Do some elderly people fake dementia to get attention?

To my limited understanding, I would think not. I can’t imagine someone wanting to be deemed incompetent or willingly have their power removed from them just to be a burden to others or get attention.

Most likely what you are seeing is a person who used to crave attention, who eventually got dementia through no fault of their own.

Try to go easy on them, as hard as it can be. I wouldn’t wish dementia on my worst enemy.

I can't imagine that anyone would fake having dementia, as there are so many other ways to get attention.
Perhaps it's time to have her take a mental capacity test ordered by her neurologist. That will better help you understand exactly what is going on. Best wishes.

Please, please, please, don't treat someone cynically whose mind is failing. Have them checked out to find out what's really going on. Also take the time to educate yourself on dementia and what it looks like. No one is expected to be an expert the minute dementia rears its head, but make the effort to learn about the condition so you're better able to understand what may be going on. Check out Teepa Snow videos on YouTube and the Alzheimer's Association website (alz.org) to begin.

It would be unspeakably cruel to dismiss someone's health issues as an attention-getting tactic.

I used to think my dad would “fake” not understanding to not have to deal with more difficult/complex things or to get people to leave him alone (which he very much wanted), but as time goes on I think he legitimately COULDN’T process anything or deal with people because of the dementia, not the other way around. It was just too overwhelming for a brain that wasn’t functioning correctly.

Do you know the signs of dementia when you see them? How exactly is she behaving for you to think she's faking dementia. Dementia shows itself as a multifactorial behavioral problem. Forgetting why you went into a room is, in itself, not dementia. Not remembering where you placed the keys or parked the car is, in itself, not dementia. Not recalling a long time recipe, in itself, is not dementia. There's much more to it than that. If someone is faking dementia, which a caregiver might suspect, but which I've never heard of, they would have to know and mimic the warning signs. If you're concerned, have her PCP screen her for dementia symptoms or see a neurologist.

What sorts of examples can you give of this elder who you suspect is faking dementia for attention? What is she doing?

I think the better question is do they fake 'helplessness'? My father did that all the time. He couldn't be bothered to help himself, preferred I do as much as possible for him. It is like he didn't even know me as I rarely tolerated that kind of behavior. Didn't stop him from trying.

Has she been formally tested?

Will it change HER needs or HER care plan if you are able to have her cognitive functioning formally assessed?

Do you have plenty of respite and relief time for YOU?

It's funny, I often wonder how much is real and how much is fake? I've wondered the same thing too, and the conclusion I have reached is that it is all dementia-related behavior. Let's face it- normal people don't act like this.

I can't imagine anyone faking dementia. I never once thought that of my mother.
My brother who lives at home has memory problems due to a major fall and hit his head. It is extremely forgetful. I did have him tested but neuro found no dementia but he does have memory loss from the fall which it can progress to dementia per his neurologist. We keep a close eye on him. I know he does not fake his memory loss. What is the point to it.
My mother on occasion complained that she does not have to feed herself because others do it for her. I did leave her alone one day, but I was peaking at her in the other room. I told her not to touch the food and when I left she picked up her spoon and started feeding herself. I even said to my niece we probably do too much for her and that might not be a good thing. I do not mind doing anything for my mom, but in the long run it is best to do as much as one can for themselves, but not with a lot of difficulty.

Yes, my dreadful father was doing it the last time I saw him (a round trip to the UK from Oz – perhaps I was potty to bother). Any difficult topic, he would get wide eyed and make answers that sounded not quite there. I could pick it was faking because of long long experience with him (and I could usually guess why he was slipping out of discussing the item). I have not had enough experience with dementia to know if his ‘fake’ was spot on. He was quite sane when he was being nasty. I talked to the director of the NH, and she said that she had suspected the same thing.

My guess is that it would be hard to pick without experience with the person’s previous bad behavior. And I also suspect that acting it was actually risking his ability to pick when to do it and when not to. Acting ‘mad’ can send you down that path for real, unless you are very careful.

yeah

Dementia may allow them to think any behaviour is fine if it achieves an immediate need. An example: My mother wanted me (only me) to be there for her 24/7. She dramatically struggled down 4 porch steps and 50’+ over to me and my husband, using a mop as a crutch, to show us that she is now so helpless that she couldn’t make it the extra 3’ across the room to reach her walking stick. In the midst of this display a neighbour appeared. She became distracted from the point she was trying to make to us and walked over to chat.

It reminded me of one of my children going limp in an attempt to postpone the end of a friend’s birthday party. Until I started to walk to the car with his loot bag at which point he scampered after me to check its contents.

