Could someone describe a "good day vs a bad day"? My husband has been diagnosed with mild vascular dementia.

I do feel for you. My cousin was diagnosed with vascular dementia mixed with AD last year. It had been progressing with her for a couple of years before that. I will say that it seemed to progress with her very quickly and in steps. In less than a year she went from running her own household to being double incontinent and in a wheelchair. She turned 64 this week.

My cousin is in Memory Care, but I cared for her before she went in for a short while. I would say a good day is a day that she did not fall down. Balance is a huge issue and I have seen her walk around her walker for no apparent reason and then let go and go backwards. If I was not standing there, she would have fallen backwards. They forget they have balance issues, forget they need a walker, and forget to hold on and not fall. They don't know what happened when the hit the floor. This can result in many ER visits and multiple fractures. I don't know any remedy for this, unless you constantly monitor them. The only reason she doesn't fall now is that she is in a wheelchair. A good day is no falls.

I would say a good day is if she is not repeating everything constantly. That phase was rough, but has gone away. She doesn't have much to say anymore and usually answers with a yes or no response or I' don't know or I don't remember.

We had some bad days when she was very anxious and crying. She didn't know why she was upset. After she was placed on Cymbalta, that went away. She is normally content and happy and so that's always a good day.

As she has progressed with this illness, her doctor has commented on the progression. It's sad to see that, but I expect it. I think the good days are knowing that she is not in pain and is getting her needs met.

My gosh, I didn't know it could be so rapid of a decline. I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe a cure someday for others ?

I hope so Tarajane. Everybody is different though. Some people don't progress so fast. They are able to live at home and enjoy life for many years before it progresses. And every day is different. You may have a bad day and then a good day after that. It's good you are there for your husband.

My definition of a good day vs a bad day is relative to my husband's condition. On a good day his behavior is consistent with most of his days. A bad day is one where he is not as mentally or physically focused as he has been on previous days. We can go a week without a bad day and then have several in a row. What is a good or bad day for him now is not the same as a good or bad day for him a yr ago or even six months ago.

My definition of a good day was when anxiety was at a low level. The physical things weren't as hard to handle, but when anxiety, paranoia and generalized fear took over there was a terrible feeling of helplessness on my part. I hated seeing that.

I hate seeing this with the person now in my care, as well. Anxiety is so debilitating and the onlooker can feel completely at a loss about what to do to ease this person's internal. hell. Of course, staying with a schedule, limiting outside stimulation and those things can help but sometimes the anxiety is simply coming from the person's chemistry and it's hard to help. Just comforting and waiting it out is sometimes all we can do.

All of the things described in this thread are so helpful. Keep contributing your definition of good days, vs. bad days. It's different for everyone and different in every stage.

Carol

It sounds like he is not getting the connections in his brain to use his muscles. Balance issues can be helped with exercise. Get him in a shallow swimming pool and let him walk. It has done wonders for my husband and he is walking much better. Every day from now on will be different. No one can tell you what is "good" and "bad" days. They are all good since he is still alive. Cherish each moment you have with him. Best wishes to you both!

(((HUGS)))Tarajane - my Mom is midway+ through vascular dementia. Her progression at first was very rapid, then it slowed. She had been at a steady, relatively stable until a few months ago. The doctor first thought Alzheimers. Because she didn't progress in on the same timeline, he did further testing and amended her DX to vascular. They are basically the same, just a different timeline.

Mom doesn't really have many "good" days. Until a few months ago she would not balk at going out. She kept her apartment cleaner than now. Lately her hygiene is suffering a bit, she will not eat or drink unless "forced" to. She does not want to leave the house for any reason. She never moves - she lays on her bed in the same position for 23 hours a day. She has done this for years, tho. She moves like she is underwater, she is very weak and unsteady. She truly doesn't think there is anything wrong with her except that she is an old, old lady - she just turned 79. She falls and has no idea how to get up. She needs lots of cues to get up from a fall, or sitting down in a chair or getting up from a chair. She has developed an aversion to water - she will not wash her hands unless I make her do it. She has developed a bit of bowel incontinence and does not wipe well.

