82-year-old dad doesn’t like to wear clothes anymore. Every time I come over, I worry that he is going to answer the door naked. Any advice?

Have you told him that you aren't going to hang out with your naked dad?

I think I would buy him a silk bathrobe for father's day. It doesn't chafe and will provide you some comfort when dealing with him.

Sorry but, a person does not suddenly start walking around naked because, after 82 years, his clothing 'chafes' him. Nor does he defecate and/or urinate on the carpet and expect his housekeeper to clean his carpets afterward, refuse to wear underwear, etc.

If it has not happened already, your father needs a full medical evaluation including a cognition exam; a MoCA or SLUMS exam takes about 15 minutes and will evaluate his cognitive abilities and score him from 1-30 so you'll know where he stands and get a baseline. If he truly does not have dementia, you can get him to a geriatric psychiatrist for a professional evaluation about his mental health.

In our society, we're expected to wear clothing and use the toilet; that's just the way it is. If we decide to detour from those habits, a medical evaluation is the next step.

Wishing you the best of luck getting your dad a medical workup asap.

He needs an updated medical evaluation. This new behavior isn’t normal and needs checking out. No one just likes to shock or offend others with nudity or have accidents or live in disarray without there being some issue

I agree. This is not normal behaviour. And if I was his housekeeper I would quit. You need to get him to a Neurologist. He could have had a stroke and it effected the part of the brain that controls this type of behavior.

Sounds like this behavior was not the behavior he exhibited a decade ago, and that the omission of household routine items such as attending to dirty dishes is also not a lifelong habit. Ruling out medical causes of unusual behavior comes first. May need internal medicine, neurology, or geriatric psychiatric to help with that process.
Figuring out what to do - I'm a nurse, but I still recoil when entering my mom's apartment and smelling the distinct odor of dried urine. And there are health risks in cleaning human waste without wearing gloves, and using appropriate cleaning materials. I'd suggest checking with housekeeper to learn about her perspective, what she thinks is causing the problem, and what ideas she has that might change his behavior/help her manage the problem. A raise might help, too!
Getting carpets steam cleaned, putting waterproof doormats or runners (securely attached to carpet/floor, and investing in some odor neutralizing products might make the house a bit less awful.
There are some folks who have a preference for minimal/no clothing in the privacy of home. Or sleeping nude. With frailty in body and mind, adapting to social expectations may fall off of their radar screen.
Good luck.

You may be now considered to be in the *Await the Crises Club*.

Your gut (& ahem eyes & nose) tells you something is not right.

Dad however, cannot feel it.

If he calls for help, his housekeeper calls for assistance, he falls, he is confused, looks pale, shaky or just wrong - get medical help. This may mean wrapping him in a blanket to drive to ER or calling EMS to do so.

Then speak up for him to reveive a medical check up & a geri review.

Just a couple stories about senior men and nudity.

When I was in my early twenties I owned an audio/visual production company. I met Rodney Dangerfield doing a video for his night club show. We became friends but, whenever he was in his suite, he wore a bathrobe that didn't meet in the middle. It didn't matter who was there, 2 people or 12 people, bathrobe that was too small was worn.

Being fairly naive and young, I figured he was a single guy that just didn't shop and the robe was old, weight gain and all that. So I bought him a bathrobe for his birthday, that would actually reach ALL the way around and provide coverage.

I was told that the robe was great but, it was way to big and needed altering. OMG!

Yep, next time we visited, he was wearing the robe and it had been altered so it didn't meet in the middle.

Another time, we were out four-wheeling in the desert outside of Quartzsite, AZ and we came across a nudist camp. Not one of them had a stitch of clothing and they were all in their 70s, 80s and 90s. I know this because they were very hospitable and offered us a cold drink and conversation. Weirdest encounter if my entire life but, they all had great tans :-)

I truly believe that some people are going to be comfortable and it doesn't matter what others think.

The accidents are gross and inappropriate but, I don't think the desire to be nude is as off as we would all like to think.

Incontinence is a deal breaker. Nudity is a deal breaker. There is no going back after the first time you see urine or fecal matter anywhere but in a pull-up or in the toilet. The situation has clearly changed.

My dad also prefers to be nude because he says it’s uncomfortable and easier to go to the toilet. Then he started soiling himself. The breaking point was when he went out to get the paper nude!! The neighbor saw him and actually was very understanding. Their are kids on the block that could have seen him! His doctor evaluated him. So since then we have an aide that dresses him every day and every day she has to monitor his dressing and hygiene. Everyday as part of my checking in I casually check on him. Now my mom is having the opposite issue. Is it contagious? 🙂

Just because he has not been diagnosed with dementia of some type does not mean he does not have it.
This sounds a lot like Frontal temporal Dementia to me. He should be seen by a Neurologist or a Neuropsychologist for a full exam and proper diagnosis.