The question crossed my mind with my mom on numerous occasions (lost her in 2019) but for 10 years prior I would notice cognitive changes and regularly asked my dad if she was alright, if there was anything I needed to know etc etc. I was dealing with a 500 miles distance between houses and sensed something was up but he and she were both in denial. During visits she would make up stories but she was inclined to fib at the best of times so I had to trust that my dad would tell me if something was going on. As she became too much for him to handle I started the process of finding a LTC for the two of them in fall 2018 (her 96, him 92) and at that point their family doctor told me that yes, in fact she had been diagnosed years earlier. As for my dad, when it came to the most basic of requests he would not ask staff at the LTC to give him a hand and instead made a honey do list for me that kept me running each time I visited. In his final year, due to Covid trips to visit him in Canada required a 2 week isolation each time before running his errands and yup, many times I wondered if he was playing me but no, he was just starting to slip. I lost him to Covid in Jan (thankfully I was holding his hand as he slipped away) and I would give anything for another one of his honey do lists. Best of luck to you.

Yes I think my 82 year mother does this as some days she pretends that she doesn’t know or remember anything then other days she is fine I always feel she does this when she wants attention

Im no expert here but I have thought that as well. It's taking me time to ACCEPT that my 85 year old Mom's brain is really deteriorating because of course I do not want to believe it. We went thru Women's Lib together ❤. She ran our household. She took care of my late Dad and his company. She has always been, and still is hard on only me. My brothers get away with murder (not literally). I always thought she hated me...maybe she really does but here I am trying to take care of her anyway.
Demensia is a mind blast for all of us to handle. It makes me feel sad beyond belief. It makes me cry my heart out when she can't remember what I just said...crazy when I have to repeat myself a million times (so it seems). Now she's waking up early and opening all the doors and then goes back to bed and forgets then rips me to shreds for leaving doors open or she thinks someone else did it or that someone is in our home. Certainly this can't be faking?
I am grateful for all the people in this forum because I can be honest and not get my head ripped off for feeling helpless or angry sometimes.
I don't think it's fake and my heart hurts for you.
Hugs

My mother always pretended to be a helpless victim and gaslighted us. She would also make things up to stir up drama, and lie. She was always mean and abusive. So when she started to decline cognitively it was a hard to tell if she was just lying or trying to gain attention or if she was experiencing dementia. And no one wanted to try and guide her as she would accuse those nearest of foul deeds. And other people around her believed her tall tales. And boy could she (and still can in advanced dementia) turn on the charm when needed.

Bottom line it was difficult for me to tell, but deep down inside I knew something was wrong, but really could not intervene. I called APS several times and they spent maybe ten minutes with her and found nothing amiss. When she really started to decline she failed to see that anything was really wrong, even though she was in a total mess and made many bad financial decisions. My mother kept anyone with a brain in their head at bay, and drove family and friends away.

Like I said, there was a feeling in my gut that something was different. She tried hard to cover up for her decline. And she was successful for many years. I later discovered, talking to people around her (like the pharmacist, her hairdresser, and even her financial advisor) that they thought her odd behavior was “funny and cute.” Oh that infuriated me.

Even if you suspect he is “faking,” please keep a close eye on him. I had to wait until my mother was finally hospitalized for a third time and finally diagnosed with cognitive decline before I could take action. But by then her finances and life were a disaster.

This may be possible if the person has narcissistic disorder or if they’ve always had a difficult personality, I’ve seen this happen a few times.

I almost divorced my husband over an incident he kicked my dog. I was so furious I demanded that he get out, leave, and I started looking for a lawyer. He got upset and cried. He said he didn’t know what he’d done to make me so mad. He denied kicking my dog even though someone witnessed it. I drove an hour to Los Angeles and went to see a psychic. In a very short time, with no info from me, she told me emphatically, that if I left my husband now, my karma would be damaged for a very long time. She Tim’s me that “something was wrong with his head and he really didn’t understand why I was mad”. I thought he was faking. How could he not know?

When I got home, I started thinking about his behavior over the past year or so. Things were off. I ruin him till the doctor and insisted on neuropsychology cognitive testing and received a clinical diagnosis of left and right frontal temporal lobe degeneration. A PET scan narrowed the diagnosis to early onset Alzheimer’s. He was 57.

Since that time, my assumption has been that he is NOT faking, even when I think he is. It’s hard seeing him as the person he is now when I knew him to be different. He gets scared about small things and cries a lot. Not at all the man I married 15 years ago.

I love him dearly and it breaks my heart when I think that I almost threw him out thinking he was faking and lying. Maybe your loved one is faking, but consider the consequences if they are not.

I can’t believe someone would think someone will fake a illness like this. Pay close attention to your loved one. This is a disease that someone will begin to decline. Don’t miss out on the most precious time in your love ones life because you are in denial.

I can understand the confusion and skepticism about it because most of us are not professionals and we've never seen anything like it before.

In my MIL's cause it was certain she had it. She could be found wandering the streets of the neighborhood and we had to put a latch on the door she couldn't reach. She developed incontinence. You could tell when you talked to her she wasn't there.

