It's out there, that big black cloud, just appearing on the horizon. That time of year.. whether it's Christmas or another tradition you celebrate that brings demands, expectations, families coming together, cooking, entertaining, good times or crushing stress.
Roll with it or roll into a ball?
Are you coping or crumbling?
Used to love the celebrations, festive feel, carols in shops.
My xmas spirit has drained away & left a hole.
i really hope you get the xmas spirit back!! xmas is wonderful, fun!!
i hope you find good ways to have a wonderful xmas again!!! :) :) :)
hot cocoa, xmas movies, nice & warm at home, some nice games. hug!!
courage.
wishing us an un-stressful oct/nov/december.
:)
My husband and I have had Christmas at our house for the last 23 years. There's quite a few dings & dents & chips. Honestly, there's more than a few.
This year will be the same.
But one day.........just the 2 of us on a secluded beach....naked.
First thing was Christmas Cards. Stopped when Mom lived with me. Was going to send cards this year to tell everyone "I am still alive" but the cost of stamps went up so debating.
Used to do tons of cookies to give as gifts. Have cut down to you get your favorite thing and that is all I do.
Dinner, my daughter does that and I bring the sides.
Gifts, my grandson and adopted granddaughter who are 7 and 8 get gifts. We chose 5 years back to adopt a family and what we would spend on each other, we spend on them. The boy aged out so we will not be doing it this year. Maybe mail them some gift cards. I used to exchange with a SIL but last year we agreed to stop.
So this Christmas will be quiet and un-stressful. If what you do during the holidays brings on nothing but stress and becomes overwhelming, then stop doing it.
I too have pruned away each year - cards 'out' same (postage 😩) other people's traditions 'out', boring or time consuming things 'out'. Cooking? Oh definately 'out'.
Tree decorations are still 'in'... Just.
Told my kids don't be surprised if one year they find just a stripped bare needle-free pine branch leaning in the corner... & a store xmas cake for dinner.
Whew! Then we embark on the Christmas who-will-go-where, if anywhere, negotiations :-)
Don't get me wrong, my family is GREAT. It's just that I took on too much and they allowed me to do it all for so many years. Last year was covid and a weird mix of 'yes we can hang out' and 'no we can't'. The year before I was battling cancer and yet still managed to do ALL THE THINGS. It was a good way to NOT think of how lousy I felt.
We are moving in the Spring (I hope, mixed feelings, but DH is retiring and I want a one level ranch house and no stairs!!) It will be the 'last' Thanksgiving and Christmas in what was our family home. 3/5 of our kids will be here and I am cutting waaaaay down on gifting, may not even put up a tree--don't know.
I remember when my Grandma stopped putting up her aluminum tree---I thought Christmas would end that year--but she was wise and never did more than she could do.
Family events got too big, messy and expensive and lost the magic. They also tend to collapse on themselves with the sheer weight of the # of people.
I will plan Thanksgiving with a LOT of help. Also Christmas brunch. I've already told my kids that the grands will get ONE gift and their usual stocking. They were all just fine with that. All our kids are better off financially than we are, so giving them something is just silly.
We don't do anything with DH's family. Again-too many people and also my MIL won't go anywhere I might be, so I simply don't go and then DH feels bad for leaving me home.
I KNOW that we do too much, in spite of trying to cut back. I'm already massively depressed and anxious and just am not the least excited for anything.
Didn't think I'd be such a Grinch at the tender age of 65---but come to think of it, mother hadn't hosted Thanksgiving since my OS got married. (almost 50 years).
And you know what? The world keeps on spinning! I don't HAVE to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas nights crying from sheer fatigue and depression.
I need to add that my DH's sister is a Christmas FREAK! She puts up 3 trees, buys massive amounts of gifts for her kids & grands and throws huge dinner parties, and she LOVES every second of it. Dh asks why I can't be like that. I told him one reason is that HER hubby is right there next to her, decorating and partying. DH sleeps until the guests arrive and then goes back to bed the second they are gone. Some years he'll remember to get me a gift, most years he doesn't. It HURTS and he doesn't get it.
Jan 1 can't come too fast for me.
