Boredom. I've got a bad case of it. How do you deal with the mind numbingness of it?

i am caregiving long distance for a 97 year old aunt. I hope if I get there I remember that no one cares what I had for breakfast lunch n dinner. I try now to ask about the other person n deflect from me but who knows what’s in the elderly heads.

Dear againx: It sounds like you need respite badly. If you don't seek relief - even temporarily - you'll be good to no one, especially yourself. My mother repeated the same thing 1,001 x over. But she is gone now and I would like to hear that story she said the 1,002nd time. Remember, this too shall end ....
Some things you could do -
- crossword puzzles
- AARP games - there are TONS of them; they increase in difficulty
-reading romance novels
-reading any books
-crafts
-simple crocheting
-the art of letter writing
-try your hand at poetry writing
-plant an indoor herb garden

Your mom is your new 3 year old so make time for yourself to help keep your head above water - even find a 'granny-sitter' of some time off -

Where to get them is your next problem - here kids can't graduate without so many hours of volunteer work so [as an example] have 1 come every Tuesday night for 2 to 3 hours so you can do whatever you want - go to local community college that has either a PSW or early childhood education programme & ask who can help [with good help give a reference & then the next years' people will be available] - go to a volunteer organization that will spell you a few hours a week

How can you keep your sanity with this going on? I sure couldn't? The only thing I can think of is this - are you a caretaker willing to put up with this forever and only to get worse? If not, start looking for a place to put her. In the meantime, when she starts with these conversations, immediately tell her to stop talking about whatever and change the subject or tell her she has already told you, and you don't want to hear it. It may help and it may not. But YOU have to know when the limits of your sanity are reached and then you have to act accordingly. I know of no other way to solve this.

What!? You don't enjoy an "Organ Recital." LOL. Head phones or earbuds with your favorite music or audio book turned up can be useful during the "recitals."

So, is the problem boredom, or fed up with the repetition? Clearly there are many things you can do for the boredom - many suggestions, even some of your own. It sounds like more of the issue is having to hear the same things over and over again.

This "She repeats herself a lot, gets overwhelmed with financial and other decisions..." combined with "But she is still independent and mostly takes care of herself." describes our mother in the initial stages of dementia.  Repetition. Making many mistakes with finances (underpaying, overpaying, forgetting to pay!) Wanting to cancel doc appt, even writing it in her calendar, which she lived by, but not following through.

While complaining a lot about the usual elder complaints might not indicate dementia, it still should be considered, especially if she is still driving. She just may have the early signs of it. Our mother was also still driving, but her "circle" of comfort was shrinking (one of her complaints when we took the car away was "I don't go far.") We can't be with her in the car to try to avert a disaster, so we had to decide when it was time to take it away. The decision was based on minor damage to the car, failure to get it inspected, tire split from rim to ground with metal trim bent - this also damaged the rim, likely because she continued to drive on it (BTW, she called to say she had a flat and I found that mess when I showed up with a pump for the tire!)

Even after more than 2 years in MC, mom was still mostly taking care of herself and considers herself "independent." THAT was one of the problems we had in trying to bring help in. In her mind she was fine, independent, could cook and care for herself. She WASN'T cooking, but resorting to packaged meals and boxed crap. Her two biggest dementia issues are repetition (isn't always pain or bodily functions, usually other topics, but repeated over and over) and slipping back in time a bit (asks for/about her mother and her previous address now.) If not for her current fear of falling (she had a couple of non-injury tumbles), she would still be mostly caring for herself at 96 (she is refusing to walk and refused to work with OT/PT.)

That said, for the repetition of things you don't want to hear about, I usually recommend the method used by dads in the old TV shows, who would be sitting at the table reading the paper and mumbling Uh-huhs and Mm-Hmms with a few other random non-responses while the mom prattled on... Trying to change the subject, or redirect her into some activity to keep her busy could help too.

Learn to tune it out (earbuds can help, but mom might notice those!) Like dealing with a toddler asking and saying the same things over and over, we can tune out most of it, but keep half an ear tuned for something important that might sneak in. In mom's case, we generally just keep answering the question(s) with the same response and/or try to change her focus to something else (like a scratched record, give it a little bump to move it along!)