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This is a bit of a rant. I just need to vent before I blow a fuse and cut all ties with my father. I know I am wallowing in self pity but I am just so tired.


My parents live in Arizona and I live in North Carolina. My mom has terminal stomach cancer for which she completely declined treatment. No surgery, no chemo. She stopped getting out of bed 3 weeks ago. I was going to come for a one week stay in August anyways but once she stopped getting up my father told me to come right away. My brother lives 2 min away from my parents. Once I arrived mom started throwing up blood. We thought she might pass any moment so dad and my brother started funeral arrangements. They want to do everything in the house as much as possible so I was told that after she passes and people come I am supposed to feed visitors and serve them tea. I was surprised and thought it was weird - they should just hire someone since everyone has significant means. I was like should I not be welcoming people and grieving - and my brother said - you think you have time to sit? You will need to hustle and serve guests. I did not say anything but I was becoming quite annoyed so I told them to plan everything and that I don’t want to talk about funeral anymore. It’s too hard to care for her and think of funeral at the same time.


It has been 2 weeks now that I am her primary caregiver.


She throws up every 2 hours (or at least tries) and I basically have been sleeping in 1 hour increments for a total of 4-5 hours a day for the past 2 weeks. I sleep on the sofa outside of her bedroom. Not because anyone made me but because I am afraid she will need me and I won’t hear her. My dad is deaf so he won’t hear her even if she screams for him.


My parents have someone who comes to cook and clean so my role is to sit with her and help her when she needs anything. I hold her while she heaves and pukes, clean up after she throws up, change her sheets, wash her, take her to bathroom, hold her while she cries and begs to die. She is extremely restless and not in peace. She thought if she foregone all treatment death would come fast. Painkillers help but they don’t help with nausea. She has been like this for 2 weeks in the pre-active stage of dying and from what I read it can last like that for a while more.


In the meantime I missed my son’s birthday and my kids cry for me every night. My husband is very supportive but he feels that I am being mistreated and thinks I need to come home. Oh and I got diagnosed with ulcer right before I left but could not start treatment because I can’t leave the house and see a doctor... so he is worried that I will get sicker if I continue as I do. My father and brother know about it too but so far 0 reaction from them other than too bad. That’s how my mom’s cancer started - with an ulcer.


I decided I want to go back to my family and my job (where I took unpaid leave) he was surprised but ok with it. I told him they need to find 2 nurses one for day time and one for night time to care for mom. He said they can handle it within the family. No need to invite strangers into the house.


He does not understand how difficult it is/was for me. I have not been outside for 2 weeks now. He does not seem to notice or care. Today as I was running around changing moms sheets after another puke accident my dad walks in and says I need to talk to you. I say “not now, busy”. I was very annoyed. I have not slept at all last night since mom was heaving and trying to throw up all night long. I have not eaten. He knew that. I ask him later what did he want and he said “did you check mom’s clothing for funeral?” I tell him I did not and I will not and I don’t care about funeral, I am too busy taking care of mom while she is alive. He yelled at me that I am being disrespectful and that he is tired of my snappy attitude and I should pack up and leave. Then he called his sister to come and look after mom. How screwed up is that?

Drama, I'm hoping that you got on your flight today. Please let us know how you and your mom are doing.
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DramaAtHome Aug 22, 2019
Hello everyone,

I am home. I arrived arrived around lunchtime. My kids were ecstatic! I got so many hugs and kisses, probably 2 weeks worth. My son was freaking out that my plane would crash and my daughter worried that I myself would get sick so they were extremely relieved to have me back in one piece. I took a shower and crashed in bed shortly after. I woke up with daughter tucked in by my side. She has not napped in about 4 years and here she was snoring away. My hubby told me she did not sleep well while I was gone.

Mom was sad the day after I left but she is dealing better with it now. My aunts are taking turns watching her and she is quite stable and condition similar to what it was when I left.