Maybe it's unclear in less severe cases, but probably the person is not faking it and you'll have to accept it. If you talk to them and they don't seem like the person they used to be, then I'd be pretty sure they are not faking it.

no, that notion should never be considered trust me, I did this to Sister w brain cancer--I couldnt understand why she couldnt get on an escalator. I helped her anyways of course but thank God I bit my tongue of what my stupid brain was thinking!! FF 30yrs and I had SAH/ TBI and sure understood the fear and vertigo!! Always think the best and they are doing the best they can, tc {{{hugs}}}}

Absolutely not. Dementia makes no sense and is incredibly hard to diagnose, even for a trained medical professional. If someone you love got diagnosed with dementia, then they have dementia. It's also important to note, that dementia gets worse with time and it's not going to reverse at any point. Please, try to be understanding with them.

Probably not faking "dementia" but if a person is the manipulative type they might claim helplessness. Actually, mild symptoms of dementia can make a person feel disorganized and not quite able to function well, in which case, they may want to depend more on those who are close to them. Don't dismiss the behavior without certainty.

Definitely some elders who are of totally sound mind will 'fake' dementia to get attention. The same way a child will fake being sick or hurt to get attention.
Dementia is real and when it is, it's devastating. Sickness and injury are real too and can be devastating as well. That doesn't mean that there aren't people out there who will fake at all three to get attention in some way or another.
I've been a senior caregiver for almost 25 years, so believe me when I say, I've seen it all. I'm the sole caregiver to my elderly parent for some time now, and see the 'faking' all the time. For example, my mother will be all but dying in pain and misery unable to remember. The minute she gets in the doctor's office, it's not so bad. My mother doesn't have a moment of dementia. I know this because we live together. The never-ending buffet of health issues aren't all entirely real either. I would say half or more are for attention. Doctor collecting is really the only thing my mother enjoys doing. She isn't interested in doing or even trying anything else. So, when she can add a new one that's a happy day for her.
Of course there is also such a thing as 'showtiming' when people actually have dementia. This means they can keep it together for around certain people for short amounts of time. They always get found out because there are too many other indicators that can't be temporarily covered up. When you see your family member (or client) frequently and are their caregiver, you can always spot 'showtiming' or other staged 'performances' like a well-timed health crisis or a fall. These usually happen when the caregiver has something planned like a vacation, social event, etc... and have been looking forward to it, but the elder isn't part of it. So, to prevent their caregiver (usually a family member) from being able to take the vacation or go to a special event, they will stage something that will require a trip to the ER. So, you miss out on it and there's nothing wrong with them.
I actually had a client who would get down on the floor right before my caregiving hours with her started, so I'd find her when I came in (I had a key to the home for work). She never got hurt. I'd been to the ER with her so many times because of her 'falls' that finally her daughter told her that because of the falling she would have to be placed in a care facility. She never fell again.
So yes, people will fake dementia and give performances for attention.

When I was in nursing school, we learned about people who assume a "sick role" to get attention. It seems the only time that the people in their lives give them the affirmation, attention, and care that they crave is when they are sick. This seems to be more of a "problem" for stay-at-home moms and older women with "blue collar attitude" (think Archie Bunker) men in their lives. It could happen with older folks who are feeling lonely. So in a sense, YES - somebody could be faking dementia to get attention.

If you suspect this is happening, help the person get more face-to-face interactions with others in their day/week. If they are engaged with others and doing enjoyable activities, the "faking" should subside.

My mother faked something - speaking to a third party in the room when there was just the two of us, using a strange voice, pretending not to know where she was - when she was only with me. I was concerned for her, but after addressing the concern with her as delicately as I could and with my siblings who never saw her, I was told I was lying about her. I'm not sure in my case it was attention seeking but rather just abuse. I hope you are able to get a more helpful answer here than mine.

Without any details from you the short answer is yes. Old people still retain their personality traits— so if someone was manipulative and attention seeking when younger they most definitely can fake memory loss for attention. I have a friend this is an example and everyone’s different but her grandma was known to be a manipulative woman— when he son would go out on dates she would feign having chest pain in an effort to stop him from leaving, if there was an event she would call and say she was bed ridden or in the ER. She said she also pulled antics such as creating drama or stirring the pot.

This doesn’t mean that someone who had some type of personality disorder like above cannot also go on to develop dementia when older. There are certain rip offs though that would help narrow down if this is memory loss or if he or she is manipulating others for attention. Can you give more history and what’s going on currently unless I missed it I just read the question but didn’t see any background or details

Old people become very demanding and get weird ideas into their heads and if they have or are getting dementia too, God help those around them. And they become fearful, lonely and don't want to lose control so they will do whatever they need to do to get attention. Unless it gets completely out of hand, just recognize this fact. Love them, if they are lovable, and if not, you just have to tolerate their behavior as long as it does not start to negatively affect you and YOUR life. That is when you have to put a stop to it by whatever means possible. Good luck - the joys of aging - makes me sick what old age does to people.

First, why would ANYONE fake dementia? It is a horrible condition.
Second, perhaps her 'dementia' is real and she's doing lots of 'normal' things to cover up her fears and behaviors.
Third, just document it.
Fourth, you don't have dementia. Praise the Lord.