Does anyone else fear a parent dying in their home?

If your loved one is on Hospice you can ask that they be transported to an In Patient Unit at EOL (End Of Life) so they would not die at home. This is done often.
If your Loved One is not on Hospice you could ask for an evaluation to determine if they are eligible. Simple phone call and a visit from Hospice will answer your questions.

Dying in hospital or care facility has become common in the last 50 years, but any house that is older will almost certainly have had deaths. For Lord Peter Wimsey (of detective fame), most of his many aristocratic ancestors were born and died in the same bed, and possibly spent the wedding night there too. I hope they had a new mattress occasionally. My mother died in the spare single bed I sometimes use when I am restless in the night. Whether or not to get spooked is a choice you can make, one way or the other. I find open coffin funerals much creepier.

At the other extreme from the aristocracy, the traditional Aboriginal approach was to burn down the building after a death. The aged care facility on the particular ex-mission I am most familiar with, sent an ambulance to the closest hospital at the very end, to avoid the problem. The occupant often was found dead on arrival. It helped to avoid funding problems.

I’ve ‘seen’ my mother twice, both times in a mirror and both times when I was ill and over-tired. The flesh sank from my bones and my mother’s face looked back at me. I said ‘hello Mum’ and thanked her for coming to look after me. They are good memories for me.

NHWM,

I know of two people who bought homes in which someone had committed suicide. They did not know the people who had died.

My Granny bought one of them. The house had been on the market for a very long time after the death and was sold at a discount by the estate. Part of the reason it took so long to sell is that the family had not wanted to spend the money to have the carpet properly replaced, so they cut out a large rectangle and had a similar but not the same patch put in. It drew attention to what had happened. My Granny did not care, and she had the whole carpet replaced before she moved in.

There were never any bad feelings or vibes in the house.

The second was bought by a good friend of mine. She was renting in one side of a duplex and her neighbour on the other side killed himself. She too saved about $35k on the home. She happily raised her 5 kids there. No bad vibes there either.

I do believe some people are more attuned and sensitive to death and those whom have passed.

polarbear,

There were parts of that speech that I desperately tried to forget or block out. Never have. As they say, too much information. I remember the teacher screaming at us to shut up and let him deliver his speech. All the girls in the class were screaming for him to stop his speech. Teacher said we were disrespectful and noted that he listened to our speeches. I wonder if we bored him with ours. His was a very original topic! The teacher loved it!

My mom told me about wakes in people’s homes. She was frightened as a kid attending those. A kid in my speech class did his ‘informative speech’ on how to embalm a body! His uncle was in the funeral business and he was going to be as well. We freaked out! He got an A!

Some people really want to die at home. I wonder what most people want, hospital, hospice somewhere or home?

My dad's mom (my grandmother) died in my childhood bedroom before I was born, plus, my dad died in what was my parent's bedroom that is now my room. It really doesn't bother me. I have had the feeling of my dad being around and there has been times when I can smell him. I may sound weird but I find it comforting to know he could be around. I assume that there is a possibility that my mother will die in the house as well.

But here is the thing that prehaps people don't realize is just because someone dies in a house or wherever doesn't mean that their soul will stay there. I never felt my grandmother or anything weird. My mother said it was because my grandmother probably went where her twin sister was. Who knows really where she went. I just never felt or seen anything when it came to her, and as far as my dad, I only feel him time to time.

As far as the memory of my dad's death has faded with all the good memories I have of him and that is what I focus on "his life" not his death!

"There is nothing to fear but fear it's self."

Sometimes when we are sleeping we tap into something else and/or we may have a visit of a LO or a friend who passed on to show us something that we need to see, a message, or something we need to do or not do. I personally thank God for the "inside message" which I believe is what your cousin had. Most people will have an experience of such thing at one point in their lives whether it is through a dream, vision, smell, feeling, and/or seeing a spirit.

If your mom passes away in the house and you feel uncomfortable you can burn white candles in each room for one night and burn sage walking room to room this will clean the energy in your home.

Just my 2 cents!

Polarbear, my Mom also, spoke with and felt my late Father's pressence the whole time that she was bedridden and on Hospice (5 mo's), and although I never saw or felt him, I found it a comfort to know that he was right there with her, and as she said, "was waiting for her so that they could cross over into Heaven together". It was so sweet, and just the sort of thing my Dear old Dad would do, as he Loved her so much! She was so convincing, that I honestly believed her.

