Could someone describe a "good day vs a bad day"? My husband has been diagnosed with mild vascular dementia.

Dear Tarajane, I'm sure if you've read all the answers you have figured out by now there are no definant answers. My sweet Mom passed away April 19 of this year. We buried her on my parents 48th anniversary. Pray a lot and be with your loved one as much as possible. While I started noticing problems about 4 years ago she wasn't diagnosed until 2 years ago. She was so TORMENTED in her mind, a part of me was glad when she passed. I miss her every day, but if I could bring her back & she wouldn't be better, I wouldn't. About 16 months ago i got the same diagnosis on my mother-in-law.
TRY TO FIND GOOD MOMENTS & let the rest go. God Bless you!!!!!

Thanks Sunnygirl1 very good ideas going to try. Going to take him to less expensive dentist and see if can't get a better price. Will let you know if keeping his teeth except when he eats good idea. Thanks again

You still have a long road to travel. In my opinion (I am a retired nurse), a good day is one in which he does not fall or do anything to hurt himself.

With my Mom a good day vs bad day depends on her anxiety and confusion levels. On a good day she will repeat questions often, but knows our daily routine and isn't confused with the regular tasks we do. On a bad day she is agitated, gets confused about how to cash a check or grocery shop.

a good day for my dad was when he was more coherent, his eyes were not dark, he didn't fuss over things, ate without issues, didn't swing his cane or walker around and was awake more. When he was having a bad day, his pupils looked black, he would sleep more, and get more angry and would want to argue, swing his cane/walker and scream or holler. He is in nursing home now, gets his meds on time, meals on time.......but he is further into the dementia now, so more sleeping than being awake. I have been lucky to see him from time to time being awake, but my poor mom seems to get him at the times when he is sleeping. And they will be married tomorrow for 71 years. I guess when you don't feel all tensed up inside or feel like crying, that is a good day.

ADCaregivers, I've been thinking about your comment all day...I think my husband has mostly "good days" with one or two "bad days" a week. I do feel so frustrated when he has "bad days"...like I'm not doing "enough" or not doing the right things. I think I feel "encouraged" on his "good days" because it seems like things are getting better...then my hopes are so dashed on the bad days because the situation seems so hopeless. There's just no continuity...nothing I can count on...I hold my breath each day hoping there will be no arguments, no temper tantrums. When he seems more normal, it's great; inevitably, it doesn't last and I feel the loss all over again! I feel like a ping pong ball!

This is a difficult question to find an answer for because everyone is different. And each day is different - sometimes each hour or minute is different. My daughter and I have been in the process of getting outside help for my dad who is 85 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia three years ago. He totally believes that he is completely capable of taking care of himself and driving, but it is clear that he is NOT. (His drivers license will be gone within the next month due to our state taking it away because of his diagnosis.) A lot of my worries will vanish when that happens but until then, I just watch for his car to come home. And say ALOT of prayers. His good days are many in that he doesn't require 24 hour care and can prepare his own meals - when he wants to. He is becoming more and more dependent on me and my help with daily chores and reminders about taking his medications correctly. Physically, other than the dementia, he is very healthy, but I have noticed that he is "shuffling" instead of walking briskly the way he always has and have voiced my concerns to his doctor and to him. He doesn't remember a lot of things from one moment to the next so I have to really pick my times to talk to him about important things like money or someone coming into his home to help. He is very resistant to anyone other than myself or my daughter coming into his home so I have put that on hold for right now, but have that resource available. Just keep on doing what you are doing and try to find time for yourself. I have some very good friends who know the situation and let me vent when I need to and that helps a lot. You have to take time for you so that you can take care the best care of them that is possible. Good luck!

I can't say what is a good day or bad is....only been dealing with this about 8 months.
I can say my husband's mood does depend on how I deal with it...and that is a challenge,. I just got upset at him because he wanted to go home...I think it hurts me because he doesn't think of me as his wife nor does he think of our home as his. We have been married 45 years, And I would have never thought he would
not remember. So I overreact...and get upset....I know it is the disease but it is hard sometimes to not get upset. So i guess a good day is when he is calm and not anxious .When he is calm so am I. I almost forget he has dementia. It is definitely one day at a time.

For me a good day is when my husband is calm and not angry, calling me names, saying I am no longer his wife, blaming for things he has done, etc. On good days he is cheerful, affectionate, appreciative. He still doesn't always make sense, may respond to a comment inappropriately, etc. but as long as he is in a good mood, I call it a good day. It reminds me of a bad poem by, I think, Longfellow who wrote about a girl who, when she was good, she was very, very good and, "when she was bad, she was horrid."

I saw a stunning example of "good day/bad day" with my husband just before I read this post. I'd rather call them "better days", because no day is truly good.

Last week, a nurse from our long term insurance company came to the house to interview him. She asked a bunch of typical questions....date, day....which he couldn't answer. She needed to see a photo ID and his Medicare card, so I sent him to get his wallet. He came back down with an old checkbook, some date stamps and some other unrelated material, but no wallet. Bad day.

Today, his son and grandson came to visit and I told them their task for the day was to find the wallet. Well, my husband went upstairs with them, opened the drawer of a dresser and pulled out the wallet, like he knew it was there all the time. Better day.

Thank you, Mimijazz. The wallet situation is oh, so familiar. Usually, when my husband misplaces his wallet it is either my fault, or someone has stolen it. I try to remain cheerful and say that it will turn up, but I have to admit that, although I know it's the disease talking, I still have to repress the urge to yell, I DIDN'T LOSE IT, YOU DID AND NO ONE STOLE IT. PUT IT WHERE IT BELONGS AND YOU WON'T LOSE IT. Of course, I don't do that, but I'm beginning to see the value of going to an isolated place and letting lose with a primal scream. You are right, there are only "better" days, and I'm deeply grateful for them.

when this was happening with my father, my mother would try to reason with him and I told her to stop cause it would only cause anger and more confusion. I would say that we will find it or maybe it is just misplaced and will turn up. Of course in the electric shaving department, my mother actually had bought either 3 or 4 of them within a years time. When cleaning, while looking for paperwork, I actually found 3 of them, one hidden in the living room in the compartment under the tv stand. not sure why it was there, just like not sure why a hand gripper was in a bookend stand in the bottom drawer under stuff either.