Until a just a month or so ago, Mom could hand up her tops with not muc\h trouble - now, she has a difficult time. I have to prompt her to do most anything physical. She used to be an obcessive reader - now it takes her a week to one book. I am not sure that she retains what she reads, I think she is just reading the words. She does almost everything from memory. I have found lately, that she leaves something she heated up in the microwave - she never ate it. She only wants soup, candy and chips. Nothing good and healthy. Those things are the everyday reality with Mom now.

After going through all the answers and seeing so many of the same patterns that my man has experienced, I think my definition of a good day is when I can just cope and get a laugh with him. You never know what the day may bring. Sometimes a fall, sometimes paranoia and sometimes he forgets my name. I guess I have learned to take it as it comes. A good day is when I am not crying. I prefer to make myself as happy as I can. Then I can hope to get him laughing. That's a good day for me.

Wow, seems like he is walking underwater just about says it all !!! Hunched over. I will watch him when he is sitting out on the patio and sometimes he will just almost go to sleep with a soda in his hand, then he will come in and say he wants another one because he spilled the one he had. It is so sad to watch him. He is no longer the man I married, but I love him just as much. We have been married for 48 years. Thank you all for being here.

For my dad and I, a good day is when he actually does something. He had a day about a month ago when he finally got his hair cut after 9 months (it was horrid). He also tried to cut his ingrown toenails and got blood all over but at least he tried. A bad day is his normal day of doing nothing. A worse day is when he has a diarrhea explosion, and I have to clean up the result.

A good day for love one a day out to movie & dinner without any incidents. Bad day was yesterday when my love one lost his bottom dentures for the 4th time, each new denture costs $2,000. Plus on the same day as he's done for the past 3 years , backed out of the garage to drive to the shopping Center , and hit the neighbours mail post pole and had to pay her $254 to replace it.

With my mom, who is 88, her anxiety level seems to depend a lot on my own. If I can remain patient, tolerant, and loving, (as you caregivers know, some days thats's a huge challenge) she does so much better. If I start the day out with a loving greeting, a hug and big smilebig smile, I can see her respond immediately. She has been with me for 6 months now. It was a nightmare in the beginning. I was exhausted all of the time, because she was getting out of bed at night, and falling, and getting up from her chair daily. She can't walk at all without assistance. She was fighting with me at every turn. She wouldn't let me out of her sight. She would start with calling my name, then literally chanting over and over until I came. Then she didn't know why she needed me. It was exhausting. I couldn't step out of the room even to prepare her meals without her yelling. I nearly had a breakdown. Finally, I got the strength to stand my ground, and over time she has gotten the message that I will not be able to keep her with me if I can't keep her safe. It took me telling her this over and over again, and I still repeat it often, when necessary. Her dementia is between a 5 & 6, but there are still moments of clarity. Clearly she still has some ability to learn. When that clarity is apparent, I seize the opportunity to explain to her that sometimes she does things that are dangerous, because she forgets. I do that as often as I can. It seems to be working, for now at least. We have settled into a routine now, and it has eased her anxiety as well. I'll take it. With this disease, I have learned quickly that it's one day at a time.

Took away car keys for good. However, I've tried everything to keep him from taking out his teeth notice ever time he takes out teeth and puts them in his pant pockets by telling him to either give me the teeth to put in purse or back in his mouth. Remind him of all the other ones he has lost and the cost but obviously nothing has worked. Any suggestions?

My husband is 77 tomorrow has had dementia for 7 years and also can't see from macular which makes his dementia worse. I just realized about a month ago that what I used to think were really bad days are good days now as his
dementia progresses but I do agree a good day is no falls

what stage is my mother in law in? She sleeps 20 out of 24 hours. Will only eat a few tablespoons of food at a time but wants to eat every hour. Absolutely refuses to clean herself or have help, now this women was a very clean women showered every day of her life-not now. If you take her out she wants to go home immediately and no way will she let my husband and I have any time alone when we do have a chance in the evening to be together.

