with them!
Many patients do dwell on their problems, their situations, so she might be exaggerating a bit, but don't totally dismiss her or what she is saying!
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Years ago, when mom had her first rehab visit, she was doing the same thing. Telling me that she was telling people in the place about her "problems" but nothing would get done. I had to lure it out of her of who she told these things to. She would say she told the male or female nursing assistant that was caring for her. Then he would came in and I would question him and he would say "no never said anything to me". I wondered also what was going on - until a week later, the maintenance man came in to work on her phone and mom said "he's the nice man I was telling you about that I told my "problems" to". I said he's the maintenance man but she thought he was another male nursing assistant that was in her room "doing things for her". Another day housekeeping came in and mom said "oh she is so nice, I was telling her all the problems I have with this place". So your mom may have told people things - just not the "RIGHT" people. After that week, I walked around with a large notebook and documented everything - each visit had a new page and was dated - what mom said about the facility, her demeanor when I was there, what I overheard from other residents, what the nurse or asst. said when they came in, times they gave her lunch, snacks, bathroom visits, time she left for pt and when she came back, (including names of staff each time) basically anything that occured and when I asked the nurses to see her file, I would put my notebook next to it and document certain things. I found that when I would ask staff questions that first week, even though I was there everyday, I would get quick answers and I honestly didn't know whether they were honest or I should go with things my mom had told me. Once they saw I was documenting everything I found things changed - they were more attentive to mom. Once mom saw I was writing down what she told me - I told her in case they weren't taking care of her properly I knew who to report. Then the "stories" stopped. Whether it was mom sometimes making things up or the staff being inefficient, my documentation told everyone I meant business and could refer back to my notes at anytime - put everyone on their toes. Many assistants told me they never saw anyone do that - but did admit it had an impact on some of the staff - in a positive way and they were happy for that. And you would be surprised how many times during the next 5 years of her life that notebook came in handy - every hospital visit, rehab stay I took notes, and yes those notes came in handy many times when I needed to refer back to her history. I also put a notebook size piece of paper on the wall near mom's bed - decorated it - and wrote - "if you come to visit mom, please write your name, date and time down, and if you spoke to mom or she was out of the room or asleep so that I'm aware of your visits. Thanks, Her Daughter". I did this everytime she went to the hospital or rehab and although regular staff didn't sign in (I didn't expect that) the doctors did as well as her friends. It ended the confusion to her as to why her friends werent' visiting her (in her eyes) when in reality they were there, but she was out of the room - either for tests, ot or pt. Although I visited her every day, I made sure it was at different times of the day. Also many times I would be there in the morning, and I'm sure they thought "ok daughter did her visit today", only to show up again an hour or four hours later, even if only to stop in for ten minutes. Staff knew I could and would pop in anytime (luckily I lived only 10 minutes away) and I think that also may have kept them a little more on their toes - they knew I was watching. I agree with jeannegibbs on her entire post - mom may be exaggerating for attention, mom may be confused or mom may be right. It's going to take time to sort it out - Good luck!
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Regarding...."If possible, put a video camera in her room so you can observe what is going on." Can we do that? How?
My Dad says that at night the male aides rough him up and he gets in big trouble for pulling the cord for assistance.
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I think it's a crap shoot as to whether mom is exaggerating things, or the staff is negligent. For some, their loved one is absolutely right but for others the whole story was blown out of proportion. For us, when my mother-in-law was in the nursing home for rehab after breaking her hip, she also had some ideas of what was happening there. The common link between the original poster rpalm, was that both of our people were unable to move about on their own and to see for themselves what they were hearing. For example my mil used to tell me that they were having a party in a room across the hall every night. So I went across the hall one day and looked. It was a closet with supplies in it. Now I don't know if they were doing something OTHER then getting supplies and chatting, but it was too small to have a party in I can assure you. Once she was mobile again there, the stories died down a little. She has dementia/alz so her memory is practically non-existent so when she said a doctor never came to check on her, I would go down the hall to the station and ask them to look at her chart to see. They always did, and I could see for myself when any doctor dropped by to see her because they note EVERYTHING. So like I said, crap shoot.
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Take her concerns seriously ;
In my opinion nursing home workers don't really care that much about the patients and are over loaded with them on a daily basis with all the budget cuts.All it takes is one bad employee who takes things personal when they have a difficult patient then the abuse starts .It can start maybe in their room when no one is around or in the shower etc.I believe the Nurses and others document a lot of stuff that really isn't done or didn't really happen to make their facility in compliance with state regulations.Just because she is older doesn't mean all of a sudden she is making things up just to get you to listen to her.
