Caregiver bringing her children along. How do I tell her to leave her kids at home?

This is 100%, absolutely NOT OK.

I have 4-8 yo grands and I would no more take them into work than try to fly. What a nightmare! Half your CG's time is probably spent dealing with the kids.

This may be OK for some people, but you sound unhappy and goodness knows, most of us would feel that way.

If your CG won't leave the kids, then she can't be a CG for you.

Just tell her no children. I this problem once. I told her no children in the workplace. Same with pets. She wanted to bring her dog and tie him up in my yard. Not happening. I’m not a pet person, especially not a dog.

This is really worried situation and some time it's would be hard to say something like this. But you need to tell him before her kids broke anything. Although, She upset for sometime but its will be good for long term.

When I ran a babysitting agency a few years ago, we had a hard rule: the sitters were NOT to bring their children along to the clients' homes, period. You would think this should go without saying, but apparently it doesn't, and has to be discussed up front.

It's totally unacceptable for your CG to bring ANY of her children along to her place of employment, never mind 3 of them! Speak to her right away and if she quits, so be it. The fact that she's doing such a thing without prior approval is what's most bothersome to me. What else is doing without your approval, I wonder?

Good luck!

If you would have asked me a year and a half ago, my answer would be totally different than now.

With schools closed, CGs children are of school age, sometimes it cannot be helped. If you need help, you may need to make a small sacrifice.

That does not mean you cannot define behavior of children in your home. Address the behaviors with the caregiver and the children.

I would ask her about her situation. I'm surprised she didn't ask first. It's up to you whether you want them in your home. You might have to fine a new caregiver though. Also, how does your loved one react to the children? My mom would be thrilled to see children in the house again. Maybe that could be a good relationship? You could talk to the caregiver and set some ground rules and maybe even talk how the kids could help and learn from this experience. If they agitate your loved one, then that would not work. Best wishes you as you go through this.

If you are totally (TOTALLY) satisfied with every other aspect of her caregiving, and this doesn’t happen too often, I might consider asking her to let you know, so you could have everything locked when the family arrives.

I’d want to indicate too, that you are REALLY HOPING, for HER SAKE, that it won’t happen too often, because YOU KNOW how hard it is for her to provide for her children on short notice.

We have taken care of my grands since before the pandemic, but now, not knowing their school program schedules, child care problems are MUCH worse.

YOU are paying her salary so YOU are entitled to be comfortable and relaxed with the work she is doing for you, but honestly, Covid has ruined so many lives, IF you feel as though you can cut her a little slack, I’d give her a chance.

I see Stacy's point. I would ask a few questions. First, where were her children going before and after school before COVID. My grandson was in a latchkey program. The school bus picked him up and dropped him off at his former daycare. When schools reopened this Fall that program continued. I only get my Gson when school is closed for a holiday.

There are government programs for low income parents for Daycare. I feel the 10 yr old is old enough to keep her siblings in check. I babysat my infant brother, for short periods, at 11.

You have a right to set boundries in your home. Sit her down and ask her why she is bringing her children. Ask if there is not a family member or a daycare that can watch them. Then tell her you wish she had asked permission. That you don't feel that she can do her job and keep check on the two younger ones who seem to think its OK to go all over your house. That you don't feel its your responsibility to keep check on them and when asked not to do something, they continue to do it. This is not fair to you.

Not sure what the compromise would be here. Find daycare for the two youngest with the state paying? Then let the 10yr old come. This woman is probably just making ends meet. Do you have a room that can be set up for them? If so, that is where they stay. A TV should keep them entertained. Allow Mom to be bring toys and whatever. I am assuming she supplies their food. If they don't remain in the room, then you will need to start looking for someone else.

This is hard, you need a Caregiver and she needs a job.

Bringing 3 kids without asking? Wow, that's some chutzpah — and incredibly disrespectful and/or clueless. Not a good thing in a caregiver.

Is she a privately hired or through an agency? If she is from an agency, the answer is a hard "no" to bringing kids to the worksite. Call the agency to report it.

Is she being provided through Medicaid and sent from social services? I would report this to them. These are liability issues.

If you hired her directly I would make it diplomatically clear to her that she crossed a boundary but going forward you're willing to permit it if she respects the following rules (and you can create your own rules but DO enforce them ...)

