Do some elderly people fake dementia to get attention?

My 91 year old dad definitely has dimensia. We can't get an MRI of his brain because he has a pacemaker and the magnets would interfere with the pacemaker. We call it, "the boy who cried wolf". He demands CONSTANT attn because he is also certifiably insane. 3 times in 16 mos, my sister and I have taken care of feral kittens he says we can keep 2 of them. He then gives us hell because we love them more than him. We gave up our homes and lives to care for him BUT he believes women are lower creatures and I feel like I need to put on a harem costume, have a huge fan, peel his grapes and feed them to him one by one. Then, i am to sit on the floor with my hands lovingly on his knee saying, "Sire. Please look on your lowly servant girl with favor and share with me of your great wisdom."! (Not a joke, but funny!) Then he proceeds to tell me that if I don't do EVERYTHING he tells me, isually to give him a 5th of whiskey every cpl days, that the bible says I'm worthy of death. YES! HE FAKES A LOT OF IT! When his home nurses come, he's funny, cheerful and lies to them about how well he's doing. He just wishes his girls would leave him alone, when we're not fawning over him. It is hard to tell. He plays boy/wolf soooo often, it extremely difficult to know when something truly is wrong. Very saddening to say we're used to it. No one should have to get used to that behavior. Look at any humor you can find in your situation. It helps.

It's not always true. Some of them who tend to do this should have some tests done to see if their mind is in good order. If it turns out their minds are fine, then they're faking it because they could be possibly be narcissistic and expect you to always pay attention to them.

Personally, I have thought very often that my mom makes things up. She tells a lot of stories and there really is no way of knowing what is true or not.

One thing she does a lot in the assisted living facility is to say that people are always stealing from her. Even the one bite of banana she didn't finish was stolen, instead of the person cleaning her room threw it away because it was actually soupy.

She even leaves notes in her refrigerator telling people to "stop steeeling" from her.

She tells me all the time how mean people are to her. Not sure that they really are mean at all. I have seen people walk by mom in her wheelchair and say hi and ask how she is doing, and mom completely ignores them.

I have often thought that my mom fakes her dementia, but it is really difficult to get information from staff at the facility.

For those not believing this is possible to fake, 20 years ago my brother faked having colon cancer. 14 years later when he said he had liver cancer I didn't fully believe him until his surgeon came out after his surgery and said the words "I'm fairly certain we have removed all of the cancer". It's sad and seems crazy but people will fake many different things. This question has me thinking about my Dad because that same faker brother has been telling me for over 3: years that our Dad has dementia. Dad lived with me off and on my entire adult life and for the last 13 years completely and has been in a nursing home for the last 1 1 /2 years now and does not have a dementia diagnosis. Brother at one point said Dad had a test with a clock....he hadn't at that point but it was in the episode of This Is Us the night before brother made this "revelation"! Dad eventually did have the clock test about a year later and passed! Another thought comes to mind, during the years Dad lived with me he was so helpless and relied on my for everything. I knew he could do things but he flat out refused to. Then he'd complain to the brother who would be angry with me for not doing everything for him. While brother didn't do anything. Now the brother calls the nursing home and tells everyone that I abuse Dad, neglect Dad, took all his money, and that the staff took Dad's McDonald's that I had brought him (part of my neglect and abuse lol). None of that is true yet he's done it for the past 1 1/2 years. So I think faking dementia to get attention is absolutely possible. Pay close attention, see how your loved one changes with certain people compared to how they behave around you. Use your common sense because you know them best. I wish you all the best, these issues are so difficult in addition to everything else we have to worry about.

Medsister: Imho, although this poses the thought, 'Be careful what you wish for,' I actually did know a woman who was in a wheelchair and wished to not get well. To garner attention, she actually flung herself out of her wheelchair. Then she was able to receive more medication(s) before passing away.

I understand your curiosity with the behavior. A lot of the behavior certainly doesn't make logical sense.
I believe the answers are as varied as the number of people with memory issues. It depends.
Regardless it does no good to make any argument (you don't say that you are. I'm saying this for others who might.)
The best we can do is to work with the person to the best of our ability and give them all the dignity we can with the abilities they have at the time.
I respect your question and hope you find answers.

