I have been for about 4 years now. Doctors' eyes seem to glaze over when they hear "alcohol" and aren't of much help. It's very frustrating. The tipping point came when there was yet another fall, and we called 911 instead of picking parent up off of the floor. Parent ended up in the hospital, went through serious alcohol withdrawl. Doctors had to declare parent incompetent to make own decisions, and parent was kept in a facility for about 6 weeks to dry out and get some nutritional and physical therapy. Luckily after many minor previous scares, that finally did the trick. Parent is about 6 months sober now. Stronger, and the meds (notably Aricept) are now able to work properly. I wish you the best, we went down many dead end roads that just lead to continued drinking even after other health scares. I know we just got lucky this year that the behavior finally ceased.
If your parent is drinking beer (or likes beer), you might want to switch out the "real" beer to either a low % beer or a de-alcoholized one. When a friend of mine quit drinking, he said this gave him the feeling of drinking without the drunken results. Worth a try! There's also de-alcoholized wine. Or maybe you can just water down the usual supply? A little deception might go a long way here....
People will tell you to water down the alcohol, switch it out, don't bring in the booze, etc. I heard it over and over. Unless the alcohol abuser is really far gone mentally and physically, there is almost no way to keep the alcohol away. Ours became a chicken and egg dilemma...was it constant alcohol consumption, dementia, the two together, was one the cause of the other, yadda yadda. If someone is stressed and depressed, getting old, slowing down, there are other underlying problems. We went to a neurologist and pulled no punches about the alcohol. In the end, the doctor dumped us because the alcohol continued after he said "stop".
Alcohol only makes brain cells die quicker. Doctors are hesitant to address something when the patient is already diagnosed with a terminal illness. Why not let the patient have their alcohol, they will die anyway? How is this person getting the alcohol unless you/caregiver supplying it? You decide.
We switched out wine for apple juice and non alcoholic wine. Mom didn't know the difference. Had to do originally because of concerns of alcohol interference with medications. She has said, on occasion "oh wow this is strong." :)
What is the manner of alcohol abuse, past - present -ongoing - I have been there and perhaps give you some advice but need to know what you are dealing with.
My mother, who is the enabler who refuses to quit buying Dad's beer, has just been diagnosed with dementia also. Their primary care Doctor has told her to quit buying it, but she refuses. However, due to her admitting dad verbally abuses her to her doctor, a social worker came and spoke to me privately and gave me her number stating that if at anytime in the future he becomes physically violent with any of us, we are to call her and she will have him taken from our home and admitted into a Nursing Home. The primary care is aware of how much that Dad is drinking because I have told him. He then told my mom to quit buying it and as I stated she refused. So their doctor told her he could not help her with Dad, but he still continues to treat them for their other health issues at this time. Due to a stroke a few years ago, combined with the alcoholic dementia he has, he continues to become more and more incoherent by the end of the day. Their doctor questions Dad about his consumption when Dad is in for check ups, but Dad lies, thus the vicious circle continues of 60 years of having an alcoholic husband and father in our family. Dad is verbally abusive, and when I was a child, physically abusive to me. However, since my husband and I have taken over as caretakers by living with them 24/7, I have been able to stop him from verbally abusing us and other than the fact he is hurting himself physically with the drinking, the rest of us are now living a quiet peaceful existence so far. Dad has stated over and over he will attempt suicide if he ever has to go to the Nursing home and it is my belief that he is purposefully drinking himself to death to avoid that. After some research, it is also my belief that due to my dad's current health issues and his feelings about a nursing facility, to dry him out against his will would most likely kill him from the withdrawal or the stress of his mental state at being in a Nursing Home would. For now, as long as he behaves himself with those of us who live with him, I have decided to let him continue on the path he's chosen to take. I also could never cut back or water down his alcohol, as he would not tolerate that without becoming enraged and abusive towards at all of us. Not everyone who drinks is easily appeased with substitutes or turned away from it without becoming violently indignant with their caretakers. There are no easy pat answers for this situation, nor can one solution be applied and work for everyone. As a caretaker, my goal is to keep them as safe, healthy and content as I can one day at a time, while respecting their right to make choices for themselves as long as they are able.
Nursing home placement will not be easy is he is aggressively violent. It can endanger staff and clients causing liability. So that may not be an option, even if the social worker said, she could remove him. I am a recovering alcoholic and I wish there was some advice. He is a life long alcoholic your not likely to change. How is his liver?
there have been many posts about alcohol and dementia on other posts also. many good answers and they are as varied as the person that has the problem!! Everyone is different and in different stages of dementia! what works for one might not work for the other...but, don't give up...try all suggestions until you find what works for you and your family. ALSO...GO TO ALANON...a wealth of information there!!!
I am at my wits end with this as well. My mom is 81, 90%blind, with sun downer type of dementia worsened by alcohol. She did not drink heavily until after my dad passed away 3 years ago. She had been with him since she was 14 and has never been alone. Her frustration with being dependent, her fear of losing what little sight she has left and her loneliness has made her so angry at the entire world that she has driven away all her friends. She refuses to help herself in any way, refuses to discuss outside help or resources, and threatens to kill herself before she will go into assisted living, etc. The big problem is that she can put on a great act in front of the nurses and social worker, doctors, etc. She swears up and down that she only has one drink a night "to help her sleep" We have been lucky that she doesn't fall, or hurt herself. We have talked to several people about the alcoholism and have tried to get her off the stuff, but she goes through withdrawals and switches over to sleeping pills (several). since she cant leave the house or drive, and never goes anywhere (her choice) the alcohol is the lesser of the two evils as we cant get her to stop taking 3-5 pills a night otherwise. We would love to get her off everything, but cant find a way to do it. We have tried the drs, no help. Home health stopped because she "seems" to be eating, drinking, taking her meds and being able to care for herself and is in 'good' health other than memory issues and confusion. I am desperate for a solution because as her only caregiver I am losing my mind! I love her and wish I could fix her life, but I cant and I just wish I could find a way to help her. (She refuses all other medications, antidepressants etc.)
