Is anyone dealing with dementia and alcohol abuse?

Nursing home placement will not be easy is he is aggressively violent.
It can endanger staff and clients causing liability. So that may not be an option, even if the social worker said, she could remove him.
I am a recovering alcoholic and I wish there was some advice. He is a life long alcoholic your not likely to change. How is his liver?

My mother, who is the enabler who refuses to quit buying Dad's beer, has just been diagnosed with dementia also. Their primary care Doctor has told her to quit buying it, but she refuses. However, due to her admitting dad verbally abuses her to her doctor, a social worker came and spoke to me privately and gave me her number stating that if at anytime in the future he becomes physically violent with any of us, we are to call her and she will have him taken from our home and admitted into a Nursing Home. The primary care is aware of how much that Dad is drinking because I have told him. He then told my mom to quit buying it and as I stated she refused. So their doctor told her he could not help her with Dad, but he still continues to treat them for their other health issues at this time. Due to a stroke a few years ago, combined with the alcoholic dementia he has, he continues to become more and more incoherent by the end of the day. Their doctor questions Dad about his consumption when Dad is in for check ups, but Dad lies, thus the vicious circle continues of 60 years of having an alcoholic husband and father in our family. Dad is verbally abusive, and when I was a child, physically abusive to me. However, since my husband and I have taken over as caretakers by living with them 24/7, I have been able to stop him from verbally abusing us and other than the fact he is hurting himself physically with the drinking, the rest of us are now living a quiet peaceful existence so far. Dad has stated over and over he will attempt suicide if he ever has to go to the Nursing home and it is my belief that he is purposefully drinking himself to death to avoid that. After some research, it is also my belief that due to my dad's current health issues and his feelings about a nursing facility, to dry him out against his will would most likely kill him from the withdrawal or the stress of his mental state at being in a Nursing Home would. For now, as long as he behaves himself with those of us who live with him, I have decided to let him continue on the path he's chosen to take. I also could never cut back or water down his alcohol, as he would not tolerate that without becoming enraged and abusive towards at all of us. Not everyone who drinks is easily appeased with substitutes or turned away from it without becoming violently indignant with their caretakers. There are no easy pat answers for this situation, nor can one solution be applied and work for everyone. As a caretaker, my goal is to keep them as safe, healthy and content as I can one day at a time, while respecting their right to make choices for themselves as long as they are able.

What is the manner of alcohol abuse, past - present -ongoing - I have been there and perhaps give you some advice but need to know what you are dealing with.

We switched out wine for apple juice and non alcoholic wine. Mom didn't know the difference. Had to do originally because of concerns of alcohol interference with medications. She has said, on occasion "oh wow this is strong." :)

Alcohol only makes brain cells die quicker. Doctors are hesitant to address something when the patient is already diagnosed with a terminal illness. Why not let the patient have their alcohol, they will die anyway? How is this person getting the alcohol unless you/caregiver supplying it? You decide.

People will tell you to water down the alcohol, switch it out, don't bring in the booze, etc. I heard it over and over. Unless the alcohol abuser is really far gone mentally and physically, there is almost no way to keep the alcohol away. Ours became a chicken and egg dilemma...was it constant alcohol consumption, dementia, the two together, was one the cause of the other, yadda yadda. If someone is stressed and depressed, getting old, slowing down, there are other underlying problems. We went to a neurologist and pulled no punches about the alcohol. In the end, the doctor dumped us because the alcohol continued after he said "stop".

How is the person getting the booze?

If your parent is drinking beer (or likes beer), you might want to switch out the "real" beer to either a low % beer or a de-alcoholized one. When a friend of mine quit drinking, he said this gave him the feeling of drinking without the drunken results. Worth a try! There's also de-alcoholized wine. Or maybe you can just water down the usual supply? A little deception might go a long way here....

I have been for about 4 years now. Doctors' eyes seem to glaze over when they hear "alcohol" and aren't of much help. It's very frustrating. The tipping point came when there was yet another fall, and we called 911 instead of picking parent up off of the floor. Parent ended up in the hospital, went through serious alcohol withdrawl. Doctors had to declare parent incompetent to make own decisions, and parent was kept in a facility for about 6 weeks to dry out and get some nutritional and physical therapy. Luckily after many minor previous scares, that finally did the trick. Parent is about 6 months sober now. Stronger, and the meds (notably Aricept) are now able to work properly. I wish you the best, we went down many dead end roads that just lead to continued drinking even after other health scares. I know we just got lucky this year that the behavior finally ceased.