Am I wrong to deny my 65 year old daughter permission to move into my home?

She need professional help before she move in with you. There is a possibility that she may turn her anger on you. Give her time to get help and to heal.

Do NOT be a fool and allow her into your home. She will get worse and more demanding and your life - don't do it. Seek out help from professionals to either have her placed somewhere or find a situation where she can live by herself, perhaps in a senior apartment. Do not allow her to come back - you will be sorry. In the meantime, stand up to her and simply and strongly tell her you will not tolerate her negative behavior - no matter what.

Imho, she may need a psychiatrist.

I met a guy who said his relative just 'wasn't good at life things'. Could hold a full-time job, pay taxes, remember to pay bills on time, get to appointments, organise their 'life stuff'. It caused all sorts of problems: power getting cut off, car uninsured when crashed, rent unpaid, eviction. Sometimes had a live-in boyfriend to do all the 'life stuff' but when not, round & round the relatives to couch surf.

It wasn't drugs or drink. He didn't know what was the cause - a health condition or cognitive issue.

He felt (after the first stay was unsuccessful like yours) that wasn't the answer. He provided phone numbers to call. Lifeline, social welfare agencies like The Salvation Army & a local church welfare service. He hoped she would call one & get a case manager. One who could start working out how to find the right place for her in the world. Somewhere with support services checking in - somewhere she could be as independant as was possible for her.

Maybe this daughter needs a financial trustee? But maybe more.

At 65 it's young but not unheard of to need AL. The daughter may be relieved not to deal with arranging meals & paying bills. Would get help for care too (ill & crippled was mentioned).

The daughter has to see she needs help & to want to make those calls though.

Don’t feel bad because she wanted to bring you down...maybe not intentionally, but you did her a big favor for which she might thank you for a year from now. You are strong & independent & she is not. However, she has one thing on her side...a house...but she cannot afford it. Perhaps your son can help her sell it & downsize to a studio or 1 bedroom apt? Or maybe a 55 & over place. She’s grieving her loss, & she was very dependent on him. So she transferred that dependence on you. Don’t take her back ..maybe she can even rent out a room to get $$$? She has to do background & credit check though. Maybe you can suggest that to her? After reading some other answers, I agree that her going to Social Security office to get Widow’s benefits is a good idea. Also any remaining life insurance? Anyway , good luck & hugs 🤗

Obviously all of our situations are different but my opinion is find her another place to live. In her best interest you need to force her to continue to take care of herself and her home etc. My husband passed away a long time ago and I know the grief but in my case I had kids so I HAD to go to work to support them. In your daughters case it is different. If she moves in with you she will become crippled. I mean that in the sense that if she is allowed to continue to just exist everyday it only will get worse. My mother had my half brother from her 1st marriage. She was overprotective and when her husband left her with nothing but my brothers clothes and his crib she moved in with her mother but it was short lived. My grandma would not allow her to just sit around. So my mom did get on her own but she continued to give to my half brother ALL the time. As a matter of fact he is 71 years old and lived with my mom until her death last year. He never had a job he had no income, he lived in families homes never filled out an application for a car or apartment and he doesn't know how. She is gone and he now at his age has to finally take care of himself. I won't do it because he was and is so abusive and a horrible human being but for some reason my mother kept taking care of him. She crippled him as I said. He cannot do anything for himself. he is incapable of socializing with anyone, he has no friends no real family that will put up with him and he all of sudden has all these medical issues that keep him from working. So if your daughter is in ok health and is not dangerous or thinking about hurting herself or others the best thing you can possibly do is sit her down and tell her the plan. Even if it costs you a little money to keep her on her own. Telling her this is the way its going to be (in a nice way but firm) your a smart woman with a lot to give and you need to get yourself back to a routine. If she refuses then it is a whole different ball game. Make a time limit ask her to find a job and make her be accountable for her paycheck and her expenses. It's a difficult job for a mom to make these decisions but it is in her best interest. She is not that old and has a lot of life left in her I hope. If you allow her to move it it doesn't matter what rules you make it will come down to you paying the bills and her lying around all day doing nothing. Who takes care of you? You have to be in your 80's. Isn't this the time you should be enjoying the golden years ( as my mom would say) you should not have to take on the burden of a 61 year old who has decided it's time to curl up in a ball and let everyone else pity her. Sorry for being so blunt but my brother is a mess it is sad to see a man with NOTHING at all in his life. what a waste. Be safe and remember being a little tough will make her stronger and more self sufficient. Everyone stay safe and healthy through all this craziness ok.

