Could someone describe a "good day vs a bad day"? My husband has been diagnosed with mild vascular dementia.

when this was happening with my father, my mother would try to reason with him and I told her to stop cause it would only cause anger and more confusion. I would say that we will find it or maybe it is just misplaced and will turn up. Of course in the electric shaving department, my mother actually had bought either 3 or 4 of them within a years time. When cleaning, while looking for paperwork, I actually found 3 of them, one hidden in the living room in the compartment under the tv stand. not sure why it was there, just like not sure why a hand gripper was in a bookend stand in the bottom drawer under stuff either.

Thank you, Mimijazz. The wallet situation is oh, so familiar. Usually, when my husband misplaces his wallet it is either my fault, or someone has stolen it. I try to remain cheerful and say that it will turn up, but I have to admit that, although I know it's the disease talking, I still have to repress the urge to yell, I DIDN'T LOSE IT, YOU DID AND NO ONE STOLE IT. PUT IT WHERE IT BELONGS AND YOU WON'T LOSE IT. Of course, I don't do that, but I'm beginning to see the value of going to an isolated place and letting lose with a primal scream. You are right, there are only "better" days, and I'm deeply grateful for them.

I saw a stunning example of "good day/bad day" with my husband just before I read this post. I'd rather call them "better days", because no day is truly good.

Last week, a nurse from our long term insurance company came to the house to interview him. She asked a bunch of typical questions....date, day....which he couldn't answer. She needed to see a photo ID and his Medicare card, so I sent him to get his wallet. He came back down with an old checkbook, some date stamps and some other unrelated material, but no wallet. Bad day.

Today, his son and grandson came to visit and I told them their task for the day was to find the wallet. Well, my husband went upstairs with them, opened the drawer of a dresser and pulled out the wallet, like he knew it was there all the time. Better day.

For me a good day is when my husband is calm and not angry, calling me names, saying I am no longer his wife, blaming for things he has done, etc. On good days he is cheerful, affectionate, appreciative. He still doesn't always make sense, may respond to a comment inappropriately, etc. but as long as he is in a good mood, I call it a good day. It reminds me of a bad poem by, I think, Longfellow who wrote about a girl who, when she was good, she was very, very good and, "when she was bad, she was horrid."

I can't say what is a good day or bad is....only been dealing with this about 8 months.
I can say my husband's mood does depend on how I deal with it...and that is a challenge,. I just got upset at him because he wanted to go home...I think it hurts me because he doesn't think of me as his wife nor does he think of our home as his. We have been married 45 years, And I would have never thought he would
not remember. So I overreact...and get upset....I know it is the disease but it is hard sometimes to not get upset. So i guess a good day is when he is calm and not anxious .When he is calm so am I. I almost forget he has dementia. It is definitely one day at a time.

This is a difficult question to find an answer for because everyone is different. And each day is different - sometimes each hour or minute is different. My daughter and I have been in the process of getting outside help for my dad who is 85 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia three years ago. He totally believes that he is completely capable of taking care of himself and driving, but it is clear that he is NOT. (His drivers license will be gone within the next month due to our state taking it away because of his diagnosis.) A lot of my worries will vanish when that happens but until then, I just watch for his car to come home. And say ALOT of prayers. His good days are many in that he doesn't require 24 hour care and can prepare his own meals - when he wants to. He is becoming more and more dependent on me and my help with daily chores and reminders about taking his medications correctly. Physically, other than the dementia, he is very healthy, but I have noticed that he is "shuffling" instead of walking briskly the way he always has and have voiced my concerns to his doctor and to him. He doesn't remember a lot of things from one moment to the next so I have to really pick my times to talk to him about important things like money or someone coming into his home to help. He is very resistant to anyone other than myself or my daughter coming into his home so I have put that on hold for right now, but have that resource available. Just keep on doing what you are doing and try to find time for yourself. I have some very good friends who know the situation and let me vent when I need to and that helps a lot. You have to take time for you so that you can take care the best care of them that is possible. Good luck!

ADCaregivers, I've been thinking about your comment all day...I think my husband has mostly "good days" with one or two "bad days" a week. I do feel so frustrated when he has "bad days"...like I'm not doing "enough" or not doing the right things. I think I feel "encouraged" on his "good days" because it seems like things are getting better...then my hopes are so dashed on the bad days because the situation seems so hopeless. There's just no continuity...nothing I can count on...I hold my breath each day hoping there will be no arguments, no temper tantrums. When he seems more normal, it's great; inevitably, it doesn't last and I feel the loss all over again! I feel like a ping pong ball!

a good day for my dad was when he was more coherent, his eyes were not dark, he didn't fuss over things, ate without issues, didn't swing his cane or walker around and was awake more. When he was having a bad day, his pupils looked black, he would sleep more, and get more angry and would want to argue, swing his cane/walker and scream or holler. He is in nursing home now, gets his meds on time, meals on time.......but he is further into the dementia now, so more sleeping than being awake. I have been lucky to see him from time to time being awake, but my poor mom seems to get him at the times when he is sleeping. And they will be married tomorrow for 71 years. I guess when you don't feel all tensed up inside or feel like crying, that is a good day.

With my Mom a good day vs bad day depends on her anxiety and confusion levels. On a good day she will repeat questions often, but knows our daily routine and isn't confused with the regular tasks we do. On a bad day she is agitated, gets confused about how to cash a check or grocery shop.

You still have a long road to travel. In my opinion (I am a retired nurse), a good day is one in which he does not fall or do anything to hurt himself.

