Does dementia change a personality, or bring out the person’s true, hidden personality?

I was told by a neurologist if they were nice before Dementia they will be nice after. If they were mean before, they will be mean. If they were nice before and mean after...they were always mean just covered it up well. 😊

My Mom suffered from hallucinations and some paranoia but on the whole she was nice. The aides loved caring for her.

Who knows? My mother was always as mean as a snake on the inside; on the outside, to others, she was sweet as pie. The moment they turned away, she'd stab them in the back. Disliked women the worst of all, spoke badly of anybody and everybody, nobody could do anything right in her book, family included, especially family, actually.

She's 94 now with moderately advanced dementia and even MEANER than ever before. Filthier mouth, cusses like a sailor, has nasty things to say about everybody who's 'abandoned' her, and yada yada. So her 'new' personality is the same as her 'old' personality, just saltier and even more intolerable than ever before. Now she blows kisses to her caregivers who think of the world of her in the Memory Care where she lives, and curses out her family members like we're dirt under her feet.

Old misery = continuing misery but worse nowadays with dementia. That's my take on things. Add to it a huge amount of confusion and confabulation, and you have a real MESS on your hands!

Think of it like this,
If the person has behaved a certain way all their life, and they then had a traumatic brain injury and began to act differently, what would you think was the cause of the behavior? She's undergoing similar damage, but it's not visible.
Her poor brain is all jumbled -- who knows how she's able to interpret her day?
It's not her, and it's not you, it's the disease. Doesn't make it any easier though, right? But be assured that if you got along tolerably well up to now that this isn't some dislike that's been supressed for years, but just all the connections in her brain being haywire.

That's a really interesting question. I think personality changes must be the result of so many factors. Natural personality, culture & upbringing but also what type dementia, what part of the brain is being damaged & how.

I imagine some brains as having lights flicking on & off, sometimes data getting through, sometimes not. Other brains with permanent dark sections.

I wonder what the various losses do? Does loss of reasoning means people stay in an anxious mode? Being unable to use common sense to find solutions.

Does loss of understanding others intentions result in mistrust?

The lost handbag, becomes YOU took it! No comprehension it was merely misplaced.

That's a thought provoking question and one I have wondered about also. I like JoAnn's post. I had a friend who seemed to be very pleasant normally but after being diagnosed with AD would make mean statements about the family. My dad died from cancer and in his final days would also say hurtful things. The doctor said that the cancer had reached his brain. So I don't know, maybe any disease that reaches the brain can cause this behavior, whether it's the person's pent up attitude or not.

I wonder if some of it has to do with the part of the brain being affected?

My FIL has always been sweet and quiet, his vascular dementia has made him quieter. And he is still sweet (at least for now).

My MIL had also been sweet (not as quiet), but when cancer metastasized to her brain, she became like a different person, mean and violent. After radiation and targeted cancer meds, she became her old self again.

I don’t know for someone who is already a pill to deal with it will make a difference. I think any brain issues magnify their personality and for some - their internal filter goes away and they will say whatever comes to mind.

I don't think it is helpful to play this game, there have been lots of stories on the forum about people becoming something different as their dementia progresses with both mean and aggressive people becoming meek and mild and the kind and loving becoming angry and hurtful. For my part my previously strong, independent, caring mother became totally focused on herself and her own needs and showed not the slightest interest in anything or anyone else. I spent endless hours analyzing her life and our previous relationship looking for clues as to her true nature, as a result began to doubt my memories and experiences and it eroded the bond I felt for her - it has taken me a lot of time and distance to restore it.

My mom was nice when she wanted attention. Nicey-nice to strangers. Always paranoid and envious. Cruel and childish with AD.

I’ve been thinking about this all day, following another thread along the same lines. Many posters are saying that parent was always like this, at least within the family, and it just got worse. I had the misfortune to watch the first part of Saturday Night Fever yesterday, and the family members were just horrible to each other, whatever the age.

I’ve never encountered this level of meanness with the 6 people I’ve known well up to their deaths, though none of them with outright dementia. I wonder if it was more acceptable in the past (perhaps in the USA, though this is unlikely). My mother had a tart tongue, but the caring was there just below the surface. Perhaps we should all pull up the people who behave like this, younger in their lives. I can’t see why family members should accept this, no matter what the ages of all the people involved. Is that just naiive?

