Do dementia patients get clingy?

Yes, people with dementia can get clingy. It's because they live in a world that they no longer understand and they're scared. Sometimes it happens late in the afternoon as the person starts to sundown but not necessarily. Some people get followed right into the bathroom by a clingy loved one.

Reassuring your loved one that you'll be right back doesn't always help because they forget it as soon as you're out of the room and then they begin to panic. Like most dementia behaviors clinginess can get worse as the dementia progresses.

Treat her anxiety before it blooms into outright anger. Stay ahead of the symptoms. Then go do your chores, set a timer for 15 minutes and assure her you will check on her when it dings.

Absolutely Pam. Clinginess often comes alongside dementia. My Mums doctor explained it this way: Every little trait she ever had will be magnified. The good traits can become as draining as the bad and it is perfectly OK for you (Me) as the carer to feel angry. The trick is to walk away when you feel that way.

Mum has a personality disorder as well which just gets magnified and swings between clinginess and vitriol. It's like she is vile until I walk away then clingy in case I actually do. It is very much like having a child trying to get your constant attention and then when they don't they cling to your leg. The difference being of course that children learn, people with dementia don't.

If your Mum wants to be with you and she can walk then go about your chores and don't give in to the pressure....you will end up frazzled - and trust me on this one I really do know!

Yes, my mom gets very clingy as well. She would be happy if I sat there all day with her and watched her TV shows! She also does and always has been combative so she can get very agitated when I do my chores. I also go to a outside of the home job, which I think she totally understands, but she expects me home at the very same time each day. It is overwhelming a lot of the time and you do have to walk away to keep your sanity! Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

This is often called shadowing. People with dementia can become very fearful, which is understandable considering theirlife as they know it has been turned upside down. You are familiar. You are the protector. So she wants to see you (her memory of you will fade when she can't see you). That doesn't mean that you have to give in to it all but it does help to understand that she is suffering from a type of separation anxiety.

Good answers on this thread! Keep reading comments from people who know and update us when you can about how you are doing.
Carol

My 88-yr-old healthy mother doesn't have dementia but she tries to keep me home whenever possible suggesting "you need to rest" or "we'll eat something in the freezer so you don't have to go out". When I do go out she's waiting for me to return and always says sadly "you were gone sooo long". I try to reassure her by telling her where I'm going and how long I'll be gone and I call her if I'm running later than expected but it's frustrating to have to be thinking about her and accountable to her even when I'm not with her.

Thank you all for sharing. Your comments and suggestions are priceless. My sister and I are experiencing similar issues from our father. As one you have written that your parent doesn't have dementia, but still nonetheless clingy. We're not completely sure if our father has it either, but a need for us to be there can be bothersome when there are things that take us out of his eyesight.

Carol shadowing is a perfect name for it. When Mum was more able she actually would stand outside the bathroom door and talk to me while I was doing what people do in a bathroom! Me and my shadow is absolutely apt. It as however yet another indicator for the geriatric psych as to the fact that Mum had actually had dementia long before we recognised it.

But she has always wanted to be 'close' to people - it's almost like aspergers in a way because she would mimic eating habits and eat what the person she was sat next to ordered if we were out at a restaurant. Now that she doesn't have that she doesn't want to eat at all. She wants to eat what I eat but doesn't like what I eat so it is a constant battle. Given free choice it would be nothing or sweets cakes biscuits and desserts!

If I left Mom alone for 1 hour to go shopping she is agitated and mad because she said that I (we) left her alone all day. (Everyday) To the point that she called 911 Three times before Christmas!! Would leave the house and not know how to get home so a neighbor would take her back. Mind you we live on a major highway. She is 91 & Dad died Nov.2, 2015 from liver cancer caused by hepatitis C he got from blood transfusion in 1969. He was 90 when he died but it took that long to destroy his liver. Mom got worse after he died& living with us. Long story short had to put Mom in AL on Dec. 30, 2015 because the police said that we could be charged with neglect if she jumped out in front of a car. Also my husband has pancreatic cancer which put us in a tail spin. So yes she has dementia & became very clingy. Sorry to all

Medication was the only thing that helped for my om. she was ALWAYS angry with me because I hadn't called or come to visit. The truth: I was there every day. fortunately, she had a neighbor who visited and heard the calls and saw me. Things just got worse and worse until she got the right meds, and enough of them!!! Now she is even-keeled, not dopey, and happy to see me. I pray my thanks to the Pharma-God.

When at home, my father just stays in his recliner but I take him with me to the grocery store once per week. He pushes the cart. He pushes it right up to me. I mean the cart is up my rear half the time. I tell him not to get so close that he's not going to lose me, that I'm not going to run away, and that he knows where I live! But, he's still afraid. He'd never admit that.

