Caregiver bringing her children along. How do I tell her to leave her kids at home?

@BurntCaregiver, are you claiming to have psychic abilities that allow you to know exactly why the OP quit responding? Other than yours, I didn't see any posts calling her a "harda**". Most of them talk more about rules and liabilities and the fact that it's not appropriate or allowed to bring children to one's job in other settings.
I saw her respond at least a half dozen times in the beginning, so maybe she felt like she'd responded enough. Or maybe she's busy.
Why jump to the most negative conclusion possible? And why write it as if it's fact, instead of the speculation/assumption that it actually is?

Sorry JoAnn29 thought it was your mom.

Its now 2 weeks and the OP has not bothered to respond to our posts. Seems she posted thankyou on the 13th but hasn't chosen to tell us how she handled it.

I strikes me that there are a lot of layers to this onion.
Is the problem that she brings the children without having asked? Or, did she ask and you said yes?

Is the problem she brings her children? Or, is the problem the behavior of the younger boy?

Is the woman doing her job well?

How does your parent get along with the caregiver, and the kids?

Have you actually spoken to the caregiver? If not, why not?

What reasonable activities do you have for the child to do?

What reasonable alternatives does the caregiver have?

What reasonable alternatives do you have if not this caregiver?

Is this a liability concern for you? Or, an annoyance?

Your answers inform your options:
If this is a liability issue, the caregiver is not doing her job, or your parent is negatively impacted by the children, there is no discussion. Find a backup plan before you tell her she can't bring the kids.

If you don't have reasonable care options, the answer needs to be a negotiation of what can happen to improve the child's behavior given you need a caregiver.

All the other questions may lead to discussion, planning, boundary setting and creative thinking. But, you will have to have a discssion - something you might not have done, yet, if there are children in the house regularly without your permission.

Learning Lesson: be clear early on, before there is a problem.

Well, its been a week, how did you handle things.

If they are not well behaved - discipline them yourself as you would your own child in front of mom. If you have a good relationship with your Caregiver - make it better. Maybe the kids would listen to you? Maybe if you said, 'hey kids, I left some books & a couple games in the family room for you - everything else is off limits'. Set your boundaries with them. OR..... give them chores (LOL). Kids are a joy to have around. Children and animals are seen differently through the eyes of dementia and typically brings joy. If you have a good relationship - make it work. Really. That will be your biggest battle. The 10 year old could help. She could play cards with your mom, fold clothes with her. All kinds of stuff.

Simply tell her that children are not allowed in the workplace, whether it's in an office, factory, or home. She would have to find childcare if she worked in another field and in-home caregiving is no different. Too often we try to be nice, which often runs into us being run over. Just have to learn that "No" is a complete sentence.

Hi
My layman's understanding of the law is that if you had the caregiver sign a waiver absolving you of responsibility if one of her children was hurt on your property or broke something, it would not stand up in a court of law if there was a suit. Perhaps another contributor who has a law background could answer this better.

One of the biggest things I learned during my years & years of caregiving for parents, husband, children:

Pick your battles. Caregivers get paid very little & good ones are certainly not a dime a dozen.

This is a long, long, long difficult journey. Have your chat with her and be done with it - not worth losing a good one.

I don't know how she can watch the 6 yr old and do her job at thee same time. I guess she has no place else to put them so she takes them with her. I understand how you would not like this., and if she can't find a babysitter then maybe you should find another caregiver.

Did she ask permission to bring them?
Did you give permission on a rare occasion and she figured you would allow it?
Anyhow, I feel that I would simply explain she needs to leave her children at home during work hours.

"Please do not bring your children with you anymore"

Easy :)

Along with others advice you also have to worry about the possibility of them bringing COVID-19 into your house.

Hello,
I am a Supervisor in Homecare. I read thought some of the threads and definitely agree with “ wifeofadrummer” I believe she said it best. However, I don’t know if you are going through the state or if you are paying for care with an agency. If you’re going through an agency, if so most of them don’t allow children in your house. It’s usually against ALL policies and procedures. The policies are set into play through Medicaid. If a child were too get hurt it’s going to be a liability problem.The caregiver would and has been terminated for this. Breaking rules has consequences. This is a big deal in my state.
If you are paying for service privately. then you could just let the caregiver just know it’s a huge liability on your behalf and ask her not to bring any of them. Even if you are paying private. It could mean you receive the caregiver through an agency so the same rules should still apply.

Remember if you need to say anything do it nicely. These girls(most of them ) are not respected enough for the kind of work they’ve chosen to do. Too leand a helping hand especially nowadays is a Godsend. To say the least. Another scenario is she maybe home schooling them now and has no support system in place, but needless to say something has got to give.
Best of luck!

Imho, there is no way that is acceptable and it CANNOT continue. She is a caregiver and this is very unprofessional and quite frankly, rude. If she cannot find childcare for her children, she shouldn't be employed as a caregiver.

I am an RN who has worked as a companion/aide. It surprises me that so many in the field do things that seem inappropriate, perhaps b/c of poor training, lack of common sense or b/c they have not been taught respect of this type. HOWEVER, the job pays very little and uses bodies to staff. Anyway, I am always able to tell others what they should do, but am passive-agressive. First, the best way to try to change this would be to be the advocate and explain, kindly, but firmly your expectations. Client’s do not like “to tell on their caregivers” for fear of getting them fired, b/c they have heard about the caregiver’s life. Good grief, Being in a caregiving situation that is natural, but also a great way to manipulate! So....if talking does not remedy the solution, report it to their supervisor. If you are privately paying, it is a hard decision if you fear having no one at all versus a caregiver who disrespects the “care plan. Honestly, a good caregiver is a blessing and often hard to find. It still does not negate the fact that the caregiver is in a paid position with rules/ guidelines to follow.