No, they do not, although some caregivers think so.

I wouldn't think so.

Sad if someone is using it to get attention.

If you think they are, give them the attention they are needing.

I can tell you what it looks like when you have a friend with dementia and it gets worse. Her family thinks "she's just doing this for attention." Sadly, through years of neglect (her son and family lives next door) she is now hallucinating, in stage 4 cancer of breast, both lungs, and liver. Through the years our family has provided clothing and food, special gifts, friendship. Now we no longer can provide those things for her as our health has declined. To be alone and yet be so close to family who now doesn't have a clue to what to do - is devastating. Don't ignore the symptoms. She does know that we're available through the phone and we still try to encourage and find ways to show she's loved - don't neglect those you love. It is frightening when your mind begins to shift gears.

But their actions and personality traits aren't consistent... One minute they carry on a fairly normal conversation, and next minute they don't recognize the chair they sit in or the fact they have breakfast or whether it is daytime or night time! You can't document anything except that nothing is the same!

Fake or not, some thing is not right. Get in the habit of documenting the events so you have a reference going forward. Even as simple as a notation on your calendar or as technical as using your phone for a photo or video keeping in mind the legalities in your location.

First, why would ANYONE fake dementia? It is a horrible condition.
Second, perhaps her 'dementia' is real and she's doing lots of 'normal' things to cover up her fears and behaviors.
Third, just document it.
Fourth, you don't have dementia. Praise the Lord.

Old people become very demanding and get weird ideas into their heads and if they have or are getting dementia too, God help those around them. And they become fearful, lonely and don't want to lose control so they will do whatever they need to do to get attention. Unless it gets completely out of hand, just recognize this fact. Love them, if they are lovable, and if not, you just have to tolerate their behavior as long as it does not start to negatively affect you and YOUR life. That is when you have to put a stop to it by whatever means possible. Good luck - the joys of aging - makes me sick what old age does to people.

Without any details from you the short answer is yes. Old people still retain their personality traits— so if someone was manipulative and attention seeking when younger they most definitely can fake memory loss for attention. I have a friend this is an example and everyone’s different but her grandma was known to be a manipulative woman— when he son would go out on dates she would feign having chest pain in an effort to stop him from leaving, if there was an event she would call and say she was bed ridden or in the ER. She said she also pulled antics such as creating drama or stirring the pot.

This doesn’t mean that someone who had some type of personality disorder like above cannot also go on to develop dementia when older. There are certain rip offs though that would help narrow down if this is memory loss or if he or she is manipulating others for attention. Can you give more history and what’s going on currently unless I missed it I just read the question but didn’t see any background or details

My mother faked something - speaking to a third party in the room when there was just the two of us, using a strange voice, pretending not to know where she was - when she was only with me. I was concerned for her, but after addressing the concern with her as delicately as I could and with my siblings who never saw her, I was told I was lying about her. I'm not sure in my case it was attention seeking but rather just abuse. I hope you are able to get a more helpful answer here than mine.

When I was in nursing school, we learned about people who assume a "sick role" to get attention. It seems the only time that the people in their lives give them the affirmation, attention, and care that they crave is when they are sick. This seems to be more of a "problem" for stay-at-home moms and older women with "blue collar attitude" (think Archie Bunker) men in their lives. It could happen with older folks who are feeling lonely. So in a sense, YES - somebody could be faking dementia to get attention.

If you suspect this is happening, help the person get more face-to-face interactions with others in their day/week. If they are engaged with others and doing enjoyable activities, the "faking" should subside.

