Are caregivers willing to work for a senior in a messy house?

I too had thought that I could do the cleanup myself, in a few days, I was wrong. I live out of state from dad, and I couldn't even start the task, it was and currently still is completely mentally exhausting. So hiring a company who is willing to do the hard dirty work, is worth it. I had to go thru the items and decide what I wanted to keep, and that was hard enough, as I realized that my parents paid for these items with their own money, no credit cards, so it all was worth something, and guiltdriven, but the reality is I do not have enough money to keep these items in locked storage, so sadly have to give everything away, heartbreaking. No closure on this process for me, the will as written does not matter in a guardianship situation, when the client needs money to pay for housing in a memory care unit.

Oh my gosh, you guys. I opened my email this morning and 15 new responses. I'm going to read through them all now. I want to thank everybody who has taken the time to weigh in with suggestions and comments; your generosity is humbling and I appreciate it so much.

Our mom is an amazing woman who raised five kids by herself when our dad died unexpectedly at the age of 30. She went to work, put herself through college, did so much for us and now it's our turn. She wants to stay home, so we are doing what we can to support that but clearly, we need help now. She needs more help than we can give her. And yes, her environment is less than optimal. That's the reality, that's what we have to deal with.

My original post inquired whether that environment would preclude a caregiver from coming in to help. Based on your responses so far, I am thinking no, it wouldn't, but we will need to be straight up with candidates and clear on expectations. Like I said before, this is uncharted territory for all of us and I'm sure we'll make mistakes as we navigate this 'new normal.' But we have the support of each other, and we aren't alone. I found that out when I took a chance and posted on this website.

Thank you guys, so much. Appreciate it more than you know.

I asked my SIL what steps she took finding care for her aunt who suffered with hoarding. She said her aunt agreed to allow people clear and clean the living room, bathroom and kitchen areas. They put the bed in the cleared area and the caregiver did not have to venture out of that area. The aunt did not have to address her hoarding issues while also dealing with her own physical decline.

I understand that hoarding is not the issue in your case but if you and your family could clear only a portion of the home, that might increase the number of caregivers willing to help your mom. It also gives you all more time to go through decades worth of treasures deciding how to handle them.

When the aunt died, it took them a year to clear out her house! Yikes!

my situation was a bit different as we 3 siblings had to go through 3 floors of 50 years of accumulation in 1 week. Mom was with us and she had the job of going through papers while we made the wrenching decisions to give away or throw away two dumpsters worth of stuff while her attention was diverted.

I understand that I come at this from a severe hoarder's child's perspective, but... The way to really tell if the place is acceptible is to call the house's insurance agent and tell them that mom is messy and needs a caregiver, and as such will need to have workman's comp insurance. Would they come give it a look and see if it is clean enough to insure?

That will tell you beyond a doubt if it's clean enough. A worker is more likely to agree to the conditions if she knows there's insurance already in place, too.

Depends on the caregiver.many will help organize and declutter but keep in mind if your loved one sees a stranger touching their belongings it may be stressful for them to watch.When dealing with an agency or even if you do the hiring be specific about what you expect and what needs to be done.Many aides are happy to help with a whole bunch of things as long as they are still taking care of your loved ones basic physical and safety needs.

You might need to get workmen’s comp insurance if the Aides not from agencies..if they fall over clutter & gets injured 🤕

I used to be a visiting nurse. I saw spotless mansions and fairly extreme cases of hoarding. The worst was a man who lived in a storefront, smoked non-stop and had flies, fleas and cockroaches running around. I had to put a plastic pad down on the "carpet" so the knees of my uniform wouldn't be black. It was the only time I went there. That's where I drew the line.

If your mom's house has any bugs or vermin (rats, mice, snakes, etc.) or their droppings, I would get rid of enough clutter to get an exterminator in to fumigate before you hire anyone.

If her situation is solely clutter and piles, I would not allow an outsider to go through your mother's stuff. That should be what you kids do. Heaven knows what might be in there. (I found my mother's birth certificate and passport in the side pocket of a suitcase.) Also, that way, you gals in charge for what goes and what stays. That isn't the responsibility of the caregiver. I don't see any harm for the c/g to wash clothes, wipe down shelves, vacuum/sweep/mop, organize drawers and the like. She can move piles to other rooms.

I'm sure, under those conditions, you should be able to find someone. Good luck with Mom letting go.

Could you find a temporary living situation for her? Some nursing facilities and some assisted living places will do a couple of weeks of respite care. You could have her stay, telling her it's temporary and that you need to fix something crucial like wiring, furnace or plumbing. Then, clean up the place and hire an aide. If your fortunate, she might even get to like the facility and want to stay there.

Are the carpets so filthy that they must be replaced or are they just embarrassingly worn? It seems to me that new drapes and carpet should be the least of your worries. If mom has to pay out of pocket for care, there could be a long, expensive road ahead.

I would make the fridge and foodstuffs the top priority actually. I know food is not technically spoiled at the date printed on it, but it's a good rule of thumb to clear it out. If a food bank would not take it since it has a past date on it, then there's no reason for her to keep it either. I've been known to "accidentally" thow out several perfectly good but past date cans whenever I'm at my MIL's. Her stash is not at all messy, but she hates for things to go to waste. It's less painful for her for these few cans to disappear each visit.

My larger idea is that you simply box up the piles on the tables and label them with where you found them (L sofa, left dining table, top of fridge). They then get out of the way, even along the side of the room and even if you have to take some home to work on there. Only the living areas and one bedroom need to be clear for safety of fire and rescue workers.

This sounds crazy but I'm helping my ex clean up his home. We were married for 35 years and he suffered from depression the whole time. The poor guy fell to pieces when I left and the house is in squalor.
I spent 3 full days in October cleaning out trash and you can now see the floor! He must have 8 years of mail in his bedroom and I removed hundreds of pounds of magazines off his bed. He only had a tiny sleeping space and hadn't changed the "sheets" (what was left of them) in years. 😢

I'm going back at the end of this month and will be concentrating on the guest room and dining room trash, hauling away the upholstered furniture, broken dryer (sitting in the living room!), getting a plumber to open the kitchen sink drain (he does dishes in the hall bathroom!) and tear up all the carpet and linoleum in most of the house and put in waterproof panel flooring.

I've got the most wonderful husband in the world who completely understands my ex needs help and trusts me. (I'm staying with my girlfriend 2 miles away.)

It broke my heart to see him live like this. But he refuses medicine and therapy. I told him he needs to keep the place up after its "done". We'll buy Swiffers and cleaning products for him to use. I will be back later this year or next year to help him with putting on a new roof and getting the heater/aircon working. [As you can well imagine, I coordinated EVERYTHING when we were married.]
I can sympathize with your mom but it's got to be livable.
Good luck.