I made a promise to my mother before she was diagnosed with vascular dementia that I would not leave her with her new husband if she got sick because she knew he would not take good care of her. (Admittedly, he was not a caregiver). She assigned me POA of everything if that were to happen. NOTE: Money should not be issue here as all she really has is enough income to live on. Well, her husband fell sick himself and his daughters had him sell the house (which he owned) and move 1,000 miles away so they could take care of him and now my mother lives with me. During the move, my mother would say she wanted to go with him one day, then the next day she would say she was staying with me. Of course she was so bad by this time that she could not make her own decisions and at least her new husband knew he could not take care of her so he gave up the POA to me as mother had stated was her desire before she got sick.
Now here's the problem. My sister came undone when she found out Mom chose me instead of her! She started attacking me ruthlessly! She went as far as to try to talk our sick mother into going with her husband so that none of us would ever see her again! NOW she comes in my house once a week w/o even saying hi and sits down to talk to mom. Totally disrespecting me and my husband! My husband now says they are no longer welcome in our house, and I cannot allow my sister to take Mom anywhere as she has already threatened to do whatever it takes to get her name on a POA so she will know where Mom's money is going each month.
I do not have time to list the hateful things she has said to me or all the hateful accusations she has made. She has said things that even concerned my now grown children when they were young! In a nut shell, she has totally wrought havoc on our relationship! She gets a small Social Security check and retirement check each month and we are laying life down as we once knew it to care for Mom and all this sister can say is that she is going to find out where every penny of Mom's checks go!
Anyway, I do not know where to go from here? She refuses to apologize and support me as our brother does!! Besides the fact that Mom chose me because I have been the more responsible child, been married only once for 36 years now, while my my sister is in her 5th marriage, had foreclosure on her house, neglected to keep insurance on Mom's house in which mom let her live in then accidentally burned it to the ground and even dropped off the tax bills each year for Mom to pay while she lived in the family house for 5 yrs or so. It seems to be all about a little bit of $$$$ to her! My husband continues to tell me to "not worry about it, because she has made her bed now she has to lie in it!"
Can I just tell her to call Mom as much as she likes but until she humbles herself, apologizes and changes her attitude it looks like she will not be seeing our mom w/o having to face some kind of legal matter brought forth by her? I already can tell you it's almost guaranteed that she will now start to do things like call social services on me by making false accusations, and whatever else she can think of just to try to further ruin my life! It's become some kind of sick demented game of vengeance to her! The anxiety and stress her actions are pouring on me has me at the edge of giving up! I just can’t focus on being a wife, a mother, and my mom's full-time 24/7 caregiver while remaining under my sister's daily verbal attacks, abuse and threats! PLEASE HELP!