Keep eating or feeding them spoonfuls of coconut oil. Many say it helps slow and sometimes even turn around dementia. Tastes pretty good in tea and coffee actually.

Marci27, once they start losing things, it's very difficult to stop it. They simply can't control it. What if you keep the dentures with you until meal and snack times? Put them in at those times and take them out afterwards. Unless he is constantly supervised, there is no way you will know where he may place the dentures. They place things in strange places and they could turn up anywhere in your home. Continuing to pay that much to replace them isn't likely to work, although, he could move to a different stage and stop taking them out when he moves to the next stage. It depends on the person.

Describe Sundowning to me. Thanks

When someone has dementia, every day is a dementia day. I don't mean to sound heartless, but once a diagnosis is made, then your loved one has that illness everyday.
As a professional caregiver, I try not to judge good and bad days because these diseases are progressive. When I started caregiving, I used to make mental evaluations, but I gave that up because the comparisons were making me discouraged--as if I were not doing a good enough job on a bad day. I would beat myself up, then I gave up judging. I suggest you record his behaviors everyday so you can see the patterns. Also if you record your interventions, then you can see if what you did made a difference. Caregiving is a sure-fire path to burn out. Please take care of yourself.

My mom progresses slowly and for years it was mostly just a lack if short term memory. You could discuss complicated stuff she just wouldn't remember the discussion 5 minutes later. She had vascular dementia for at least the last 15 years of her life. She really started going down hill 3 years ago. After that a,good day was when she was happy. When we could make her smile and enjoy the moments. She had some falliing issues from hwet wheelchair also in last 6 months and she passed away last week.

Ferris said it all....

A good day with my dad is when he has rested and happy to see me and my sister, which happens weekly. A bad day is when the N/H phones and says they cant control him, he wants to walk out and stand by the secured gate. He then only settles when one of us speak to him on the phone and promise to visit the same or next day. He dislikes new faces and refuses to go to the doctor or wait on doctors. My sister took him to the hospital last week because he could not stand up, which were very odd, but then he performed so much at the hospital, that she gave in and let him say loud, 'this is a horrible place' I want to go. He no longer recognises any of the grandchildren or his family. He only knows me and my sister and it makes him very happy to see us. We visit every week, often twice.

Dear Kwriter, so sorry for the loss of your mother.

from my own experience with my surrogate dad, I don't think there's really any good days. I can however say that with what I witnessed, dad seemed to function better during the day because he was pretty much normal until right around evening. The later it got, the worse he seemed to get. If we were going to do anything together and it had to be during the day and you had to catch him early before his evening decline.

I like SummerGirl's answer about keeping the dentures until he needs them to eat. Makes sense regarding most anything. Tnx.

It's quite possible that the dentures don't fit well and are uncomfortable. I have the opposite problem--can't eat with them. The lowers are the worst--they're a partial because I still have some lower teeth. The dental school has given up; I've still got the original temps because two tries at permanent ones were worse than these. The upper is OK for normal wear, often I just wear it. (looks OK, better than nothing). You might try just one and see if it's OK for general wear.

A good day for us is when my Dad doesn't ask where my (dead) mother is, when he doesn't talk about people who are not there, gets paranoid about someone opening his mail, or when he doesn't pee on the wall instead of the toilet. A good day is when he sleeps more, roams around less and doesn't fall. Vascular dementia is really a crap shoot for us. Some days, he is really with it, and other days, he is a complete loony tune! There is no such thing as a normal day. It is always something different. Best of luck!

Yes, am familiar with vascular dementia. Daughter's FIL had it. He then had a 7 centimeter stroke. Yes, centimeter.

A good day is when I get to have a few precious hours to myself to meet a girlfriend, and no one calls with a calamity. Today!! So far so good. I met a friend an we laughed, had lunch and walked the whole mall. I'm feeling rejuvenated and happy!! I hope you had a good day too.

Helpforlife my FIL also has vasc dementia, your post sounds EXACTLY like him! A good day is when I get up less than 3-4 times a night for his toileting needs, he doesn't hit me or he sleeps past 6:30am.