It would be difficult to do a trial run, since the client [non-relative] is paying for an addition onto the house where he will be living. This can turn into something very complex this this gentleman will be a tenant plus the house owner will be his personal caregiver.
Know the rules regarding home care and/or home hospice care. It is a daunting task, but you can do it. When or if it becomes too difficult to care for a loved one at home, makes sure you have an "exit" strategy -- a place that you have PLANNED for to take on your role. INGER
HI rosewambold, I have been caring for my wife who has MMD at home for about 10 years now. I agree that you should get a contract and talk to an attorney about what you want to do. However, I have found a couple of more practical things you should consider. 1) Get some help! It is too stressful a job to do 24 hours a day 7 days a week. What worked for us is 4 hours a day 5 days a week. Pick the time that your patient needs the most help! For us it is in the AM as it takes about 3 hours to get my wife up, bathed and get her some lunch to eat. I added an hour so that they have some time to gab (call it socialization) as you and your patient will become very isolated very quickly. You will need this time to run errands, fix things around the house, pursue your own interests and do number 2 given below. 2) Join a health club and use it. It will help with the stress. After awhile i think you will find it to be the most enjoyable time of your day as I have come to. Remember you are no good to anyone if you get sick so taking care of your self is essential. 3) With a degenerative illness like MS you will likely need more equipment to care for patient as time goes on. Remember to plan for this when building the addition. For example I would use a hard surface flooring so that you can roll a lift on it. Also make your addition what will seem too big now. Remember it is hard to get someone into a bed with a lift chair, a wheel chair and/or a power chair in the way. If adding a bath, well plan it out so that you have patient access without falling over some equipment when the patient is using everything in there. 4) As I do everyday pray for patience and understanding mostly within yourself but also within your patient. God bless you 1000 times over for helping him! If you take this on, your place in haven is reserved. The gray guy.
My mom is 69 with MS. She too is in a wheelchair (actually scooter for her) and transfers fairly easily. My mom was in a care home for only a month, the caregiver in the home was unable to give my mom all the care she needed because my mom needed help 2-4 times a night to use the bathroom or be changed. This was not a thought before she went in, my mom never mentioned she may need that help at night. Make sure you consider how much he will need you for the entire day and that you can handle it. My mom had to go to a nursing home because just one person cannot care for her with her daily and nightly needs.
DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING. Get as much help as you can, seek out all community resources, take breaks, if money is involved get business stuff in writing keep track of expenditures. Don't think it is your job to kill yourself to look after a loved one. Do the best you can and ask for help when you need it and when they need care you cannot give, tell them and help them make the transition to nursing care. Good luck.
You and your husband sound like very caring people. My only thoughts to give you is to get a contract signed containing expectations from both sides and consequences if needed. Enjoy the new family addition😊
Everyone has given you good advice and things to consider. I am 67 and had my mother in our home for over 2 1/2 years. Prior to that, after my Dad passed, she chose to live in her home and I was over there almost daily for some years. I am having my own health issues and dud hire someone to come in and shower her for me. It costs a small fortune to have a caregiver come in to watch her if we wanted to go anywhere. Her Dimentia was getting worse. I am an only child but made the difficult decision to put her in a small, residential care home, licensed by the State. Actually, brought her home for Thanksgiving with the intention of keeping her thru the weekend. She got out of bed without us knowing and fell and broke her elbow. She was in the hospital, then Rehab. It was horrible for her and us and hirribke to see her in pain. Very hard,physically and mentally, to assume this responsibility. It us a lot of work and something you need to consider.