If I were the housekeeper I would quit but not before first checking with a lawyer to see if this might qualify for sexual abuse/ (just kidding here but this is serious and he could get into trouble answering the door in the nude. )

It sounds as though your dad was never a nudist before and this is a new symptom or personality trait that has presented itself. This sounds to me like he has some cognitive issues going on. Add in the incontinence and it would be a deal breaker for me. He needs evaluated by a professional. If he goes outside naked and has a conversation with a child, he is going to get in trouble. Get pop a doctors appointment asap!

Is there a male friend he respects and can talk to him about this? Sometimes men need to talk guy-to-guy about certain things... and another male friend can talk bluntly to him in ways that his daughter will never be able to do and tell him in no uncertain terms to cover up the private bits.

Has the housekeeper observed any other odd behavior, perhaps him holding conversations with non-existent people? Kudos to them for sticking around.

Agreed.. you should never have to see your dad naked and I'm thinking that this needs to be stopped right now before dad gets much more comfortable and just assumes that everybody (neighbors included) are perfectly OK with his clothing-optional lifestyle. Good luck to you.

Please get him to a neurologist. From my experience over decades, he DOES have dementia of some sort. I'm not sure who told you he doesn't have it or if it's your own thinking. Memory care is a good place to start.

I second a previous responder's statement - Who told you he does not have dementia?

I just learned a new word today from a different AgingCare forum post - "Anosognosia". It is the lack of ability to perceive the realities of one's own condition.

I wonder if there is a fancy word to describe the lack of ability to perceive the realities of a loved one's condition. Doesn't seem like enough but I think that word would be a distant cousin of denial. It's tough but you may be in charge now.

About his complaint that clothes chafe him. As my husband's dementia progresses, among other things, many physical sensations are exagerated. Perfectly warm showers are scalding hot, or freezing, until he gets refocused on to the effort at hand. Wonderful gentle breezes are near unbearable. Sounds are too loud, or annoying, lights are too bright, and waiting 5 minutes genuinely (to him) feels like an hour's time has passed.

Make an appointment with a neurologist, and a doctor. The earlier you get him evaluated the sooner you can either get a hopefully simple medical problem remedied or put a game plan in place.

In the meantime pick-up a couple of robes.

Nudity is a deal breaker. It is 100% totally unacceptable for your father to be naked in front of you. The advice is great here but you can tell him. "Dad your being naked around me is unacceptable and unless you learn to cover up I will not be visiting". The next time he is naked and holding a towel to answer the door, turn your back toward him and give him a few minutes to get clothes/robe on if he doesn't don't visit till he learns that he crossed a line and you will not permit it.

Id go straight to his doctor. Sounds like it could be dementia to me. Get a 2nd opinion. It is not normal to walk around the house with urine running down your legs, and he thinks thats fine.
Could he be hiding that he can no longer dress himself? Might forget how to put pants on. Maybe started to fall over when he did. Maybe he cant put his foot in a pant leg 1 at a time, or can reach down to pick them up, and pull up. That requires balance. He might have started to fall, and scared himself. Or cant remember the sequence of how to do it. Who helps him dress? That may be the real issue. People do cover up that their mind is fading. He might be thinking it is too hard, so won't do it. Or cant get pants undone in time and urinated on himself. Is he supposed to put his depends on? Again stepping thru them and pulling them up might be to hard to do.

Id definitely make a big deal of him not wearing clothes.

What does his housekeeper do when he's naked? Does she leave? And why is it her job to clean urine on the floor daily. That problem needs to be addressed. That's got to be on diff chairs, and bed/matress, on floors and carpet. Id get a breatable waterproof mattress cover, and someone to help him dress. Is he taking showers? Has someone checked his skin for urine skin breakdown.
Id find a geriatric doctor or psychiatrist for him to see. 2nd opinion time. Sorry that is happening to you.

Sounds like he needs a 72 hour hold for a psych eval. Adult Protective Services - a social worker can get him placed because he is a walking bio-hazard. Psychiatric Hospital?

Wow you guys, Thank You so so much for all the helpful ideas. To answer the question regarding dementia I guess I am the one who thinks he doesn’t have it since he can carry-on a rational conversation, he seems lucid most of the time and I don’t know a lot about dementia. He has defecated the carpets twice and doesn’t make it to the bathroom in time to urinate so he carries around urinals. He says different things about clothing. You might ask him one time and he’ll say that underwear and pants diapers chafe his skin, then he may say they make him too hot, and then the latest thing he said was that he can’t make it to the bathroom in time to pull his underwear down or I guess open the flap in the front because his hand shakes so bad so he ends up soaking his underwear and prefers just not to wear any. One time when I went to visit he had a shirt on and was sitting in his chair with a towel draped over his lap and no underwear on. I didn’t realize it until later on but it grossed me out. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and not want to go visit him at all. In the past when he was in his 60s and 70s he likes to go without a shirt on and just wear shorts. I always disliked this but never really said anything until he got older. Then if he would answer the door and he didn’t have his shirt on I would say I’ll wait for you to put your shirt on before I come in and he looks so shocked like what’s wrong with me. Anyway he has a nurse practitioner coming to his house on the 17th and I am going to be there to meet with them. You guys have given me so many good ideas and invaluable support thank you again so much.

