My Dad has suddenly started talking about his sexual exploits as a young man in the Army. What do I do?

Olivia12. Bingo. Exactly my point. Well said.

I am not commenting on this thread any longer since it serves no further purpose.

Was it my comment about a g.g.father getting fresh with his granddaughters that "took it off topic"? I surely hope you did not think that an old man getting fresh with twenty and thirty year old women amounted to pedophilia. It was just meant to show that very old guys or men with dementia sometimes become obsessed with sex...again. :)

Llamalover47. Thanks for comment. I disagree but won't argue...Not my circus, not my monkeys.

OldBob1936: The original thread was about an elderly man talkig up his younger years, sexually. Then someone took it off topic and turned it into pedophilia. You just added to the confusion. Stay on topic!

may I kindly say it seems like much ado about nothing. I personally think the post about gramps having ideas about girls is parallel to the other gramps who brags....

Whoever is left standing at the end of Sunday buys lunch, ok?

Grace + :Peace,
Bob

Moondance: IKR! This thread was initially about an old man talking about his younger, vibrant years.
Then suddenly someone turned it into pedophilia! Stay on topic is the message posted by Aging Care.com.

TAke notes :)

REALLY. Stay on the topic.

Awsome guidance

This topic was not initially about pedophilia. Let's stay on topic!

Biblical Puzzler: Get a grip. I and all the other granddaughters were over eighteen and more when the old man got frisky. How ridiculous is that. He wasn't out combing the neighborhood for prey, he couldn't even leave his chair. Maybe the fact that you have never touched another naked person is your problem; I've touched several in my long life and enjoyed it too. :)

Dad has lost his filter, you cannot replace it for him, all you can do is develop one of your own for when he starts these conversations.

Sorry this is happening to you. And what you are reading - it's all true - he used to have the judgement to realize that he needed to keep those stories under his hat, and he doesn't any more; sadly, there is no replacement "filter" handy when the human brain loses the one it's supposed to have. If the stories are criminal in nature, and redirection does not work, you probably want a great deal more privacy in his life, unless they are also told in a way that does not seem at all credible...you can honestly tell others who overhear that "he never used to tell these stories before he developed Alzheimer's, we don't know that any of them really happened!" You might also tell his doctor that this is going on; though there is no really great substitute for good judgement, sometimes medication or medication changes can be of a little help; some medications can have a side effect of increasing disinhibition or increasing sexual urges so adjustments if he is on any and avoiding them in the future could be important.

Oh please, we aren't talking bible stuff here.

Ihall65~Your are speaking of sexually inappropriate WORDS that you can choose not to take personally & to look at it differently. I am not a religious person. I AM SPIRIT, who has a body.

Olivia should have reported her "great" grandfather to the police as a sexual predator, like the Duggars did their 14-year-old son. After all, there's now no allowance in these politically correct Last Days for age-damaged or underdeveloped brains. My brain was damaged during a breach birth, and diagnosed with high-functioning autism at age 41, over 20 years ago. But I've never touched another naked person, so this particular issue or accusation will never touch me, no matter how much I'm affected by old-timers disease. (Proverbs 10:7; I Corinthians 15:1-4)

Our great grandfather who lived into his mid-nineties became overly familiar with his young granddaughters...me for one. He tried to give me a mush kiss in the mouth when I 20. I told him to knock it off and not to do that again. He didn't, at least not to me. Is there anything wrong with remonstrating with these people instead of re-directing? Maybe they need to feel the sting of a little anger.

I have to add this: if a person is mentally ill, they will (sadly) be telling sex stories that should remain unspoken!

Oh my! Poor soul...I guess he wanted to remember a time when he was a vibrant man. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry about this one. I am so sorry to learn of your father's distress!