I am also wondering this. I’ve only seen people’s personalities amplified or at least clarified by dementia. If she wasn’t warm, what was she?

My mother always had an obsessive personality, but it became even more so as she descended into dementia.

She said some very nasty things to me, and I figured it was probably the way she's always felt about me. I wasn't the daughter she wanted to have. Of course I was the only local sibling. I found the brother worship hard to take (particularly of one of them; the one who hardly ever visited!).

I have never believed in the "put up, shut up, offer it up" advice, and I greatly resented the stress I was put under. The solution for me was to request payment for the time I spent with my mother. The POA brothers had no problems with that. So once I was being paid $20/hour (gifted, as Medicaid would never be involved), I treated my time with her as just a job.

Whatever the reason behind the verbal/emotional abuse, none of us have to put up with it.

My mom's personality changed as she progressed with dementia. She was always loving and caring, but became hostile and mean. I asked her "Who am I?" and she said "My niece" and she called my dad by his last name. She would tell me things that weren;t true and really believe them herself. It was hard on my dad and he would become frustrated and helpless. Dementia is a terrible thing for the family to handle,

Since none of us are saints I think if we are honest we have to admit to having thoughts that we would never want anyone to know, and I admit that I have said and done many things in my life that I am ashamed of now. Our higher self knows to bite back comments that are inappropriate and not act on destructive impulses, after all we've been "socialized" since we were little toddlers. I believe dementia can destroy those filters in even in the most caring, socially evolved people - personal needs and wants can become paramount and danged with anyone else, and unrelenting fear and confusion can make even the meekest lash out physically and verbally.
People who were mean all their lives and become sweet and mild are harder to understand, but I think that perhaps those people lived their angry lives according to a perceived threat or trauma that caused them to hide their softer impulses and dementia allows their inner child to emerge.

Many dementias remove the normal "stops" we have in social interaction, and without the inhibitions often the more "real" person comes forth. However, there are also vascular and stroke induced dementias that truly can change personalities. A normally peaceable and kind person may be found quick to anger and using profanities. So as with almost all other things about dementias, the answer is that there IS no real answer to this one.

It's a real crapshoot!
IME, a kind person remains kind or becomes KINDER. A grouchy person becomes more so--and on and on.

BUT, there are those who seem to 'improve' with aging and that, to me, is interesting to think about. A gentleman in my neighborhood never had a kind word for anyone in all the years I knew him. He develops dementia and becomes so sweet and kind. His poor wife--all she said about it was she wished he'd aged backwards. She'd dealt with the crabby guy for so long--and this nice new man only appeared at the EOL.

Sometimes, the 'filter' that we're dealing with all the time that keeps us from saying/doing what we FEEL like doing just disappears and all the bad language and nasty comments come pouring out.

In my years of elder care experience I find that people's self-preservation instinct takes over in a situation. That is why they're nice as pie and cooperative with some people (like their caregivers) and not with others like their family. Many times a family would tell me that a client is very "stubborn" or downright nasty or can be a "handful" but don't take it personally. Most of the time clients whose family described then this way were not like this to me early on. In the beginning they kept their nastiness and aggression in check because I was a stranger that they have no previous history with and they don't know what reaction they will get from me. Instinct and self-preservation kicks in. This new stranger is the one who feeds you, changes your diapers, showers you, and gets you dressed. You are dependent on them. So nasty behaviors and verbal/physical aggression are kept in check until the person becomes familiar with the caregiver. Then the behavior is not kept in check and their true selves the ones they are to family and other folks that are familiar to them come out.
I always explain this to any family. That the work for the client must get done for their own health and safety. Also, I have boundaries in my service that I will not tolerate being crossed.
For example, a client who becomes verbally abusive and physically aggressive because they don't want a soiled diaper changed or to be cleaned up. When distraction, subject-changing, and promise of a treat fails, then a drill sergeant's yell in the face becomes the necessary response to get it done. Yes, this sounds harsh and it is, but a person recovers a lot faster and easier from a little fear and hurt feelings then they will from incontinence sores and UTI's.
I've had many who would start up with vicious insults often seasoned with extreme profanity. Ignore the language when you can but not the work. My first response it to let them know that I don't care what you call me or what language you use, you're still getting changed, washed up, and taking your medicine. When that wouldn't work, I know how to insult and swear too and will.
I find that if a person with dementia is still verbal, they still have self-preservation instinct intact. Part of them still has understanding if they can verbalize and get aggressive. It has served me well professionally to not be passive in such care situations.