1) she give you notice the night before if they are coming so you can prep.
2) the kids are to limited to being in these rooms _________
3) Her 10-yr old is in charge of minding the other 2 at all times because the mom is being paid to help YOU, not her kids.
4) Any damage they create will be deducted from her pay.
5) The kids are to address you as Miss ______ and treat you with respect.

I don't think this is a lot to ask, and I do understand that the past year has wreaked havoc on people's lives BUT she didn't ask you first! This is unacceptable in my world. All she had to do was call to ask. Not rocket science.

Assuming the caregiver comes to the door, you meet her there. They don't come in and you say: "Oh, you have your children for today, why don't you take the day off to care for them."

"No, I insist, you go and have a day off".

No children at anytime. Too much disruption and a huge liability.

How can the caregiver focus on your needs with children roaming everywhere?

Call her on the phone, so that she isn't trying to have the conversation with the children present.

Personally I don't really think it's okay for a caregiver to bring any child to work with her - but two at once? Beyond a joke.

Do you know why she sometimes brings them? Does a sitter sometimes let her down, something like that?

You only have to get one sentence out: "[name], I don't want to hurt your feelings and I do understand that sometimes it's difficult to arrange childcare, but I'm not okay with the children coming with you to work. We need to talk about this."

Oh all right - two sentences :)

You don't need to tell her that 6-7 year olds are noisy little dervishes with sticky fingers and intrusive curiosity; and I certainly wouldn't tell her you like one of her kids but not the other! - all she needs to know is that you, her client, are not happy BUT you are prepared to discuss ways to make it easier for her to leave them behind. Are you willing to be flexible about when she works?

Start looking. She has to know this is inappropriate whether you hired her privately or through an agency. If an agency you simply let her know you're sorry but it's unacceptable to you and inappropriate, and if her kids are not left at home or elsewhere (no doubt a sad story to come) you will have no choice but to fire her. And then do it. Being careful to know you won't have a lapse in care.

Well, the reason she brings her children is that she probably cannot afford to pay a baby sitter or does not have a family member to keep them while she works. However, you are Employer and she should have asked your permission to bring her children to work, Having said that now is the time to tell her or give her notice of termination.

If your caregiver is through an agency, report the behavior and the agency will address this with her.

If your caregiver is a private hire, then you need to sit her down. Explain that you hired her to care for your loved one when she is on duty - and that it does not include bringing her children along. Ask her if this is going to be a problem for her and give her 2 weeks to find reliable care for her children. If she says this is a problem, give her 2 weeks and find a replacement.

Her kids likely aren't in school, but unfortunately, having not cleared it with you in advance doesn't make it OK.

This is the tough part of being an employer. You have to tell her she cannot bring the children under any circumstances. Don't budge on it either.

She should not be bringing her kids to "work" with her. It's one thing to do that occasionally if you work in a office - not always acceptable, depends on the company, but certainly someone providing hands on care to another should NOT be bringing the kids along.

I would tell her that you understand times are difficult with schools locked out, day cares closed, etc, but that for many reasons you find this unacceptable. If she works for someone else, have the discussion with the supervisor instead. You don't need to mention any of the "antics", just state simply that this isn't professional, it is unacceptable to you that she brings her kids along and there are potential liability issues. If she works privately for herself, then you'll have to say the same to her. She either comes to work without the kids or you hire someone else.

It is possible now that she's done this a few times that she considers that your reluctance to say anything as acceptance. I wouldn't let this go on for even one more day. If she shows up with them before you can contact her employer, greet her at the door and say she isn't needed today.

Totally unprofessional. It's tough out there, but this isn't the way she should handle it.

She brings the children "at times" - i.e. not all the time, so not because the schools are closed. But quite possibly because whoever is supposed to be minding them while she's at work either hasn't turned up or has gone hunting with his buddies..?

She may also genuinely have the idea, wishful thinking no doubt but not groundless, that seeing kids about the place is *fun* for an elder. Hence if the OP is pleasant to the children, the caregiver may truly believe that the OP doesn't mind. This makes it more difficult to disillusion her, but nevertheless it has to be done.

Being flexible about hours or days may be helpful to the caregiver, and allow the OP to keep a caregiver she knows she likes.