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You don't think that the Nursing Home is going to ADMIT negligence, do you?
There are two sides to every story; that's why we have courts.
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I do not want to acuse the home but is your Mom competent in what she tells you in other things. She is not dementia or Alz is she. The reason I am asking is because my husband is Alz and can not remember. I left him for respit care for 3 nights and when I returned to get him he had bruises and cuts allover him. When I come to get him they did not tell me he had fallen. After I got him home I began to see all the bruises, on buttox, under arm and on hip. I went back and asked them about this and they told me no one saw him fall. Later he told the person that gives him his showers that he didn't want to shower and they made him fall. No one ever admitted that. We do not know if that is true or not but he has a remembering problem. After saying all of that I would not doubt they they don't say or do what she tells you. Having all the issues she has even makes it more likely they do what she says .It is so sad that people would do these things. I know how you could address this issue if you would like. I addressed my issue but it did not do any good and me with the evidence. Blessing to you and God Bless
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A doctor visit or medicines given should be documented...ask to see the record.
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WE put a hidden video camera in moms room and she was telling the truth. NH said she was psychotic but we knew our mom had always been smart and the family didn't want her there anyway but she was there for rehabilitation. We decided not to confront the ones she said but watch and observe for ourselves. No NH is pleasant and definitely don't let them know you can't visit and watch when they tell you to leave because residents need to sleep. Inside source told us they drugged them all so they wouldn't be bothered. Find someone inside you can trust and your mom likes. We treat our elderly wrong and especially the ones that are helpless. Look at other countries how they look out for and treat their elders with kindness and respect. Investigate farther because it is easy to say oh they have dementia or beginning of alheizmers. Age does change things but stay close to your mom and love her and she probably is lonely and demanding but that too shall pass. We lost our mom this summer at the age of 97
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Always listen to that family member first. Do your own investigation before discounting them. I have worked with seniors my whole life as a volunteer around the nursing homes and I know that there are often misunderstandings that appear to be something they are not. Some people...my mother for instance was considered by the nursing home to be unsocial because she did not want to go with the group and watch tv programs that she considered stupid...she was rather quiet and a loner and that was what worked best for her. I could not even leave her at the daycare because they were not equipted to have one old lady who did not want to watch the tv and play the games. Just wanted to chew gum and rock in her rocking chair. Sad state of affairs. I finally had to take her out of the nursing home and had no problems until the last few months of her life when her brain began to shut down. (alz)

Some people do complain and want more attention but sad to say some of those individuals often do not get enough attention. There should be someone around to interact more with these individuals. And the homes are often short staffed. There are many people who want to put their loved one in a nursing home and expect there never to be a problem...well hello! You have a loved one in the hospital or nursing home, etc. stay involved and your loved one will get more and better attention....at least they will probably not be abused. It is amazing what a little touch or pat on the cheek can do for the happiness of one who is shut in.

My mother used to tell me she was unhappy at the nursing home and would rather be dead than to be living there...I live in Fla but she wanted to stay in the Va area where her boys were...So .I would drive 1000 miles to try and figure the problem ...and she would tell them she liked it there. After a few trip I made a surprise visit and found what was going on! What was happening was her room mate was taking almost all the closet space and taking the only hook in the bathroom for her personal items...took up the most space in the room, etc. The room mate after she received her noon meds would become agitated with my mother who was afraid to tell what was happening. The nurses told me the room mate had this problem, yet they were going to move my mother to an area with those who were so medicated they were always in a stupur..or screaming, etc. . I immediately removed my mother from the home. (I spent about three minutes in that section and thought I was loosing my mind) I could not subject my mother to that. The other thing was my mother did not want to drink water as she did not want to have to urinate and ask for help. I continued Digging for info and also found that the room mate did not want her to turn on the light at night so mother did not want to have to go to the bathroom. This had all gone on for over a year and I felt really bad but it was not easy to find out what was wrong. The room mate was given a lot of freedoms because she would make a scene and my mother who was shy anyway was living in fear 24 hours a day. These things happen a lot!!!!

When she came to live with me mother was on about 13 different meds...The bill was always high there were many extras added. I was able to get her to a doctor that cut the amount down to about 8 meds....and I am not sure she needed all of those either. Getting rid of the meds made a big difference in her attitude, actions and quality of life.