Definitely some elders who are of totally sound mind will 'fake' dementia to get attention. The same way a child will fake being sick or hurt to get attention.
Dementia is real and when it is, it's devastating. Sickness and injury are real too and can be devastating as well. That doesn't mean that there aren't people out there who will fake at all three to get attention in some way or another.
I've been a senior caregiver for almost 25 years, so believe me when I say, I've seen it all. I'm the sole caregiver to my elderly parent for some time now, and see the 'faking' all the time. For example, my mother will be all but dying in pain and misery unable to remember. The minute she gets in the doctor's office, it's not so bad. My mother doesn't have a moment of dementia. I know this because we live together. The never-ending buffet of health issues aren't all entirely real either. I would say half or more are for attention. Doctor collecting is really the only thing my mother enjoys doing. She isn't interested in doing or even trying anything else. So, when she can add a new one that's a happy day for her.
Of course there is also such a thing as 'showtiming' when people actually have dementia. This means they can keep it together for around certain people for short amounts of time. They always get found out because there are too many other indicators that can't be temporarily covered up. When you see your family member (or client) frequently and are their caregiver, you can always spot 'showtiming' or other staged 'performances' like a well-timed health crisis or a fall. These usually happen when the caregiver has something planned like a vacation, social event, etc... and have been looking forward to it, but the elder isn't part of it. So, to prevent their caregiver (usually a family member) from being able to take the vacation or go to a special event, they will stage something that will require a trip to the ER. So, you miss out on it and there's nothing wrong with them.
I actually had a client who would get down on the floor right before my caregiving hours with her started, so I'd find her when I came in (I had a key to the home for work). She never got hurt. I'd been to the ER with her so many times because of her 'falls' that finally her daughter told her that because of the falling she would have to be placed in a care facility. She never fell again.
So yes, people will fake dementia and give performances for attention.

Probably not faking "dementia" but if a person is the manipulative type they might claim helplessness. Actually, mild symptoms of dementia can make a person feel disorganized and not quite able to function well, in which case, they may want to depend more on those who are close to them. Don't dismiss the behavior without certainty.

Absolutely not. Dementia makes no sense and is incredibly hard to diagnose, even for a trained medical professional. If someone you love got diagnosed with dementia, then they have dementia. It's also important to note, that dementia gets worse with time and it's not going to reverse at any point. Please, try to be understanding with them.

no, that notion should never be considered trust me, I did this to Sister w brain cancer--I couldnt understand why she couldnt get on an escalator. I helped her anyways of course but thank God I bit my tongue of what my stupid brain was thinking!! FF 30yrs and I had SAH/ TBI and sure understood the fear and vertigo!! Always think the best and they are doing the best they can, tc {{{hugs}}}}

I can understand the confusion and skepticism about it because most of us are not professionals and we've never seen anything like it before.

In my MIL's cause it was certain she had it. She could be found wandering the streets of the neighborhood and we had to put a latch on the door she couldn't reach. She developed incontinence. You could tell when you talked to her she wasn't there.

Maybe it's unclear in less severe cases, but probably the person is not faking it and you'll have to accept it. If you talk to them and they don't seem like the person they used to be, then I'd be pretty sure they are not faking it.

I can’t believe someone would think someone will fake a illness like this. Pay close attention to your loved one. This is a disease that someone will begin to decline. Don’t miss out on the most precious time in your love ones life because you are in denial.

I almost divorced my husband over an incident he kicked my dog. I was so furious I demanded that he get out, leave, and I started looking for a lawyer. He got upset and cried. He said he didn’t know what he’d done to make me so mad. He denied kicking my dog even though someone witnessed it. I drove an hour to Los Angeles and went to see a psychic. In a very short time, with no info from me, she told me emphatically, that if I left my husband now, my karma would be damaged for a very long time. She Tim’s me that “something was wrong with his head and he really didn’t understand why I was mad”. I thought he was faking. How could he not know?

When I got home, I started thinking about his behavior over the past year or so. Things were off. I ruin him till the doctor and insisted on neuropsychology cognitive testing and received a clinical diagnosis of left and right frontal temporal lobe degeneration. A PET scan narrowed the diagnosis to early onset Alzheimer’s. He was 57.

Since that time, my assumption has been that he is NOT faking, even when I think he is. It’s hard seeing him as the person he is now when I knew him to be different. He gets scared about small things and cries a lot. Not at all the man I married 15 years ago.

I love him dearly and it breaks my heart when I think that I almost threw him out thinking he was faking and lying. Maybe your loved one is faking, but consider the consequences if they are not.