Med's helped me deal wMIL who actually has untreated narcissism. And the family has never really dealt with it. Also learned we could see her DR without her being there (a consultation) to get help/answers about her increasing angry behavior--spewing verbal abuse up to 80% of the time per my Sig-other (her son) who was living there 24/7. AND now I can understand why--she was scared--probably terrified. AND we still didn't deserve her abuse either. I only learned the EXTENT after it occurred to me to ask him on a scale 1-10 how much is she verbally abusive to you? Because I was living separately (gratefully!)--didn't realize the hell he was living in. We got her on psychotropic med's after 5 mo's bc 2X gerantologists refused to see her. Finally I realized she didn't have to see a Psychiatrist regularly (she would have refused)--she only had to see him a couple of visits to get the right med's. We just said her Dr wanted her to see a "specialist". (Keeping in mind that dementia DOES increase all their negative behaviors and fears.....so reasoning just usually doesn't work.) Her primary Dr didn't want to give her anything other than Xanax and that just wasn't working. These NEW med's helped in 24-48 hrs!! Halleluyah--it was a miracle for us! In her case it was Zyprexa and Lexapro to treat anxiety, depression, and the behavioral issues. Over time (a month or so) I as able to "tweak" the dosage down so that she wasn't sooo groggy that she couldn't get up out of her lazy boy to go to the bathroom (she weighs 220 lbs.). This was WITH her Primary Dr's agreement that "less is better" and helped also by checking wNursing friends who had lot's of personal experience with these types of med's. And mostly seeing her behavior responses to the med's and decreasing/changing gradually and with her son's OK too, of course. I was there almost daily for 5-7+ hours so I had lot's of contact for monitoring. Hope this helps some.

I can identify! If I am not in the same room as my husband, he either comes looking for me, or sits in his chair and pounds on it. If I go to the bathroom, he usually has some reason to either come in, or talk through the door. It is so suffocating, but won't change. Pray the Serenity Prayer! Change the things you can, and do the best with the things you can't!

Sometime the caregiver can be clung to & sometimes the caregiver becomes the enemy. There is no clear cut answer to your question. Dementia is manifested in different forms.
God's speed....

My mil is clingy somewhat. She lives alone but on the same property as us. She is more clingy with my husband. One of us could stay there all day every day and it would not be enough. She complains that no one comes to see her but they do. She has a brother who comes and takes her out to eat once or twice a month, her grandson comes to see her or will call to check on her probably once a week, maybe more. She just wants somebody with her all the time and we just cannot be. Everybody has a full time job, I am the only one who does not work outside the home but am raising two kids, which is a full time job. She was in rehab for three months and was miserable and lonely there because she would not come out of her room to talk to anyone. She said she didn't want to talk to "all those old people". She has always been this way though, not wanting to be alone.

Oh another BIG HELP for me was the Caregiver's BILL of RIGHTS reprinted in the book "Caring for Your Aging Parents" that I found at the local library! 10 TIPS such as (to name a few that helped ME!)......I have the right: (1) to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my relative. (2) to seek help from others even though my relative may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength. (3) to maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.
These are tools that I had NOT learned sufficiently in my 60+ years on this earth. And being a "Primary Caregiver's" Primary Caregiver myself........was an opportunity for me to finally LEARN, the hard way, that I DO have these rights!!! I can share this stuff now because both my sig-others parents are now in a NH and doing well. I am still "debriefing" this 7+ year process, however......and so is my sig-other. I'm feeling grateful that I survived this most difficult life-transition.....and relief and joy even.....that I learned so much about myself.....in the process. Hoping this helps even one of you on your journey......

I have not seen this with clients I've cared for in my work as a home care person, I try to respond to any voiced comments, and I'm only with them for certain shifts, so it's not the same. But I also have noted that I sometimes worry that the person is alone, and rush to make their breakfast once they are awake - I learned from another aide who was methodical and good too, to take my time making breakfast, rather than rush it to her. It helps to be clear, and just go and do things, checking back at least visually and to know the amount of time the person can be alone, before they get up and do things that put themselves at risk.

But the clingy part reminds me of each dog I've had, when they get old and frail, I remember finding it frustrating and also endearing, that I could not go to any room without them following and sitting outside it, including the bathroom.

About the term "shadowing" - I've heard it used among professional helpers, to refer to accompanying a person who is a fall risk, or has some other risk, so it is the professional who "shadows", to be available to help if a difficulty arises.

Sounds endearing (and tiring) for daughter to have mom follow her, after she was frightened by a breathing episode. Maybe work up to a signal/depart method, so she learns you'll be back when you say you will - or maybe also get a baby monitor, and after a bit she can learn that you do hear and respond. Done with consistency, reassurance and good cheer, you can hopefully assert some need to be separate sometimes!