Love these comments...very wise and every one applicable to my own situation with my wife in nursing home...(dementia compounded with Parkinson's,) I'm there every day, and to myself I call 'techniques' addresses in neighborhoods of the mind. I seek references to which both can learn to respond to one another. Sort of like mind mapping on the fly. I love the parking lot idea. Thank you for that. The mind wants to go into a certain store, that is not safe...so you 'redirect, another good word..thanks..'redirect' attention to another address you both can benefit from, a metaphor for that desire to express within a new frame of references built between you. Yesterday I wheeled my love in her wheel chair outside and we watched the rain come down..After a while as I watched her eyes start to scan the drops hitting the trees and then the ground where it made little rivers. I associated those drops with their little rivers with changes occurring in the family and in ourselves...she began to smile...rain and little rivers, her, me, family. She smiled some more the first smiles brightened a formerly sad day. Some neurologists claim that the brain, even with dementia, can still learn and establish new references..That despite the impediment of dementia, the brain can map 'new rivers' of thought...conversational 'trail markers' sign posts, to assist both travelers through the journey of sharing ideas. I love the comment..."validate and redirect." Thank you so very much for asking this question. This has helped me more than I can say.

Just let it roll right off you.

Good comments. Just keep telling yourself, "validate and redirect".

If he keeps it to talk just change the subject if he is gets frisky get help and done be alone he may think your mom he may just want you to know how much he loved her and being a man he can't say it sweetly as in some although you be grown ups but you are not as open as a man and let's face it no lady is don't think me crude but men think different then us they are food sex fun we are food love work real if it hoses beyond a point you can laugh off get him to a doctor for medsthey will help him refoucse his mind enjoy your time together

When the person with dementia suddenly becomes aware of our "technique" it really can throw us. I've been there and felt like I had the proverbial egg on my face. Yet, we must soldier on.

Sometimes just being caught trying to redirect will actually accomplish the purpose since that can start another conversation while we start literally walking away from the issue (using the parking lot example).

My dad, however, would keep going back to the issue. Then I just had to cope the best I could with the moment and move forward. We won't always have a "solution." That's one of the many things that makes caring for a person with dementia so difficult. We do our best and go forward.

I do think that most onlookers, when they realize that something is "wrong" with the person we are trying to redirect, are sympathetic rather than judgmental. That being said, I've had to cope with us being stared at as people think "what is wrong with those people?"

We do what we can and develop thicker skin. It's hard.
Carol

@Dcoach
So a caregiver needs to develop a lists of redirects that fit the person? My sister is a formerly super-high functioning person; sometimes she knows when I am using a technique. Also sometimes, I am so floored by her behaviors that I am speechless.

People with dementia will repeat their behaviors. That, too, is part of the disease. Constantly redirecting is the name of the game. It can get tiring for the caregiver. It may also frustrate the person with dementia although they are unlikely to remember that you redirected them just a few minutes ago (depending on where they are in the disease process). Remember that you cannot "teach" them that a particular behavior is not acceptable. As the disease progresses there is almost no teaching that can go on because so little information is retained. This is specific for a degenerative dementia such as Alz.

In the parking lot example you shared, it may be helpful for you to scan the parking lot to see if there is someone wearing bright colors to whom she might be attracted. They you could redirect her attention or, if she sees the person, say something like "you are right, that is a nice color she is wearing . . . now let's go inside the store and see what they have". Many people are more aware of dementia than perhaps ten years ago so most people seem to be understanding. If they seem confused when she talks to them, you could softly say to them "she has dementia, thank you for understanding".

What an excellent analogy Bob. Well said.

These are great solutions. But what do you do if the behavior is constantly repeated? Constantly redirect?
My sister, who has mild Alzheimer's, verging on moderate, is now attract to women wearing bright colors. In the middle of a parking lot, she will start talking to such a person. This happens in other places. I live in an uptight area and I fear someone may take serious offense at her "friendliness".
Any additional suggestions? Thanks

Dcoach is right on. The central fact is, it seems to me, that dad does not realize that what he is saying is likely to get some people (perhaps anyone who hears it) upset.
Parallel story: years ago, a very dignified distant cousin had Alzheimer's...at a get together at the family home she went into the bathroom and came out naked. Her husband did not get upset in the least, but took her into the bedroom, saying, "honey, let's find an outfit that will be more comfortable." Moments later, they reappeared, she dressed and he saying, "doesn't she look great in this outfit?"
We don't get embarrassed when a baby soils a diaper. That's what babies do.

Grace + Peace
Bob

Well stated