My mom is in an assisted living facility and I am going to move her in with me and she was totally agreeable with this. She has Alzheimer's. Tomorrow is moving day. Now she has stated to employees at the ALF she doesn't want to move. One of the administrators called the state in - because they don't want me to move her. I have durable POA. I know my mom will be better cared for in my home and won't be alone as much. I know she will be happy. If she voices to me she doesn't want to come I am going to tell her we need to give it a try. Weren't the people at the ALF wrong for doing this?
Why do you believe she will get better care in your home, are you unhappy with the ALF? There is a lot to consider. How far advanced is she in the disease - Alzheimer's is a progressive disease and she will get worse. Will you have any help; what if something happens to you?
I cared for my mother for 2 years and recently placed her in an Memory Care unit. To this day, I still second guess myself - should I have waited, should I have cared for her longer. A five day stay in the hospital followed with back surgery was a real eye opener for me and I am relatively pretty fit and healthy for my age. You never know what can happen to you in life.
Being a caregiver is 24/7; your life as you know it will end. If she wants to stay, I would let her stay. That is probably why the ALF contacted the state. My mom attended adult day care while I went to work, but sometimes she would refuse to go, she started to wander, and would refuse any type of home health care. You really don't know how this will impact your personal life until you have done it. Changing her routines and moving her may also cause agitation.
Also, if you ever want to place her again, most ALF's have waiting lists. I would think this through and get more advice before making any decisions.
Please note not every Assisted Living and Nursing Homes is terrible, as I have seen you posted. So please don't keep using such a wide brush to paint them all as the same.
Carla, if you can, please come back on-line and give us some answers to our question so we will have a better understanding what is going on. We really do need more information.
Most people do not comprehend the level of care that is needed in the home for a dementia patient. And the fact that the time, energy, expense, etc. increasing over time.
I suppose after you get her home the reality will sink in and then you can make other arrangements if needed.
Moving Day can be delayed?
Many of us have first hand experience with this kind of thing. Good intentions and wonderful motives do not overcome the challenges of demenita.
If you have stated your plans to remove your mother and your mother has complained about this to the staff, they may feel an obligation to see that she is not "kidnapped" -- which is what taking a competent adult against her will would be.
And, no, POA does not give you authority over the person. See this good article about the role of the POA: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/things-you-can-and-cant-do-with-poa-152673.htm
I know that your heart is in the right place. I don't mean this as a criticism of you, but please, leave your mother where she is happy.
If she is not legally incompetent, then she gets to decide where to live. If she likes where she is, leave her be!!
Bringing her home as an experiment is, in my mind, thoughtless at best, cruel at worst.
As we said in my youth, help your mother bloom where she is planted now.
Why did she go to ALF in the first place? If she wants to stay she has clearly settled in which is a great situation to be in. Moving her again will cause great upset for no good purpose unless this is financially driven and you are hoping to protect an inheritance.
There must be more to this situation since the Assisted Living facility called in the State. The ALF normally wouldn't care if a tenant had moved, as there is always someone on the waiting list who wants to move in.
OK now what if the state takes this to court? Let's say the judge finds her incompetent and in need of 24/7 care. The judge can go so far as to remove all POA's and appoint an independent guardian for her.
I say let her stay where she is. She may have told you she was unhappy there only to get you to pay more attention to her. Very common. I hate to tell you how many people have taken their parents home only to find the complaining gets worse.