I am going to stay put for the next couple of weeks and may be make a long weekend trip to see Mom again but I am not going to stay longer. I know she misses me so hopefully this will help.

thank you again everyone for being so supportive and for your advice, compassion and kindness. We are all strangers here but I felt like I was being supported by my closest friends. Thank you!!!
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Drama, it looks from the progression of this thread like things have improved, your mom is getting good palliative care, and the air is cleared with your dad and brother. I'm so glad to hear it.

I had one thought when reading the part about your dad and brother planning the funeral early on. On the surface of it, it seems like a really strange, morbid thing to do, but it occurred to me that this might have been them trying to gain a sense of control in a situation they know instinctively they have no control over. They "can't" (in their own minds) take care of your mom, much less prevent her dying, so what's left? Plan the next thing: the funeral. It gives them something to think about, plan, organize, and control. In a strange way, it might give them comfort.

I hope now that things have progressed in more positive ways, they can leave that sit until the time is appropriate, and try to spend time with mom while she's still alive.

Bless you, you sound like one smart, strong, compassionate lady. Hope things are going as well as can be expected.
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Drama: You wrote previously: "I read somewhere on this site that if you choose to be a caregiver then it’s a lot easier to deal with fatigue, etc. I chose and yet I freaking crumbled and I did not expect it to be that hard. That was ignorant on my part."

You do not deserve to think because crushing sleep deprivation and powerful familial issues mean you're ignorant or not up to this enormous task you shouldered. Some people may say it's "easier to deal with fatigue" if the caregiver chose it. While that may be true for a few, I'll wager it's not true for the vast majority. Fatigue is one thing; body- and soul-crushing exhaustion is another.

You are amazing. YOU made a huge difference in your mother's life by ridding her of a horrible dying process and ensuring her final journey will be in peace and comfort.

If you ever feel like you don't make a difference in the world, look yourself in the mirror and say, "Yes. Yes, I do."
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GO HOME!

Can't trust myself to say anything more. Just - go home, with your head held high. Give your mother a kiss before you go.
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When the funeral happens, don't worry about the post funeral meal. Every funeral that I have been too, it's been a buffet style kind of thing, not a catered thing. I wouldn't involve myself in any of your mom's funeral arrangements nor entertain anybody when your mom does pass. You can shrug your shoulders at your dad and brother and let them know that they can go entertain whoever comes in for the funeral. Your parents and brother treated you like a slave and slavery was abolished over 150 years ago. You came to help and got crapped on. Go home to your family, they need you more.
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Please, do not cancel your flight for any reason. imo.
Worse things could happen if you do not go home.
I am so sorry that at this time of your life, family on both sides are terminally ill.
It was a good thing that you were there for your mom, and did all that you could do.
Godspeed, and traveling mercies.....
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Drama, I'm glad things are working out. Your DH sounds like a gem!

Just so you understand, you can do therapy while living your life and working.

I was in therapy while I was in Grad school and working and then after I graduated while working a stressful mental health job. It's not like life stops while you are in therapy.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Thank you! He is a gem. The moment I realized what a beautiful soul he is I set up my net.

Poor guy can’t catch a break though. While I am here with my mom his own mom is fighting brain cancer, stage 4 glioblastoma. She was diagnosed a year ago and my mom 6 months ago. I feel like we are between rock and hard place. He is handling it beautifully though. His mom is quite functional still and we already beat original prognosis of 12 months. She is like my 2nd mom, so it’s double hard cause I am losing 2 moms at the same time.

So yeah therapy is in the works, it will probably be a long process and I do want to go back to work and to regular routine. Thank you again for your support.
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DramaAtHome, I'm sorry about your mom. You are an amazing woman. I'm glad you'll be home with your husband and children soon.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Thank you!
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I was going to tell you to go home to your family...& just tell them when funeral is . You’re not the slave & & not have to be abused. Just go home...it’s like they didn’t even ask you...you got sucked into caregiver role.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
I wanted to take care of my mom. She took care of me all of my life. But I had no idea what it would mean. I have never lived through it. I read somewhere on this site that if you choose to be a caregiver then it’s a lot easier to deal with fatigue, etc. I chose and yet I freaking crumbled and I did not expect it to be that hard. That was ignorant on my part.

