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My dad is 86 I cared for him at home but can no longer continue. I found him a wonderful board/care home. The people are great and only have 6 guests. He came out of rehab into the home, he has only lived there 3 days and has been nothing but a problem. I afraid they are going to say they can't keep him. He cannot come back to my home as we are moving to a much smaller place. His problem now is he is refusing to use the toilet and pooping in bed. They do not deal with this. He can use the toilet. Is there a place or what do I do to put him in a safe place. I'm at the end of my rope his living with us was ruining my family. Are there emergency places in California for people like him???

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Take your dad to urgent care or the E.R. and ask them to prove to you he does not have a bladder infection (UTI). Then, go from there, describing his rapid decline.
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Dupont you were posting back in March and April about your dad. Posters who answered thought it sounded like your dad had dementia or Alzheimers, since he was having delusions and hallucinations. Has he been diagnosed with either? If so, he may not be able to understand what is going on.

You said he has two kinds of cancer and is in late stages back in your earlier post. He probably needs a higher level of care than he's getting at the care home. I think you need to work on nursing home level of care. With your dad's situation, he's only going to get worse, not better. I'm sorry about that...but that's the reality of his illnesses and his age.
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Unless he has a uti (and I would take him to the ER to get that checked), this might be the dementia worsening, or it might be cancer related.

It's always dangerous with dementia patients to say "why won't they help themselves?". Because their brains are broken, that's why. What does dad say when you ask him about defecation outside the toilet? Does he hold some delusion about the toilet?

I would have him checked out by a hospital;I would ask for the social worker's help in getting him placed in a skilled nursing facility.
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If the "care home" wants to send him home, do not take him. Tell them that you can't take care of him and he will have to go from their facility to a nursing home.

Between dementia and late-stage cancer, he needs advanced care. I wouldn't assume he's doing anything purposely. No one poops in their pants on purpose. Sometimes people lose complete control of their bladder and bowels. And that can happen overnight.
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Dupont, you also mentioned in another post that you had called Hospice. Is your father ON hospice at this point?
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Is it possible that he has a mild diarrhea? Is he wearing Depends or something similar? It may be that after the move he can't recall where the bathroom is. Would a bedside commode help?
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You dad could also be confused going to somewhere new from the hospital. Maybe he just doesn't remember where the bathroom is. Are you able to get him into a facility with more care available ?
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Apparently, your dad is not mentally able to comply with certain expectations. If he cannot function in his present home, then can his doctor order that he go to a psychiatric hospital to get a formal diagnosis and medication regulation? I don't know your state law, but if it's not safe for him to live in a residential home or assisted living, the psychiatric hospital should offer him protection and treatment until he is able to function elsewhere.
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He needs to use disposable underpants (Depends or similar), have a Chucks pad (water proof white/blue large pad) on the bed, a waterproof zippered mattress protector, a bedside commode and a nurse or therapist to have him practice using it. Is it a big bowel movement or just leakage? They are two different issues. I would be working closely with the doctor and home care nurse on this one. In a board and care facility, he should be able to get home care nurse, therapist, maybe even a bath lady in to help him. And just continue to be friendly and helpful to the board and care facility, if they haven't thrown him out yet, maybe the won't. Sometimes people have big time adjustment issues when moving to a new location and the staff take that into account.
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Call Senior Care Authority in California. They can assist you with finding appropriate housing options. He may be acting out because he was placed and needs to adjust. Has he been seen by a mental health professional?
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