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HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL .
i cant stand to have my feeling shurt and i dont want to live like that ,
dad did get a lit attidue to me a year ago , but that is not everyday thing , of course we all have a bad moments . he would wear me out !! but he would never say anything hateful toward to me . he did to my brother and it broke my brothers heart , i remind him that its stroke talkin its not dad s talkin . but it hurt him big time ,
he knows in his mind that if i cant handle him ,that is where he will be at NH . hes a sweetheart and doesnt give me any troubles anymore .
maybe you should just stop visiting ur mother and let her know u will not take any more of her begin hateful toward you . that will make her think twice if not just stay away when ure ready to go back and see her .
I am sure that if there is one thing you have learned in your 80 years it is that whether by happenstance or design, things change. When hiring or conducting business with family members it is always difficult to make changes if needed so you must keep that in mind and afford yourself the most flexibility as possible.
It is with this thought, and the possibility that public benefits of same nature may be required down the road, that I suggest you enter into a formal Personal Care Agreement with your niece.
If executed properly you will have established a bonefide agreement and you will be able to point to the agreement in the event that things are not working out.
As importantly, without such an agreement if you or your husband find that you want or need to apply for public benefits in the future your payments to her could be deemed penalty imposing gifts as opposed to payment for services (with the agreement you could even make a lump sum payment for services which could be very helpful in Medicaid planning).
If she is only working for you in a service capacity it is unlikely she will be deemed an independent contractor from an IRS perspective which means that you and she will be responsible for regular employment taxes such as FICA and Social Security. If she is working in the same field for more than one person then she may be eligible for independent contractor status and will be responsible for her own tax filings.
I believe you should give you and your husband the most protection and execute a formal agreement (including terms of dismissal). If you do decide to pay her "off the books" please make sure you get a receipt from her describing the service provided and always pay her by check.
Lastly, although an RN, if she has not had formal training in geriatric caregiving I would encourage you to encourage her to take a Certified Home Health Aide course so she at least knows the basics of elder care.