Oh - I just remembered one elder woman who was not clingy, but so demanding, that she would ask for one chore to be done before then last chore was finished, and ask for a sandwich again and again. I took that as a mistaken medication and behavior issue, and worked with her only rarely, it was so hard to keep up. One had to have energy!

In addition to exhibiting many of the behaviors describe above, my late husband would sometimes insist that not only did I have to sit next to him and watch TV, but that I had to select the program. Since I often didn't want to watch TV, I often found it a great strain to have to select a program. It was so important to him, that he was willing to watch my favorite detective shows, which he didn't understand.

My wife was very clingy towards me and as she progressed about where we lived. She would literally have a panic attack when I left her line of sight for just a minute even when she was with her daughters in our home. Eventually she would have a panic attack when we left home even with me driving. At that time we had to stay at home 24/7. At that point it began to really take a toll on my health and I realized I had reached the limits of what I could do for her at home. Although you know everything is fine, it's very hard to see that fear in their eyes because to them it is very real.

I know JDP1000, reality is in their own minds. It is like having a dream in which you are falling. They say if you don't wake up before you hi bottom in the dream you actually die! My 91 year old Mother is getting to that stage. Said

mean hit bottom

mean sad!! better stop posting for awhile

Unfortunately I do believe this is part of the process. Mom has to have me around all the time. If I go out to the store, or go for a walk, she will say " I was worried something happened to you, you were gone so long". This after a half hour walk! When I go shopping it's even worse. If I am gone an hour or longer, she will not only be upset she will be angry. "Well, did you finally decide to come home?" Trust me, I have been dealing with this now for years! I no longer have a life. Even if I try to work in the garden, she will be checking on me every few minutes. I know it's difficult, and I totally emphasize with you!

I can relate, as my husband now likes to watch my t.v. programs at night unless it really is something he doesn't like (I like to watch the autopsy show describing medical issues since I'm a nurse & the home improvement shows). We all get lonely, and it reminds me of the baby who when mother disappears they think mom is never coming back. My husband will come looking for me when he doesn't know where I am, or I make sure I tell him (but he will forget, so when I leave the house I write it out and put it on his desk). This condition worsens, so love her for the time she has left and be grateful having her near.

I don't know about dementia,but my Mom couldn't breathe either and she never wanted me out of her sight.I know she must have been scared .....of dying and being alone when it comes.Consider yourself very loved and adored.You are doing a great job,I am sure.I'm sorry you are going through this.

My Mom has dementia and she is clingy as well. She's also very active and healthy physically, so she does best when we have things to do. Perhaps you should tell your Mom that you need help in the kitchen, sit her at the table with some napkins to fold while you do the dishes. If she doesn't want to get up, bring the napkins to her, or ask her to match the laundry socks or some task. That sort of thing seems to work great with my Mom. My Mom was always a "do-er" as am I, so doing tasks, running errands, small projects really help her feel even keeled. Sitting down is what drives her crazy.

I'm not looking forward to this. I did know something was going on when a few years back we went away and Mom was telling all her friends she couldn't wait for me to get home. Up until then, I would go on vacation and not call anyone. I was on vacation. At this point she watches everything I do if I'm in the same room. This bugs me. Following me will be worse. Can't take people right there when I turn around.

Dad at age 90, still lives independently in his own home, but on same property as my husband and I. He rarely comes over to our home anymore, preferring to "stay at home alone". When we do get him here, it is only after repeated insistence that he agrees to make the walk down his ramp, across the drive and then up our ramp. Once here he wants to go back home so he can "be alone". However, when we are at his home, he doesn't want us to leave him.
A similar situation occurs on the infrequent occasion when family comes to visit from out of town. He will come over and understandably want to go home alone as anything or anyone out of his normal routine confuses him, yet he wants one of us to stay with him until guests (family he has forgotten) have gone.
If we are spending any time outdoors, he will sit on his porch and watch, but steadfastly refuses to come over and participate in any activities.
Then there was an electric grocery cart situation where he was so close that he actually pinned me to a shelf and was unable to figure out how to put it into reverse. Thank goodness another shopper was able to reach the control!
So clingy to a degree, but also frightened enough to want to remain alone.
It's so heartbreaking . . .

Two people I know who developed some stage of dementia were to some degree clingy, So from my personal experience I would definitely have to say yes on this one. One of the last people I knew with dementia didn't even want me to go home, and he even wanted me to live with him and it didn't fly well with me because it never happened. However, I did sit with him as much as I possibly could until it started interfering with my need to live my own life. When it started interfering with my personal life, I had to step back to a point. The person what is eventually put into a nursing home, but he later died and was recently dispositioned a few weeks ago