Daughter steals complete set of China and Sterling silver from elderly Mom. What should be done?

Your husband needs to first find out if these items were going to her in the will anyway, if not then HE NEEDS TO GET ON THE PHONE AND TELL SAID SISTER THAT IF EVERYTHING IS NOT RETURNED TO MOMS HOUSE BY ______DATE, HE WILL BE FILING A LAWSUIT AGAINST HER.

SHE HAS COMMITTED THEFT!

It does not matter whether Sis is intended by the will to inherit the assets. MIL is not dead yet. If this is not reported as theft and she later needs to apply for Medicaid it will be considered that she gave a $15,000 gift to Sis and that will impact her eligibility.

I hope that Mom's assets are sufficient for her care the rest of her life even without the sterling. But you know how extensive the care needs for someone with dementia can be, and how expensive it will be to provide care if she lives a long time. As POA it is your husband's responsibility to act in Mom's best interest and do everything he can to preserve her assets for her needs.

I think he should notify his sister of his obligation as POA, tell her he will have no choice but to report this as theft, but he'd prefer to avoid that and will give her two days to return the items so he isn't obligated to report it.

I'd try very hard to be matter-of-fact about this business obligation and keep it out of the name-calling emotional arena. "Sis, I understand you might feel entitled to Mom's china and silver. I hope that is how it turns out when the will is read. But it is my legal obligation, blah, blah, blah." POAs are NOT entitled to save assets for inheritance by themselves or others. Their duty is to ensure that the principal's current and future needs are met. If that means something that was "promised" to a potential heir has to be sold, so be it.

If Sis didn't want her Mom's GI bleed treated she probably will try to fight giving up the china and silver, too. But your husband's legal obligation is clear. He needs to report this theft to the police. It would be a generous gesture on his part to give his sister the opportunity to return the assets. But if he doesn't get them back he cannot just shrug this off.

Has your husband asked his sister for an explanation?

It just occurs to me that, if my mother were living alone and had people coming in to help her, possibly unsupervised and possibly not always the people who were rostered to do it, I'm not sure how happy I'd be to leave valuable items sitting around the house either. Before you call the police, check that these things haven't simply been moved to a place of safety. Or that's what I'd do, anyway.

$15,000 is an awful lot of china and silverware: it's not like the sister can have been hoping your husband wouldn't notice.

I wouldn't hesitate to call the police.

The only thing I would caution about is whether or not mom gave the items to her daughter. There are tons of threads on here about people with Alzheimers accusing others of theft when they've given away the items themselves. I just read a thread this morning where the child found a lot of 'thank you' notes from people to whom their parent with dementia had given away items. The parent had told them items were stolen. So before you jump to conclusions and call in the police, I'd suggest calmly talking to the sister involved to get her side of the story.

Just did a lot of moving many of my mom's things for safety when she went to a care home this weekend, including her jewelry to my home where my brother knows it's safe and not being sold and that I am in the will to receive all her jewelry. Could be more to the story.

I agree with Blannie, my father was giving away things without notifying us, then saying he could not find it. Even if your sister says the items were given to her, and your mom says she didn't, just let her know she needs to return them until mom's demise and the will is read. That keeps mom happy and lets your sister know you do believe her.

The other thing the daughter did was to rearrange the china cabinet by placing other items in such a way the missing china would not be noticed. It was clear deception.

It just goes to show you inventory needs to be taken as an elder is exhibiting signs of dementia. She has had a house cleaner for 28 years who has not ever taken one thing from my MIL. It goes to show you...... sometimes you have to watch out for relatives.

No, he absolutely can't allow her to take the items "on credit" like that. These possessions are his mother's, he has POA, he is responsible for ensuring that her property is managed as she wishes. He must confront the situation or he is failing in his responsibility.