Thanks Sunnygirl1 very good ideas going to try. Going to take him to less expensive dentist and see if can't get a better price. Will let you know if keeping his teeth except when he eats good idea. Thanks again

Dear Tarajane, I'm sure if you've read all the answers you have figured out by now there are no definant answers. My sweet Mom passed away April 19 of this year. We buried her on my parents 48th anniversary. Pray a lot and be with your loved one as much as possible. While I started noticing problems about 4 years ago she wasn't diagnosed until 2 years ago. She was so TORMENTED in her mind, a part of me was glad when she passed. I miss her every day, but if I could bring her back & she wouldn't be better, I wouldn't. About 16 months ago i got the same diagnosis on my mother-in-law.
TRY TO FIND GOOD MOMENTS & let the rest go. God Bless you!!!!!

Helpforlife my FIL also has vasc dementia, your post sounds EXACTLY like him! A good day is when I get up less than 3-4 times a night for his toileting needs, he doesn't hit me or he sleeps past 6:30am.

A good day is when I get to have a few precious hours to myself to meet a girlfriend, and no one calls with a calamity. Today!! So far so good. I met a friend an we laughed, had lunch and walked the whole mall. I'm feeling rejuvenated and happy!! I hope you had a good day too.

Yes, am familiar with vascular dementia. Daughter's FIL had it. He then had a 7 centimeter stroke. Yes, centimeter.

A good day for us is when my Dad doesn't ask where my (dead) mother is, when he doesn't talk about people who are not there, gets paranoid about someone opening his mail, or when he doesn't pee on the wall instead of the toilet. A good day is when he sleeps more, roams around less and doesn't fall. Vascular dementia is really a crap shoot for us. Some days, he is really with it, and other days, he is a complete loony tune! There is no such thing as a normal day. It is always something different. Best of luck!

It's quite possible that the dentures don't fit well and are uncomfortable. I have the opposite problem--can't eat with them. The lowers are the worst--they're a partial because I still have some lower teeth. The dental school has given up; I've still got the original temps because two tries at permanent ones were worse than these. The upper is OK for normal wear, often I just wear it. (looks OK, better than nothing). You might try just one and see if it's OK for general wear.

I like SummerGirl's answer about keeping the dentures until he needs them to eat. Makes sense regarding most anything. Tnx.

from my own experience with my surrogate dad, I don't think there's really any good days. I can however say that with what I witnessed, dad seemed to function better during the day because he was pretty much normal until right around evening. The later it got, the worse he seemed to get. If we were going to do anything together and it had to be during the day and you had to catch him early before his evening decline.

Dear Kwriter, so sorry for the loss of your mother.

A good day with my dad is when he has rested and happy to see me and my sister, which happens weekly. A bad day is when the N/H phones and says they cant control him, he wants to walk out and stand by the secured gate. He then only settles when one of us speak to him on the phone and promise to visit the same or next day. He dislikes new faces and refuses to go to the doctor or wait on doctors. My sister took him to the hospital last week because he could not stand up, which were very odd, but then he performed so much at the hospital, that she gave in and let him say loud, 'this is a horrible place' I want to go. He no longer recognises any of the grandchildren or his family. He only knows me and my sister and it makes him very happy to see us. We visit every week, often twice.

Ferris said it all....

My mom progresses slowly and for years it was mostly just a lack if short term memory. You could discuss complicated stuff she just wouldn't remember the discussion 5 minutes later. She had vascular dementia for at least the last 15 years of her life. She really started going down hill 3 years ago. After that a,good day was when she was happy. When we could make her smile and enjoy the moments. She had some falliing issues from hwet wheelchair also in last 6 months and she passed away last week.

When someone has dementia, every day is a dementia day. I don't mean to sound heartless, but once a diagnosis is made, then your loved one has that illness everyday.
As a professional caregiver, I try not to judge good and bad days because these diseases are progressive. When I started caregiving, I used to make mental evaluations, but I gave that up because the comparisons were making me discouraged--as if I were not doing a good enough job on a bad day. I would beat myself up, then I gave up judging. I suggest you record his behaviors everyday so you can see the patterns. Also if you record your interventions, then you can see if what you did made a difference. Caregiving is a sure-fire path to burn out. Please take care of yourself.

Describe Sundowning to me. Thanks

Marci27, once they start losing things, it's very difficult to stop it. They simply can't control it. What if you keep the dentures with you until meal and snack times? Put them in at those times and take them out afterwards. Unless he is constantly supervised, there is no way you will know where he may place the dentures. They place things in strange places and they could turn up anywhere in your home. Continuing to pay that much to replace them isn't likely to work, although, he could move to a different stage and stop taking them out when he moves to the next stage. It depends on the person.

Keep eating or feeding them spoonfuls of coconut oil. Many say it helps slow and sometimes even turn around dementia. Tastes pretty good in tea and coffee actually.

what stage is my mother in law in? She sleeps 20 out of 24 hours. Will only eat a few tablespoons of food at a time but wants to eat every hour. Absolutely refuses to clean herself or have help, now this women was a very clean women showered every day of her life-not now. If you take her out she wants to go home immediately and no way will she let my husband and I have any time alone when we do have a chance in the evening to be together.

My husband is 77 tomorrow has had dementia for 7 years and also can't see from macular which makes his dementia worse. I just realized about a month ago that what I used to think were really bad days are good days now as his
dementia progresses but I do agree a good day is no falls

Took away car keys for good. However, I've tried everything to keep him from taking out his teeth notice ever time he takes out teeth and puts them in his pant pockets by telling him to either give me the teeth to put in purse or back in his mouth. Remind him of all the other ones he has lost and the cost but obviously nothing has worked. Any suggestions?