This may be possible if the person has narcissistic disorder or if they’ve always had a difficult personality, I’ve seen this happen a few times.

My mother always pretended to be a helpless victim and gaslighted us. She would also make things up to stir up drama, and lie. She was always mean and abusive. So when she started to decline cognitively it was a hard to tell if she was just lying or trying to gain attention or if she was experiencing dementia. And no one wanted to try and guide her as she would accuse those nearest of foul deeds. And other people around her believed her tall tales. And boy could she (and still can in advanced dementia) turn on the charm when needed.

Bottom line it was difficult for me to tell, but deep down inside I knew something was wrong, but really could not intervene. I called APS several times and they spent maybe ten minutes with her and found nothing amiss. When she really started to decline she failed to see that anything was really wrong, even though she was in a total mess and made many bad financial decisions. My mother kept anyone with a brain in their head at bay, and drove family and friends away.

Like I said, there was a feeling in my gut that something was different. She tried hard to cover up for her decline. And she was successful for many years. I later discovered, talking to people around her (like the pharmacist, her hairdresser, and even her financial advisor) that they thought her odd behavior was “funny and cute.” Oh that infuriated me.

Even if you suspect he is “faking,” please keep a close eye on him. I had to wait until my mother was finally hospitalized for a third time and finally diagnosed with cognitive decline before I could take action. But by then her finances and life were a disaster.

Im no expert here but I have thought that as well. It's taking me time to ACCEPT that my 85 year old Mom's brain is really deteriorating because of course I do not want to believe it. We went thru Women's Lib together ❤. She ran our household. She took care of my late Dad and his company. She has always been, and still is hard on only me. My brothers get away with murder (not literally). I always thought she hated me...maybe she really does but here I am trying to take care of her anyway.
Demensia is a mind blast for all of us to handle. It makes me feel sad beyond belief. It makes me cry my heart out when she can't remember what I just said...crazy when I have to repeat myself a million times (so it seems). Now she's waking up early and opening all the doors and then goes back to bed and forgets then rips me to shreds for leaving doors open or she thinks someone else did it or that someone is in our home. Certainly this can't be faking?
I am grateful for all the people in this forum because I can be honest and not get my head ripped off for feeling helpless or angry sometimes.
I don't think it's fake and my heart hurts for you.
Hugs

Yes I think my 82 year mother does this as some days she pretends that she doesn’t know or remember anything then other days she is fine I always feel she does this when she wants attention

The question crossed my mind with my mom on numerous occasions (lost her in 2019) but for 10 years prior I would notice cognitive changes and regularly asked my dad if she was alright, if there was anything I needed to know etc etc. I was dealing with a 500 miles distance between houses and sensed something was up but he and she were both in denial. During visits she would make up stories but she was inclined to fib at the best of times so I had to trust that my dad would tell me if something was going on. As she became too much for him to handle I started the process of finding a LTC for the two of them in fall 2018 (her 96, him 92) and at that point their family doctor told me that yes, in fact she had been diagnosed years earlier. As for my dad, when it came to the most basic of requests he would not ask staff at the LTC to give him a hand and instead made a honey do list for me that kept me running each time I visited. In his final year, due to Covid trips to visit him in Canada required a 2 week isolation each time before running his errands and yup, many times I wondered if he was playing me but no, he was just starting to slip. I lost him to Covid in Jan (thankfully I was holding his hand as he slipped away) and I would give anything for another one of his honey do lists. Best of luck to you.

Dementia may allow them to think any behaviour is fine if it achieves an immediate need. An example: My mother wanted me (only me) to be there for her 24/7. She dramatically struggled down 4 porch steps and 50’+ over to me and my husband, using a mop as a crutch, to show us that she is now so helpless that she couldn’t make it the extra 3’ across the room to reach her walking stick. In the midst of this display a neighbour appeared. She became distracted from the point she was trying to make to us and walked over to chat.

It reminded me of one of my children going limp in an attempt to postpone the end of a friend’s birthday party. Until I started to walk to the car with his loot bag at which point he scampered after me to check its contents.

yeah