I suggest you make a list of all the downsides of this situation. I feel that there is a tendency to think of a situation like this as freedom from going to work and extra income. But what is the breakeven point, where your expenses equal the generated income? You need an attorney to protect yourself and a written agreement between yourself and your prospective tenant. While I am sure that you are well meaning with a big heart, but I urge you to think of him as a tenant with lots and lots upkeep. You may be on call all the time. In my experience, it is the little, everyday events that wear down caregivers. For example, last Saturday, I was on my way to the paint store, when my SO needed his son's address. My SO had lost the family list somewhere in out house--my SO has moderate memory loss. I dislike his son and I was extremely angry that I had to interrupt my errand to find the son's address. I was so annoyed after 30 minutes of looking for the address that I was too tired to go to the paint store. As a professional caregiver who has worked up to 40/hrs/week, it is hard to imagine how tired one can get. This man has MS. I suggest that you research MS, especially as the disease progresses. Make sure you throughly understand his assets and how they are structured. Does he have long-term care insurance? Do find out! Good luck and think about this situation very carefully!
Where is his family? Why are they not involved? Does he not have family? Depending on the state you live in, and if he's on Medicaid or Medicare, the addition to your home could legally be considered a gift to you which would affect his Medicaid coverage to some degree. I'd look into that before proceeding.
My husband has MS and I care for him at home. He has advanced to the point that he can move nothing below his neck. We have a ceiling lift in the home to transfer him from bed to wheelchair. He cannot feed himself or help with dressing. I change a foley catheter once a month. He can not have a bowel movement without an enema. His cognitive skills are compromised. I wanted you to know that just because this man's MS is manageable right now does not mean that it will not progress. My husband was diagnosed 12 years ago.
Taking home a parent to be their caretaker is an honorable act of love, but it comes with a lot of work and stress. I would highly advise that you line up responsible help as needed. Read about elder caretakers....read, read, read. Make sure you have a backup plan in case you yourself get ill or burned out. Make sure you get a commitment from other family members to give you time off; you will need it. The most important thing is do not make the mistake of others and that is.....do NOT make a promise to the parent that you will care for them forever. You don't know what the future holds for your health or situation. Take care of yourself. I commend you for your love shown to your parent. I just lost my Mother after caring for her at home for the past 2 years. Although I had some very difficult times, I never regret it and would do it again. I miss her.
I am 62 Y/O and I live at my parents' home (Dad: 86 Y/O; Mom: 83 Y/O); all other siblings have passed away, so, in essence, I'm an "only child." It is my duty to protect my parents from strangers irrespective of ill intent. If I were still married and my partner wasn't keen on the idea, I'd tell him to take a hike. I am not a practicing Christian, per se, as I was in childhood, but I still believe 100% in the Ten Commandments. To "Honor thy father and thy mother" is right up there, for me, with "Thou shalt not kill." Your parents gave you life, for better or for worse; protect them from strangers or live with the consequences in future. Best wishes. P.S. I have a ball taking care of my folks, by the way. I am retired (which helps tremendously); we watch a lot of NETFLIX, HBO, TCM and other non-commercial content; feel good stuff and I feed them a nutritious and varied menu. Unfortunately, I never had any children, so, now, my folks ARE my "children" and I always knew I would've been a fantastic mother; so, we're enjoying ourselves. I go shopping and come home with little "Dollar Tree" goodies and they're amazed and amused.
Any concerns I may have had were covered by the answers here. I stress, be sure you know what you are getting into legally and the strain it will eventually put on you and your family.
Hello Rosewambold. My thoughts are go for it Girl. I heard on Our Local Radio that two thirds of Our Elders here in Ireland Who are in full time Care, could actually be Cared for at Home. That's a dreadful statistic. So many Elders are just pushed into full time Care because there's NO One to Care for the Craters.
Rose -- You have received many well thought out answers as well as questions to ask yourself. I'll add, have you thought how you and your husband will feel if the man your caring for falls or needs assistance during the night? Although you like the idea of working at home, visualize how you will feel the next morning if you are sleep deprived during the night. Are you willing to clean up the patient and your home if he becomes incontinent? I mention the latter because I once had to spend an entire Sunday cleaning up the results of my husband's fecal incontinence before I could have a professional carpet cleaner complete the job. I tolerated incidents like this because I loved my husband, but would not have accepted responsibility for the tasks if it was a paying job. If your husband works outside the home, he will need a good night's sleep every night.