Agreeing with all the answers/ideas, and just adding that 'meanwhile' give dad a caftan, like is worn by men in North Africa and other hot areas of the world. They are not 'gowns' but daywear, out of nice, not frilly, types of cloth, but flowing, very loose fitting, and Modest. Yes, he may still soil them but it's just an interim idea for covering up. Just be sure they are only calf-length so he doesn't trip or become tangled in the hemline and fall. Even just knee length. And even hospital-type gowns are better than nothing; many new designs these days; even if the 'caboose' is still exposed in certain positions it is less of a problem than 'full frontal' nudity for a man or woman. In hottest weather this item could be just like a very long tank top, reaching to knees: no binding at neck/armholes, easy to pop on and pop off, etc. And keep washable protective covers on all furniture dad sits on; have thick towels for seating for others as a barrier on any surface dad may have rested upon. All the best.

Agreeing with all the answers/ideas, and just adding that 'meanwhile' give dad a caftan, like is worn by men in North Africa and other hot areas of the world. They are not 'gowns' but daywear, out of nice, not frilly, types of cloth, but flowing, very loose fitting, and Modest. Yes, he may still soil them but it's just an interim idea for covering up. Just be sure they are only calf-length so he doesn't trip or become tangled in the hemline and fall. Even just knee length. And even hospital-type gowns are better than nothing; many new designs these days; even if the 'caboose' is still exposed in certain positions it is less of a problem than 'full frontal' nudity for a man or woman. In hottest weather this item could be just like a very long tank top, reaching to knees: no binding at neck/armholes, easy to pop on and pop off, etc. And keep washable protective covers on all furniture dad sits on; have thick towels for seating for others as a barrier on any surface dad may have rested upon. All the best.

oops...sorry for double posting!

I came here to write the identical thing that Santalynn did: get your dad soft caftans as many men in hot climates wear.

Stopping your dad’s nudity will be the easy part. The hard part is that he refuses to wear underwear of any sort, which means he finds it easy to urinate and defecate around the house - that is UNACCEPTABLE in all cultures. Only animals in the wild do that.

Your father is not an animal in the wild. He has mental decline of some sort or this would not be happening. It will not get better, it will only get worse,

Prepare yourself mentally that he will, most likely, soon need to be placed where a team will take care of him 24/7. I guarantee they won’t let him urinate and defecate everywhere and possibly spread pathogens all around through his bodily secretions. They will make sure he wears undergarments and will change them for him when soiled.

Get started on finding out how to place him now.

I would like to point out that your father’s housekeeper doesn’t deserve the indignity and dangerous conditions of having to clean feces and urine off of surfaces because your father refuses to wear underwear, and/or moves too slowly to make it to the toilet.

The housekeeper also doesn’t deserve the indignity of having a naked elderly man hanging around as she tries to do her paid job.

Being a slave in olden times was no worse than what (you and) your father are putting the housekeeper through. She obviously doesn’t feel she has many options or she would’ve already told your father where to stick it. I fear for the health and well being of the housekeeper.

Julu212: Your father needs a medical evaluation.

Edit - Sorry that I erred on your name JuJu212.

Any behavior or personality changes should be reported to his doctor, OR have a “welfare check,” so they can see this for themselves.
Nobody is going to think this is ok.
No home health aide should have to endure that either.
The kaftan idea is a good one, IF you can get him to wear it.
He might have a urinary tract infection that’s causing these behaviors.

first-take him to see a dermatologist. it maybe medications that's bothering him and or whatever, he's washing his clothes in. also, you can take him to seek counseling. tell him your willing to stay if he puts some clothes on. tell him you love him and this works both ways. I know its tough. It's like he's being child like again at least this is what they say when you reach that age. give him time. you know they took time with us even though we did not asked to be here. Only God knows that answer. I don't think he's doing this on purpose. It's just life. Bare with Dad and try to work it out. God Bless!

you can also, put cameras and video take everything w/o them knowing. just so u can get an idea of what's going on. Don't always go by what someone says check for yourself as well.

Tell him you are not comfortable with his nudist colony approach. Might want to get him into a hospital for evaluation, treatment, and placement into assisted living.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.silverts.com/givingcare/coping-with-disrobing-in-a-senior-loved-one-with-alzheimers-and-other-dementia/amp/

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No more visits or dinners brought unless he is dressed when he opens the door. If he want to sleep naked or be in his own room naked, fine, but refusing all the things you say he won't do would lead me to believe that he is incredibly self centered, or needs some mental help. Somehow, there has to be at least a few rules to live by. Is this a change from what he used to be like? If so, that might indicate dementia. Dementia can present in a lot of ways I would think. I would consult his doctor. What does the housekeeper say about all this. I would have quit a long time ago.