Daughter steals complete set of China and Sterling silver from elderly Mom. What should be done?

Your husband needs to first find out if these items were going to her in the will anyway, if not then HE NEEDS TO GET ON THE PHONE AND TELL SAID SISTER THAT IF EVERYTHING IS NOT RETURNED TO MOMS HOUSE BY ______DATE, HE WILL BE FILING A LAWSUIT AGAINST HER.

SHE HAS COMMITTED THEFT!

I wouldn't hesitate to call the police.

They took all these things while she was sleeping!

How awful. Yes, you need to find out if these items are willed to your SIL. If not, your husband should call his sister and demand that these items be returned immediately and if they are not, he should call the police and file theft charges. He should also get a restraining order against his sister and boyfriend so that they can no longer visit mom unsupervised. Unfortunately, this will permanently destroy his relationship with his sister.

It does not matter whether Sis is intended by the will to inherit the assets. MIL is not dead yet. If this is not reported as theft and she later needs to apply for Medicaid it will be considered that she gave a $15,000 gift to Sis and that will impact her eligibility.

I hope that Mom's assets are sufficient for her care the rest of her life even without the sterling. But you know how extensive the care needs for someone with dementia can be, and how expensive it will be to provide care if she lives a long time. As POA it is your husband's responsibility to act in Mom's best interest and do everything he can to preserve her assets for her needs.

I think he should notify his sister of his obligation as POA, tell her he will have no choice but to report this as theft, but he'd prefer to avoid that and will give her two days to return the items so he isn't obligated to report it.

I'd try very hard to be matter-of-fact about this business obligation and keep it out of the name-calling emotional arena. "Sis, I understand you might feel entitled to Mom's china and silver. I hope that is how it turns out when the will is read. But it is my legal obligation, blah, blah, blah." POAs are NOT entitled to save assets for inheritance by themselves or others. Their duty is to ensure that the principal's current and future needs are met. If that means something that was "promised" to a potential heir has to be sold, so be it.

If Sis didn't want her Mom's GI bleed treated she probably will try to fight giving up the china and silver, too. But your husband's legal obligation is clear. He needs to report this theft to the police. It would be a generous gesture on his part to give his sister the opportunity to return the assets. But if he doesn't get them back he cannot just shrug this off.

The only thing I would caution about is whether or not mom gave the items to her daughter. There are tons of threads on here about people with Alzheimers accusing others of theft when they've given away the items themselves. I just read a thread this morning where the child found a lot of 'thank you' notes from people to whom their parent with dementia had given away items. The parent had told them items were stolen. So before you jump to conclusions and call in the police, I'd suggest calmly talking to the sister involved to get her side of the story.

I agree, Blannie. It is possible that Mom could have given those items to Daughter. But if Mom is not in her "right mind" then Daughter should not have accepted without discussing it with POA, and she should give the items back when it is explained to her.

Another explanation would be that these items were stolen by someone else. But if the sister did indeed steal the items, then POA should confront her and tell her to return them ASAP and it they are returned very soon, he will be calling the police in on it.

Has your husband asked his sister for an explanation?

It just occurs to me that, if my mother were living alone and had people coming in to help her, possibly unsupervised and possibly not always the people who were rostered to do it, I'm not sure how happy I'd be to leave valuable items sitting around the house either. Before you call the police, check that these things haven't simply been moved to a place of safety. Or that's what I'd do, anyway.

$15,000 is an awful lot of china and silverware: it's not like the sister can have been hoping your husband wouldn't notice.

Just did a lot of moving many of my mom's things for safety when she went to a care home this weekend, including her jewelry to my home where my brother knows it's safe and not being sold and that I am in the will to receive all her jewelry. Could be more to the story.

I agree with Blannie, my father was giving away things without notifying us, then saying he could not find it. Even if your sister says the items were given to her, and your mom says she didn't, just let her know she needs to return them until mom's demise and the will is read. That keeps mom happy and lets your sister know you do believe her.

It has been confirmed my sister in law and boyfriend removed her mother's valuables while she was sleeping. She would not allow her daughter to take these items if she saw her removing them. My MIL has asked her to return these items and is sad and asks why her daughter would take them. My MIL has some holidays left in her, and the greed of this daughter is sickening. We have learned her taking these items is a felony, and a higher level felony since it is valued over 2,000.00. There are great responses to this posted problem...... thank you all!

The other thing the daughter did was to rearrange the china cabinet by placing other items in such a way the missing china would not be noticed. It was clear deception.

Ugh, that's sickening. Have you called the police?

My grandma recently told me that some of her crystal glasses have gone missing. There is only one person who could have taken them, my mother, but I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole.

It just goes to show you inventory needs to be taken as an elder is exhibiting signs of dementia. She has had a house cleaner for 28 years who has not ever taken one thing from my MIL. It goes to show you...... sometimes you have to watch out for relatives.

And in addition, no..... these things are not willed to the daughter......

My husband received a text from his sister after he requested the return of stolen items... she said thats not happening.

Time for police.

I agree the police need to be notified too. I have been encouraging my husband to at least file a report...This is soo stressful....We had already told his sister we did not want anything. However my husband is responsible for his mother as POA and we don't know how her Alzheimers will play out.

Hm. If your husband has POA, then he has no choice but to recover his mother's belongings. He should tell his sister that all of the items must be returned by a given date, or he will be reporting their theft to the police. And then, if they're not returned, he must do so.

