Mum lives and sleeps on her couch in the living room. Her boyfriend lives and sleeps on his bed in their bedroom. They've lived together for 20+ years, but they admittedly don't like each other any more. Her boyfriend has always despised me, and made his feelings very clear over the years. He's nice to me now because his daughter refuses to help either of them, and he can't care for himself entirely, much less care for my mum.
I want to move Mum out of his house. I feel taken advantage of after he's treated me so badly all these years (he's always been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me), and now being expected to care for him, when I only agreed to care for Mum. She's resisting the idea because she doesn't want to spend the money (she has hidden from him) in her annuity, and she's afraid that if she leaves, she won't get his house (he left half to her and half to his daughter) and his pension once he dies.
I've enrolled back in school online to finish up a degree, so I don't feel as if I'm completely stagnant in my own life. My degree will also allow me to work from home and bring in the income I'll need to continue caring for her once my 401K is depleted. I've rearranged my entire future to accommodate her.
A little further background: Mum has always lied about me, about my deceased father, about her family, etc. just to gain sympathy ... even from complete strangers. I still have no idea what she told her boyfriend about me (and the rest of my siblings) before I met him to make him despise me (and my siblings) so much. I've never attempted to repair the damage or correct her lies because I got tired of defending myself against my own mother. It's embarrassing and humiliating, and I'm ashamed of what she's done, yet I feel guilty for even telling people the truth about her.
Am I being selfish in asking her to move? And please don't tell me I shouldn't feel obligated to care for her. No matter what she's done, she's still my mum, and I don't have much family left, and I love her, even when I don't like her much.
I understand about the 50 miles. I live on the prairies. The nearest major centre is 5 hrs. drive (about 280 miles) away, We have done it there and back for an appointment though not often and not these days.
Thank you for all the support and understanding and advice. Truly, it's a comfort to have found so many kind people who can relate to what I'm going through.
Please do look after you. Find some help as you will need some breaks. Check with hospice as to what they offer and keep us updated.