I could also never leave unless I knew mom is well taken care of. Now I can. She is not as restless as she used to be. She is more at peace and I can see that death is imminent. I have accepted her dying a long time ago. It was a process but I got there. But it was grinding at my soul how much she was suffering so now at least that is handled.

Thank you you again for your support. Honestly without all of you I would have croaked the last two days.
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Drama,

I am glad you got Hospice on board. I was going to suggest Gravol suppositories if nothing else to help with the nausea.

If at all possible hire caterers for the funeral tea. Do it behind Dad's back if need be. There is no reason at all for your to do the work. When you fly back for the funeral it will be with your family and they will need your attention, not plates of sandwiches. It does not have to be fancy catering, for David's funeral, the Church ladies did the tea. It was fancy sandwiches, homemade cookies and squares. Cost us $100. We have 300 at the funeral.

Back at the house I had crackers, cheese slices, sliced meat, condiments and buns. All from Costco. We also have wine and beer. It was only family and close friends, so people knew to help themselves, there was no serving anyone.
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I wouldn’t stay at all unless she were in an actual hospice facility, where nurses & CNA’s are there for handling the puking & pooping, and can easily adjust pain & nausea meds. I think it’s wrong for anyone to insist on dying at home & putting relatives under such a weary, 24/7, heartbreaking burden until the end comes. There, you’re free to do nothing but sit & talk or read to them, hold their hand. You can stay all night & have a decent bed to sleep in right beside them, but staff still comes in & takes care of everything.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
I completely agree about hospice. Somehow my parents hear hospice and think negligence and abuse. It is too late for them now but myself for sure I am going to hospice when my time comes.
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Update: I got hospice on board and they already administered to her anti nausea medication with a bunch of other things to make her more comfortable. I had to explain to mom that it is not to extend your life but to help you deal with the end of life. Like someone said Dad was scared so now he is sitting in the living room with lights and tv off brooding. I am anxious to what it will be like when it’s just us 2 again. My brother is a lot more involved now cause I blew the fuse in front of him. We also gonna switch pain meds and once I have mom comfortable I will say goodbye and leave. I will be in touch with hospice nurse who will be coming to administer all the meds and with my aunts as well. My aunts are sweethearts so mom will be in good hands.
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PowerOf3 Aug 20, 2019
So glad to hear your mom is comfy now, I’m sure a huge weight is lifted off you. I think people misconceive hospice, I did. They do not need to be left alone with her, dad can stand at attention and oversee everything they do. Goddess bless your mom, you can both be in a lot more peace with them keeping her cozy.
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Cinderella-

Time to pass the broom to someone else. I know I get cast in this role from time to time and I feel like we could hire people to do what I do.

Free, cheap labor and nursing care--we don't stan dup for ourselves and I have never had one soul stick up for me over any kid of CG for any parent, yet.

Say your goodbyes to mom, hopefully get hospice more involved (and yes, they can administer something for the nausea!!!! Who told you they can't?) and go home to your own family and learn NOT carry this sick dynamic into your own little family.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Funny enough that’s what my mom called me the last week - Cinderella. I jokingly told her that she ain’t some mean step mother. Mom recognized how tired I was. I think this is another reason she was pushing herself to die faster. She just did not see another way of helping me.