🤗
Athough I remember my Grandmother's in their pre air con houses cooking for the multitudes when it was nearing 100f.. Was 'shameful' to serve store bought - a good housewife had to home cook it all.
I'm sure that notion was international.
Back when I worked full time and my kids were little, that was stressful. I would always take a week's vacation in December to be able to get everything done, and each day would be jam-packed with stress: 1 day for shopping, 1 day for decorating, 1 day for baking, and so forth. And I baked dozens and dozens of cookies, which I would bring to work to give away, or send to work with DH.
We have cut way back on our gifting - we haven't exchanged with my family in years, and several years ago stopped with DH's family, so it's just shopping for the 4 of us (plus the dog!!); we also get stuff for our 3 year old great-nephew, which I think is tremendously fun. I also cut way back on cookie baking.
Cooking large meals for people never bothered me. I love, love, love to cook - I find it very stress reducing - so I usually have some extended family at my house over the holidays. But I have a big kitchen with a double oven, plus an entire full kitchen in the apartment upstairs where my mom had lived, so oven space is never an issue.
What I hate doing is holiday cards. Last year, I did ours, and I also sent cards out to anyone who sent one to my mom, to let the sender know that mom had passed. I remembered my mom often commented when she stopped getting cards from friends after years of getting them wondering if something had happened, so I sent a brief note with one of the prayer cards from her funeral.
The one thing I am really looking forward to the most is going to the Christmas Eve service. I missed the last few, between not being able to leave my mom alone and Covid. It's going to be wonderful to get back.
I can see where the stress can be absolutely overwhelming, and then it makes the holidays a time of dread rather than celebration. Do what you think you can handle, and leave the rest; ignore the people that tell you what you "should" be doing for the holidays. Establish or re-establish your own set of traditions, ones that work for you and give you a sense of peace. No judgement from me!
(((hugs)))
It doesn't matter who we spend the holidays with, it just matters that they are people that we want to spend time with.
And as for me, well I am a Christmas lover from way back when. I have one of my spare bedrooms decorated for Christmas that I leave up 365 days a year, and I just decorated the rest of my house on Saturday, Oct. 16th. There is just something about Christmas and all it entails, from the decorations, to the music, to the good food, that brings me such joy, and I don't know about you, but I can use all the joy I can get these days.
So please don't let Scrooge or the Grinch, and all the many worries of this life keep you from enjoying one of the most beautiful and magical times of the year.
My mom died in July this year, and frankly, I don't have any interest in holidays at all. My husband's family is huge, loud and talks politics and conspiracy theories all the time, so I sure don't want to be with them, and my kids are all making noises about not wanting to travel to where we are, which is totally fine. I'm not keen on traveling to where they are (Colorado) in the dead of winter either, so frankly, I'd like to take a raincheck on all the holidays this year and just sit around the house staring at the walls.
The best Thanksgiving I ever had was about five years ago when I got a bad cold and had to bow out. I sat at home, watched old movies all day, and ate what I wanted while everyone else went to the relatives' house. It was great.
I refuse to feel obligated that I have to spend my time with anyone at all. Let me tell you life is much better.
Beatty you have more options that rolling with it or rolling into a ball. Give some thought to what you would like and go about making it happen.
Me, I am content with a good book, a charcuterie plate and a nice bottle of wine. I order the book ahead of time. I love Anne Perry's Christmas novellas. I make sure the wine is the right temperature and I have a lovely day.
One of my sons is often with me Christmas morning, but he knows he can go see his Dad and step Mum later in the day and I will not create any drama nor fuss.
My parents are the last people I want to see over the holidays. I have 50 years of bitter, snide, remarks and negativity out the wazoo, no more, I want a day of calm and peace.
I miss making that, so maybe I will gather some ingredients, like the marshmallow creme in a jar.
Planning ahead can be helpful, so your post is appreciated.
I am living in October.
I am in the group with TNtechie and Tothill.
Not borrowing any trouble from tomorrow.
Hoping you can relax, and have some fun contemplating decorating, the meal, the guests, and the meaning of Christmas.
Christmas Eve: Spent with husband and son only. Menu not decided.