It really depends on what part of the brain is impacted and how. That’s very complicated. My Dad remained loving and mellow. My friend’s other, a woman all of us loved and wished was our mother, became mean and grouchy enough to throw cake at her grandchildren. We don’t know enough about emotions and the brain yet. People attribute all kinds of motivation to those with dementia which may or may not be true.

Goddader

personality changes with the progression of cognitive issues and it emphasizes what used to be prior. As an example my dad has always been careful and untrusting of others and now it is worst, he does not trust his shadow. Because they are having problems recalling current events and do not understand what is happening to them it augments their defense mechanisms.

Please know that deep down it is not meant to be harmful or hurtful towards you, it is the illness acting.

it is a cruel illness with no known cure or treatment, there is no harm or malice involved from your Mom’s part. Give her all the love and compassion you can, it is absurdly difficult but in the end you will know that you did all you could.

I wish the best to all of us who are copping as caregivers, it is not an easy task and we are all learning as we go, but together we will get there. Whatever that there is.

My mom was never mean, but she wasn't all sweet and Pollyanna-ish before dementia. Now she's a cranky old woman (justifiably so IMO), who just wants people to stop poking at her and to leave her alone. She has a tendency to flip people off and tells them to shut up -- two things she would NEVER have done before.

I blame the disease and don't believe that it's uncovered some behavior she was secretly suppressing all along. She behaved in a socially acceptable manner toward others when she was able to be aware of what was socially acceptable, but I don't for a minute think she would have been flipping the bird at people all the time without those customs. She was just a different person than she is now but you still see occasional glimpses of her old silly, snarky self.

The one thing that tells me she's not behaving in a way that she's been covering up is that she has an imaginary husband who is apparently a private pilot for the Kennedy family. She HATED the Kennedy family -- pre-dementia -- and that was ingrained from her father who similarly hated them. There's no way in the world she was secretly hiding her love for them all these years and dementia has now freed her to speak glowingly of them as her "husband" flies them around the world! :-)

I don't think there's any rhyme or reason to dementia. As kids, we thought my mom's neighbor was just a mean 'old' lady. She hated kids to walk on her grass, play outside. If she came over it was to tell my mother that one of the kids touched her yard, a ball went in the backyard - never to just say hello. The only thing nice about her was her little dog. Come to find out she really wasn't that much older than our mother. Her dementia came on ever so slowly and after it was clear there was a problem, you could go back in time and nearly pinpoint the time it started. She began being nice to neighbors. By the time her dementia was in full swing and she was wandering away from home, she came over one day and commented how much she enjoyed being neighbors all these years, enjoyed coming over for coffee and how wonderful the friendship had been. My jaw dropped to the ground. Maybe she really did want a friend all those years, but just didn't know how. There was never coffee and as close as she ever got to being neighborly was giving my mom a few plant cuttings out of her yard after all of us kids were grown and gone from home.

On the other hand, another lady I knew was sneaky-stab you in the back-mean all her life. Her personality stayed right on course and even got worse as her dementia progressed.

I’ve noticed this with Mum and I feel that it’s part true but mostly the disease.

I feel that while the ground work / reaction might be somewhat them,.. the way they deal with emotions, fear etc is not rational.

Thinking about myself,.. for instance if I’m stressed at work, I may take it out on others close by. Now mix into that equation confusion, denial and possible hallucinations,.. I could picture myself getting pretty nasty as well.

I know with mum there’s often a deep rooted reason, something from the past,... ie she had to place one of her sons in a care facility ages ago and she planned / promised to get them out and care for them later. Obviously that’s not possible anymore as she needs care herself,.. I can tell deep down this upsets her. I often hear her say, I should have done different in the past about a lot of things, she gets teary,... so feeling like you can’t fix things must feel horrible. She feels I’m stopping this but I’m really not,... so naturally I get the blast and any parent would if told they can’t help their kid. Today again she’d like to go discuss it so I’m trying a different tactic and saying... sure when do you want to go rather than saying it’s not possible to avoid conflict.

You mean, is dementia like alcohol? I think booze brings out the real you; I think dementia makes EVERYBODY meaner. Think about it, you're surrounded by people you don't always recognize, many of whom talk to you as though you're a toddler, your body doesn't work the way it should, it's hard to follow conversations and tv shows, nobody understands what you want, you don't know who that old person in the mirror is, and you just want to feel safe, but since you're unsure about everything, you're going to yell at somebody about something.