I am going to be on a plane in less than 72 hours home bound. My kiddos are making a poster for the airport. There is lots of glitter on it and everywhere else in the kitchen (according to hubs). I notified law firm that I will be back early October and my hubby made me an appointment with a psychologist as well as booked me an entire day in the spa. I don’t know how I will handle sitting in the spa all day while Mom is dying but I guess this is where psychologist will be helpful.
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Authoritarian, difficult, opinionated, stubborn...it sounds like these aren't new traits for your dad but he is also loving and supportive and he loves your mom. It may not have been the relationship you choose to totally model but my guess is your mom up until her illness would have been the one in the kitchen "hosting" everyone and running the household, the caretaker when someone was sick not because it's what your dad demanded or expected but because it was what she wanted. I'm not passing judgment one way or the other but maybe Dad and Brother expect you to do that because it's what they know, right or wrong they assumed you would take on Mom's role. Your dad is right, though he presents it poorly, this is who he is and it isn't changing. In fact this is the father you love good and bad you are just running into more of the bad at the moment which isn't a big surprise given the circumstances. His wife, his partner and probably life organizer for X years is about to die this often brings out the worst in us. He doesn't admit it or express it well because that's who he is but it may very well be that it has simply become too overwhelming for him and he's simply doing the things he can, the things he needs to right now to deal. I'm not sure how long mom has had the stomach cancer but your dad has been the one watching it literaly eat away at her 24/7, feeling the day to day change in both her life and his and the one providing care with the help of your brother, not because you don't care, this is not a negative on you she/they chose to do this on their own and when it just got to be too much for dad, when he felt the end near he called you. He has probably watched and held her hair through more vomit and blood than you realize and it's simply gotten to the point for him where he can't watch it anymore. It sounds like they both decided long ago that she would pass at home and neither wanted "outside" help but it just can't be done without some outside assistance anymore, it can't be kept "all in the family" and shouldn't be and this is part of the help he, they both need from you. Even though he is outwardly fighting it he trusts his daughter the lawyer, mother and daughter to take over some of the hard stuff and this is what he was asking for when he called you and then turned over her care to you. Let the lawyer part of you take some control (some of this I have to guess you got from dad, you just improved upon his traits by tempering the bully part) and some of the lead. It is time and will be best for each of you, especially mom to call in Hospice. It can be in home at least to start but if you find a good service they will assess the overall picture and help you all navigate all of this without too much disruption or seeming like "outsiders" are taking over, they are there to support all of you and give you the time and space to recognize the precious times you might have with her. Include Dad & Bro in decisions but use your skills to guide them to the right ones and bring the 3 of you together in this rather than drive you apart. It will be best for mom too, if you need to go home for a bit do so but don't let this drive you away from this time with your mom if that's what YOU need. With Hospice helping you will have some breathing room to figure that out. Let them plan the funeral if that's what they need to cope now but that doesn't mean they determine "your job" if you can bring yourself to be a small part of the planning, maybe Mom would like to be too, do it if not don't but stay firm and clear on the fact that you will not be cooking and serving, that is not what YOU will need in your grief and you each need to get your needs met. They can't make decisions for you any more than you can for them about how to behave, react, mourn now and after mom passes you can only each share your thoughts and listen to each other. But it sounds like an intermediary (like mom), a leader is needed and that's probably you now.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Lymie61, I can’t even begin to explain how insightful I found your post. At some point I started swearing bullets because I was scared one of my aunts have read my post and recognized our facts. The sentence where you described my mom hustling in the kitchen was dead on. That’s my mom. She is a stay at home mom and completely devoted herself to taking care of my dad, his parents (who lived with them until they died), my brother and I, my aunts and uncles (my mom cared for my aunt who passed away from breast cancer last year), and my dozens of cousins. I have 20 cousins all together and all of them have spent at least 4 weeks living in my parents house for one reason or another. She is 2nd mom to so many. Unfortunately they are all scattered around the States now with their own young families so it’s hard for them to come and help. They all call and text me constantly asking about my mom’s state of health. This is how precious my mom is to everyone.

My dad has traits that I would never choose in my own husband but he does love his family. (Actually my husband is the calmest, sweetest person in the world. I am the one who can be a bully in our relationship. Your comment about how I am a little bit like my father was spot on as well.)

