My brother and I live with our Mom (81). I'm afraid of him and can't trust him. What can I do?

Unless you can move out on your own and place your mom in a nursing home I can't see anything getting any better. Your brother has it made living at home with mom since he has no rent or mortgage to worry about and he has two women he can boss around and exert his control over. He has it great living there.

He won't move so in order to change your living situation it's going to have to be you who makes a change.

You can call the police the next time he steals from you but that's liable to make your situation worse and your brother probably won't get into any trouble anyway. Hide your valuables or put a lock on your door.

Place a hidden nanny cam or voice recording devise in a main room, turn it on next time he's drunk and getting verbally abusive. Take it quick to an Attorney, get a restraining order. Ask for a Sheriff's help getting him and his main belongings out of the house. He can go to a shelter, you on the other hand are trapped.

I sure don't want to read about yet another double homicide if he would go that far when he's drunk. Trust your gut.

Dear Randy - you have some options, but they aren't easy or pretty. As others have indicated, you and your mom need to separate from your brother asap. And you need to do so without endangering yourself with his retribution. I don't like the idea of you guys being run out of the residence so he can take it over.

You asked about a background check. You can have a background check done by a private investigator. The PI can also follow your brother to his next drug buy/connection. After the 'buy' has been completed, the PI can notify the police. If a PI calls to report drug activity - the police will come out immediately and arrest him and confiscate his vehicle; all without you being involved. If he has any 'priors' that will keep him away long enough for you to possibly (if your mom is cooperative) have an attorney draw up Conservatorship and Attorney-In-Fact, papers naming you as Conservator and representative for your mom. Good luck.

You've been living with your mother as her caregiver for 15 years. At what point did your brother come into the household, and in what circumstances? Has he always lived with her, did he move back, what happened?

RandyCandy, there appears to be a number of issues at play here - your safety, your mother's safety, alcohol and maybe drug abuse - do you suspect he is using cocaine - that can cause him to be violent and explain theft to sustain his habit? There is also physical and psychological abuse - not just emotional but psychological in the form of controlling yours and your mother's behaviour through fear. You also have elder (including financial) abuse and theft. Not surprising you are experiencing real fear based on a genuine threat to you and your mother's safety. As an abuser who uses alcohol and possibly drugs, his behaviours will only get worse. I would highly recommend getting you and your mother out of that situation as safely as you can. This may require a brief stay at a women's shelter with police escort and a peace bond or restraining order against your brother (I believe the peace bond is the strongest). Talk to a police officer (non-emergency) and explain your situation, or go to a justice of the peace or sherrif and explain why you need the peace bond/restraining order. With regards to a criminal reference check, the only people privy to that are employers. Act now, but do not give him any indication what you are doing. Store up some money and necessities and make sure you take all your I.D. and other important cards with you. Once you are in a shelter you can then make plans for your mother (the emergency situation may even facilitate the process, if that's what you want).

Be safe, and God be with you!

Nanny-cam is great idea but I would talk to a lawyer and police first.

Hi Randy
Your brother sounds like a text book bully.
Your brother's stealing puts him in the physical category and your mothers passive behavior might actually place her in the secondary bully role. ( based on the info you provided). He's already threatened you that he is going to implicate you in something to cause you harm. As others have written here, it's time for you to take action for you and your mother to be free of his tyranny. You wanted to know about his record, perhaps your local police department can help you. At least they would have a record of your concern should the problem escalate. Would the exwife add her concern for you and your mothers safety ? Two people expressing concern might be more effective. Don't know what health problems your mother has but if asked, she might side with your brother. Fifteen years is a long time. I'm sure it is hard for you to see brother come in and take over and for mother to allow it. You need legal advice. Good luck.

He's an abusive alcoholic. You and your mother have to get away from him for your own safety.

Expect your brother to die from alcohol poisoning, but that's not your problem. YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR MOTHER FROM THIS ABUSIVE MAN! Find out if your state has a judiciary case search. If so, get on it and look for his "track record, " because most likely he has one.

I should have added - with legal authority, you can then get a Restraining Order and have him arrested if he shows up again.