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It's a little after 2AM. I live in a converted apt. in back of my mother's house. I hired a caregiver a little over 2 wks ago supposedly 24/7. She gets days off but it was agreed that she would be here every day from 5PM as mom gets up at odd hours (last night it was 3AM) gets dressed and is on her way out the door. Or like just now, I for some reason went in the house and she'd wet her pants and needed help. Lo and behold, no caregiver. What should I do with her?

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I will be the first one.

Fire her.

That is Abandonment, and if she is an employee you have more that you need for recourse.

Do not look back, she will not change. She obviously put her boundary way out there, and was out to see how much you will tolerate. This means you tolerate ZERO.

NOW, the reality is that you have to spend all the precious time to find someone whom is worth it. Your mom deserves it, and obviously since you wrote in, you sound like a loving woman that does care for her. You deserve it too! Blessings to you and I hope that you are able to do this fast. It is a process, but in the end, it will be so much easier. Trust is the first issue, as a caregiver I know that they look at. Who is They? Anyone that hires me. That obviously is someone that does not or if she does has issues, but has few if any regards for working, and other peoples money, and more importantly, "the million what if's, and I am just glad you wrote in.

THE BEST TO YOU. She does not need two weeks notice. Since she lives there.

Type if you can a written letter.

Effective immediately July 25, 2014, your position as caregiver is being terminated.
In ____________ State, it is an Employment at Will.

Please see that your items and everything is removed from my mother's residence by 5:00pm tonight, Friday July 25, 2014.

Thank you.

Mary Jones

PS: What I would be very careful of, since she has pulled this terribly gross stunt so early on in the relationship, I would not leave the premises where your mother is, until she is packed and gone. I would NO WAY, LEAVE HER THERE ALONE. I would also immediately before I give this notice, look around for items missing, rings.
I find it hard to believe that someone that would pull this ABANDONMENT SO SOON in a caregiving relationship, HONESTLY, I PUT ANYONE LIKE THIS ALONG WITH THE THEFT OF THINGS, PROPERTY DESTRUCTION, ETC.

I am in NO WAY TRYING TO SCARE YOU. POSSIBLY THERE WAS A REASON I WAS UP TONIGHT, BUT SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE N O W. REALLY, I WOULD WORRY, AND YOU COULD HAVE AN ISSUE with "the vulnerable adult" being left alone, and you know about it once and did not take measures to rectify it.

All the best, and sorry to be or sound so aggressive, I really care, and you do too!!!
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deserve it too! Blessings to you and I hope that you are able to do this fast. It is a process, but in the end, it will be so much easier. Trust is the first issue, as a caregiver I know that they look at. Who is They? Anyone that hires me. That obviously is someone that does not or if she does

SORRY SOME MESS UPS IN MY WRITING.

Trust is the first issue, as a caregiver I know that they look at. Who is They? I AM NOT SURE HOW THIS WAS WRITEN THIS WAY. DELETE THE "Who is They?"

Trust is the (or one of the first issue(s) that people look at when in the first 90 days of working). I am a caregiver and anyone whom hires me, will know within the first month, that without a shadow of doubt, I am loving, caring, compassionate, look at the client as if they were in my own family, and always follow the rules. Of course this sounds very simple. But, I have seen the best of best caregivers, and the poor. It is a job, that some families do not want to or cannot pay the money out to, and that saddens me, but I know there are very good caregivers in every region.


I AM really sorry, for the wording.
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Document the time and date. Terminate her formally with a letter. Keep a copy for yourself (even if you have to write it twice - one for her and one for you.) Yes, you must fire her. To keep her, and if she sneaks off, and your mother gets hurt, the authorities will ask you if this has ever happened before. If you say yes, they will wonder why you still kept the worker - knowing that she left your elderly parent alone. You can also get in trouble for elderly neglect.

Change the lock and keys..if she was given a key.
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First of all, request an explanation. I for one can't WAIT to hear what she's got to say for herself.