I understand reluctance to call the cops on ones own flesh and blood, but the necessity is there, and it is your house too and your finances too that will be ruined by the Medicaid penalty. And if sister get away with this because hubby will not do anything, then who knows what she will do next, maybe even more brazenly than this time. In other words, you can do it if he can't bring himself to, but I would tell him you are doing it and gently explain why. Wish this was easier.

The other difficult thought is this. She has now had time to sell everything. Evidence may be gone and they may not be able to do anything. But if there is any way to prove the theft, a prompt call to police could mean being able to say return everything OR I will press charges, and it will be clear that this is not tolerable and won't be glossed over.

I recently put all my mother's jewelry in a locked safe, I don't want to tempt caregivers and allow my mother to give things away that she won't remember. She has always been a very giving person and wouldn't hesitate if she thought someone needed it.

Yes he is very reluctant to call police........I had thought he can at least have it on record but he thinks the police will act on it. He thinks he can deduct it from his sisters share when he becomes executor....I think he is enabling his sister... just like his mother had. Even in her best days my MIL could not stand up to her daughter. The point is my MIL is still alive and wants her things to stay in her home.
What is a medicaid penalty? I am unfamiliar with that!

No, he absolutely can't allow her to take the items "on credit" like that. These possessions are his mother's, he has POA, he is responsible for ensuring that her property is managed as she wishes. He must confront the situation or he is failing in his responsibility.

Most men do not like confrontation and arguments. Since your husband told sister he did not want anything, she feels like everything is hers for the taking. Your husband does not feel that it is worth fighting over so he is willing to give it up. I like what hpygrl said about asking her to return those items until the will is read to make your MIL happy and then after she is gone, come and take them. If that could happen i would be happy with that.

After reading what all she did however, she was aware that she was stealing these belongings from her mother. Any person who takes things and rearranges the china cabinet to make it look like nothing had been taken, KNOWS THEY ARE STEALING....If it was me doing it, I would know I was doing this to make it look like nothing was gone and I would know it was going to be missed and that what I was doing was wrong!

When your husband agreed to be his mother's POA he made a legal agreement between them to act on her behalf and handle her estate and finances as she would want them and to the best of his ability. HE ISN'T LIVING UP TO HIS END OF THE BARGAIN. He is allowing his mother to be robbed and he is letting it happen. That is a shame. I can understand if there are only two children, why she chose him over the thief, but he is actually allowing/assisting with the pilfering of her estate and I believe he could be held responsible.

I am POA for my mother and I would NEVER sit still for something like this. I know it is hard but maybe he should think about giving POA to an attorney if he isn't strong enough to handle it. At least he would not be held responsible or liable.

Well,if you have no proof that the daughter stoled the stuff.You have not a leg to stand on.Many things come to play inorder to know if you have enough proof or not.As examples,does the daughter work have a job,need money?If the daughter did steel it all as you say?What would she do with it all?Would she sell it for money or just put all the stuff away for later?You should know that answer.
If she attempts to sell it all or some as silver.Contact the local Pawn Shops in her area and out of area.Only dumbies take stolen goods to their local Pawn shops.If she's smart about it she would go out of town to sell or Pawn it all.Call the Police and ask them to check for her name at the local Pawn shops?If her name is found she's the feller.
Now,if she's the type that will hide the stuff for later days.If she's smart?She wouldn't take it home.Get names of her closest friends or check other families homes for the items.A item will bound to show up sooner or later.Takes time and only time will tell.
If she is the type that will save/store the stolen items for later days?
If she's smart about it.She wouldn't take it home.She would either have a friend or another family member store it for her.Or get a storage unit.
Contact her local storage units in her area to look for her name on a storage unit.
If she's smart she would buy a storage unit out of town.I think for that amount of value stolen?It's more then one family member doing that job.$15,000 is alot of value for just one person and a big job for only one person to do on their own.Sounds like a inside family job to me.If those items was family items she stoled?She's not on her own.She has help for sure.Without proof be lucky nothing else is stolen.Are you sure your pointing the finger at the right feller?$15,000 in silver shouldn't of been just seating around the house for anyone to take.I'm sure for that value there's insurance on it all.If you have no solid proof to stand on?Or not for sure 100% who took the stuff?Don't be pointing fingers.Take the insurance money and be happy nothing else was stolen.

(He thinks he can deduct it from his sisters share when he becomes executor)
Who's he to do that?If he don't have proof his sister stoled the stuff?He can't point a finger at his sister.If he attempts to rip his sister off in the Will at the end?He has another thing coming.She can take him to court.Executor can't change a Will.Only the Mother can do that.If his Mother in incompatent the Will can't be changed.And executor doesn't mean his the boss of the Will.And POA is void after death.So that mean's the Attorney in fact is no longer.Let me get this straight,
He plans to cut the sister out of the Will or cut some funds back from her at the end?He refuses to report this to the police?Well,cant do a insurance claim without a police report.He has no proof the sister stoled a thing if he isn't willing to call and report this.Something doesn't sound correct here to me about this all.
If he has no proof and is not willing to report this to the police to do a insurance claim of $15,000?Maybe the sister isn't the feller?He can't cut her from the Will without proof.Medcaid and medicare goes back 5 yrs.He will be the feller to come up with the $15,000 that was stolen in the Will not the sister.

That's sad when people think of Money and Wills when their parent is still alive.
Show's whos the feller of this.refusing to report this humm..........

Yes we have proof the daughter has told the caregiver she took it, the boyfriend has confirmed it and the daughter has texted my husband she is not returning it.