Incidently, the Hospice team looking out for my Mom in my sisters home for 5 months, reccomended a move to the Hospice Hospital for the final 10 days of my Mothers life, due to the subtle changes that they noticed in her mental status, her severe pain, and becauae they felt it best for my sister and her young Grandchildren, not be traumatized by her imminant death in my sisters home. It was a brilliant move and insight on their part. The Hospice Hospital was a gorgeous facility, and my Mom was never alone, as there was always at least one of her 6 children there with her at all times. In the end, all 6 of us were there with her, all with our hands on her during her final moments on earth, it was a peaceful and a beautiful thing.

Absolutely not. I don't want anyone dying in my house. It would leave a negative vibe in that room and bed where the person dies.

Two years ago, when my mom was very very sick and we thought she was close to death, she kept saying she saw my late father come to visit her everyday. One night, I was standing at her bedside as she was laying in bed, she then pointed to the foot of her bed and told me that my late father was standing there looking at her. I looked where she was pointing and saw nothing, so I told her there was no one there, but she insisted.

Then a moment later, I saw my dad in the mirror walking/floating out of the room through the window. OMG. I just froze. I think he showed himself to me just to let me know that I was wrong. That experience scared me for days. Eventually, my mom regained her strength and she never mentioned seeing my late father again.

If you are concerned of a ghost, spirit, a “presence”— whatever you wish to call it— can always consult with a pastor, priest, minister, even ghost hunters (yes such people exist, and no, they won’t be like it was in Ghosbusters) if you are not religious. I’m told whenever people sense something in a home where someone has died, it’s usually their soul letting you know they are okay.

My grandfather died at home in the main bedroom and grandmother stayed there until she died. He died a few years before I was born. As a kid, I always felt something was “off” when I was in that room. Nothing happened, just a different vibe than the rest of the house. And I didn’t know he had died in that room until I was older!

My FIL Lived with us for the last 13 years of his life, the final 9 weeks, he was on Hospice following hospitalization for a bad fall and Pneumonia, where they found and diagnosed Lung Cancer, a golfball size tumor in his Rt lung, metastasized to his chest wall.

He was released from a 1 week stay in hospital to our home on Hospice, and died peacefully in our home after 9 grueling weeks of care by my husband and myself, plus the wonderful Hospice care team.

In the 1 year since his death, I had never gotten comfortable entering his bedroom where he died, and while we had intended on turning it into a beautiful guest bedroom, with all new furniture even, it ultimately turned into a storage room due to my being uncomfortable entering his death room.

We have just sold our home of 24 years (on Feb 7th 2019), not only because of his dying there (just over a year ago), but also because those 13 years were a constant reminder of us being tethered to the home in care of him in his older and declining years (he was 87 when he passed) plus my depression and grieving process which followed his passing, but we also had decided that the time was right (plus the current market and increased home value) to downsize and we will buy a Condo, when just the perfect one comes on the market, so many reasons why we chose this time to sell up.

I can definately see why it would bother someone, although I never personally felt any Negative pressence (spirit) of him afterwards, but I did for quite awhile have a gnawing feeling that he was still in the bedroom, it was almost like he was still there alive and I was afraid to check, but that feeling did pass after a couple of months, however it has only been these last 3 weeks that we have been out of the house now and staying in my sister's MIL apartment, that I feel an absolutely freeing feeling for the first time in my life (I had my 1st child at only 20, he is 38 now), partly of which I am sure is Zero responsibility, Zero debt, no house to care for and keep up, all of that money sitting in the bank, and absolutely no connection to the feeling in the old house too. It is a very freeing feeling after being tethered to a home, raising 4 kids, caring for our elders for so so long (all 4 have passed away now), and now it is just the 2 of us, and the possibilities are endless! I reccomend it!

I don't think I'd mind visiting a home where someone had died (in fact I'm sure I have) but living in the home is altogether different, I've imagined my mother in the room down the hall often enough as it is.

And I can't imagine asking anyone to use the bed where my mother died in what is now the guest bedroom. Of course I could buy a new bed, but not everyone can afford to do that.

When my stepdad was ill last fall there was discussion about him being sent home on Palliative care to die.

