Dad's eyesight is bad- cannot read a book now. Neuropathy in hands cannot do some dexterous medicine things or cut veg. Has digestion upset regularly due to medical procedure in '20. These contribute to his mood swings. But he was similar when i was growing up. But this is becoming too much stress and strain on me. Been cargiving since 2017, also have a job. I'm considering moving out, sis lived here too and we constantly argued. I'm not sure what to do about him or leave him to my sister, (but she doesn't want to stay) he says he'll take care of himself. Don't know it i should leave for my mental health or continue to endure emotional abuse? What do other people do?
I have not seen or spoken to an abusive father in over 17 years. Feels great.
Hope the same for you.
So, yes - unless there are bigger reasons why your father can't live alone, I think you should move out and work with your sister to help your Dad get a proper, independent support structure in place.
Has your father ever lived alone?
If you think you can have a reasonable conversation with him, I would let him know that you will be moving out and therefore, what does he want to do after that? You can help him but I wouldn't stay. My personal preference would be to settle him into IL in a senior community where he'll have more social interaction. Isolation and loneliness is a huge problem for the elderly. One the one hand, they want to stay in their homes but often this forces them to be cloistered, if they can no longer drive or get around or use technology to stay connect. The older generation has a bad memory of NHs but there are so many newer ones that are run with better admin and philosophies of care nowadays. Maybe take him to tour a few, or if he refuses, you can tour them and video what you see (don't go by what's on their websites).
You aren't responsible for your dad's happiness. He's had his whole life to plan for eventualities like aging and decline. You (and your siblings) are not obligated to be the only solution -- but bless you for helping him.
If so, what are his plans?
Basically, if he is not sufficiently independant to live alone, or arrange (& pay for) home help, he needs another plan.
If you want to help him find that plan, do so. If not, point him towards his Doctor for professionals to help instead.