Barring an explanation that justifies her leaving the building without informing you, letting alone seeking your permission for her absence, you then put everything in writing and fire her. You also copy whichever agency you got her from.
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Of course you - both of you are right. Initially, when she first moved in, she "went to the store" with my permission - and was gone for like 2 hours. I told her then, "You get 3 chances. This is #1." I locked her out and she called me at 3AM when she finally got back. I told her to find somewhere else to stay since she was "out all night" anyhow. She kept calling and begged and pleaded and I have a doctor appt. tomorrow and have no one to look after mom. So.... I let her back in and told her, "This is #2. Next one, you're outta here." I'm going to take $50 off her pay and I guess I'll look for someone else. Thing is, I can't leave mom alone at all and have meetings with attorneys, with doctors (I'm not in the best of health either), with bankers and I just don't have the time right now to do a change. But you both are right, and I know I have to fire her. I just can't right at the moment. And no, no keys were given and I will keep a vigilant eye out - Thanks for the heads-up. And for getting back to me so fast. I'm "UP" now, pretty upset about this thing.
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Her "explanation" was that she "just needed time for herself and it will never happen again." Yeah, right, what about the next time was my response. She took care of my friend's mom, and by chance, I met her at church and was pretty desperate to find a 24/7 caregiver. So, no agency and I'm paying her what I can afford to pay - room & board + $1,500/mo. - and I realize this is a very low rate for round the clock care but we just don't have the $$. We're right on the borderline of having a little too much for Medicare but really not enough to pay someone enough to where I wouldn't have to worry about this kind of thing. I can't even afford to give her 2 full days off/wk. First off, she doesn't have anywhere to go and secondly, the fee for those two full days is more than half of what I pay the caregiver per month and we just don't have enough.
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You can call an agency and they can have a replacement for you asap.
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No.

You hired someone who is unreliable. You now have an unreliable person with a grievance and you're seriously considering leaving your mother alone with her?

Postpone your appointments, get on the phone to a reputable agency and find another caretaker.
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... but she does get "days" off - 2/week.
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Your mother needs to be in a facility. Not at home with a homeless mentally ill person taking care of her. Get her now and get her qualified for Medicaid.
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Fire her! What you are doing can get you into a whole lot of trouble with the IRS and APS. It is illegal to hire someone under the table (caregiving) and you being responsible for your mother's safety and wellfare if something happens to your mother for being left alone. Use those meetings with the attorneys to discuss your mother's issues.
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Countrymouse is right. You have a caregiver with whom you now have a beef. Not a good situation. Rearrange your calendar and find someone else who can be depended upon.

I think it's weird that the caregiver goes out at night. What is she doing?
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I don't understand why you didn't just fire her on the spot and kick her as• with her stuff to the curb. Rearrange your schedule to deal with the immediate situation. Then rethink your entire care plan and adjust as needed.
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Hello soon…. ok… YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME NOW….. this sounds hard, but we are here to assist you. I DON't THINK YOU HAVE AN OPTION.

1. What State do you live in.
2. I have some ideas. $1,500 per month for a student that includes room and board sounds really great. It sounds like she works the hours that are at night. Studen'ts have an abidance of energy, and possibly if you found a nursing student, or go to the college and see if there is anyone wanting to get something put on their resume for the next 6 month's. I know many adult children that would jump at this. I will review back to see if you did put any sort of (nursing student to be, or aide would be perfect). When typing here, I can see and feel, you sound exhausted.

Let me see what else. Facility, correct. What about a 2 week respite stay at an skilled or adult living facility. If I new what state you lived in that would help, because I would pop on the internet. I might email you and ask you some more.

Also, like I said, you DO have the tiME. I am sorry for your ailments. BUt APS Adult Protective Service would remove her from the home if you stated that, and that is NOT a StrESS YOU NEED, I can feel.

SHE cannot afford agencies. You can hire a individual, which is where I do all my marketing, and yes, there are good candidates, and not qualified, and you set up an account, put your zip code in and write what you need. You would be amazed at what you get. I am sorry for your health, this is a matter of finding any family friends acquainted.

People know people, regardless of where you live. You need to write one thing, go around to all of your senior care and health care agencies ask them for permission "That diagnosis allow;

I will email you from your personal email page, and now, regardless, it is public information, and you have no choice. The sooner the better.
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"I just don't have the time right now to do a change."

Make time. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. Appointments can be rescheduled; if they're more important than addressing this issue, then acknowledge it but don't pretend to be upset and irate and then present an excuse for not acting.

You've given her 2 excuses; don't vascillate with any more just because you've got appointments. If they're more important than your mother's care, then you need to rethink your whole caregiving role.

At-will employment should have been established when you hired her. If you gave her any inclination that her employment would be with you for a while, for any length of time, or represented anything other than that her employment could be terminated at will, you can't invoke it now in firing her.