My Dad raised his 5 siblings, made sure everyone one got college education, helped out dozens of cousins find their way and did absolutely everything for my brother and I. My dad is as old school as they come. He did it all because mom was in the background helping him. When it comes to living alone my dad is as helpless as can be. I taught him how to work microwave this week.

I have not lived with my parents since I left for college. Though we visit often and spend all family vacations together I have forgotten how difficult he can be.

So yesterday I took charge of my mom’s sickness and I will manage it remotely from NC until the end. My dad feels incapacitated because I took the reins but I explained yesterday that he needs to focus on being with mom and not freak out over 5 zillion other details. He feels also very guilty that he did not realize the need for hospice support earlier. In his head he was doing what he promised her. We all (mom, dad, my brother and I) had a heart to heart yesterday and I explained how plans need to be adjusted in order to make mom’s last days comfortable. My mom and dad are still adamant about handling care within family for the night time and day time needs (bring water, take her to pee, etc) but at least we have someone coming twice a day to do all the meds.

I am still scared to what it will be like once Mom is gone and how and if we will stay close together. We never discussed our fight but we politely offer each other food in our ways to show that we still care. He still was a bit of a jerk yesterday to my brother saying that it’s his fault things got so bad care wise (huge eye roll) so like you said, somethings can’t be changed. In a way it was effective cause my brother offered to watch mom over night and I got 5 hours of sleep straight. I woke up feeling like I overslept.

thanks again for your post and please know that I took your advice to heart. Thank you for recognizing our screwed up family dynamics and that after all we still love each other.
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Update: I got hospice on board and they already administered to her anti nausea medication with a bunch of other things to make her more comfortable. I had to explain to mom that it is not to extend your life but to help you deal with the end of life. Like someone said Dad was scared so now he is sitting in the living room with lights and tv off brooding. I am anxious to what it will be like when it’s just us 2 again. My brother is a lot more involved now cause I blew the fuse in front of him. We also gonna switch pain meds and once I have mom comfortable I will say goodbye and leave. I will be in touch with hospice nurse who will be coming to administer all the meds and with my aunts as well. My aunts are sweethearts so mom will be in good hands.
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MountainMoose Aug 17, 2019
I am so relieved for both your mom and you. This should take a huge weight off your shoulders, and you can go home having said all you need to and your mother can say her piece to you, and knowing your mother is on her final journey pain-free and in comfort. *Hug* to you, my dear.
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Hoping you are now home, or heading home or planning to be home VERY QUICKLY.

I think I would be comfortable in your situation with contracting the local Adult Protective Services, since continuing to permit your mother to go without comfort care appears to be reconcilable as abusive and patently cruel. You are obviously in an excellent position to make that call from a legal standpoint in addition to the obvious torment to your mother.

You have done a heroic job in impossible circumstances. The decisions being made within your parents’ household are inhumane.

If YOU will be more comfortable making the call, do it.

After reading almost every post published here in the last year, this is by far one of the worst I’ve read. Feel confident doing what can be done for your mother’s relief and your own.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Hi AnnReid, thank you for your post.

The ultimate reason for my mom’s suffering is that she refuses care. She does not want to live. One of the reasons why she does not want to live is because she suffers. She suffers because she refuses care. It’s just so screwed up. After I called hospice I sat down with my mom to explain how palliative care works and that we are not trying to prolong her life here (necessarily) but to give her comfort until the death comes. Dying should not equal suffering.

My my dad was doing as per her wishes without recognizing that plans and promises must be adjusted. Now that we have hospice on board she is so much more comfortable.

Wanna know what she did yesterday after she realized she is no longer nauseated all the time? She refused to drink liquids. I ask her what happened, does something hurt? Her answer if I stop drinking I will die faster. How screwed up is that?