Just kindly tell her that your home is a workplace and not a place for children. This kind of what I call - creating a bad employee. The first time you overlook an infraction, it becomes ok to do it again.

Be sure to start the conversation with how much you like her and the work she does. If she gets mad, she gets mad. You can't do anything about that. If you have to find a new caregiver, just remember to discuss this at the hiring process.

I didn’t read all of the responses so forgive me if you addressed this already.

Did she ask before bringing her children?

Personally, I don’t think she should even consider asking to bring her children to work with her. Nor, should she put you on the spot without asking and just showing up with the children.

She has to realize that children should not be taken to her job.

Tell her not to bring them in the future. She will have to find childcare or you will have to hire another caregiver.

Certainly, Covid has made everything more difficult for mothers to continue on in their work routine.

Long before Covid though, some people have tried to take advantage of others in one way or another.

I never allowed babysitters to have their boyfriend present when they sat with my kids. I find that ridiculous too.

Good caregivers can be hard to find. If there is established rapport and a good record of care for your Loved One, I'd give the caregiver a chance by letting her know she can't bring her kids again. I'd go so far as to make a designated area in my home for the kids... if the problem is really only that they get into things they shouldn't and they're only coming with her once in awhile. Either way, time to discuss it with the caregiver. Jumping straight into firing her without a warning, as advised by some, could leave you without a good caregiver. I don't see that as the answer.

No way should the caregiver bring the children along, they are not part of the contract, and our liabilities should an accident happen, and who is the caregiver really paying attention to? You may want a heart to heart talk with that person. If your caregiver is doing a good job tell that person they are but the children are not part of the care giving contract. Also you may want to inform management about what is going on.

Please come back and tell us how you handled this. We learn from each other.

You just have to say “I’m sorry but it’s not gonna work out if the kids come.”

I second the legal/insurance liability angle! Less personal, less to argue with. You might hint, ‘especially with the boy since he wanders off’... such that she could consider just placing him with someone vs. having to do so for the both (since you say having the girl there isn’t a big deal - she may be a caregiver in training!).

Some thoughts. Tell her the nest time she brings the children that this is the last time she can bring them. If she continues to bring them start looking for another caretaker. Give her the warning that this will happen. This is no place for young ones. No more warning for this.
I hope this helps

Had this problem too. My previous Home Health gal had to bring her 5 year old grand daughter due to lack of having a babysitter. I initially found having a young child was fun and added a little joy to my life. However, the child had a lot of problems and required nearly constant attention so that my own needs were not being met. The child was also strong as a horse and causing me to fear she would hurt me physically without knowing it.
You can tell the home health agency and that will be the end of it. I know it's not what you may want to do as it may also end your caretaker's job. Sometimes as we grow older we have to learn to put ourselves first however. You shouldn't have to be stressed like this especially with 3 of them like that. Too much! I would let the caregiver know how you feel first and go from there. Hope it works out well.

If you want to keep her, can you be flexible if it's only "at times"? She may not be able to get child care for her own children at times. Could you switch times or days when that happens?

Is she a private hire or hired through an agency? If private I would have a conversation immed. that you cannot allow her to bring children with her, no explanation owed, just no. If an agency you need to contact them immed and let them handle it and if it happens again call them and tell them do not send her to your home again. Too much liability and too much disrespect to you and your needs.

I would not want a caregiver to bring her children to my home. However, I tend to be sympathetic to women with children and the dilemma of either having no childcare or not being able to afford childcare while trying to work and put food on the table and pay the bills. There was a time for me when paying for childcare cost much more than my weekly paycheck. And more recently, I don’t know what my daughter would have done if she didn’t have us to watch her children when the schools and almost everything shut down overnight due to the pandemic.

I’m not saying you owe your caregiver any explanation of why you do not want children in your home - it’s your home! You have every right to ask her to not bring her children. But if you like her, as you say, and she does a good job, and if she has been with you for awhile, you might want to discuss the reason why she needs to bring the children along on occasion. Although it’s really not your problem or your business. It blurs a boundary you might not want to cross. But she might say something like “in a few weeks the kids will be back in school full time.” I would give her a reasonable timeframe to resolve her childcare issue. Someone else mentioned flexible hours and days as well, which could be a temporary solution while she finds childcare.