Did you do a background check on her? If not, why not?

Ba8alou is right; get professional help and start working on Medicaid qualification today.

And for crying out loud don't hire someone from an Internet site.
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Yup, GA.
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Once they're there a month, they can be considered a tenant and can be very hard to get out of your house. Get her out now, before she reaches that magic 30 day marker.
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Equillot, good point. OP, check with your local post office to make sure she didn't change her address to your mother's. If so, contact the police for advice, as you may need to institute eviction procedures.

At least that's the way it works in Michigan. Someone can change his/her address with the Michigan Secretary of State, w/o permission from the person who owns the property. It happened to my father.

Ba8alou, wouldn't you think that at sometime these people would figure out their tactics? Or maybe they're dumber than we realize. Maybe that's why - they're too stupid to get a job.
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Kaydeb deserves a Darwin!
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You actually have to ask that question?

You fire her.
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Use the time with attorneys to discuss mother's issues? WTF else do we discuss as well as "mother's issues" being the reason we got the attorney in the first place! Sheez. I'm not from the backwoods, nor am I unaware of ALL the issues brought forth in the "extra" [snide} remarks. I do appreciate the heads-up however on establishing residency. And KayDeb had some good points about hiring a student... now that I can work with. I am worn out, exhausted but will find some way to replace this lady. I'll do it today cause you all are right about having her take care of my mom, yeah, trust is an absolute and without it what do you have....I'm not going to cut off my nose to spite my face however. I'm going to find someone though... I'm really at a loss on what to do about "days off". How do I pay for it plus having a 24/7 caregiver position? I hv an ad running splitting the $1,500 in half for 3.5 days for 2 separate caregivers. It would work but finding the right people who could do a 3 day a week live in gig is not easy, $750 for 3 days work is really low pay.
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No one can work all 3 shifts or even 2 back to back shifts caring for an elderly person, no matter how young they are..... a student might sound like a good idea but most college students have a full schedule of classes during the day and will need their evenings to study and get a full night sleep.

You might get a student to jump at the chance but they will be burnt out after a few weeks, then you will be back to square one.

I agree with ba8alou, maybe it is time for your Mother to be in an assistant care facility. If something would happen to you, then what?
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Bottom line is she abandoned my mother. So many "What Ifs" and nothing really happened - except she lost my trust and how can I entrust my mother';s care to someone I don't trust? I fired her. Fired her for breaking her agreement. She got time off too so it wasn't like she was working, working, working. It's a tough one but I was up front with her, she said she could do it (I thought she'd done it before too - and no, I didn't get her from the Internet) as she worked for a friend of mine taking care of his mother (3 - 4 stage Alzheimers) but yes, perhaps it's time for mom to see another home. God, it's going to just break my heart.
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OMG.....get rid of this disturbed caretaker woman. She is putting your mother's life at risk - can't you see this? If your mother is at the point where she is confused and has become incontinent, she either needs 24/7 home care or needs to be placed in a facility. In the meantime, call an agency and get a more reliable caretaker.
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She's irresponsible and deceptive by leaving your house, and not letting you know in advance is she has an emergency, etc. Fire her NOW and get a reliable replacement with good references.
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Let her go. There are way to many people with loving hearts out there that are honest & I would suggest that you go through a nursing agency for help & get some one besides a sitter to stay with mom...You really don't have to put up with this & I just pray that your mom has not had things stolen from her too.
Let this person go at once.
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Congratulations! Firing her was difficult for you, but it was the right thing to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.
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I don't know if the caregiver has left your property yet but it would be a wise idea , if she has not, to get a police escort to get her out and off the property. You do not know how she will take the firing. Just a thought.
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I think she should leave, but you should know...you get what you pay for. That she has "days" off is not a plus and, to me, smacks of a complete User. Those are slave hours; she's working from 5pm to ??? and when is she suppose to sleep? I know I may sound hard, and you are between a rock and a hard place, you need additional help but slavery is not the way to go.
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I don't know how hard you have tried to get financial help but try again. When I first started approaching social services, VA, Medicaid etc. they all told me my dad made too much money to get any kind of help. If she goes to the hospital for any reason try to get social services involved. Tell the truth about your mom's situation. I found that if I caused enough trouble they would listen. Admit you need help, don't take no for an answer.
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