Christmas Day: Dinner spent at ALF with parents. We might eat the meal provided or I might bring a sandwich tray and fixings, cookies, cheese ball and crackers/ small veggie platter. Music will be Mitch Miller and the Gang! The Christmas gifts will be nicely wrapped. I planned all of this during the dog days of summer when I was repairing my Christmas Lights. Thanksgiving and Christmas cards already addressed and stamped. I was so down this summer.
I thought long and hard about what I want and this is it. Invisible family members not included. If oldies get grumpy we change subject or leave.
This has not been the best year. Not by far, but I still like to count my blessings. I just figure that no matter how bad I’ve got it, it’s better than a lot of other folks.
We decided 20+ years ago to leave both our families have the holidays they wanted and we would go skiing.
Both our families wanted us every year and that was not possible. They live 9 hours apart and we owned a business that didn't leave us long vacations.
When they all ruined our 4 day weekend with their gripping and complaining that they didn't understand why we had to go visit others and only spend a couple hours with them, yada, yada, yada. We gave each of them our home address and said "you want our undivided attention, come visit us! Next year we are going skiing. If you feel like you have to buy us something, find a needy family and fill their pantry, that's what we will be doing."
Since then the holiday's have been true holidays for us and we get to enjoy what we love to do without getting our butts chewed.
The last year my dad was with us, we went to a state park and grilled hotdogs and baked beans for Christmas dinner. He loved it and told everyone what a great Christmas he had. No stress, warm fire and lots of laughter, the perfect menu.
Do what brings you joy and let the others have the nonsense.
Last year we didn't do trick or treat because of covid. That was a great point to stop it, and we won't be starting that up again. We didn't do Christmas stockings last year, and I'll be happy to not start that up again, either. (I would make an exception of we had young grandchildren, but we don't.)
With the shipping delays and projected shortages, this is a great year to buy less. And although covid is decreasing in many places, by the time the holidays are here we could be in the middle of a big surge again.
I'm sure mil would love for us to travel to the old homestead. Fortunately we stopped THAT many years ago when my oldest was around 2 y/o. She overdoes Christmas, and there is no way we're going to start going there now.
Bah humbug. LOL
Of course there are more options than roll with it or roll into a ball.. Roll my own! (Roll my own way that is 😁!)
BE the change I want to be etc.
I am now working on reducing the rumination over past events. As a *list person* am sorting expectations & requests into 'do-able' or 'nope'.
Thank you Isthisreallyreal for the word *nonsense*. It is now my new word for the whole season.
I think this holiday season will be lost to COVID again. I hope next year life will go back to normal. My MIL makes the best roast turkey. I really miss her Thanksgiving and Christmas eve dinners.
I think I am going to do a few bonfires in the backyard just for our family. I love bonfires, looking at the flames has a calming effect on me.
Beatty, is your sister still at the same level of mobility as last year? Has she gotten herself a caregiver? Hopefully, this sister and others still remember that you want to be a guest and not an appointed caregiver at the holiday get together.
The pandemic is still ongoing and I plan to use it as an "excuse" this year as well to not see them. I'm an introverted person and quite content to stay in. I know I won't be able to use it as an excuse in 2022 so I will savor this holiday season. As I get older, extended family celebrations aren't as meaningful anymore. And I don't get into the hype of Christmas shopping, Black Friday or massive consumerism. I'd just as soon skip November and December. Think about it. How much "stuff" do you need? I stopped exchanging gifts years ago. My adult children receive gift cards or cash. I don't know what they want. Gift cards and/or cash let's THEM decide. I don't have grandchildren. I don't need scarves, gloves, knick knacks, etc. In fact, I'm trying to get RID of that stuff so when I die, my children aren't burdened with 50 years of accumulated "stuff" that they will have to deal with (like I had to TWICE). I'd rather have a coffee gift card or a dinner certificate. Something to consume and not clutter. They would too. Win win.
Food? Fine if you love to cook, but how about ordering in a meal? I am actually looking forward to this lightened up Christmas this year.
Friends, church members, co-workers, almost everyone knows a family with young children that could use a bit of help.
If you want to, you can mail a gift card anonymously. Just make sure that you put a note that tells them it is a gift card and how much is on it. I found out someone I did this with thought it was a scam and threw it away. Ahhhh! That was a mess.
Bless you for thinking of others at this difficult time of the year.