Well, folks, there is also a form of dementia -- called Korsakoff's Psychosis -- that is actually CAUSED by alcohol. It goes hand-in-hand with a serious physical condition called Wernicke's Encephalopathy, and together they are known as Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome. My husband has that. Essentially, alcohol causes severe depletion of thiamin (Vitamin B1), resulting in a come-like state, which can be life-threatening and which requires a 5-day hospital stay to reverse. My husband had two serious episodes of Wernicke's about 3 months apart, and in the ensuing 2 years I've managed to keep him straight. The logical remedy for the Wernicke's is alcohol abstinence, but his doctors at the first hospital merely instructed that I give him extra Vita B1 and try to limit his alcohol intake. Unfortunately, that led to the second serious episode, wherein he was treated at a different hospital and I was cautioned that he should not have been drinking AT ALL. While the Wernicke's can be kept at bay with abstinence, the brain damage resulting from Korsakoff's never fully resolves. Just another interesting twist on dementia and alcohol.
My Mom likes just a small glass of wine each night, I don't think its bad but maybe I'm wrong so please give me your advice. Mom will have maybe 1/4 glass of wine each night, when I say 1/4 glass its one of those very small wine glasses. She talks to people like she drinks all the time and my sister and niece became very mad at me but that is just not true, the doctor seemed to think that its ok since its such a small amount what are your thoughts on this? She seems to look forward to this at night.
Your mother's drinking is harmless. It serves to relax. It's normal. I'm pretty sure we're talking about severe alcoholism here. OMG! We'd pray for a few ounces of wine each night.
Aveno... a glass of wine is actually a good thing for everyone! I seen documentaries of people that have lived to very old ages and many drink a glass of one or have a drink every night with dinner! We all deserve that! Alcoholism is really extreme drinking!!
Alcohol addiction, while "fun for a season" as my director will tell you, soon becomes your worse nightmare. It will become your crutch. As I have given on this forum before, seek the help of Reformers Unanimous, an addiction support group with meetings held at churches worldwide. If you don't seek help in order to stop your alcohol use, you may perish from alcohol poisoning. Sorry, but that is just the sad facts. We just had a young woman of 45 years old die because she stopped coming to meetings.
My husband is an alcoholic and has dementia . He has not had a drink since the end of June .unfortunatly he is in a wheel chair and can be verbal or physically abusive To this day he keeps asking to go home so he can have. Drink So no matter what they forget the disease of an alcoholic is still there and that's what he wants and probably always will unfortunatly . His demencia was brought on faster because of the alcohol but he refused to admit it That is the sad part no matter what the dr said
ebdaisy1....you are so right...without some type of heavy emotional support...the craving will always be there. it's so sad and difficult for them esp because he doesn't think he's got a drinking problem. can you get him to an AA meeting? it's amazing what he might hear that he can relate to...and maybe get some comfort there.
We did that and to him it was a social thing and that was it . Unfortunately he is now in a memory care home as it became to hard for me it takes 3 people to get him up
Lifeexperiances - Thanks, I did not see where it would do any harm but my niece is a Nurse (NEW) to the profession and if you have read previous posts not the kindest person around, she wants to give her opinion on everything but does not want to lift a finger to help and usually everything I get out of her is extremely negative. I have explained that its maybe a 1/4 glass a night but they want to act like I'm committing a crime or something. It's always nice to have an opinion from others that are going or have gone through something like this, of course if I ever though it would cause harm I would stop immediately and I have even at one time become so worried that I did by the non alchacolic wine which does work well if anyone is in the situation that they need to do something like this, I just did not feel like Mom fit into that category.
I've decided I'm not fighting this battle. My DH has lost everything. I'm not taking this away too. He falls sober too. I'm trying to make what life he has bearable. He's never abusive or angry with me. He's almost 75. Let the chips fall where they may. We can't control everything. I just don't have the energy to fight this every night.
Although I am all for alcohol support groups, the issue here is dealing with elderly (mostly) parents who also suffer from dementia and other issues. At least in my case, there is no way I would be able to take her to a support group.. If I can't even get her doctors to do much more than warn her of the dangers, she wont admit to the drinking...I cant force her into meetings or rehab.
dear smcbeth1....if your loved one is not abusive or angry with you...that's all that matters!!! he wants to drink, and he's not hurting anyone...amen...let him drink!!
dear aroman1... the doctor won't put her in a facility for a few days to make sure she doesn't have detox problems? what about aging care centers...no info from therm? if there is no outside source that will detox her...there really is not much you can do. there are different personalities in alcohism. unfortunately the extreme anger, wanted to commit suicide, complaining all the time...is a part of alcholism....it intensifies everything a hundred times...and screws up your thinking so much...you can't come out of that state...unless you can get her away from that alcohol and drugs. It's amazing at 91yrs old she has access to all that stuff. Please keep posting if anything comes up for you! Have you tried going to an Alonon group meeting??? I bet there's a lot of info for you there!!!
It can endanger staff and clients causing liability. So that may not be an option, even if the social worker said, she could remove him.
I am a recovering alcoholic and I wish there was some advice. He is a life long alcoholic your not likely to change. How is his liver?
Thank you!
To this day he keeps asking to go home so he can have. Drink
So no matter what they forget the disease of an alcoholic is still there and that's what he wants and probably always will unfortunatly . His demencia was brought on faster because of the alcohol but he refused to admit it
That is the sad part no matter what the dr said
Unfortunately he is now in a memory care home as it became to hard for me it takes 3 people to get him up