Mum considered it, but realized that 21 hours a day she would have been responsible for all his care. Although Mum is a fit 84, there is no way she could manage that.

So it was not a fear of him dying at home, but the amount of work she would be faced with that kept him in hospital.

We were both with him when he died. It was a peaceful death. Not scary or upsetting, he just stopped breathing.

A friend’s Dad died at home, she had young children. The kids were ok and got to say goodbye to him in his own bed when he was warm.

I think your feelings are valid.

I think how a person reacts to someone dying in a particular home is an individual experience. My first memory of death is attending a visitation in the home of my great-aunt for her husband who had just died at 69 from a sudden heart attack.. The open casket was in the living room and the condolence book was on a table just inside the front door. The great-aunts (6 of them still living at that time) manned the adjoining living room, kitchen, and dining rooms. The next generation was mainly on the porches and kids like me were playing in the yard.

My uncle and sister died at home - in their own beds with hospice after battles with cancer. I was in the next room when my uncle died and in the room with my sister. Both went into comas in the hours before death and died very peacefully. I thought this was easier than a death in a hospital environment like Grandma because extended family members were in the house taking care of practical matters and available to offer comfort, during the death watch, the actual death, and the removal of the body by the funeral home. I was never bothered in any way entering those homes after the deaths. I had wonderful memories of those people in those homes before the deaths and the deaths did nothing to change those feelings. I took great comfort in the thought that they were both beyond pain and happy in heaven.

My father died over the weekend in the hospital after spending 3 years in MC. His hospitalization was to re-balance his medications. Although he had been doing well at the MC, his vascular dementia driven anxiety went through the roof at the hospital: he wouldn't cooperate with the nursing staff, demanded unlimited water when the doctors restricted fluid intake in an effort to clear his lungs, refused to take the ice chips he could have, gave several family members and staff good a cussing for not bringing the salt laden foods he wanted, etc. Finally he worked himself up enough to stroke out and quickly pass on. Dad has been at high risk of a major stoke or another heart attack for several years. This wasn't unexpected but I was surprised at how quickly he went from doing well to very serious heart failure. It was slower with my grandparents.

For me personally, having been present for a couple of at home deaths and a couple of hospital deaths, I would chose the in home death if at all possible.

I have thought about it a lot and I do not want my parents or my in-laws dying in my house. My FIL is in bad health but trying to get better. I’ve played out different scenarios in my house and if it came to a point where he went on hospice, my husband and I are the only ones who could provide 24-hour care. Well I would be the one providing most of the care because of my husband back issue. I am not willing to take on that responsibility and I DO NOT want him or anyone else to die in my house. I don’t want that vibe, that juju in my house. Don’t want my kids to experience it either. It gives me the willies. My MIL died in her own home on hospice and that was one thing. That was her home. The last time I was in that house was a week after she died and it didn’t feel weird, I didn’t get any bad vibes. But I still don’t want anyone dying in my house. Call me immature but.....I just can’t have that happening. I believe in ghosts and don’t want any haunting my house.

cwille,

Yeah, on my mind too. Thanks for listening to me. Our minds wander in so many directions when we become caregivers.

Sunny,

Thanks for responding. Your answer helps. I’m so glad you acted on your premonition and saw your aunt. Such a sweet story. I adored my grandma as well. She was so special to me.

That was definitely a worry and probably contributed to the burn out that had me place mom at a NH - especially the knowledge that I was flying solo and my support system didn't look as if it was adequate.

I have thought about it a lot. Both of my parents are pretty healthy, but, still, when you get up there in age, chances are......it's going to happen. I will say that I have stayed in houses, even slept in bedrooms where people have died before and they did not bother me at all. It was calm, peaceful and not scary. I even had a friend tell me that he saw his wife's ghost in his home once! I never sensed anything and don't believe it.

There's never been anyone who loved anyone on this planet, more than the way my grandmother loved me and I her. And, if she never came to me in ghost form, then, it's not possible, because, she would have. Of course, maybe, she thought it would scare me. lol That's how I reason it in my mind. Others may have different experiences.

I did have a premonition of my great aunt dying. I had an intense desire to go visit her on Thursday, instead of Friday. She was stable. Good thing I acted on my intense feeling and visited with her, took her flowers, because, she died that night.