Emergency help needed for my Dad who is being a problem at his care home. Any advice?

Take your dad to urgent care or the E.R. and ask them to prove to you he does not have a bladder infection (UTI). Then, go from there, describing his rapid decline.

Dupont you were posting back in March and April about your dad. Posters who answered thought it sounded like your dad had dementia or Alzheimers, since he was having delusions and hallucinations. Has he been diagnosed with either? If so, he may not be able to understand what is going on.

You said he has two kinds of cancer and is in late stages back in your earlier post. He probably needs a higher level of care than he's getting at the care home. I think you need to work on nursing home level of care. With your dad's situation, he's only going to get worse, not better. I'm sorry about that...but that's the reality of his illnesses and his age.

Yes he has been diagnosed with miled dementia. His hilitionaons I'm told were due to a UTI he had that was not cared for properly until I got him to the right hospital. He went to rehab this summer after another trip to the ER for what he thought was a heart attack. Turned out it had to do with gerd and he has his asophagus stretched. Rehab was it get him stronger. Both times he has come home from rehab he had been constipated. He has no patience for this or to let the Medicean work to cure it. The first time I was up to my elbows in poop keeping him clean. He was only home a week before we were back in the ER (false heart attack). Them back to rehab. That's when I found this home he is at. He has only been there 3 days and I'm afraid they will change their minds. I was told by rehab he can and had used the toilet, but now he says he can't. I know he can and as of now the Medicean has worked they called this eaving. It just seems like he wants to be difficult. He has stopped his chemo treatment due to blood work and weakness. All that said he gets up at the home to eat meals at the table so he can walk with a walker to eat but refuses to use the toilet. I just don't get it. I'm truly at a loss as to what to do. He only wants to do what he wants without regaurd to others. I searched very hard to find a nice place for him and it's like he poupusly his being difficult. I just don't know what to do or where to get help if this home changes their minds. He comes across as all there in mind but I know he is not. How can I help him if he won't help himself? At some point where does my responsibility to him end? Where can I get help with a difficult person. Or do I just wash my hands of him and let him make his own arranents. I truly want him safe and cared for but he dosnt seem happy with what I do. If he can't stay at this home and can't live with us what do I do? I don't have any siblings I'm it and I'm at the end of my rope.

Unless he has a uti (and I would take him to the ER to get that checked), this might be the dementia worsening, or it might be cancer related.

It's always dangerous with dementia patients to say "why won't they help themselves?". Because their brains are broken, that's why. What does dad say when you ask him about defecation outside the toilet? Does he hold some delusion about the toilet?

I would have him checked out by a hospital;I would ask for the social worker's help in getting him placed in a skilled nursing facility.

Dupont, you also mentioned in another post that you had called Hospice. Is your father ON hospice at this point?

Is it possible that he has a mild diarrhea? Is he wearing Depends or something similar? It may be that after the move he can't recall where the bathroom is. Would a bedside commode help?

Apparently, your dad is not mentally able to comply with certain expectations. If he cannot function in his present home, then can his doctor order that he go to a psychiatric hospital to get a formal diagnosis and medication regulation? I don't know your state law, but if it's not safe for him to live in a residential home or assisted living, the psychiatric hospital should offer him protection and treatment until he is able to function elsewhere.

If the "care home" wants to send him home, do not take him. Tell them that you can't take care of him and he will have to go from their facility to a nursing home.

Between dementia and late-stage cancer, he needs advanced care. I wouldn't assume he's doing anything purposely. No one poops in their pants on purpose. Sometimes people lose complete control of their bladder and bowels. And that can happen overnight.

You dad could also be confused going to somewhere new from the hospital. Maybe he just doesn't remember where the bathroom is. Are you able to get him into a facility with more care available ?

He needs to use disposable underpants (Depends or similar), have a Chucks pad (water proof white/blue large pad) on the bed, a waterproof zippered mattress protector, a bedside commode and a nurse or therapist to have him practice using it. Is it a big bowel movement or just leakage? They are two different issues. I would be working closely with the doctor and home care nurse on this one. In a board and care facility, he should be able to get home care nurse, therapist, maybe even a bath lady in to help him. And just continue to be friendly and helpful to the board and care facility, if they haven't thrown him out yet, maybe the won't. Sometimes people have big time adjustment issues when moving to a new location and the staff take that into account.

Call Senior Care Authority in California. They can assist you with finding appropriate housing options. He may be acting out because he was placed and needs to adjust. Has he been seen by a mental health professional?