My husband's caregiver has an adopted 6 year old boy. He attends school next door to our residence. He gets out of school at 2:30 and she works till 3pm. Everyday she, my husband and the dog walk to the school to pick up the boy and walk home.
He sits at the counter and eats his after school snack until she finishes up.
During the week of snow we had in Feb, she had no electricity for the week. I insisted that her family come stay in our house until her electricity came back
My husband enjoyed the company. Her older son sat and watched movies with my husband; her fiancé cleared a bunch of fallen branches, and she and I carried on as usual. Her 6 year old kept my husband entertained with his dinosaurs and hot cars
It's a personal choice how you treat your caregiver. Ours has become a family member. She and I will remain in touch after my husband has to go into MC.

This caregiver has one heck of a nerve. Very unprofessional and unacceptable. Little kids pick things up and take home with them.

Higgins, have u talked to the Caregiver?

Find out why she brings them sometimes. If the answer is no babysitter, then ask what she is going to do in summer.if she plans on bringing them then you have got to tell her that that is unacceptable..

“You have lovely children and I’m going to ask you to not bring them to my home when you’re on duty. It causes me more stress than it’s worth. If you’re not able to do so, I’m going to have to find another caregiver.”

As you said:
"LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME"

Otherwise, this working relationship won't work.
And, there are liability issues. What if the kid(s) fall, get hurt. This is on you legally. Immediately start looking for someone else as a back-up. Just in case you need to replace her.

The caregiver bringing their children to work is totally inappropriate and unprofessional.  This isn't a family member trying to help out, this is a paid professional coming to work.  Her children should not be with her.  Stop accepting her actions immediately.  If you like the care she provides and would like to give her the opportunity to "right her wrong", tell her in no uncertain terms that she cannot bring her children to work or she will be replaced.

Can’t agree with a caregiver bringing along her child. Her attention should be on your love one, not her child. She’s being paid to work; I don’t know of many job locations that would allow the employee to bring their child with them. Only once a year companies celebrate “Bring your child to work” day. Even then, it’s meant to be educational—not a substitute for daycare.

We had the same problem with one of the caregivers.
It started as an "unexpected problem arose" then evolved into an everyday matter. We asked her not to
bring her 3 and 5 year olds along. Stopped for a while; then started up again plus they were high energy kids
and my MIL was a frail 92 year old. Terminated the care-giver for that and many other little problems.

I'm going to assume that the caregiver is not caring for you but rather someone else in your house.
Does the person she's the caregiver to like having her kids there? Sometimes elderly people like having little kids around. It makes them happy. I used to bring my boy along to my client's house from time to time. Not for lack of childcare, but because my elderly clients liked him so much and looked forward to seeing him.
If the person being cared for likes the caregiver's kids and them being there doesn't interfere with the work she has to get done, then leave well enough alone.
However, have a serious talk with her about what is not allowed in your house. Your office is off limits. Her kids do not make a mess or play with your stuff. Your house cannot be her daycare replacement. The kids being at your place cannot be an every day thing. If your worker is okay with this and is respectful of it, she needs to also sign a legal document stating that if one of her kids gets hurt at your house she will not try to sue you. Caregivers for the elderly are usually poor and do not earn decent wages. If they work for an agency low wages and no benefits are guaranteed.
The agencies have themselves covered and protected. The worker signs paperwork that they will not sue the agency if they get hurt at work. The clients and their property are not protected. A caregiver might get an opportunity if you know what I mean, and the chances of an opportunity increase if the kids come along too.
Get her to sign a liability agreement to protect yourself from possible lawsuits. When that's done and she agrees to your conditions, don't be too strict on the kids showing up if the person being cared for doesn't mind them being there. If they do mind then it has to be a hard 'NO' and you'll have to find a new caregiver.

Good morning. I think that the caregiver not discussing bringing kids with you first was wrong. However, lets look at what might be putting the pressure on them... this is probably as simple as no in-person schooling (so ask when they go back). Average daycare costs are over 10k a year... average pay for a elder care giver is less than minimum wage... Average medical costs/coverage with 3 kids... who knows. If you like the caregiver and you want them to continue, a nice gesture would be to find some way to help until the caregiver can send the children back to school. Maybe its financial, maybe its agreeing on some strict ground rules, maybe its through people you know or your understanding of helpful resources. Good luck to both of you.

This is a matter of appropriate behavior and boundaries. You will need to set them. There is no way this is OK. If any member of the family is injured you are responsible for that. You basically tell her that she cannot bring her children to your workplace. If that is impossible you will have to hire another person. This woman is working for you. I can't imagine why it's so hard to tell her what her rules are.

You have a one word answer to that. "NO". She is being paid to do a job, and she must find alternative day-care for her children. It is highly unprofessional, and should be stopped. Does she work for an agency, or do you pay her directly? Either way, tell her that she can't bring the children and she needs to find alternate care for them.
If she feels that she would rather not be employed by you, then that's OK. You deserve someone who focuses on you for the time they are with you.

I dont miss the days of dealing with this. My father's caregiver took full advantage of me being in the home. For the entire time she worked for our family she brought her son. Since I worked from home, she also expected me to babysit while they went to doctor's appointments. Once my daughters got older, she would ask them to watch him. This turned into her older son coming over and her nieces. They would literally take over our house and treat my children as if they were strangers. Please do not start a pattern of allowing the caregiver to bring her children. If she worked in an office, she would not be able to bring her children. She needs to make other arrangements. I would give notice that by xyz date, she needs to make other arrangements for her children. She cannot bring them after that. Please be stern about this if you are able.