Another thing I noticed at the nursing home.... those individuals whose mind appears to be gone will often cling to stuffed animals and are calmer around those who are attentive. I feel this is in someway of our human instinct to clutch to things that make us feel connected in some way. I have also noticed that some of those who are highly medicated are scared of the shower yet they have the water sprayed on them anyway. Whenever I notice anything or I am told anything out of the ordinary I make it known....And I wish others would do the same thing. I know that some of the nursing homes are very nice but there is no way they can control all the employees and some just do not like their jobs nor do they enjoy working around seniors. We have to face the fact that it is often just a job. So we can do our part by staying involved and helping them at the nursing home to understand our loved one so they can give them the best care.

My mother passed but I still viist several little friends at the nursings homes . One who recently passed never wanted to eat or she had difficulty feeding herself and I would often see that a whole plate of food was left....the aid would say she did not want to eat....what I had observed once was they were trying to feed her too fast and I think she had problems swallowing such big bites. She lost a lot of weight once she was in the nursing home. Her family placed her there and almost never came to see her...thus she was resentful and often took it out on others. I threw a big birthday party for her the year she died and all the residents showered her with attention and started noticing her after that. But.. I have seen so many sad things it breaks my heart to even think of them. Take good care of your loved ones....my mother used to say "What goes round comes round"... I enjoyed reading all the posts...and I hope I did not sound as though I was preaching to you....it is just that I am very passionate about all this because I have seen so much! Love and Blessings ~ Bobbi
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Presently my Mom is in a Nursing Home, I can tell you from personal experience at this one and one I used to work in as a teenager that not all Nursing Homes are the same (I also looked at 8 nursing homes when I found this one). THE FAMILY play an important ROLE in MAKING CERTAIN all is well. WE have to be VIGILANT-Just like we do with our small children that dont speak at daycare and YES even though we work and that leaves us little time-We stil make TIME-You would go during Lunch if your small child at daycare had a CONCERN. The 1st week with Mom there I went everyday til I met the Doctor asked him what days he visits and reviewed all the meds Mom was taking-(also they do this when you 1st transfer her in-but IF YOU ARE NOT THERE) they have no one to do this with. NEXT- MAKE it a Point to Make Yourself VISABLE introduce yourself to as many staff personel as possiable-Friendly but Firm-let them KNOW you will be in and out of the facility and that youre AVAILABLE anytime of the day or night!!!(Even though you may not be!) Leave A Magnet Board on the Wall introducing your parent to the Staff-set it by the Bed-Let them KNOW your Parents Quirks and why they may react to certain things or behaviors a Certain Way. Let them KNOW that you Understand that they are a VALUABLE ASSET to YOUR PARENT AS WELL AS you and your family members. MOST OF ALL- Dress your Family Members room LIKE YOU CARE- So Often you can pass a patients room and know who visits OFTEN just by the way the room is DECORATED. Most of all TAKE TIME to REALLY VISIT the Nursing Home-You know who you are- this Well I've been here for an hour or just until youre Bingo game starts doesnt cut it. BE Active in BEING THERE-BE A PART of your Parents Activities from time to time. You could ACTUALLY find yourself having a little fun with your parent-the employees-and yourself-INTERACT just as you would one of your Childrens functions. Dont JUST LEAVE your family member there and Expect that they will TRANSITION themselves you have to BE APART OF That TRANSITION. My mom know feels this is a Happy Hospital with very kind people,she feels Safe Content knowing that when I leave I will be coming back. THINK BACK how it was when you were left at day school or some other place for the 1ST Time what your Reaction Was How you felt, Then ask yourself is this a genuine or do i put more of my part in to insure that my MOM or DAD is Transitioning accordingly. I know its hard and most ask,well why bother to put them in one of those places if i have to check in 24/7. Fact of the matter is you dont,but if you care,You will. I could go on and on on what you can do,but the truth is you have to want to.
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I have heard many stories of abuse in AL and nursing homes and it does scare me to think of having my mom in one. I realize that you can't watch someone 24/7 but children and old people are easy targets.
My mom was in an AL for just 3 days after a surgery a couple of years ago and she really was neglected by the staff. They ignored complaints she had about the rehab and totally did some damage to her leg. They also allowed other patients to walk around freely, one of those would walk in and wake mom up and take things off her dresser. I was glad she was able to get out of there but because of their neglect she ended up back in the hospital.