I love what freqflyer wrote. I don't see the current need for elder law attorney, etc. It sounds like you and husband have worked out a good situation. The man with MS is in no more danger of needing nursing home care than anyone is. But he does have needs, and "independent" living that includes simple personal assistance - meals, laundry, errands, CLEANING - is ideal for a large majority of MS'ers. Since you want to work from home, it's all good. Just take care of the legalities and a contract with your client! Best wishes, and know that you are doing something very kind as well. "The Universe" works in mysterious ways!
rosewambold, that is so nice that you want to help this gentleman, and that he has his own CNA's to help out. Has the County/City approved the plans for this addition to your house?
Is your house is on public sewer or on septic? If on septic, there are limits to how many new bedrooms depending on the size of the septic tank. Once the addition is built, your real estate taxes will increase, same with all your utilities. Be ready to pay those extra costs, unless the utilities are under a separate meter.
What does his relatives think about this arrangement? And that he will be paying for addition onto your home?
How are his finances? Will you or your husband be Power of Attorney to help with financial and medical decisions? Or does this gentleman handles all that on his own?
You don't want to be placed in a position where within 5 years down the road, he needs to apply for Medicaid as he has run out of money. Medicaid will see that he paid for an addition on your home, thus Medicaid will consider that a "gift" and that amount will be deducted from any future care. Then who will pay the CNA's? Or for his first few months in a nursing home? Chances are slim that will happen, but it is something to keep in the back of your mind.
I agree with others that you should see a lawyer and also have an exit plan. He's paying for the addition onto your house, right? What if his MS gets worse and you can no longer care for him? What if in five years he develops dementia? I don't suppose these are insurmountable problems, but get it all worked out before he moves in.
Thank you for your response. The gentleman I am caring for Is 71 years and has MS. He is in a wheelchair and transfers easily. He feels bad sometimes and does not want to be a burden. He will be paying for the room addition and I am grateful to be able to stay at home instead of working outside of my home. My husband is in agreement with this situation. I thought when I have to leave for a week I would bring in the CNA's we currently use when I have days off. He is a very sweet man and is very pleasant to be around...any other experiences with MS caregivers?
My thoughts are to make sure you have an exit plan. You never know what it's going to be like to live with someone, especially a frail dependent person, until you're doing it. I've been in the situation several times and each situation became extremely stressful and difficult. None of them were sustainable (for me) over an extended period of time. It's very hard to have someone in your space who is dependent on you for everything. Your freedom is severely curtailed, your privacy is greatly restricted, and your energy is stretched to the breaking point. If this person is staying with you while recovering from an illness or surgery, the contract will have a natural ending point. If this is an open-ended agreement to care for the person in your home for an indeterminate period of time, think very carefully about what your limits are in the situation and what you will do when/if those limits are reached.
I have seen a lot of postings like this. Most do not work out. Many fail to get a written contract and it gets messy. When more care is needed, the POA won't pay for it. See a lawyer and get some good legal advice.
It would be helpful to know more about the situation, such as how old the person is, what their condition is, are you trained, is your home properly equipped to handle her needs, etc.
I would read a lot about caring for a senior or disabled person in your home. You'll read many types of issues that arise here and at other online places. Many of them are due to the enormous amount of work, time, energy and patience that is required, with little resources to work with. Often, it's not until the person is in the home that the caregiver realizes the enormous responsibility it entails.
I have been caring for my wife who has MMD at home for about 10 years now. I agree that you should get a contract and talk to an attorney about what you want to do. However, I have found a couple of more practical things you should consider.