I know my father always had a temper but he was great at controlling it. Now he gets angry easily and I suspect it’s harder to control that emotion with dementia. So I try to remind myself of this so I don’t take it too personal. I’m the caregiver though so he is angry at me for being the evil daughter in trying to take all of his independence away (actually just trying to make him safe...and everyone else).

Hello, I am glad to find support here . My dad has dementia and I recently moved him to assisted living , he has been in assisted care for 6 months. This is a interesting question about personality change/behavior. I’m for sure noticing the personality change with my dad. He was in the army and learned the trait of barbering. He was a barber for many many years , owned his own shop. He loved to interact with people, he was diverse, caring, open minded, social, and just very recognized in the industry. People always had good things to say about him. I never imagined how this dementia and move to assisted living would just completely alter him . We had thought he would be social and would find his way. Not the case. He is focused all on himself , demanding, in a way selfish as he isn’t empathetic toward the stress and suspicion he is placing on me , his main support. He wants stuff now and demands answers. The lack of emotion , he no longer can produce tears but he does tell me he can feel as if he is crying but no tears. Our relationship is changing and I’m sad and I get angry at it. I try my hardest to know it’s the dementia but it hurts , painfully. So, yeah I don’t know the correlation but I would say the dementia just can change the behavior dramatically and does not necessarily have a connection to how the person once was as in my dad’s case it’s completely opposite . The grief felt in seeing the person you love and care for change to almost become a person you don’t know it’s terrifying, unsettling and just sad . I’m seeing my role change and I’m having to just be clinical with him , as a way to protect my self emotionally.

I don't think my Mom's personality changed much but she did lose her filter. So, in the past, she may have been thinking something about someone but never would say it. As her dementia progressed, she didn't always hold back, so it seemed like her personality was changing but it probably was always there and we didn't see it. I thought I knew her so well and then, whoops! She would come out with something that surprised me and I would hope no one else heard it. I think we were lucky in that, for the most part, she stayed the sweet lady she always was. But, she still surprised me every now and then.

I worked in nursing homes. Some people stay pretty well with the way the y were before. Some don't.
One lady in particular went to church and that was her "circle of friends". When she got past the obviousness of dementia she would cuss like a sailor and say obscene street words. Everyone was in shock and embarassed. We don't know if she "thought " those things before or if a switch just flipped and she became someone else. It was not medicine related either.

Yes
No
Maybe
Some can have personalities change. Some can become violent while others become more docile, kind.
Some remain the same.
With dementia it will depend on what parts of the brain are affected by the damage done.
It can depend on the type of dementia
Often with dementia "filters" or what hold us to the "norm" are lost or at least dropped a bit. This is why someone may become very interested in sex, begin swearing, become violent, begin to steal.
You have to keep telling yourself it is the disease that is causing this change.
If it becomes more than you can handle then getting caregivers to take over for you might be the best thing. In some cases where someone begins to wander or become violent placement in a secure facility is the best course. In some cases medication can help lessen the anxiety that might be the root of some of the triggers.

Persons with Dementia often get agitated and angry. There are great books out there about Dementia. I recommend that you read one. It is good to think about the person with " a broken brain" When my dad says mean things to me, under my breath, I say, " his brain is broken, Laura".
When I do this, I remind myself to not take things personally.
Their personality changes because of the disease. It is horrible getting old. Think about how their body feels. The elderly have pain much of the time. Their body does not function properly and they feel useless and feel like a burden to all. To make matters worse, now their brain gets broken.
Best we can do is be informed, be patient with them, love them and try to help them feel useful.

As the brain atrophies will have an impact on cognition and function. At first it can be a very frustrating and frightening experience because the person realizes their brain is declining. Later, it gets so bad they are no longer aware but becomes more dependent on caregivers. Eventually 100 percent dependent on others because they can no longer do even basic things. It affects everybody differently in terms of personality and function. If you had your total mind written on a blackboard, Alzheimer's is like erasing bits and pieces of it little by little until not much is left.

It’s odd, but the majority of dementia personality changes are “mean” for some reason. Oh! there will be fleeting moments when the dementia patient is more rational and nice, but they always revert back. Get ready for a roller coaster ride! Remember Alzheimer’s Disease never gets better, it gets worst, it just a question on how soon and how fast.