You are not wrong for not allowing your 65 year old daughter to move back into your home. I understand that you were trying to assist her because of her husbands death but it didn't work out so she needs to learn how to make it on her own. Your daughter has already shown you that she will be difficult to deal with, you should believe her and not fall back into the same situation again. It is very kind of your son to step up, otherwise you may have been trapped because she probably wouldn't have left if you would have asked her to. Please enjoy your golden years without the added stress.

There are a lot of things missing from the story but I understand the OP may be grieving and it's hard to write them down. She says her son-in-law died tragically. It could have been something like a car crash or perhaps the stress of caring for his wife the OP's ill and crippled daughter became too much for him. If the mother continued to care for an abusive 65 year old daughter the outcome could be similar. I think the ill and crippled daughter needs help and definitely cannot live with her mother as she seems unable to care for herself. I wonder if the issues are physical, psychological or both?

Can you or your son get in touch with a social worker or district nurse who might be able to suggest something? Your son got her out from under your feet, it's time for him to step up to the plate now and get help for his sister so she won't end up living with you again.

tHANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR THE KINDNESS AND ADVICE. My daughter was very healthy untill 12 years ago. She had ovarian cancer and extensive chemo which damaged her. She receives $600 a month Social Security disability and has for about10 years. She also receives a social security widows pensionof $1400 am onth;; a total of $2,000 a month. She is receiving $450 a month for 13 months from the residue of a 401K.My SNL had a $10,ooo Life insurance policy which paid for his funeral.My daughter has a home with a $98,000 mortgage balance and a monthly payment of $910 a month.She was recently hospitalized for 3 days. She is now in a rehab dor 17 more days. i am praying and thinking about what to do. My daughter does not seem rational, but is coherent. She wants to live with me, but since she cannot, she wants to go back to her own home. I want to sell her home for a profit of approximately $100,000. I want to try to help her get into assisted living where a nurse can control her meds and where good meals can be prepared for her., etc.I am trying to communicate with a social worker at the rehab to help me and Claire decide what is best for her.This recent hospitalization was because she fell and collapsed. She may have had a stroke.She is now receiving physical therapy twice daily and seems to be improving.She is so happy where she is, but medicare only pays for 17 more days.She still thinks it is terrible that I will not let her live with me.She does not want to give me POA, so I cannot talk to her doctors nor can I sell her house.

BobbieSena, thanks for updating. I'm so sorry your daughter has suffered this latest health crises.

As you've already found, she may 'want' to live with you/ be looked after by you - but will 'need' a different solution.

You are doing a great job working with the social worker to find this. Best of luck.

The decision is yours with the same rationale applied to any expectation you may have of any of your family to take you in.

No, you are not wrong for denying your daughter moving in. It would be a disservice to her. I think that she should go to grief counseling to deal with the loss. Since she is low income, she may want to consider a program called senior shared housing that in my area is associated with the Y. That would help with household expenses. She may also be eligible for some services through the area agency on Aging. The key is to encourage her independence. I understand being angry at the situation, I don't understand abusiveness. Hold your ground.

I'd say 65 was time for her to grow up. Do not take her in. Why ruin your own life? She can get help somewhere else. Shocking but many people do not plain for old age. People who need too much help are impossible to help.