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I was in the hospital after surgery and I know for sure that aides can be abusive. So please find the time to check on your mother at irregular hours, without notice that you are coming. I agree video camera in the room, if permitted. It is kind of like taking your child to daycare. If the child complains and says things then it is probably justified.
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I had a 95 year old aunt in a nursing home....the best one around. She was sharp as a tack. She would say "fancy shmantzy....I want service!" She said she waited so long for someone to put her on the pot that she would transfer herself herself into her wheelchair and do it herself. Several times she ended up on the floor. I believed her. Her POA lived in Arizona and she in Penn. I was the contact person in town. I was so upset and angry when she passed away....they called half hour after she died....I had no idea that she was that close to the end and the nurse on that shift told me she was told "The family knew".
I immediately drove to the nursing home....about 20 min drive. She was still warm...they never closed her eyes....and they had all her belongings packed up and on a dolly ready to get her out. That was at 4am. They were so cold and heartless.
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I have been a long-term care ombudsman in the past. In case your not familiar with what an ombudsman is that is a person who advocates for resident rights in nursing homes, assisted living, etc. (long-term care facilities). You can contact your local ombudsman office and ask them to check out your mom's concerns. You and she can remain anonymous if you wish. An ombudsman will check out the situation. I believe that it is important to not disregaurd your mom's concerns. There are alot of good long-term care facilities that do a good job, but there are also some that need to be checked on and be accountable. I hope this helps
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I posted earlier about my care in the hospital. However, I have been on the other end of spectrum. I worked for an agency who placed aides in homes. I was an aide for an elderly lady who took an instant dislike to me right away. I tried my darnest to help her and be nice to her. I was sweet, personable, helpful and to no avail. In the end she lied about me and said I did stuff that I sure did not do. So sometimes you can trust the aide. Been there done that.
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The lady that shares the room with my Mom is unable to feed or move without assistance. Her family hardly visit,in the 2 occassions I've seen,she is mean to them,yells that the staff doesnt help and feed her nasty food.She is not a very pleasant person at all.She yells at me to do things for her when I'm in the room visiting my Mom. I have seen the nurses and aides do every thing possiable to reassure her and assist her even when the staff didnt relize I was present,and yet this person accuses everyone who she comes into contact that they are hurting her to her family. Its so HARD for me not to say to them,she wants your attention-visit MORE so she can feel that shes not alone and not take it out on those of us who do visit OFTEN and see what is going on. Its a double edge sword and Again as I have stated before we have to do our part to Partake in what happens to our elders.
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You seem to be implying that lack of visits may be the cause and we also see others who do not seem to get many visits. But as I mention in my original note one of her kids is there visiting 5 of the 7 days each week and the visits are many hours each.We actually have a schedule that we keep each month for who should go which days so that days are not skipped very often. Is your opinion that is not enough?
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No certainly not by any way would I imply that, all I suggest is vary the times,dont go at the same time the days you do go. Look, the first week I went everyday and stayed 5hrs saw MOM through lunch and dinner/somestimes through breakfast and lunch-at times came during Bingo activity times. My point is I assisted my Mom through her transition of being there and THE STAFF Never knew when I was showing UP. The following week it was less hours 2-3 and fewer days. Until my Mom became more comfortable with her surroundings during which times I did things that we would do at home-fold clothes-watch tv- take her outside with her wheel chair by the little garden they have.BUT THATS WHAT worked for US. It's been four months since she 1st got there she thinks it's only been yesterday(My Mom has Alzhimiers/Dementia) Were All different with many things that are included and excluded in our every day lives. I have a young son and husband and older children that are still at home. Do what works for you and what is best for your family. My earlier statements refer to people who just leave and dont follow up. This forum sounds more against than four Nursing Faclities, all I've attempted to state is we have to be consistant,sounds to me like thats what your family has done,guess what you may need is an advocate to get involved(ombudsmen) like the person suggested to you earlier in the forum. Perhaps that may resolve your question to this forum and give you peace of mind. Hope that all works well for you,again understanding that this is a very diffcult thing that is happening to you and your family.
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Dear Miss Texas, Could you possibly arrange for a private room for your mother?
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My sister would pop in the Nursing home at all odd hours of the Day and Night not just at certain times, She would go at 2,3,4,5 in the morning. They never new what time of the day we would pop in. They would overmedicate her as well KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW I cant stress it enough KNOW her medication, side affects, what mental changes it causes. that way you can be on top of it and all you siblings be on the same page.
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