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So, finally got mom diagnosed with severe sleep apnea with need for lots of pressure to keep her oxygen level up and airway open.


But due to her confusion, she can't remember how to put the mask on after 6 days! Has to get up multiple times a night to pee so has to take the mask off. Then, party's over. I won't stay up all night dealing with this! I have to sleep at night. I hired (with mom's $) someone to try to help her for the past 2 nights and things are no better than before.


Advice? Are there solutions for confused people? I was hoping her confusion would reduce with the use of the CPAP but if she can't/won't use it, she'll never get good sleep and that will keep her confused. UGHHHHHH

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Ugh is right. I have to tell you, when my DH got dx'ed with sleep apnea in 2009, it took him a LONG time to get acclimated to wearing the face mask of the CPAP. He'd pull the thing off of his face multiple times a night and not want to put it back on. I'd tell him to leave it off for 10 minutes, take a break, but then I'd make him put it back on. This went on for about 3 or 4 MONTHS before he adjusted, and then he was fine with wearing it.

I can't imagine a confused elder would ever really adjust to such a thing and wonder why it was prescribed in the first place. You can't expect her to manage it, nor can you stay up all night yourself managing it FOR her. Send it back and let the chips fall where they might with your mother, that's my suggestion. Not everything is fixable with dementia; in fact, very little IS.
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againx100 Dec 2021
Thanks for responding and sharing your experience. He's lucky he had you to encourage him and help him get through that super long adjustment period.

I wonder, after mom puts the mask on and off enough times, will she be able to remember??? I know - it's becoming more clear that this just might not work. That makes me soooo sad. This was my last hope for resolving anything with her capabilities. We've done blood work and med changes, which did not help at all. CRAP.
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Hi againx100, I was in the same boat as you - until today. Mom was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea on 10/8/21. She could not figure out the mask (she tried several) and relied upon me, my brother and neighbors to get her hooked up every night. This got old, very quickly. She felt like she was unable to get a deep breath but refused to undergo a sleep study at the physician's office. So...she threw in the towel this morning. The machine was returned. (She told me she hopes to die in her sleep😳)
No advice, but I totally hear you! Best of luck!
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againx100 Dec 2021
Thanks for your response. My mom is so tired EVERY DAY and is confused. I really think this could help both issues. But not unless she can use it independently, otherwise it's of absolutely no use. I've never seen one before so had no idea what it really entailed. She can still do a reasonable amount of things for herself but it's her short term memory that is really problematic so that could be an insurmountable impediment.

So sorry that your mom gave up! I am so hopeful that this does not happen to me. She lives with me and the tiredness and confusion obviously have a huge impact on her behavior and our relationship.
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Place a bedside commode next to the bed. That's what I did for my dad. He stands up uses the commode and doesn't have to take the cpsp mask off. I stayed awake for a few nights to train him. Works like a charm. The one thing with dementia patients they can learn new things.
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againx100 Dec 2021
Ah, now I see why the previous poster suggested a commode. I'm glad it works for your dad. I am not emptying a commode. Makes me feel sick just thinking of it. But I can see where it would be a huge help if she didn't have to take the mask off and on numerous times a night. I'm sure this is at least partly where things are falling apart.

Did you mean they can or can not learn new things?
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My dad, without any dementia, struggled mightily with CPAP. He went through every version of masks from small to large. He got up multiple times every night to use the bathroom and was always tangled in it and had accidents from it slowing him down. He finally took the whole thing back to the doctor and told him it was messing up his plan to die in his sleep! Despite being told how needed it was and that the apnea was severe, he lived many more years much more comfortable without it. Not saying this approach is for your mother, but for my dad, peace and comfort outweighed any benefit
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againx100 Dec 2021
I know a lot of people struggle with it and can not tolerate it. While I know that, sadly, turning in the machine might be the end game here, I am not ready to give up quite yet. Giving up means that we're out of options and that her constant tiredness and confusion are never going to improve. Yes, if it comes to that, I'll deal. But not a couple weeks into it. There is a chance, slim as it is, that it can work out. I sound like a stubborn Pollyanna!
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I've been trying to convince my mom to get tested because she's been a life-long snorer. She's 92 now and just won't do it even though she's a perfect candidate and would probably adjust to it and benefit. I have had a CPAP for the past 3 years and it has helped me so much. It did take me a while to settle on a mask preference and to stop pulling it off in a semi-sleepy state, so not sure this is something one with dementia can learn to tolerate.

I've see ads for adjustable beds that simulate how someone can automatically raise up their bed partner's side and stop their snoring. Maybe try raising up her head and shoulders a little? Hoping the noise isn't keeping YOU up at night!
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againx100 Dec 2021
Is your mom having issues that could be related to lack of sleep? She seems kind of old to go for it though I'm sure she could benefit from it if she does have sleep apnea. Is her snoring bothering anyone?

My husband and I have that bed! It was either that, or one of us (HIM!) was moving upstairs. Horrible snoring and I can use a remote to raise his head more if he's having a noisy night. Works GREAT!

Thanks for responding!

Mom's snoring isn't bothering anyone. And luckily our rooms are at opposite ends of the house so I never hear it, unless we're traveling. The issue is her extreme tiredness and increased confusion.
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There are alternatives to the CPAP there are oral devices, there are surgeries that might help.
I would ask the doctor for alternative ways to correct the problem.
Yes surgery has its risks and even more so for someone with dementia.
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againx100 Dec 2021
I will be calling the doctor and the CPAP provider for advice. Thanks!
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Her confusion is probably just age related.

Older people find it harder to sleep,especially if they do a lot of napping during the day.

Forder the cpap, it's just confusing.

Try not napping during the day.

No liquids after 6 PM to lessen getting up to pee.

Try giving 3 mg Melatonin at night to help her sleep.
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againx100 Dec 2021
Thanks for responding. I know you're right that her confusion could just be age related. I'm hoping getting a good night's sleep will help but it just might not matter.

She doesn't sleep that well, no doubt. She does nap a bit during they day. Which of course throws off night time sleeping but she's so tired. It's a vicious cycle!

She doesn't drink enough fluids in general and not much after dinner. Just mostly enough to take her evening pills. She does get melatonin already.
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My husband had to use CPAP. During the last few days of his life (last year), I saw on TV, a medicine that replaces machine...can't remember the name, though. Ask her doctor about it, since they would know if it is okay with her other medications. Everyone needs their sleep! Prayers are with you and your Mom.
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againx100 Dec 2021
Was it a medicine or maybe it was the thing I've seen which is some kind of a device they implant in their throat and you use a remote to turn it on before bed and it mechanically keeps your airway open. It's called Inspire. I'm going to ask the sleep doctor about that when we go to him in mid-January.
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Does she sleep during the day? If she does maybe focusing on her using it during that time will be more manageable for you and will help her to get accustomed to wearing it too.
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againx100 Dec 2021
I'm trying to get my energy and patience in order to try this today and the next 2 or 3 days before we have a telehealth appointment with someone from the CPAP distribution company. I ask her what is going on and she can't tell me! I'm like, well, we need some actual examples of what's going wrong if anyone is going to be able to help us! She'll tell me it was a bad night and she barely slept and of woe is me, but can not give me ANY specifics. Excuse me while I go beat my head against the wall!!!
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My personal C-PAP mask allows me to just disconnect the hose and leave the headgear on. If I have to go to the bathroom during the night I just disconnect at that point and leave the headgear on....very simple.
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