Once again 30 minutes with the hospice nurse who explained to her whether she drinks or not death won’t come faster, she will just have more discomfort and pain.

I swear sometimes I don’t know what my parents smokes in their youth to have such distorted views on dying. All of my grandparents passed away fast (stroke, heart attack, car accident) but then my mom cares for my aunt with breast cancer so she should know better.

Anyways, every day is a surprise with these two. Never boring. I am leaving in 3 days. Kids are counting down on the fridge. I can’t believe I missed their first day of school this year but bless my hubby he got them all ready on his own.
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Your father is a nasty bully. I'm glad you are leaving in a few days. I feel sorry for your father's sister. She is going to do what you did? Not even her own sister??? Incredible. How old is she? Is she physically and mentally up to the kind of 24/7 caregiving your bully father demands?
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
My aunt is in her 50s. Because my dad is the oldest sibling and he raised all of his younger siblings (my grandfather died early) he is revered by his siblings. He is a force to be reckoned with on a normal day. Now with his own fatigue he is ultra irritated but I still don’t think it’s an excuse.
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I understand arrangements need made but not take up all the time and energy during her last of time. Don’t forget why you made this sacrifice, for her living days. And your father is wrong in that she needs nothing, hospice is for comfort and she doesn’t sound comfortable. I understand family’s all deal with things differently but the role you are playing is for her life not her death and that is very important. Don’t allow yourself to be discredited. Get her the nausea meds brought in so she is more comfortable and say what you need to say, then go home to your family. They need you and they’re all sacrificing you being away. What comes after comfort may shake you to the core if you stay till the end being as callous as they are, you’re family doesn’t deserve a broken mom and wife.
Seems they’ve got her in the ground already and that is bothersome but everyone handles things differently, so you and your dad aren’t seeing eye to eye as far as priorities. You need to be ok with that... I don’t know you have another choice. Get her comfortable and go. She’ll understand why, she’s been married to him. I think him having one of her feet in the grave is psychologically painful for you. Say your peace and go home. If your dad and the other family do not see your validity then you’ll resent them more and it’s going to get ikky before better. Death tears people apart and mostly due to greed. You don’t sound greedy, so why stay and see what’s next.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Thank you. Mom completely understands. I just don’t understand how they can be more preoccupied with her death than helping her while she is alive. My husband told me to take longer leave from work when I come back and get some therapy cause I will need it. I agree with him.
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One more thing. Where I come from, the mourners (spouse and children of the deceased) sit and mourn. They are forbidden to serve and "hustle". (I have some choice words for your brother; he sounds like a misogynistic bully).

Friends and other family cook and serve. The mourners mourn. It's a very good system.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
Hi Barb, I completely agree with you. My brother is a big bully too but I still love both my father and my brother though believe I have called them every word on the planet in my head.

I told my mom that I am leaving on the 21st and she said of course my children need me. I just need to make it the next 3 days but it feels like eternity.
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I think you are being treated unfairly, both by your parents and brother. If your mother didnt want any treatment and preferred to die on her on terms,she should have discussed what she wanted to be buried in,if she has some clarity, they can still ask her. Secondly you have to take care of yourself. If the sister was available why couldnt she share the care with you sooner. I think you should sit your father and brother down and come up with a better plan. You should be with your family. Your children are young and need you.At this stage and if your mother can still understand what is happening, she should want you to be with your children. Also under these conditions, Hospice should be involved and very helpful. Take a break, go see a doctor and let the sister take over. Your children need their mother well. God bless.
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Good for you, Drama.

When my mom had a stroke in 2013, I thought she was dying. She certainly looked like she was dying.

She lived for 4 1/2 years after that stroke.
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Hospice is a service that can be done at home. Mom would not need to go anywhere.

Your dad sounds scared. Also, a bully who is ignorant and proud of it, but scared nonetheless.

Call a local hospice organization and get them to come out and evaluate mom.

Of course there's a cure for nausea.

