My mother, who is the enabler who refuses to quit buying Dad's beer, has just been diagnosed with dementia also. Their primary care Doctor has told her to quit buying it, but she refuses. However, due to her admitting dad verbally abuses her to her doctor, a social worker came and spoke to me privately and gave me her number stating that if at anytime in the future he becomes physically violent with any of us, we are to call her and she will have him taken from our home and admitted into a Nursing Home. The primary care is aware of how much that Dad is drinking because I have told him. He then told my mom to quit buying it and as I stated she refused. So their doctor told her he could not help her with Dad, but he still continues to treat them for their other health issues at this time. Due to a stroke a few years ago, combined with the alcoholic dementia he has, he continues to become more and more incoherent by the end of the day. Their doctor questions Dad about his consumption when Dad is in for check ups, but Dad lies, thus the vicious circle continues of 60 years of having an alcoholic husband and father in our family. Dad is verbally abusive, and when I was a child, physically abusive to me. However, since my husband and I have taken over as caretakers by living with them 24/7, I have been able to stop him from verbally abusing us and other than the fact he is hurting himself physically with the drinking, the rest of us are now living a quiet peaceful existence so far. Dad has stated over and over he will attempt suicide if he ever has to go to the Nursing home and it is my belief that he is purposefully drinking himself to death to avoid that. After some research, it is also my belief that due to my dad's current health issues and his feelings about a nursing facility, to dry him out against his will would most likely kill him from the withdrawal or the stress of his mental state at being in a Nursing Home would. For now, as long as he behaves himself with those of us who live with him, I have decided to let him continue on the path he's chosen to take. I also could never cut back or water down his alcohol, as he would not tolerate that without becoming enraged and abusive towards at all of us. Not everyone who drinks is easily appeased with substitutes or turned away from it without becoming violently indignant with their caretakers. There are no easy pat answers for this situation, nor can one solution be applied and work for everyone. As a caretaker, my goal is to keep them as safe, healthy and content as I can one day at a time, while respecting their right to make choices for themselves as long as they are able.
Well, folks, there is also a form of dementia -- called Korsakoff's Psychosis -- that is actually CAUSED by alcohol. It goes hand-in-hand with a serious physical condition called Wernicke's Encephalopathy, and together they are known as Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome. My husband has that. Essentially, alcohol causes severe depletion of thiamin (Vitamin B1), resulting in a come-like state, which can be life-threatening and which requires a 5-day hospital stay to reverse. My husband had two serious episodes of Wernicke's about 3 months apart, and in the ensuing 2 years I've managed to keep him straight. The logical remedy for the Wernicke's is alcohol abstinence, but his doctors at the first hospital merely instructed that I give him extra Vita B1 and try to limit his alcohol intake. Unfortunately, that led to the second serious episode, wherein he was treated at a different hospital and I was cautioned that he should not have been drinking AT ALL. While the Wernicke's can be kept at bay with abstinence, the brain damage resulting from Korsakoff's never fully resolves. Just another interesting twist on dementia and alcohol.
If your parent is drinking beer (or likes beer), you might want to switch out the "real" beer to either a low % beer or a de-alcoholized one. When a friend of mine quit drinking, he said this gave him the feeling of drinking without the drunken results. Worth a try! There's also de-alcoholized wine. Or maybe you can just water down the usual supply? A little deception might go a long way here....
I've decided I'm not fighting this battle. My DH has lost everything. I'm not taking this away too. He falls sober too. I'm trying to make what life he has bearable. He's never abusive or angry with me. He's almost 75. Let the chips fall where they may. We can't control everything. I just don't have the energy to fight this every night.
dear smcbeth1....if your loved one is not abusive or angry with you...that's all that matters!!! he wants to drink, and he's not hurting anyone...amen...let him drink!!
We switched out wine for apple juice and non alcoholic wine. Mom didn't know the difference. Had to do originally because of concerns of alcohol interference with medications. She has said, on occasion "oh wow this is strong." :)
there have been many posts about alcohol and dementia on other posts also. many good answers and they are as varied as the person that has the problem!! Everyone is different and in different stages of dementia! what works for one might not work for the other...but, don't give up...try all suggestions until you find what works for you and your family. ALSO...GO TO ALANON...a wealth of information there!!!
My Mom likes just a small glass of wine each night, I don't think its bad but maybe I'm wrong so please give me your advice. Mom will have maybe 1/4 glass of wine each night, when I say 1/4 glass its one of those very small wine glasses. She talks to people like she drinks all the time and my sister and niece became very mad at me but that is just not true, the doctor seemed to think that its ok since its such a small amount what are your thoughts on this? She seems to look forward to this at night.
Thank you so much, and yes, talking with others is a big help and I appreciate this website so much! the support and information has been a big help and it's such a (sad) relief that I'm not the only one in this boat. It has been a great comfort and I thank you all for the comments and suggestions
Aveno... a glass of wine is actually a good thing for everyone! I seen documentaries of people that have lived to very old ages and many drink a glass of one or have a drink every night with dinner! We all deserve that! Alcoholism is really extreme drinking!!
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