It's out there, that big black cloud, just appearing on the horizon. That time of year.. whether it's Christmas or another tradition you celebrate that brings demands, expectations, families coming together, cooking, entertaining, good times or crushing stress.
Roll with it or roll into a ball?
Are you coping or crumbling?
I refuse to feel obligated that I have to spend my time with anyone at all. Let me tell you life is much better.
Beatty you have more options that rolling with it or rolling into a ball. Give some thought to what you would like and go about making it happen.
Me, I am content with a good book, a charcuterie plate and a nice bottle of wine. I order the book ahead of time. I love Anne Perry's Christmas novellas. I make sure the wine is the right temperature and I have a lovely day.
One of my sons is often with me Christmas morning, but he knows he can go see his Dad and step Mum later in the day and I will not create any drama nor fuss.
My parents are the last people I want to see over the holidays. I have 50 years of bitter, snide, remarks and negativity out the wazoo, no more, I want a day of calm and peace.
The pandemic is still ongoing and I plan to use it as an "excuse" this year as well to not see them. I'm an introverted person and quite content to stay in. I know I won't be able to use it as an excuse in 2022 so I will savor this holiday season. As I get older, extended family celebrations aren't as meaningful anymore. And I don't get into the hype of Christmas shopping, Black Friday or massive consumerism. I'd just as soon skip November and December. Think about it. How much "stuff" do you need? I stopped exchanging gifts years ago. My adult children receive gift cards or cash. I don't know what they want. Gift cards and/or cash let's THEM decide. I don't have grandchildren. I don't need scarves, gloves, knick knacks, etc. In fact, I'm trying to get RID of that stuff so when I die, my children aren't burdened with 50 years of accumulated "stuff" that they will have to deal with (like I had to TWICE). I'd rather have a coffee gift card or a dinner certificate. Something to consume and not clutter. They would too. Win win.
I just couldn't resist the urge to secretly unwrap and then re-wrap presents with my name on them.
My 94.5 year old mother came out of her room and caught me. She can be stealthy with her walker. First time in 63 years.
Maybe I'll have better willpower next year....
My mom died in July this year, and frankly, I don't have any interest in holidays at all. My husband's family is huge, loud and talks politics and conspiracy theories all the time, so I sure don't want to be with them, and my kids are all making noises about not wanting to travel to where we are, which is totally fine. I'm not keen on traveling to where they are (Colorado) in the dead of winter either, so frankly, I'd like to take a raincheck on all the holidays this year and just sit around the house staring at the walls.
The best Thanksgiving I ever had was about five years ago when I got a bad cold and had to bow out. I sat at home, watched old movies all day, and ate what I wanted while everyone else went to the relatives' house. It was great.
Christmas Eve: Spent with husband and son only. Menu not decided.
Christmas Day: Dinner spent at ALF with parents. We might eat the meal provided or I might bring a sandwich tray and fixings, cookies, cheese ball and crackers/ small veggie platter. Music will be Mitch Miller and the Gang! The Christmas gifts will be nicely wrapped. I planned all of this during the dog days of summer when I was repairing my Christmas Lights. Thanksgiving and Christmas cards already addressed and stamped. I was so down this summer.
I thought long and hard about what I want and this is it. Invisible family members not included. If oldies get grumpy we change subject or leave.
We decided 20+ years ago to leave both our families have the holidays they wanted and we would go skiing.
Both our families wanted us every year and that was not possible. They live 9 hours apart and we owned a business that didn't leave us long vacations.
When they all ruined our 4 day weekend with their gripping and complaining that they didn't understand why we had to go visit others and only spend a couple hours with them, yada, yada, yada. We gave each of them our home address and said "you want our undivided attention, come visit us! Next year we are going skiing. If you feel like you have to buy us something, find a needy family and fill their pantry, that's what we will be doing."
Since then the holiday's have been true holidays for us and we get to enjoy what we love to do without getting our butts chewed.
The last year my dad was with us, we went to a state park and grilled hotdogs and baked beans for Christmas dinner. He loved it and told everyone what a great Christmas he had. No stress, warm fire and lots of laughter, the perfect menu.
Do what brings you joy and let the others have the nonsense.
First thing was Christmas Cards. Stopped when Mom lived with me. Was going to send cards this year to tell everyone "I am still alive" but the cost of stamps went up so debating.
Used to do tons of cookies to give as gifts. Have cut down to you get your favorite thing and that is all I do.
Dinner, my daughter does that and I bring the sides.
Gifts, my grandson and adopted granddaughter who are 7 and 8 get gifts. We chose 5 years back to adopt a family and what we would spend on each other, we spend on them. The boy aged out so we will not be doing it this year. Maybe mail them some gift cards. I used to exchange with a SIL but last year we agreed to stop.
So this Christmas will be quiet and un-stressful. If what you do during the holidays brings on nothing but stress and becomes overwhelming, then stop doing it.
I too have pruned away each year - cards 'out' same (postage 😩) other people's traditions 'out', boring or time consuming things 'out'. Cooking? Oh definately 'out'.
Tree decorations are still 'in'... Just.
Told my kids don't be surprised if one year they find just a stripped bare needle-free pine branch leaning in the corner... & a store xmas cake for dinner.
courage.
wishing us an un-stressful oct/nov/december.
:)
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