Your family sounds terribly...something. None of the words I want to use are polite. Just get hospice for her. She is suffering needlessly because of your dads stubbornness and ignorance.
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DramaAtHome Aug 17, 2019
thank you. I will get on it right away. Stubborn and ignorant and arrogant are my father’s middle names.... sigh.
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Thank you so much for your support. Snowy1, I am sorry about your mom and sister.

I blew a fuse and now am not talking to my father. He basically told me that this is the way I am so take it or leave it. For now he has no energy to deal with my attitude so he will wait until mom passes away and then we will deal. Like what kind of shitty veiled threat is that? You want to be alone in your old age because you alienated your children then do so.
The worst part I was always very close to my father. He put me through college and law school, helped us with our first house. He loves my children and husband but he has very authoritarian attitude. The moment I cross him he starts pursing his lips and making an angry face and telling me to be quiet. I am 37 year old well respected lawyer. I don’t do bully. I don’t do quiet. My mom was always the glue that held us all together when dad and I argued in the past and now with her almost gone I don’t know what will happen with my dad and I. He bullied her relentlessly but she loved him so she took it.

When i mean authoritarian is that when my dad says jump his sisters and brothers say how high. My brother does not dare to cross him. Nobody does.


My brother felt bad for me and he watched mom while I got 40 min of sleep. Then he had to go do something for his business... sigh

Since my parents decided not to follow doctors all they got is prescription for painkillers. I told dad that she needs medication for nausea and he said there is no cure so why bother and mom agrees. I don’t understand them.

They never sought palliative care or hospice. Mom said she wants to die at home.

when my time comes I am getting into hospice. Family is welcome to visit but not full care like this. There is no way I will ask my family to take care of me like this. It is destructive to the entire family.

I miss my kids so much that I can barely hold it together when we FaceTime. Mom slept entire day today. I am worried she is entering active stage of dying. My flight is booked for Wednesday morning. Now I am torn whether I should stay or go... it will have to be last minute decision...
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Wow, what a crappy attitude your dad and brother have!!

What sort of time line for death did the doctors give?

Is mom on hospice? Why isn't she getting meds for nausea?

I would not leave my family and kids indefinitely, especially when you're being treated this way. I would tell your dad that you need to get back to your primary responsibility, which is caring for your kids. Home health care needs to be hired. The discharge team at the hospital where mom was treated should have been able to help with that. They may be a good source of information, both for a hospice recommendation and for a home health care agency.

I'm so sorry that your mom is so ill. Get hospice on board right away.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Hi,

So sorry to hear you are going through all that! My mom says she wishes she were gone too and it is really hard and she doesn' teven have cancer, just some type of cognitive decline, questionable Parkinson's. My sister cares for her 24/7 and has for nine months. I am little help as cannot do what my sister is doing. I cannot go without sleep more than one night or my brain goes off and I know that so won't even do that. I also cannot lift my mom the way she wants to be lifted that my sister has been doing.

Now my sister has skin cancer, swollen painful ankles and feet, very over weight, and very tired and not even being appreciated my mom for what she is doing and has been doing. She also helped with dad when he had cancer and has been gone almost thirteen years now. All this is terribly unfair for her.

I haven't got the answer, but for me, I could not leave my husband and daughter for very long. What is happening is not fair for my sister I know. I am not able to do my share helping mom but I cannot help mom the way she wants to be helped. I as still trying to find a way to help them both though as I don't want to give up. I pray and ask lots of questions searching for answers.

Please take care of your self and sending prayers and peaceful positive thoughts to you.
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Reply to snowy1
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CTTN55 Aug 17, 2019
"I pray and ask lots of questions searching for answers."

Your poor sister!!! Why don't the two of you get together and decide how your mother will be taken care of from now on? YOUR SISTER HAS DONE ENOUGH. She has health problems. Time to put your mother in a facility.

Figure this out now. What happens if your sister becomes hospitalized?
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