1) Get some help! It is too stressful a job to do 24 hours a day 7 days a week. What worked for us is 4 hours a day 5 days a week. Pick the time that your patient needs the most help! For us it is in the AM as it takes about 3 hours to get my wife up, bathed and get her some lunch to eat. I added an hour so that they have some time to gab (call it socialization) as you and your patient will become very isolated very quickly. You will need this time to run errands, fix things around the house, pursue your own interests and do number 2 given below.
2) Join a health club and use it. It will help with the stress. After awhile i think you will find it to be the most enjoyable time of your day as I have come to. Remember you are no good to anyone if you get sick so taking care of your self is essential.
3) With a degenerative illness like MS you will likely need more equipment to care for patient as time goes on. Remember to plan for this when building the addition. For example I would use a hard surface flooring so that you can roll a lift on it. Also make your addition what will seem too big now. Remember it is hard to get someone into a bed with a lift chair, a wheel chair and/or a power chair in the way. If adding a bath, well plan it out so that you have patient access without falling over some equipment when the patient is using everything in there.
4) As I do everyday pray for patience and understanding mostly within yourself but also within your patient.
God bless you 1000 times over for helping him! If you take this on, your place in haven is reserved.
The gray guy.
rosewambold
You need an attorney to protect yourself and a written agreement between yourself and your prospective tenant.
While I am sure that you are well meaning with a big heart, but I urge you to think of him as a tenant with lots and lots upkeep. You may be on call all the time.
In my experience, it is the little, everyday events that wear down caregivers. For example, last Saturday, I was on my way to the paint store, when my SO needed his son's address. My SO had lost the family list somewhere in out house--my SO has moderate memory loss. I dislike his son and I was extremely angry that I had to interrupt my errand to find the son's address. I was so annoyed after 30 minutes of looking for the address that I was too tired to go to the paint store.
As a professional caregiver who has worked up to 40/hrs/week, it is hard to imagine how tired one can get. This man has MS. I suggest that you research MS, especially as the disease progresses.
Make sure you throughly understand his assets and how they are structured. Does he have long-term care insurance? Do find out!
Good luck and think about this situation very carefully!
I wanted you to know that just because this man's MS is manageable right now does not mean that it will not progress.
My husband was diagnosed 12 years ago.
others and that is.....do NOT make a promise to the parent that you will care for them forever. You don't know what the future holds for your health or situation. Take care of yourself. I commend you for your love shown to your parent. I just lost my Mother after caring for her at home for the past 2 years. Although I had some very difficult times, I never regret it and would do it again. I miss her.
Is your house is on public sewer or on septic? If on septic, there are limits to how many new bedrooms depending on the size of the septic tank. Once the addition is built, your real estate taxes will increase, same with all your utilities. Be ready to pay those extra costs, unless the utilities are under a separate meter.
What does his relatives think about this arrangement? And that he will be paying for addition onto your home?
How are his finances? Will you or your husband be Power of Attorney to help with financial and medical decisions? Or does this gentleman handles all that on his own?
You don't want to be placed in a position where within 5 years down the road, he needs to apply for Medicaid as he has run out of money. Medicaid will see that he paid for an addition on your home, thus Medicaid will consider that a "gift" and that amount will be deducted from any future care. Then who will pay the CNA's? Or for his first few months in a nursing home? Chances are slim that will happen, but it is something to keep in the back of your mind.
Is 71 years and has MS. He is in a wheelchair and transfers easily.
He feels bad sometimes and does not want to be a burden. He will be paying for the room addition and I am grateful to be able to stay at home instead of working outside of my home. My husband is in agreement with this situation. I thought when I have to leave for a week I would bring in the CNA's we currently use when I have days off.
He is a very sweet man and is very pleasant to be around...any other experiences with MS caregivers?
I would read a lot about caring for a senior or disabled person in your home. You'll read many types of issues that arise here and at other online places. Many of them are due to the enormous amount of work, time, energy and patience that is required, with little resources to work with. Often, it's not until the person is in the home that the caregiver realizes the enormous responsibility it entails.